by Alexa Davis
“I’m actually...” He was blushing; this was the weirdest moment ever. “Yeah, I’m getting married.”
His words made the world wobble beneath me. I felt like the foundation of my life up until this point had been a rug, and now that had been whipped away, leaving me tumbling into the abyss of the unknown. I hadn’t ever even known Holden to seriously date someone, never mind anything more. Marriage? That was crazy. But he wasn’t the sort of person to dive into something without fully thinking it through either. He was practical, pragmatic, one of the smartest people that I knew, so how had we ended up here?
“I… I didn’t even know that you were dating someone,” I stammered back. “That’s… it’s, wow!”
“No, I know, I didn’t tell anyone, and I’m sorry about that. I definitely should have told you. Especially when I snuck off to propose to her on the last night we were in Japan, but I was just so freaked out. I thought she'd say no.” He chuckled to himself, probably sharing a silent in-joke with his bride to be. “But thankfully she didn’t.”
“Erm, congratulations.” I felt so blustered that word nearly sounded hollow, although I did really mean it. “I just don’t know what to say. I can’t believe that this is happening. When did it even… begin?”
Holden got a misty-eyed expression while he talked about it, blowing me away further. I couldn’t believe that he had experienced all of this and I knew absolutely nothing about it all! “We met last year actually, when we were on one of our business trips to Tokyo. I… used a dating app.” Ah, now it was all starting to become a lot clearer. Before now, Holden had said some choice things about online dating, so it was crazy that he’d used it himself. “I was lonely, looking for some fun in a big city; it wasn’t ever supposed to become anything.”
“But it did?” This really intrigued me. I needed to know more! “It became something?”
“It did. It got to the point where I couldn’t stop thinking about her. In Japan, in America, in any other country, she was the only thing on my mind. We’ve managed to keep things alive through video calling, but now I want it to become something real. She’s the one, you know? The only person who makes me feel this way.”
“Wow, that’s…” Something about his words felt oddly familiar. “That’s amazing.”
“Yeah, so I wanted to let you know that while you’re away, I will be back in Japan meeting her family and making arrangements. We don’t want to have a long engagement; we’re ready to be married.”
“What will happen then?” I felt a little bit horror stuck. “Where will the pair of you live?”
“That’s the sort of thing that we’re going to figure out. I’ll still be around for the business if someone needs to call me or whatever, but I won’t be in the country. I just wanted you to know that, okay?”
I nodded numbly. Everything was changing, and I couldn’t decide if it was for the better or not. I rose from my chair and gave my best friend a congratulatory hug, but I couldn’t deny that his words had left an itch all over my skin that needed to be scratched. A lot of the way that he felt about… wait, what was her name?
“What’s your new bride called?” I asked him curiously. “It’s insane that I don’t know that yet.”
“It’s Noriko, and you will meet her soon, don’t worry, and you’ll just love her. She’s amazing.”
It took a little while for me and Holden to finish our conversation about the big changes in his life, and everything that he’d said stuck with me for a long time afterward. Holden wasn’t acting cautiously, or at least that was how it seemed to me. He was jumping into this happily with both feet, willingly tossing himself into this. He didn’t even seem to care that it might not work out and that it was much too complicated.
Maybe I was that way because I had married before, but it didn’t fall apart; if my wife hadn’t died then we would still be married now. It was external circumstances that had taken her away, nothing else. That wasn’t a reason to restrict myself and close my feelings off. I could fall in love too, if I wanted to…
Olivia, of course, was the first person to crop up into my brain. I didn’t love her, I couldn’t love her already, we’d only been hanging out for a short while, but she was the only woman that I thought about all the time, in whatever country I was in, just like Holden with Noriko. She consumed me, I couldn’t even think of another woman while she was around. I suppose it was only because she was Justine’s nanny that I couldn’t dive in.
