All the Little Lies: A High School Bully Romance

by S. J. Sylvis

  I laughed. It wasn’t a humorous laugh. It was condescending and laced with anger. My chest was rising and falling fast, sweat still glistening on my forehead. “You think I was swooping in there to save you?” I laughed again as her eyes narrowed. “I couldn’t give a fuck what happened to you. Cole laid his hands on one of English Prep’s girls without her permission, and he needed to be taught a lesson. He’s fucking lucky I didn’t kill him.”

  Hayley didn’t say anything. The room grew tense. I could tell she was clenching her teeth together, and I was doing the same.

  “I want you gone,” I said, still glaring.

  She shook her head, her dark locks a curtain in front of her face. The bruises from the first day of school had healed, her skin looking flawless and angelic. But she wasn’t an angel, that was for certain.

  “Why?” Hayley’s blue eyes connected with mine, and the anger was gone. She looked vulnerable, her pouty mouth frowning, her cheeks looking hollow. “Why, Christian?” she asked again. The sound of her voice felt like thorns pricking right through my skin.

  I strode over to her, angry that she was having an effect on me. She didn’t move a muscle. She stayed right in her spot, not giving a damn that I was an inch away. She wouldn’t move unless I ran her over with my body. That was how stubborn she was. Always had been. I peered down into her face, and she angled her chin to mine. “Because I don’t want to see your fucking face every five seconds.” Because I don’t want a reminder of the past—the good and the bad.

  She shook her head lightly, never taking her eyes off mine. I dropped my gaze to her mouth when she spoke. “That's not a good enough answer. Something changed in you. Something happened in the last five years. Something that made you hate me, and I want to know what it is.”

  My mouth went dry. My throat felt like it was beginning to close. The words were bubbling up and threatening to come out.

  She pushed her body closer, her rising chest touching me now. My breathing sped up. I wanted to wrap my hands around her arms and pull her into my body, but in the same breath, I wanted to scream and push her away. But instead of doing either of those things, I peered down into her eyes lethally. “Seeing you makes me think of the past, and I don’t need that fucking reminder,” I growled.

  Her face blanched. “But why? Are you angry that I didn’t say goodbye? That I didn’t keep in touch?” She scoffed, clearly growing angry. “Well, I’m freaking sorry, but I was a little preoccupied with watching my dad get murdered and having psychotic men in masks promise that they’d be back to collect me for a settlement when I grew some tits. Oh, and let’s not forget about my mother going off the fucking deep end, which landed me in foster care!” Hayley was yelling by the end of her rant, but I kept my voice nice and steady. Cold.

  “I wish I had never cared about you.” She kept her face unmoving, but I could tell she was bothered by what I’d said. “Do you want to know why? You are part of the reason my mom is dead.” Her face was as white as a ghost, and her mouth parted as she gasped. “And guess what, Hayley. I don’t give a fuck about your sob story. You’re not the only one who watched a parent die.” I quieted my voice; it was damn-near a whisper. “I guess we both have some guilt running around in our veins. The only difference is, you played a part in two deaths, not just one.”

  I knew it wasn’t her fault entirely. She had no idea her phone call that night would kickstart a spiral of fucked-up shit. But whether she believed it or not, she was the start of the end to my mother. I tried to save Hayley that night, and instead, I ended up killing my mom in the process. The more I blamed Hayley, the less I blamed myself. And that was how I had to keep it.

  “Now stay the fuck out of my way,” I seethed and turned around and left her all alone.

  Chapter Eleven

  Hayley

  I didn’t remember leaving the party. I didn’t remember climbing into Piper’s BMW. I had no idea how we ended up back on my street, but looking up at the darkened sky through the windshield, I saw the drab gray house I called home.

  “Hayley,” Piper’s voice startled me, and I met her worried face. “You’re kind of scaring me. You haven’t said a word since you talked to Christian.”

  “How did his mom die?” I barely recognized the sound of my own voice.

  Piper looked around the interior of her car, lost in thought. “Christian’s mom?”

  I nodded, bringing my knees up to my chin. I felt so small and so weak after talking to him. He tore me down with just a few words, and that didn’t sit well with me. I was stronger than that.

  “She overdosed when we were in eighth grade. It was right before I moved to Wellington Prep.”

