by Alexa Davis
As I stroked the image of her cheek, I remembered how she was when she was well: fun, outgoing, full of life; then I recalled how things hit her when she was sick. Even as she grew frail and sick, she didn’t lose herself, she didn’t succumb to depression. She simply remained inherently her right up until the end. Even when Doctor Turner, the local doctor, told her to get plenty of bed rest, she wouldn’t. She felt like she had too much to do. And even when the specialists at the hospital told her that she needed to take it slowly, she couldn’t. It wasn’t until the very end, when she didn’t have the energy to move, that the illness started to take her away from me, and that broke my heart to see.
Witnessing the woman who filled my life with laughter and joy falling apart, seeing her a shell of her former self – it killed me. I prayed a million times that I could take her place, but of course, there was nothing that could be done. Our paths had already been decided.
I jumped up quickly and shoved the photograph away as I noticed a stray tear rolling down my cheek. I knew that if I started crying about this, I wouldn’t be able to stop and the chances were that June would be on her way soon. The last thing I wanted was for the first woman to have really caught my eye since Shelley to see me as a mess. Especially not when I’d promised her an interview, too… Oh God, how had I managed to get myself wrapped up in that one? I never agreed to crazy shit like that; why had I done it this time?
I could just tell her about me stepping down from the company – that would be story enough.
As the water of the shower poured over my head, I allowed my mind to clear, and amazingly, I started to feel a little better. I’d faced death enough times to know that I couldn’t get too hung up on it if I wanted to continue. The easy decision was to give up and to let everything overwhelm me. It was much harder to continue fighting, which was what it seemed like I wanted to keep on doing, no matter what.
For a strange moment, I considered what it would be like to have both Shelley and June in the same room, and I could actually see them getting along really well. They were both lovely women with sparkling personalities, and although they were very different to one another, I could see them being friends. It was a shame that could never happen…
When I noticed the time, and I realized that June wouldn’t be long, I hopped out quickly and pulled on a tee shirt and a pair of jeans before moving over to the window to see if she was already on her way. As if she could sense me looking for her, my phone rang at that moment and she asked to be let inside the gate.
With that, things started to get a little real and anxiety consumed me. All of a sudden, I was really unsure of what I was about to do, even more so than before, and that had a sick feeling forming in my stomach. I tried to push that aside as I saw her car pulling up onto my land and parking outside my home, but unfortunately, it didn’t seem to be going anywhere.
As she moved towards the front door, I forced myself away from the window and I trudged down the stairs with an icy-cold fear gripping onto my heart. You can do this, I tried to tell myself. It’ll all be all right. She’s a nice girl, she will let you say what you want to say, there won’t be any pressure. But of course, it wasn’t just the interview that had me scared. It was seeing her, too.
As I pushed the door open at her knock, with an already racing heart, seeing June again literally took my breath away. She was looking even more beautiful than the last time I saw her, which I had previously assumed was impossible. She had soft makeup that complimented her already lovely skin, her hair tumbled carelessly down her back, and she had an incredible, figure-hugging dress on that made my mouth run dry with desire.
I was aware that I was standing there, staring at her like an open-mouthed idiot, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. She had me stunned, in a way that I hadn't been in a very long time.
“Erm, hi,” she eventually said shyly, shaking me from my thoughts. “Are you all right? Can I come in?”
I could feel a blush buzzing through my system as humiliation hit. I didn’t want her to think that I was a total idiot, which was probably exactly how I was coming across. “Of course,” I stepped aside and let her in. “Sorry.”
As she walked past me, swaying her hips, I felt myself crumble inside a bit. This had already been a horribly emotional day, and it was about to get a whole lot worse. I just had to hope that it went well, and that I didn’t fall apart. I already felt a little too dangerously close to the edge of tears, and I really didn’t want them to fall.
Just do this, I tried my best to reassure myself. It’s all going to be fine; there’s nothing at all to be worried about…
Chapter Fourteen
June – Sunday
As I walked into Roy’s home, it hit me again how huge it was. On his massive expanse of land, it looked relatively normal-sized, but as soon as I stepped in, it was like a damn mansion or something. I couldn’t stop my eyes from looking everywhere, as if it were the first time I was seeing it.
“I really do love your home,” I commented quietly. “You’re so lucky to live here.”
“Well, I mean, it was inherited,” he told me bashfully. “I guess I could have moved at some point, especially when I made my money, but I didn’t really want to. This is just the only place in the world that feels like home to me.”
As he made that remark, it reminded me a little of my own feelings when it came to Florence. Whatever my arguments to myself were back then, it probably wouldn’t have made much of a difference to my career in the long run. It was more likely I stayed because the town felt like home. I wondered what it would be like when I finally made my move to a city to work for a national newspaper. I was going to have to get used to it soon enough!
“Well, it’s very nice,” I finished lamely, feeling a little foolish for starting the conversation at all. What I needed to do was turn the conversation around to the business at hand, but I felt a little strange about doing that. Luckily for me, Roy didn’t seem to share my fears.
