by Alexa Davis
“You have?” He sounded so happy to hear that, that it actually made me grin for a moment. He just had such an infectious personality. “What did you think of him?”
“Oh, he’s great, isn’t he? He has his head screwed on. I like him a lot.” I paused for a second, before dropping the bombshell. “I definitely want to invest in him.”
“I had a feeling that he’d be good for you; have you got a plan together yet?”
“Actually,” I admitted, “because I’ve been out of the investment game for a while, I wanted to go over things with you, if that’s okay? Maybe we can have a proper chat about it when I’m back in Nevada? I can come to you, or you to me?”
“Well, I’m in Florence next week as it happens,” he exclaimed happily. “We can go fishing if you want? Talk it over then? I mean, we can have an official meeting with my financial advisor whenever, but I’m usually pretty good at picking things up on instinct.”
“Yeah, that sounds awesome!” I couldn’t wait to see Justin, and I also couldn’t wait to have someone other than my dog to talk to. I’d gotten spoiled with the constant companionship with Eliza, and now I was going to have to get used to her not being around.
Unless her pipes burst again, of course. I mean, I wasn’t wishing bad luck on her, but I couldn’t help wanting that just a little bit.
"Great, I’ll keep you up to date on the details, and I’ll see you then.”
Once he hung up, I felt a little more positive, at least for a little while. It was going to be hard without Eliza, but I could cope. I’d been alone before. I was doing the right thing – this was the best choice for both of us.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Eliza – Wednesday
Why didn’t I just tell Milo that I didn’t want to leave? Why wasn’t I honest with him that I enjoyed being around him too much to go? The words were right there, on the tip of my tongue. Instead, I turned and raced out of the house, taking my last chance of saying what I needed to say with me.
The next time I saw him, things would be very different. That had been my one and only chance, and I blew it. Now I had exactly what I didn’t want: a regret about something I didn’t do. I was a massive idiot!
I paced the salon, stress coursing through my veins as I thought about all the things I should have done differently. This should’ve been a positive day, one where I could finally get my life back to normal, but I felt like hell about it. I hadn’t even been back to see my apartment yet, and I had the awful sense that I wasn’t going to like it one bit. It just wouldn’t be the same anymore.
“Hey, Eliza, are you okay?” Laynee’s voice broke through my shock barrier, causing my eyes to widen in surprise. I’d almost forgotten that I was in public. “You look weird.”
“Ugh, I think I’ve messed it all up,” I whined, tugging on the ends of my hair. “I think I’ve made a huge catalog of errors and now I feel all confused about it.”
“Milo, I take it?” she queried. “Please don’t tell me you missed the chance of one last night of fun? I might go insane if you did. You need to enjoy yourself a bit more; you spend so much time working and worrying about work. Plus, there was that whole mess with Josh...”
Josh. God, I hadn’t even thought about Josh in what felt like forever. It was still only a few weeks ago that he’d acted like a shit on New Year’s Eve, but now it felt like forever. I could barely even recall the hurt anymore. Even if he walked in the salon right now, I knew for a fact that I wouldn’t feel anything, not even anger at his crappiness. He was nothing, just a bit part in the story of my life.
“Oh, no, I did it.” Despite myself, I smiled a little bit. “We had a wonderful night of fun.”
“Ooh, how was it? You know I need all the gory details.” She was like a child, but that side of her made everything seem a lot less serious.
“No details.” I shook my head determinedly. “But I can tell you it was the best night of my whole life. He’s just incredible,” I groaned and threw my head into my hands. “I like him, Laynee, you have no idea.”
“Does he know how you feel?” she ventured cautiously. “Have you actually told him?”
“No, but I think he knows. He’s just ignoring it because he lives so far away, or whatever. There’s no hope for us, but I can’t help wanting him anyway.”
She pulled me in for a hug and rubbed my back, knowing there wasn’t anything she could say. The situation was totally hopeless. I just needed to find a way to get over it. I guessed I’d been through worse, so it was definitely possible that I could do it.
