by Alexa Davis
“Ooh, I get the impression that there’s more. Come on, tell me everything.”
Now that I’d started, I figured that I might as well. “There was an incident the other day, with a journalist. We had something of a car crash and got to talking.” I couldn’t keep the massive smile from spreading across my cheeks however hard I tried. “Now I’m going to do an interview for her.”
“What? She just crashed into your car?” Uh oh, Crystal did not look impressed. “Was she here to speak to you? Was the interview what she came for?”
“Erm… I, oh, I don’t think…”
“Just be careful,” she finished off in a warning tone. “I just don’t want anyone taking advantage of you. I don’t trust journalists.”
“I don’t think she’s like that; she works for the local paper…”
“Don’t be fooled, that’s all I’m saying.”
With that warning in mind, we got to work in silence, her words circling painfully in my thoughts.
***
By the time the end of the day rolled around, I assumed that Crystal would want to stay.
“Want a drink?” I asked her in the casual way that normally led up to my bedroom, but this time she looked a little awkward, like she didn’t quite know what to say.
“Erm… I don’t think I will,” she finally concluded. “I think that maybe we should just be friends now, without the benefits part, while you figure things out.”
“But what do you mean?” I gasped in shock. Was she ending things forever? How did I feel about that? I knew it had to happen eventually, but I wasn’t quite prepared for it now.
“I think that maybe we should take a step back. I think you have some major life changes coming up and you need to sort out where your head is at. If you come back, fine, if not that’s okay, too. You know I’ll always be there for you, no matter what.”
I didn’t know what to say to that one, so I simply pulled her in for a deep hug, trying to let my gratitude show that way. “Thank you,” I eventually whispered to her.
“Anyway, I have to go,” she pulled back, smiling at me. “Good luck with tomorrow. I hope it all goes well, and I hope you get the fence set up soon enough.”
“Thank you, I’ll let you know how it goes,” I told her, feeling like I was saying a really sad goodbye to my comfort blanket, to the one woman who had been there when no one else was. At least she would always be there; I knew that she was being honest with that statement and that would keep me going.
With that, she spun round and slid back into her car, taking away my old life with her. I knew things were going to change when I got rid of the business, but I hadn’t realized quite how dramatically. It was quite exciting to be honest. I’d probably been stuck in a rut for far too long, so change was what I needed. It was going to be sad to leave everything that made me comfortable behind, but that would be okay in the end… It had to be.
Chapter Twelve
June – Saturday
As I woke up, there was only one thought in my mind: the interview. I was so damn nervous about it that it was affecting all of my dreams. I’d been imagining it going wrong in every way possible, and now I was in a state about it.
“Shit,” I muttered, racing to my desk to grab a pen and paper. I couldn’t keep thinking that I would wing it, that I would allow the conversation to happen naturally. I needed to plan some questions to ensure things went the way that I needed to ensure that I got a good piece out of it in the end. I needed to decide the angle I wanted to take and run with that.
The only problem was my mind was totally indecisive. Should I stick to business only questions, or would that be too boring? Could I ask him questions about his life, or would that be too personal? How the hell was I going to do this interview in a sophisticated manner whilst also looking like a professional if I didn’t even know what I was going to say? This was my one shot to try and elevate my career, and if I didn’t sort things out quickly, I would end up fucking it up.
I jumped in the shower, hoping that the hot jets of water would clear my mind and help me focus, but by the time I got out, I was more confused than ever before. I was no better off, and what I really needed was the perspective of an outsider.
I knew that it was Hailey’s day off, and also that she was the one person who would be able to see this from a rational point of view. She knew how important this was to me, so I knew that she’d want to help me.
I tugged on some clothes and stalked over to where she lived, eager to get her opinion. I needed to get this done now. I’d already left it far too long and now that it was in my mind, I couldn’t get it out. I wouldn’t be able to do anything until I had at least some pointers to get this conversation going.
I hammered on the door loudly before checking my watch. Oops, it was just before nine a.m.; probably too early for Hailey to be up on a weekend since she worked so hard all week long, so she was probably going to be mightily unimpressed. But it was too late now. I’d already started to wake her up, so there wasn’t a lot that I could do.
As the door swung open and I saw her mussed up hair and crumpled pajamas, I felt even worse. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Hailey, I didn’t mean to wake you. I’m just so stressed.” I tugged on the ends of my hair, allowing everything to get on top of me.
“I just… I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do about this interview. It’s driving me crazy. I’ve been trying to figure it out all morning, and I’m getting nowhere with it. I mean, I don’t even know what angle I’m going to take, never mind what questions to ask…” I was rambling now, babbling like an idiot, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. “And he’s so hot, and nice, and I’m going to totally embarrass myself in front of him.”
“Okay,” she held up her hands to stop me. “That’s a lot of information to get when I’ve just woken up. I need some coffee before I can even begin to decipher what you’re saying, never mind give you any answers. Come inside,” she shot me a weird look. “You can have a decaf – I think you’re wired enough.”