Hawaii was going to be a lot of fun… at least, that was what I planned. Fun, fun, and nothing more. Now that I had all these insane, much too serious thoughts racing around in my head, it was challenging not to think of anything else. Perhaps it was love… or love in the making, which left me with only two choices. I either let her go and find someone else for Justine, hopefully someone that she would like just as much and that I wouldn’t like at all, or I dive in with both feet and just accept the consequences whatever they may be.
Fuck. That wasn’t an easy choice to make. It scared the living shit out of me. If I didn’t already know that the distance between us wouldn’t do anything to clear my head, then I would have canceled her coming with us and told Olivia to go back home instead. But as I’d already proven to myself, I still couldn’t get her out of my mind.
I gripped onto the steering wheel so tight that my knuckles went white while I thought this through. Why was it never simple? I was sure that my life hadn’t ever been as complicated before. Still, there were some benefits to the challenges, so perhaps it was better to focus on those instead. It certainly beat being confused.
I pulled up outside my home and jumped out of the car in a hurry, before speeding towards the elevator. Luckily, it wasn’t Lincoln at the main desk; it had to be his day off, so I didn’t have to stay and chat. I adored Lincoln, what he brought to this apartment block was amazing, but my brain was too scattered for small talk.
I practically fell out of the elevator doors as they opened up into my apartment, just to find Justine in the center of a pile of clothes. She gave me a shocked look, like she thought I might be crazy. Had I really given her the impression that I was this much of a bad person? I never wanted her to think that.
“It’s okay, you’re packing, right?” I asked with a genuine smile on my face. “Do you want help?”
She nodded, her whole body relaxing as I said that to her, so I took great delight in sitting beside her and sorting out what would be appropriate and what wouldn’t for Hawaii. Actually, it helped me a lot because it gave me some time to avoid looking at Olivia as well. I could tell that she was around, but I couldn’t make eye contact with her. Not with Holden’s story and the L word hanging in the air. Thankfully, it seemed like she didn’t have much to say to me either, which was perfect. Of course, I was curious, but it suited me just fine.
It isn’t love, I told myself firmly. Okay, so it isn’t just that she’s there and willing either, but that doesn’t make it love. People fool around all the time without a weight of expectation. It’s fine… totally fine.
“Okay, I’m going to get my own case packed,” I told Justine once we were done. “Then we should have a quick dinner and get to bed early, okay? The flight is a fairly early one, so we need to be up.”
I braced myself, almost as if I expected a fight, which of course didn’t come. She didn’t behave that way anymore; when was I going to finally realize that? “Okay, Daddy. I’ll wheel my case by the door so it’s ready.”
At that moment, I dared one glance at Olivia, but a jolt so powerful it nearly knocked me from my feet as it blasted through my body. Since my foundation had already been shaken today, it was damn near impossible to remain upright. I turned my neck away so quickly that I nearly snapped it and I practically ran to my room.
Maybe it won’t be so hard in Hawaii, I tried to reassure myself as I slammed the door closed, probably a little too loudly. Perhaps it’ll all just fall into place, and I’ll know exactly what to do.
R
ationally, I knew that was a crazy and unrealistic idea, but I had to give myself something to hope for. Especially if I didn’t want to crumble and completely fall apart!
Chapter Thirty
Olivia
There was something going on with Mark; he seemed really freaked out about something. I was feeling it too; the pressure that this trip to Hawaii put on us was potentially quite terrifying, plus I had Mrs. Stedman’s crazy advice going through my mind all the time… but with Mark, it seemed different. I needed to know what it was.
Maybe he doesn’t want me to come on the trip anymore, I unhelpfully thought. And he doesn’t know how to tell me. I wished that I could simply storm into his bedroom and demand answers, but with Justine here, I couldn’t. I would have to just be patient, even if I felt like I was about to explode at any given moment.
“I can’t believe that I get to do a report!” Justine exclaimed excitedly, dragging me from my thoughts. Her words made me realize that the pasta was about to bubble over and that I had to remember I was cooking. “No homework, no school work, nothing for ages. I can just write about our vacation. All the girls are jealous.”
