by Alexa Davis
Terrance’s fingers trailed deliciously up my legs, feeling so good that I actually had to bite down on my lip to prevent myself from yelling out with bliss. The pulsating wet ache between my legs was almost trembling with an angry need. He was making me wait, which I found frustrating and exciting in equal measures.
Then my panties were pulled to one side, and I felt his thick cock sliding into me. I was expecting his fingers, so this shock forced the scream out of my mouth.
“Oh fuck,” I yelled as he moved in and out of me. “Oh God, more.” He thrust slowly, testing the waters with me, but I needed more. So much more. “Harder, faster, please.”
My fingers clawed at the soft, plush carpet under my knees as my head spun with desire. Then to top it all off, I caught a glimpse of us in the television screen. It was sexy as hell to see the slightly blurry image of us in the throes of passion, and it made my pulse rate speed even faster.
“Oh fuck, Morgan.” Terrance had his hands on my hips now, driving into me just as I wanted him to. Seeing his face behind me, his expression twisted up with desire, his mouth open and gasping...it made me fall apart. “Oh my God, you’re amazing.”
The pulse grew, the sensations intensified, and the lust washed over me in a powerful wave. I could feel the orgasm brewing a long time before it came for me. It began in my toes and crept up through my limbs as a hot wondrous sensation. I wanted to cling onto it, to hang on for just a moment, but it was coming for me at a million miles an hour, crashing through my body like a whirlwind.
The guttural scream that burst free from my chest as the pleasure got me was loud and thrilling. I actually liked the way I sounded because it was the freest sensation I’d ever had.
As Terrance growled and grunted, his bliss exploding within me, my heart hammered with a brand new emotion. It was more intense than anything I’d ever felt before, and I wasn’t totally sure what to do with it. I knew what it was, but I wasn’t totally ready to admit what it was just yet – even to myself. Not when I had something going on that could potentially break it...
As we both fell to the ground, panting and breathless, reality came back into the forefront of my mind. I couldn’t keep it to myself any longer, this was just getting silly now. I’d had reassurance from Braxton that all would be fine, so I needed to just find the words and say it.
Terrance wrapped his arms around me and held me close, so of course I fell into his embrace. But my head was all over the place. I was scouring through my mind, trying to work out how I could say it in a calm, careful way that would get the information into his brain in a way for him to process it well...
“I’m pregnant.”
Shit, that wasn’t what I meant. I meant to say it so differently. From the way Terrance froze with his arms still fixed around me, the shock wasn’t exactly what he expected.
“I mean, look.” I pulled back and stared at his stunned face. “I’m having a baby and it’s yours, but I don’t expect... I know it’s a bit... I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner...” I couldn’t find any of the right words, but it didn’t seem to matter because I wasn’t getting anything back. “Erm, Terrance? Are you alright?” He really didn’t look it!
“I... I...”
He rapidly jumped backwards and grabbed his pants, as if he was afraid to be near me anymore. He was looking everywhere but at me, which made my heart sink. Braxton had insisted that his friend was a good guy, that he liked me and would stand by me, but it seemed he was wrong. This wasn’t just a shocked reaction – this was a terrified one. I got the impression that the only thing in the world Terrance wanted now was for me to go.
“I just have to go to the bathroom.”
He did look pale and sickly, like he might throw up at any given moment, but I had a strong feeling that this had nothing to do with that. He just wanted to be away from me...the mother of his child,
I watched in shock and disappointment as he slammed the door behind him, leaving me alone in his front room. I was going through this as well – more so than him. It was my uterus the baby was growing in, me that was suffering the morning sickness and hormonal rollercoaster, and it was me that would have to give birth in a few months time. I couldn’t run away from this, but he could.
And as it turned out, he had. He had locked himself in the bathroom like a scared little child. He was just lucky that he could hide.
The moment a tear pricked my eye was the exact second I grabbed my own clothes and started to shove them back on in a hurry. This was all wrong; this was exactly what I had been scared of.
Maybe I couldn’t hide the pregnancy forever, but I shouldn’t have allowed myself to get swayed by the lust of the moment. I should have taken Terrance to a neutral location. I should have planned out exactly what I was going to say. I should’ve done it in a better way, but it was too late for all that now.
There were so many things I could’ve shouted out at him at that moment, but I didn’t want to. I just wanted to sneak out and never look at him again. I got dressed in the quickest time possible and stormed out of his apartment, taking my disappointment with me. A romantic part of my mind had pictured this night ending so differently, but I that was just naivety speaking. At least I knew for sure now that I was alone during this. It wasn’t what I wanted, but accepting reality was much better than having false hope.
Wasn’t it?
Chapter Thirty-One
Terrance
Friday
Oh my God, what am I going to do?
I couldn’t move. My entire body was stuck to the bed as if it was permanently etched in there. The sun flickered through the window, proving that morning had come around. I hadn’t slept a wink. I just... I didn’t know what I was supposed to think anymore – this was all too much.
I’d only just gotten used to the idea that I might like Morgan enough to keep her around for a long time. It was a massive step for me to consider someone as more than a one-night stand, never mind anything else. I’d spent my entire life running away from commitment, seeing it as a terrible thing to let someone in because they’d leave me, and now...