“I’m sorry, sweetie,” she finally said sadly. “I know it sucks. I felt way more messed up over Marc than I should have. Sometimes you just can’t help how you feel.”
I felt bad. I’d been so wrapped up in how I was doing with things that I hadn’t thought about Laynee. I’d almost forgotten that she was screwed over by that asshole. “Maybe we need a man ban for a while.” I smiled weakly. “Just forget all about them and focus on other stuff instead.”
“Yeah.” She nodded slowly, seemingly coming around to the idea. “We can focus on the salon, instead. I know that we can’t afford it at the moment, but we should start laying out the plans for my party idea, if you still want to do it. If we get everything set out in stone, then when the time comes around, we’ll be ready. Maybe we could even get an investor to get us started.”
For a brief, glorious moment, I considered going to Milo for an investment before that idea shattered around me. I couldn’t stand the shame of having to go to him for help; it would feel far too desperate for my liking.
“Yeah, I like that. Gives us something else to focus on.”
“Well, we haven’t got anyone booked until a little later. Let’s start now – no time like the present!”
We both seemed to feel a little more upbeat as we sat down to plan. This was what I needed: something else to focus my attention on, a distraction from my pointless feelings. This was the sort of thing I had to do to get over Milo completely.
I could do that; it wasn’t impossible.
***
I wandered around the supermarket in something of a haze, picking up far too much food for only one person. I had become so used to buying for both me and Milo that it was hard to get used to doing it for only me again. I even picked up a bottle of wine that I would never drink if I was by myself.
It had only been a few weeks that I was staying at the cabin with Milo, but already my habits had completely changed. How was I going to get used to things as they once were? It was going to be strange. It already felt a little too quiet, and I hadn’t even gone back yet.
“Eliza?” Oh, God. The second I heard that familiar voice, my heart dipped into my chest. It was someone I didn’t care about anymore, someone I never wanted to speak to again, especially not today when I was already feeling so vulnerable, but it seemed like I wasn’t going to get a choice.
I forced a bright fake smile on my face and I turned to see him. “Josh, how are you?” As my eyes did a quick scan of his body, I had to resist the urge to shudder. How had I ever liked this guy enough to even casually date him? He was so weedy, such a boy. He wasn’t a single thing like Milo, a genuine, proper man.
“Yeah, I’m okay.” He ruffled his hair, looking incredibly uncomfortable. “Look, I just wanted to say sorry for being shitty with you. I’ve recently had my heart broken myself, and it’s made me realize that the way I treated you was wrong.”
What? This whole conversation was so bizarre, it was almost laughable. Thinking about Josh getting his heart trampled on was weird enough, but the fact that he assumed he hurt me was something else. Although his shitty behavior hadn’t gone totally unnoticed by me, so maybe this apology was a good thing...
I tried my best to keep a straight face. “It’s fine.” And then I found myself unable to resist. “Felicia, was it? I saw you guys kissing on New Year’s Eve.”
“Oh.” His face went bright red, making him look even younger. �
��Oh, yeah, well it was her. I guess I liked her too much and she... Well, she didn’t feel the same way.”
“Right,” I replied stiffly. “Well, I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you... feel better soon.” Am I living in some sort of strange dream? This is just so odd! It only got worse as he stood there staring at me for a few moments in total silence. “So, I suppose I better go...”
“Do you want to go out for a drink?” The words tumbled out of his mouth as if he wasn’t quite expecting to say them.
“What do you mean?” My heart started to pound. This was like a revenge fantasy coming true: my ex wanting me back so that I could throw it in his face – but now that it was actually happening, I didn’t care about it anymore. “Like, as a date?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugged uncomfortably. “I guess I just miss hanging out with you.”
“No, you don’t,” I assured him. “We weren’t great together at all; we wouldn’t have drifted apart otherwise. It isn’t me you miss.”