My mind raced as I followed her into the kitchen, trying to work things out myself, but of course, I was still getting nowhere. This was the hardest journalistic challenge that I’d ever faced, and there were so many reasons why it couldn’t go wrong. Roy being hot was just one of them.
“So, he’s good looking, is he?” Hailey teased as she flicked the coffeepot on. “I think I remember you telling me as much.”
“I know,” I groaned, frustrated with myself. “It’s just all that I can think about when I start planning interview questions, and he’s really nice, too, which makes it even harder. I don’t want to write anything that will upset him any way… But I want to write an awesome story, too. I need it to get noticed.”
“So, what do you actually know about him?” she asked, while handing me a mug.
“I don’t know; not a lot, really. I know that he runs a very successful business and that his wife died.” I paused for a second, really thinking about it, before speaking out once more. “I don’t know, he seems quite lonely now. Like, he doesn’t seem to do a lot or have a lot of friends or anything…”
“Really? Someone so hot doesn’t have a string of women visiting him?”
That thought filled me with an odd sense of dread. I knew it was crazy to like someone I’d only just met, but I did…and I didn’t like the thought of him with anyone else. “Well, I guess that’s possible,” I grumbled a little ungratefully. “But he doesn’t seem the type.”
“Well, I mean…would it be a good idea to let him lead the interview?” she asked me a little cautiously, looking at me under her eyelashes. “Sort of…asking him a few leading questions, then letting him do the talking? Don’t forget that he’s new to this, too, so his expectations probably won’t be that high. It might be better to leave it as an informal chat.”
“Yeah. Maybe you’re right. If I just ask him about the business, then maybe mention his personal life, he might just start talking.”
I wasn’t thrilled with that plan because it made me feel a little lazy, but at the same time, I thought it would probably be for the best. An informal chat that I could record and craft a story out of later on felt like a better option for me. It wasn’t a press conference, after all, and it would probably make his answers much more honest. “Thanks, Hailey. You always know what to say.”
“You’ll be fine,” she reassured me. “You’re very charming, so I wouldn’t be too worried. Now on to the important question: what are you going to wear?”
A tight knot of panic started to form in my stomach as I realized I hadn't even considered my outfit at all. What the hell was I going to wear to the most important interview of my life? “Oh God, I don’t know. I might have a pant suit…”
“You cannot wear a pant suit.” Hailey screwed up her nose at my suggestion. “It’s far too try hard. No, you need to wear something more casual. But nice, too. Try and look feminine, you always look so pretty in a dress.”
“Like, a summer dress?” I wasn’t sure if I was comfortable with that. I didn’t feel like it ended too well for me last time. “Maybe I should just stick to jeans…”
“No, come on. We’ll find a dress that you feel good in. This is important enough for something new. We should go shopping.”
I nodded quickly at that suggestion, figuring it had to be better than sitting around and freaking out by myself at home. “Yeah, okay… I need to look nice, but professional, too. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea about me.” Although, deep down, maybe I did. That dinner we shared had felt a little too much like a date, and I definitely didn’t hate it.
“Of course we will!” she exclaimed happily. “Just let me hop in the shower then we’ll get going.”
***
“Are you sure?” I asked Hailey cautiously, glancing at my reflection once more. The navy-blue, knee-length dress with a swing skirt did make me feel more comfortable than anything else I’d tried on, but I still wasn’t quite sure. “Do you think he will like it?” I’d long given up the pretence that I didn’t want to impress Roy because Hailey wasn’t buying it anyway.
“You look great,” she insisted, smiling happily at me. “You really do. He’ll fall in love with you in an instant. And with those boots we looked at earlier…”
“Yeah, it’ll definitely have to be boots. I cannot wear heels on Roy’s land; I’ll sink into the mud in an instant. What do you think I should do with my hair?”
“Pigtails?” she laughed. “No, just have it hanging loose. It looks great like that.”
“Yeah, okay; thank you…” I felt a lot better knowing that I was at least going to look good, but the anxiety was definitely still there. I just needed to do so well at this – I needed it to go perfectly. “Do you really think that I’ll do all right?”
Hailey grabbed hold of my shoulders and stared deeply into my eyes. “June, you will kick ass at this – you are made for this. Stop doubting yourself.”
“Okay, I’ll try my best. And, I think that I will get this after all.”
“Thank God,” she joked loudly. “I cannot look in another store. I think we might have been everywhere in Florence. You’re just lucky that I adore you. Now, let’s buy this kick-ass outfit to calm you down, so you can do an amazing interview tomorrow.”
But it didn’t work. Even when I got home later that night and lay in bed, trying to get some rest before the big day, my mind was all over the place.
There were so many emotions floating through my veins that I feared I might not be able to switch off ever again. I was starting to feel like a fraud, like I didn’t belong in the media world, after all. Maybe I’d been playing a role all this time, and now I was about to step into the big leagues and I wasn’t quite ready.