“They are?” Immediately, I braced myself. I kept waiting for the catalyst to break this friendship group apart again, and I hoped this didn’t make Justine a target, but she looked happy enough as she smiled.
“Yeah, they all want me to bring back gifts; will you help me pick stuff out while we’re there?”
“I sure will. Do you want to go and get your dad and tell him that dinner is ready if he wants some?”
My heart thundered against my rib cage as I prepared the meals. I hoped that over dinner, I would be able to gauge Mark’s mood better. He seemed closed off again, like he’d retreated into his shell, and I hoped that wasn’t because of me. It all felt okay at the moment; I didn’t want anything to spoil that for anything.
“Dad said can he have dinner in his office?” Justine asked gaily as she came back. “He has an email to do.”
He didn’t want to eat with us now? That felt weird. He had been so much better about being present in Justine’s life, and I thought that I had gotten through to him how much of an important thing it was to eat as a family. Maybe that was a personal preference because it was something that I had always done with my parents before they got sick, but it had worked… now he was choosing business? No, something about this was wrong.
“Yeah, sure. I’ll make you up a tray to take into him. Thank you, Justine.”
If he didn’t want to come out here and talk to me, then I wouldn’t go to him. At least, not while Justine was awake. If our chat turned into another argument, I preferred her to be asleep first. Maybe it wouldn’t be an argument, but right now it seemed that I was the problem and I would have to wait to find out why.
I seethed angrily while I sorted out the food for Justine and me, then I sat down and chewed my food quickly. Justine sat beside me, and she chatted the entire time. I answered where I needed to, I was mostly at the table with her, but my brain was in that room with Mark. I needed to work out what was the matter with him.
“Shall I go to bed?” Justine asked me once she was finished. “Because we have to get up early?”
“Oh, right hmmm…” I smiled and nodded to Justine. “That’s probably a good idea. Don’t you think?”
She shoved her plate onto the side and raced into her bedroom. Never had I ever seen her so keen to go to bed. She had to be excited about Hawaii. I wanted to feel that way too, but I was too nervous. There was a very big part of me that assumed I wasn’t going anymore and that this was about to all go so very wrong.
I tucked Justine into bed and read her a bedtime story. I did my best to make the book really exciting for her, just in case it was her last time with me. Maybe this would be my last night with this family…
Then I kissed her, and I left her room, marveling at how she had almost drifted off already. Then I stalked to Mark’s office with a surge of angry determination bursting through me. This wasn’t just my fault; I needed to remember that. If I got lost in the blame game, and I turned the blame on myself, then I would weep.
“Hello?” I leaned my head around the door without bothering to knock. “Can I talk to you, please?”
He looked up and gave me a weary look. “Sure, what’s going on?”
“What’s going on with me?” I demanded, flinging my hands on my hips. “What’s going on with you?”
He sighed loudly, and I half expected that the next words to come out of his mouth to be a lie. I assumed that he would say everything is fine, but he didn’t. “I dunno, I just have a lot on my mind, that’s all.”
“Oh, right…” I almost fell backward, leaving him alone. “Right, I thought it might be…”
Mark rose to a standing position and stared at me. “What did you think?”
“That I had done something to upset you, I suppose.” I gave a one-shouldered shrug. “Sorry, I don’t…”
He seemed to study me for a moment, and I found myself shuddering as he did. There was a real intensity in his gaze, a familiar look that I had seen only a few times before. I had a funny feeling that this was about to go west, in a direction that I wanted it to… but would only lead to a lot more confusion. Not that I could resist.
All of a sudden, as if he came from nowhere, his arms had wrapped around me, and he yanked my body to his. I crashed into his rock-hard chest and molded into him immediately. As he dipped his head down, and he kissed me, I melted. Any resistance that I had inside of me, not that there was much, vanished into nothingness.