I hated to be so blunt, but at least I wasn’t harsh to him. He had a broken heart that he needed to nurse. Falling back into bed with someone familiar wasn’t the answer to that. It was just an easy way to feel good for a moment, but that emotion wouldn’t last.
“I have to go, but maybe I’ll see you soon.”
I raced to the checkout, refusing to look back. I didn’t want to end up feeling so sorry for Josh that I agreed to go for a drink. I didn’t think he meant to hurt me, I got the impression he’d just been thoughtless, but that didn’t mean we were about to become friends. My life was complicated enough, thank you very much.
I paid and packed up the car with my mind still all over the place. Everything was so backward, so confusing, and I didn’t know what to think anymore. I ended up so distracted by it all that I didn’t come back to the present moment until I was almost back at the cabin.
“Fuck,” I muttered angrily at myself, humiliation burning through me. That could have been very embarrassing if I’d gone back there by mistake. It would have looked like I couldn’t keep away.
As I swung the car around, I tried to be more mindful about what I was doing. I needed to head back home now – to my home. And that was where I had to go every day for at least the next month. I didn’t want to make any kind of mistake that made me look like a crazy person. I didn’t want Milo going home with that impression of me.
Eventually, I arrived back at my apartment, much later than I should have, and I unlocked the door with an odd sense of impending doom in my heart. The last time I was here, the whole place had been wet. It had taken long enough, so it should have been done, but I still didn’t quite trust my landlord enough to be sure.
I sniffed the air before I stepped inside, pleased at the nice, clean smell. That had to be a good sign. As I walked through the hallway, I was glad to see everything back to the way it was, some of it even better than before. This was great, something to be happy about, but of course, I wasn’t. Not when I could have been with Milo.
Maybe I shouldn’t have told him that my pipes were fixed; maybe I should have pretended that I still needed to remain with him until he went home. That would have been sneaky and totally wrong, but at least I wouldn’t have felt so damn lonely.
Maybe I could create some other kind of emergency, if I got desperate. It was sad that I was even thinking that way, but I just felt so hollow and sad without him. Everything was so damn quiet.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Milo – Friday
This sucked. This sucked so damn much. I could not get used to being in this cabin without Eliza. I wanted to call her, to speak to her, to see her, but I wasn’t sure how to do that without looking like a desperate loser. I had no idea how she was feeling about the whole thing, and I certainly hadn’t heard anything from her, so it felt a little too needy to start contacting her after only two days.
“What am I going to do?” I asked Veil, who seemed to give me an odd look. He was getting much more used to me trying to communicate with him now that I had no one else to talk to, but he still wasn’t giving me any useful answers. Man’s best friend, my ass! “Ugh, I just want to see her.”
I poured the coffee into a mug, hating the taste of it now, and I wandered outside to take a seat in the warmth. I loved the scenery here, I did, but it was much blander without anyone to share it with. It just didn’t have the same sparkle without Eliza here to share it with me. She didn’t even care about the view particularly, since she was totally used to it, but she made it look better to me.
Maybe I could wander through the town and hopefully bump into her... Although she’d be at work...
Oh, my God!
I jumped up in my seat, a realization hitting me in the face. Eliza owned a hair salon. I had told her that I’d go in there to get my hair cut. This was the perfect opportunity to do so. It was a totally casual way to get my fix of her, without giving myself away. Yes! This is brilliant! I could totally do this.
I raced back inside to grab my jacket, happiness bursting inside of me. I knew how slow business was for her, which was normally a bad thing, but today it worked out well for me. I wouldn’t get turned away.
“I can’t take you with me, but I won’t be long, promise.” I gave my dog a hug, acting much more like Eliza around him that I used to, but I felt sorry for him. He was about as lost without her as me. “And I’ll ask her to come and visit you, okay? I’m sure she will; you know she loves you!”
He turned away and went to settle in a ball on the floor, looking more content than he had over the last couple of days. Maybe he did get what I meant!