“Now, I know you probably want to get started with the interview, but I’m afraid that I’m going to have to set some conditions to it.” My heartrate kicked up a notch at that remark. Was he about to change his mind completely, leaving me right in the shit? What would I do if that were the case? My boss at the Gazette would lose faith in me, never mind any future employer. “You must have lunch with me.”
I had to stop the massive smile from spreading across my cheeks, plus the intense girlish need to scream in excitement. Yet again, he was blurring the boundaries between why I had to be there and why I wanted to be there, but yet again, I really didn’t mind.
“If those are your conditions,” I playfully shook my head in bemusement. “Then I suppose I can adhere to that.” At least that would give me a bit more time to relax and to get my head in order. Hopefully by the time the interview actually came around, I would be in the right frame of mind for it.
“Come on then; the grill is out on the back porch. I’ll make you some chicken…” While Roy was talking, Tank, his amazing dog who I was already head over heels for, came bounding up to my side, begging to be petted. I shoved my journal and my recorder on the side while we had a play, giving Roy the time that he needed to get cooking. Not only did I have a whole load of fun playing with Tank, the scent of the food made me ravenous.
“You have done so much cooking for me,” I teased, not wanting to neglect Roy. “It makes me feel very special.”
“You should,” he shot back quickly, giving me a bemused look. “I never normally cook for anyone. I usually get take out. Luckily for you, I have actually managed to haul my ass to the store to pick up a few bits and pieces.”
What did that mean? Did it mean that I actually was special? That I was the only woman Roy had coming over to his house? I honestly had no idea, and there was no way I could ask. We hadn't even kissed, for crying out loud; there was no way that I could dive into something as intense as that without making myself sound like a fool. No, I needed to keep all of my
craziness inside…at least for a little while longer.
“So, how has your week been?” I finished lamely, delving right into small talk. “Did you manage to get a lot done?”
As he told me about the fence he was building to surround his ranch, I found myself fascinated. This was a subject that really should have been really boring, but coming from this amazingly hot guy, I couldn’t help but fall in love with every single word. There was just something so sweet about him, something that drew me in, and I felt like at any minute now, he would grip onto my heart and not let go.
Of course, I had no idea how he felt about me, not really, but if he gave me a sign, I felt like professionalism would have to go out of the window. It wasn’t every day that I wanted someone so much, and I wasn’t sure that I could turn the opportunity to be with him down, even if that was what I wanted, which is wasn’t.
“Why do you have three plates out?” I suddenly asked in a panic, imagining that someone else might be joining us for food. I was having a hard enough time getting used to the idea of grilling Roy; I wasn’t sure if I could do it with anyone else’s eyes staring at me. That might just finish me – and my precious career – off.
“Oh, it’s silly,” he blushed, making my heart yearn for him even more. “But I always make a plate for Tank, too. He isn’t a big fan of dog food, and while it’s just me and him, I can’t see the harm.”
“That’s adorable. I don’t blame you, either. He’s totally irresistible,” I told Roy, patting Tank once more. “And it must be working. I’ve never seen a better behaved dog in my entire life!”
“He is a good boy,” Roy looked lovingly at his dog, proving just how much he meant to him. He was probably more than just a pet – it was likely that he filled the massive hole that his wife had left in his life. I wanted to ask him how long he’d had Tank, but I was afraid of the can of worms that would open. “Anyway, I hope that you’re hungry because I’ve made a lot.”
As he put the chicken dish in front of me and we both dug in, I realized just how genuinely comfortable I felt around this man. It kept hitting me over and over again, and I had to keep reminding myself that up until a few days ago, we were total strangers. Now, things were totally different.
“So, tell me more about yourself,” he grinned at me, sending a flutter through my body. “I don’t really feel like I know too much about you.”
“What do you want to know?” I hated that question; it zoomed the focus too much in on me, and as a journalist, especially one who was supposed to be conducting the interview, it felt a little strange. “I… I don’t think I’m that interesting really.”
“How old are you? I feel like I should know you considering we both grew up here, but I don’t.”
“I’m twenty-six,” I replied, in my mind wondering what it would have been like had we met one another in school. I imagined Roy as the muscular, popular, loud jock back then, before he lost his wife and became a shell of his former self. I was the quiet, studious girl at the back of the class, concentrating on work. I don’t imagine we would have been friends, even if we were in the same class. “So I would have been far too young for you to pay attention to.”
“Well, I doubt you would have heard of me, either. I wasn’t very popular, to be honest,” he admitted, chuckling to himself. “But I never really cared about all of that stuff, so it didn’t really bother me.” Hmmm, maybe we would have been friends after all! “So, what makes you stay here? What’s so special about Florence, or are you just waiting for the first chance to escape?”
A few days ago, the answer to that question would have been easy, but he’d really gotten me thinking. I did like it in Florence, and I guess I felt scared about actually not being great at being a journalist. This had really brought it all to the surface, and I honestly wasn’t sure if I could cope. I wanted to, I would like to believe that I could, but it wasn’t a guarantee.