“Oh God,” I moaned into his mouth as my knees jellified and I could barely remain standing. “Mark.”
He pushed me back onto his desk, where I hopped up to sit willingly. I parted my thighs, inviting him in. This was so much better than him telling me that I wasn’t going to Hawaii… not that he’d really told me much about what his mood was or why he was upset, but I wasn’t too worried about that right now.
“Oh, Mark.” He pressed himself against my core, allowing me to feel how hard he was. “That feels good.”
He hurriedly stripped me down, yanking off my tee shirt, unhooking my bra, and pulling down my leggings. I helped him along the way, lifting up my butt so he could get my lacey panties off, then grabbed his belt too. The neediness inside of me grew to an uncontrollable level, my core pulsed desperately, I wanted to feel him everywhere. There was a deep desire to have him inside of me; if it didn’t happen now, I would die.
Mark gripped onto my thighs and dragged me to the edge of the desk so I was almost hanging off, then he brushed his finger along my soaked slit. His velvety fingers sent me buzzing and soaring high. Then the moment that he found my clit, I thought my whole body might explode with pleasure. I gripped onto him, digging my nails into his skin, gasping and panting breathlessly as my skin flushed with pleasure.
“Oh shit!” He pushed his fingers into me hard and fast, fucking me with his hand. I rocked my hips against him, trying to drive him in harder and faster. My head had completely switched off; my brain had become nothing but mush; I needed more of him. All of him. “Oh shit, Mark. Oh my God.”
I couldn’t stop saying his name; it was almost as if I feared this would be our last time together and I wanted to make the best of it. I tried my hardest to commit every inch of him to my brain as he drove me wild.
Then, he shocked me completely; he dragged me from my moment by dragging me off the desk and spinning me around. I leaned forwards, flattened my palms out, and lifted up my butt to present myself to him. My fingers clawed at the wood as I waited very impatiently for him to finally connect.
I was about to demand that he get over here right away when I felt the soft touch of his palm flattening against my back. I sucked in a breath, and I paused. He used his knees to nudge my legs further apart. After which, his cock slid into me, and he thrust hard. My heart hammered against my rib cage; I felt like I could hardly breathe, the warmth that circled thr
ough my body was utterly intense. I loved it. I felt like I was swelling up, building towards something, tipping over the edge. It was dangerous, sexy, taboo, but also familiar and deliciously safe as well. Being with Mark was such a tantalizingly confusing set of feelings that I couldn’t let go of.
“You,” Mark growled at me as he leaned over me, “are fucking amazing. Incredible.”
His hand reached forward; he moved around my thighs until he could continue to flick my clit. I tossed my head back; I let out a little shriek as the desire got the better of me. It clutched onto me; it gripped hotly around my womb; it pooled and spread throughout my entire body. I felt the bliss everywhere. It trickled through my veins, pushed the boiling blood through me, sent my brain to a place so dizzy I could hardly see anymore.
Finally, the pleasure got too much, and it crashed over me. My knees buckled, I collapsed right onto the table, pressing my burning hot cheek against the cool of the wood, and all the breath flew out of my lungs completely. The pleasure washed over me; it consumed me, it shattered through my body, rattling all of my bones as it went. It didn’t stop; it seemed to get harder and more intense as I could feel the same feeling crashing through Mark as well. Coming together bonded us; it deepened the connection between us; it made me feel so powerful.
“Oh, Olivia,” he whimpered desperately behind me. “What am I going to do with you?”
I reached around, trying to grab hold of him because it seemed like he needed me, but I couldn’t quite reach, so I had to wait as patiently as I could until he felt calm enough to move away. Once he was gone, I turned quickly to examine his face. Even though my body was still buzzing with what he had just done to me, I still knew that there was something going on with him. Something had made him feel that way.
“So, you aren’t mad with me then?” I asked in a quiet, slightly meek voice. “I haven’t done something.”