Well, now this had gotten all too much.
This was no longer about considering someone as a girlfriend. It was a permanent fixture, a human life that would rely solely on me. Yes, of course it was incredibly selfish to consider wanting to ignore this issue until it went away, but what else could I do? I couldn’t be a dad. Even thinking about myself as a father hurt my heart, it just felt impossible. I tried to think of me holding a baby in my arms, but the images just wouldn’t come.
It was even harder when I considered the fact that I didn’t even really know Morgan. I mean, I knew her enough, but not as well as I’d like to know the mother of my child. We’d had our fun, we’d had our chats, but still...time was running out, far too quickly.
Oh God, this is a mess.
Plus, there was my lifestyle to think about. Sure, the issue of the loan shark was long gone now, but being wealthy could easily bring about more negative attention such as that. I wouldn’t want anyone else to go through that, I certainly wouldn’t like to leave my child with my issues, like my dad did to me, whether he intended to or not.
I jumped up as terror spiked my heart and a tear pricked in my eye. I couldn’t cry about this – it wasn’t worth tears. I only wept when someone in my life passed away, never any other time. This was something I just needed to...to get my head around. Morgan had to come to terms with this, too, and she seemed to have adjusted a lot easier than me. Then again, she had been given more time to consider it all. Maybe it wouldn’t seem so bad in the end.
I cast my eyes around my apartment, realizing that actually I had acted a bit like an asshole when Morgan told me. I just said nothing. Just because I was freaked out, didn’t mean that I had to be a dick. I needed to go and speak to her now before I wrecked things forever. The last thing I needed was to get used to the idea, just to find out that I was no longer wanted.
I grabbed the s
cattered clothing along the ground and shoved it on my body, hardly paying attention to what I was doing. I wasn’t bothered about what I looked like, I just needed to speak to Morgan. I had absolutely no idea what I was going to say, but I would figure it out.
Once I had clothes covering my body, I raced out the door and hopped into the car without even bothering to check in the mirror. This terror coursing through my veins as I burned towards the hospital was something I was getting used to, only this time it had nothing to do with Braxton and everything to do with me.
As the city whizzed past me, a big blur of gray, nausea swirled and cascaded through my stomach. I wanted to do the right thing – I needed to – but it had to be the right thing for all of us.
I just I hoped that I worked out sooner rather than later what that was.
***
“Well, where is she?” I called out a little too loudly to the receptionist at the hospital. “Why isn’t she here?”
“Look, sir, I understand that maybe she’s treated you in the past, but there’s a thing called data protection. I can’t just tell you where someone is.” She twisted her curls around her finger and shot me a knowing look. We didn’t need to have that discussion for her to understand that my reasons for trying to see Morgan were personal. “So, I suggest you leave now and maybe try again tomorrow.”
“Terrance?” As a vaguely familiar voice called out behind me, I spun on my heels to see Morgan’s friend staring back at me with wide, surprised eyes. “Are you here for Morgan?”
“I am.” I save the receptionist an ‘I told you so’ look before turning back to Nickie. “Where is she?”
“She’s not here today, she’s...not well.” The falter in her voice spoke volumes.
“Oh well, maybe I should go and speak to her at home then.” Stress tore through my body, and I felt a desperation clawing in my stomach.
Nickie grabbed my arm and looked at me full of sympathy. “Terrance, I don’t think she wants to speak to you.”
Fuck. Clearly I’d been spoken about and not in a great way. I knew I was an asshole, and I was fully aware that I’d acted horribly. “I just need to speak to her.” I told Nickie softly. “I know I was wrong, I just freaked. It was very unexpected news.”
“Not just for you,” she reminded me, raising her eyebrows. “For Morgan, too.”
“I know, I know.” I tugged at my hair, a pounding headache bursting into my skull. The exhaustion was finally catching up with me, and I could feel dizziness swimming in my brain. “What can I do, Nickie?”
“Do you know what you want?” she asked rationality. “Have you decided how you feel about it all?”
“Not really, all I know is that I don’t want to leave it too late...”
“Terrance, I think you need to work out where your head is before you go back to Morgan. She’s having a baby, the last thing she needs is uncertainty and you going back and forth. I know this might be hard for you to hear, but what you need to do is keep away until you know for sure.
“If you want this baby and you want to help, then perfect; but if you decide against it, then you need to let Morgan know and you have to leave her alone. That will be best for everyone.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I stammered quickly, my heart racing painfully in my chest. “Yeah, okay. I know you’re right.”
Nickie got called away from me, back to her work, leaving me completely alone with my thoughts. As I made my way out of the hospital, my steps were much slower and more considered than when I came rushing in.
Everything inside of me had frozen over. I didn’t know where to even head next. I’d been so damn determined to see Morgan, but that was clearly wrong. After the way that I’d acted, I couldn’t go to her without some for of truth about what I intended to do next.