With that, I went outside with a spring back in my step, warmth inside of me all over again. I knew this was crazy, but I felt so good about it that I didn’t even care. I wanted to see the salon anyway. I wanted to get to know every aspect of Eliza’s life, so this was awesome. She spent so much of her time at work, she’d put so much of herself into it, and I wanted to get a glimpse at what she’d achieved.
I flicked the radio on the second I stepped into the car and turned it up loud. I sang as I drove into town, actually sang. It was loud and out of tune, but it felt good. I was freer in Florence. I felt like I could shake off the inhibitions that Nevada gave me.
It was just a shame that it wasn’t home.
By the time I actually arrived at the salon, I felt on top of the world, and that mood carried me right on inside... Where I found Laynee and Eliza playing some sort of weird baseball game with a broom. The girls were both shrieking with laughter, screaming loudly, and the music was booming so they didn’t even hear me come in.
I didn’t alert them to my presence right away. I wanted to just watch Eliza for a couple of seconds. Her happiness made her even more beautiful, making my heart melt and ache for her all at once.
“Oh, my God!” She eventually spotted me and her whole body turned beetroot red. “Milo, we weren’t expecting you.” She rushed over to the stereo and flicked it off. “We don’t... We aren’t usually like that, we just...” She was back to a bumbling mess. That familiar trait of hers made me so happy. I’d missed that side of her.
“Hi, Milo! We’ve been slaving our guts out all morning, pouring over our business plan, so we decided to take a time out.” Laynee was much more straightforward, which caused a chuckle to burst from my chest. Between them, they made a cool team.
“Business plan? You wanted to expand?” I couldn’t help picking up on that part – it was the businessman within me.
“Well, more just grow things really,” Laynee explained, flashing a document at me. “This place could be amazing, it just needs a little more, and we’ve been thinking of some ways to expand outward. Not growing, just evolving, I suppose.”
“I’d love to take a look at your ideas,” I told her honestly. “I’ve seen some businesses do some cool things in my time. Maybe I could help you.”
“That isn’t why you’re here, though, right?” Eliza interjected, pride seemingly getti
ng the better of her. “Did you... want something?”
“My hair cut, actually,” I ran my fingers through it automatically. “It’s been so long since I last had it done.”
“I think Eliza has some time.” Laynee smirked. “That should be just fine.”
As I sat down in the chair and trained my eyes in the mirror, my heart kicked up a notch. I was starting to see the downside to this plan. This was so intimate, it almost felt like we were closer than when we actually had sex. Her eyes were fixed on the back of my head, her fingers touching my hair, and I couldn’t stop the shiver from tearing down my spine.
“So, how have things been?” I asked in a weird tone of voice, just trying to cover up my feelings. “I know it hasn’t exactly been long since we hung out, but it feels a little like forever.”
“Oh, I know what you mean,” she answered, but she was distracted, focused on the job. “Yeah, it’s been okay. Just doing the usual, you know.”
“No pipe issues? That’s all fixed?”
“All good.”
Oh, my God. The more she touched me, the weirder I felt. It was so intense, so overwhelming, it was going to be very difficult to not jump up and grab her, wrap my arms around her. My mind was already lovingly crafting all kinds of dirty fantasies about this place.
“You’ve created something amazing here,” I told her, wanting her to know she should be proud of herself. “This place is so cool and so well designed. I’m sure things will get much better for you. I bet the plans you and Laynee have created are fantastic.”
“We want to do parties,” Laynee jumped in, not giving Eliza the chance to be all modest again. “And tanning, the sorts of things that are popular at the moment. We’ll get there. By the end of this year, I think things will be looking up. It’s hard, drawing in a new crowd in such a small place, but I’m sure once we get started, things will be wonderful.”
A million and one ideas popped into my brain, but it only took one look at Eliza to see that the idea of being so vulnerable in front of me made her uncomfortable, so I shut myself down before I could even get started. This was her company, not mine. I would only offer my help if she wanted it.