“I don’t know,” I told him. “I think I’ve spent such a long time assuming that what I wanted at eighteen is still what I want now, that I’m not really sure.” I couldn’t believe how honest I was being, but Roy simply made me feel like I could be.
“I know what you mean,” he shocked me by replying. “I always thought that I wanted to be wealthy, that I wanted to pull my family out of poverty, but now that I am…it’s never made me as happy as I thought it would.”
So many questions filled my mind, but I didn’t vocalize any of them; I simply gazed at him for a few moments, staring into his eyes, feeling all of his emotions with him. He was hurting, confused, finding himself, and in a way, I felt like I could relate to at least some of that. I didn’t fully know who I was, much as I was desperate to, and it made me feel for a split second that we could find our place in the world together.
“I…I’ll go and wash the dishes,” I suddenly blurted, needing the break the tension in the room.
“No, you don’t have to do that,” he started, but I shook my head quickly.
“It’s the least I can do. You’ve cooked for me twice now.” He looked at me, as if he felt a little surprised that I was doing that for him, but I really wanted to. He was a nice guy, and he deserved to have someone looking after him, which I could for now.
“When you’ve done that, we should probably get on with the interview, right?” My nerves jumped at that because I wasn’t ready for it to be all business just yet. I was enjoying the time just getting to know one another more causally, but we would have to get to it eventually, so why not just get it done?
“Sure, that sounds good,” I shot him a weak smile. “And erm…thank you for doing this for me again. I really do appreciate it.”
I slowed down on washing the dishes, wanting to take my time for a moment, just to get my head together, and while I worked I could see Roy interacting with Tank in the gentlest way possible. He was so kind, so sweet with his dog that it was difficult to not fall deeper for him. How was it possible that such an amazing man lived so near to me, and I didn’t know it? I supposed that was what you got for focusing so hard on building a career. It made me neglect other areas of my life, such as this one.
“Right,” I grabbed my notebook and pen and sat at the table opposite him. “I guess it’s time; let’s do this.”
The way he looked at me had my heart pounding violently in my chest, and I had to gulp down a big ball of fear that lodged in my throat. This was crazy, really intense, but I’d come so far now that I had to keep going. I needed to just get through this.
Chapter Fifteen
Roy – Sunday
I wasn’t ready for this at all, but I had a feeling that the sooner I got it done, the better. All I really wanted to do was hang around with June as if she were a friend, or a date, or something, and I felt like this could just be a blip; then we could get back to normal.
“So erm…do you want to start with the business?” she asked anxiously, proving that she had never really done anything this intense before. “Do you want to tell me when it started?”
“I was always business minded, even when I was in school. I knew that I was going to inherit the ranch, but all I ever saw my parents do was a whole lot of work, for not much money. I guess I didn’t want that for myself. I saw a bigger life, a wealthier one,” I sighed deeply, realizing how shallow that sounded now. Back then, it made perfect sense, but that was when I was a young, naïve fool.
“So, when I saw the opportunity to invest in oil arise, I did. And from there, I went on to build my own company. It was really the obvious choice.” I glanced over to where she was sitting, staring at me in awe, not making any notes or anything. “Don’t you want to take notes…or maybe switch on the recorder or something?”
“Oh God, I’m so bad at this,” she groaned, blushing brightly. I smiled to myself as she leaned over and flicked the recorder on. “Sorry; please carry on.”
“Okay, so then I met Lewis. He was just out of college and on his way to a good life,” I paused for a moment, wondering how to
word this in the right way. “He had been through some struggles, but I helped him through that. I guess we helped each other. He has become vital to the company, really running it all by himself. Which is why…why I’m leaving it and handing it over to Lewis.”
“You are?” she gasped in surprise. “Really? But what will you do?”
“I’ll do all the things that I haven’t had time for up until now.” I shrugged my shoulders, trying to act like the endless time in front of me didn’t scare me as much as it set me free. “I don’t know. I think that I’ve just spent far too much time worrying about making money. I don’t want to miss out on anything else.”
“So… Wow, I don’t know what to ask you now. You have thrown me a bit with the announcement that you’re leaving your company behind. I don’t know what to do with that,” she laughed loudly. “It’s blindsided me; I don’t mind admitting that to you. Have you made that announcement yet?”
“No, I have one last business trip yet, but I will once that is done… Unless you want to do that for me?”
“Could I?” she gasped in shock. “Really? I don’t even know what to say to that.”
“Well, I mean I’m sure that I’ll get dragged into press conferences and stuff, but you can do it first.” I didn’t really care how the news got out, but I guessed that it would be the last thing I did before taking the quieter road in life. “Now, I guess you’re going to need the answers to some more personal stuff, too?” That was inevitable, and if she was too shy to get it, then I would take control of things for her.
“I suppose I have to,” she told me, looking really awkward. “I hope that’s okay.”
“I have an idea: why don’t I ask you a personal question for every one you ask me, that way it isn’t so weird?” I felt like that was the best way to keep things on even footing, plus it would allow me to find out more about her, too.