I slid into my car, parking my butt in the driver’s seat, and I rested my head wearily on the steering wheel. The whole world crashed down around me. I felt the heavy weight of that crushing my lungs, making it incredibly difficult to breathe. I couldn’t make this decision alone. I needed some advice from someone smarter than myself, someone who could see this from the more sensible view of an outsider.
Braxton.
He was the only one who knew me well enough, who understood my fears. He was the only one who could help me right now, so I flicked the engine on and I made my way to see him where he was recovering at home.
***
“You don’t look surprised?” I narrowed my eyes at Braxton as he digested the information that I was going to become a parent. “Why aren’t you surprised?”
“Oh, well, I am,” he stammered awkwardly, his entire face heating up as he spoke. “I am surprised, it’s just... Well, I’m shocked...”
“Did you already know?” I clutched my hand to my chest feeling stunned that my best friend might know before me.
“I’m sorry.” His shoulders fell as his resolve weakened. “I’m sorry, Morgan let it slip in the hospital. I think she just wanted some confirmation that you’re a good guy and you wouldn’t run away. Of course, I told her that you’re the best.” Now it was my turn to feel uncomfortable. “Oh God, what did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything.” I threw my hands up in the air as my brain whirred manically, trying to find the best way to defend my actions. “I just freaked out, like, a lot. I wasn’t expecting it, and it threw me. Maybe a heads up from you would’ve been nice.”
“There’s no point in accusing me! You know I couldn’t have told you that news – it wasn’t my place. Plus, I think Morgan really wanted to share it with you. Of course, that’s before she knew you were a coward.”
This wasn’t an argument exactly, but there was definitely tension in the air. “A coward? You know why I don’t want a family, why I’m scared.”
“Yes, I know. Because you don’t know your mom, because your dad got sick, and because your brother was murdered. Trust me, if there’s one person in the world who understands it’s me.”
Braxton clutched onto my arm and stared deeply into my eyes. Sympathy flooded from him, I could feel it deep into my core, but it didn’t help to make me feel any better. “I know that you’re scared, but this is your chance to have a family that’s just for you. This is a blessing, but you’re seeing it as a curse.”
I fell back onto his chair and clutched my forehead that hadn’t stopped aching. “I know, I just... I don’t know if I’ll be any good.”
“I’m sure most new parents feel that way; it’s a territory unexplored. Just because your experiences are unique doesn’t mean your feelings are.”
“So, what do you think I should do?” I glanced up at him, desperately searching for answers. “How can I... What can I do to make my initial reaction better?”
“Nothing – not until you know for sure.” He gave me the same stark advice as Nickie had. “I’m sure Morgan will understand; she’s undoubtedly been through a long period of shock herself. Just take some space, have some time, and really think.”
I nodded slowly and rose from the chair, before making my way to the door to finally be alone. “Thank you, Braxton. I appreciate you listening to me.”
“You know I’m always here. Any time you need me.”
I walked through the door to my own apartment, that heavy weight still clinging to my shoulders. As I got inside and locked the door behind me, I felt more alone than I ever had before. I’d spent a lot of my life by myself, as was the way a bachelor life happened, but this was the first time I truly felt that sadness to my core.
I wandered over to my bedroom and climbed back under the sheets, pulling them fully over my head to block out the outside world completely. There I hoped to think intently until the answer flew into my brain, making everything alright.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Morgan
Saturday
I leapt up from my semi comatose state on the couch in front of terrible reality television when I heard the hammering sound from the door. There was no way that I co
uld face work after the trauma of telling Terrance about our baby, so I feigned illness to have a mental health day all to myself. I’d spent the majority of the time rubbing my hand over my slightly swollen belly, wondering when I’d have to tell the world that I was having a baby alone.
God, all the questions, how the hell would I face them? ‘Was the baby planned? Who’s the father? Where is your baby’s dad? Why isn’t he helping? How are you going to cope alone? Will you work? How will you pay for everything?’ It made me sick to my stomach to even consider. Especially when I didn’t know the answer to all of those questions myself.
Still, as I raised my body from the seat which had moulded around me, I couldn’t help but wonder if everything was about to turn on its head. Maybe this was Terrance, ready to make everything right.
“Who is it?” I asked anxiously, tugging my robe harder around my body. I glanced in the mirror, screwing up my nose in disgust as I saw how dishevelled I looked. My hair was bushy and unbrushed, my eyes had thick bags hanging underneath them, my skin was even pastier than usual...plus I had the whole slob thing going on.
“It’s Nickie; let me in, will you?” Her frustrated voice lifted and sunk my heart all at once. At least it didn’t matter what I looked like now.
“Okay, hold on.” I unlocked the door and swung it open, just to see her sympathetic face staring right back at me. “Hey, how’s it going?”
“Yeah, good; how are you?”
I followed behind as she let herself in and started to make herself at home, really considering my answer to that. I didn’t want to sound like I was moaning all the time, but at the same time, I didn’t want to lie. “Same as usual.”
“Work was super stressful yesterday.” She rubbed her forehead hard, stress etching her features. I felt bad enough for not turning up yesterday, I didn’t need that rubbed in my face more. But then Nickie corrected herself as if she could read my mind. “Not because of you, just because... Oh well, you know how Friday’s can be.”