How the hell was I going to work for a national publication covering brutal stories, hard-hitting news, such as murder and missing children, when I couldn’t even deal with this? I certainly couldn’t have an attraction to everyone that I did stories about, so maybe I should look at this like a test. But then I thought about Roy’s amazing eyes and muscular shoulders all over again and everything just fell apart.
Maybe this would be easier if I were preparing for a date tomorrow. Maybe I would be much less stressed if it was just my heart on the line. I did find it a little strange that someone I hadn't even heard of before, despite living in the same town, was now so important to me in so many ways. I didn’t even know his name a short while ago, never mind anything about his business because that was never my area of writing and he kept out of the public eye, but now I needed him.
And, I hoped that he felt the same way, too. I hoped this would be a two-way street. Maybe he’d never spoken to the media before because he hadn't felt comfortable, and now he felt like he could. It would be nice to know that I’d helped him, that I’d been a part of growing his business, that would make me feel a little better about it all, once this was over…
Well, whatever happened, tomorrow was going to be a vital day for me. Hopefully it went just as I needed it to.
Chapter Thirteen
Roy – Sunday
I wasn’t sure why I kept coming to church every Sunday when my faith was all over the place, and it had been ever since Shelley died, but I did. It was the one place I always made sure to go to, no matter what. Even when I was feeling like shit, I always went. I think the fact that everyone left me alone when I was there helped. Other members of the church would talk among themselves, but no one ever bothered with me, which suited me just fine. I must have given off a “don’t talk to me” vibe.
I sat at the back, as I always did, and I waited for the preacher to start talking. While I sat in silence, I remembered all the times when I came here as a married man, with my lovely wife. I was always religious, even as a young boy, but Shelley was the one that got me into the routine of actually visiting church every Sunday. Back then, I used to argue with her in a playful way, telling her that I could pray on my own time, but she didn’t care; she would make me come anyway. I eventually started to enjoy it. It became a part of what made us us.
Shelley was the more sociable of the pair of us. Even back then, I was a little reserved and quieter, but it didn’t matter because she did enough talking for the pair of us. Her happy-go-lucky, bubbly personality drew people to both of us, which had left me with nothing to do.
It was safe to say that losing her really did rip out my foundation from underneath me. I never thought that I would be able to stand up again, but I guessed that in a way, I had. Of course, I wasn’t the same man I was back then – and I didn’t think I ever would be – but I had to be proud of the fact that somehow, I was still going.
As the preacher finally started to speak, I settled back to listen to him, trying to imagine Shelley was by my side for just one more time. This was one of the only places where I really felt her presence still, which maybe was the reason I kept coming. I missed her; of course I did. When we married, I never thought that I would have to live without her.
But I was looking forward to the future, as well. There were big changes ahead of me, which I was really excited about, and the fact that I was still a young man didn’t escape my knowledge, either. Every now and again, it was easy to believe my life was almost over, especially when I considered retiring, but the fact that I was only thirty-six meant that I still had a whole lot of living to do. I just needed to do it in the right way.
While everyone else filed out of the church, I hung back for a few seconds, wanting to bask in God’s glow for just a little while longer. I also didn’t want to get wrapped up in any parking lot chit chat and I knew from past experiences that this was the best way to do that. I stayed in my pew, with my eyes closed, just allowing myself to feel everything.
“Roy Larkin?” I heard a voice speaking, which caused me to snap my eyes open. There I found the preacher looking back at me with a curious expression on his face. “Oh, I am sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt your prayer.”
“Thank you, thank you; it’s nice to see that you still come here. I appreciate it.” He smiled at me, but there was something behind his gaze, something that made me feel a bit nervous. I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like whatever he said next. “You know, I am here if you would ever like to talk. I know that you’ve experienced a lot of trauma in your life, and if there’s anything I can ever help you with—”
“No, that’s okay, thank you,” I interrupted quickly, knowing that I wasn’t ever going to want to talk about my wife’s death with this man I barely knew, however much of a good listener I was sure he could be.
“I do appreciate it though. Erm… I better get going now. I have a lot to do at the ranch.” I’d been trying not to think too much about the interview I had looming over me today because it made me feel really anxious, but it was better than being there. “Thanks again.” With that, I shook his hand and made my way outside, needing the fresh air.
That was absolutely exhausting; just that short talk that scooted around the outskirts of what happened with Shelley left me drained. I felt like I really needed a rest before I did any more speaking, so the second I got through the door, I ran up the stairs two at a time, with Tank close behind me, to lie down on my bed. My head was thumping, my emotions all over the place, and I needed a time out.
But as I lay my head on the cool sheets and tried to calm myself down, I found myself wanting to think about Shelley just that little bit more, so I turned onto my side and I grabbed the framed photograph of her that I kept in me bedside table drawer. At one point during my grief, I had stored all pictures of her away because I couldn’t bear to look at her face, but this was the one that I’d always kept to look at when I needed to. It was a close-up of her face, and she was giving me that sweet side smile that she always did when she had a cheeky thought in mind.