  Overdosed? I had no idea his mom had died. I always liked his mom. She used to give me rides back to my house when Christian and I were hanging out and it grew past dark. She was nice—which was more than I could say about my own mom, even more so now.

  “I don’t get it,” I whispered, racking my brain. “How is that my fault?”

  “You’re not making any sense.”

  I looked at Piper. Her face was a mask of confusion. “He said it was my fault.”

  “What?” She blew breath out of her mouth and turned her body to face mine, getting comfortable in her car. “Okay, listen. You said earlier you didn’t know how to be a friend, so I’m going to teach you. Right now, you would tell me everything that happened with you and Christian, and then we’d spend the rest of the night trying to dissect everything and figure it out.”

  Was that what friends did? I wasn’t used to this. The thought of sharing anything with anyone made me queasy. I’d rather suck Pete’s dick than take someone up on their offer for help. Okay, that’s not true at all.

  A shaky breath left my lips. “Okay, I’ll start from the beginning.”

  After taking a full thirty minutes to fill Piper in on all things Christian related and answering her incessant questions, we were both lying back in her BMW seats (which were more comfortable than my mattress at Pete and Jill’s), still pretty far from understanding what Christian meant.

  “Are you sure he said it was your fault?”

  I laughed sarcastically. “Yeah, pretty much. His exact words were ‘You’re part of the reason my mom is dead.’”

  “That makes no sense.”

  No, it didn’t. It didn’t make sense at all. I glanced at the dashboard, seeing that it was 3 am. I swung my gaze over to the glowing light of the TV shining through the living room window.

  “I should get back inside.”

  Piper looked at the house and nodded. “Okay.” Then she glanced at me. “You have Wi-Fi, right?”

  “Yeah. That’s the one thing Jill and Pete actually allow me to use, for school work.”

  She gave me a soft smile. “Good. Google Christian. His father. His mother. Everyone. Gather all the information you can, and we’ll talk more on Monday. We will figure this out.”

  I nodded. “Good idea.” I reached for the door handle, and before getting out, Piper spoke up.

  “I’m picking you up at 7am on Monday. No excuses. I’ll honk when I’m here.”

  I opened my mouth to protest, but she gave me a look, raising her eyebrows and shaking her head no.

  I didn’t let myself smile until I was safely back in my crappy room. At least I had one friend at English Prep, right?

  On Monday, Piper slid in beside me during lunch and whispered, “Any luck?”

  I closed my world language book and placed it in my bag. “Nope.” Piper and I had spent the entire forty minutes it took to get to school trying to figure out what Christian meant. I searched him and his family online, but not a whole lot popped up. There was a brief article about a car accident, but there were no fatalities, so that didn’t make any sense either. It was a mystery.

  “I’ve been trying not to think about it, honestly. I have too much other shit in my life to worry about other than Christian thinking I had something to do with his mother's overdose. That’s insa
ne. He’s insane.”

  Piper was nodding along with my rant as she picked at the contents on her tray. Before I knew what she was doing, she was placing food on a separate plate and sliding it over to me.

  “No,” I said, shoving the plate back over to her.

  She gave me a pointed look, her green eyes peering up at me through her thick eyelashes. “Yes. Now eat.”

  I shook my head. “Piper, I appreciate this, but you already conned me into allowing you to give me rides to school every day. I’m not taking your food, too.” But my stomach protested as the aroma filled my nose. Just take the food, Hayley.

  She pushed the plate back in my direction. “Hayley, can you just let someone help you? I want to do this. I don’t like the thought of anyone, not just my friend, going without food. I volunteer at the soup kitchen on Saturday mornings, and I donate all my old clothes to charity. I like helping people. Especially if they’re my friends. So please, eat.”

  I gazed into her genuine, doe-like eyes as they pleaded with me. I fiddled with my skirt, trying to keep my emotions in check. I wasn’t an emotional person by any means. I never cried. I pushed every feeling down the second it came into view. I didn’t feel. Feelings made you weak and vulnerable, and that wasn’t something I wanted to feel. That was why it made me so angry that Christian got to me. Those stormy eyes and steely jaw were a vision in my head I couldn’t ignore. His grainy words were on repeat.

  “Thank you, Piper,” I barely squeaked out. “But let me repay you with something. Do you need a tutor? Or um…” I thought for a moment. What the hell did I have to offer? “A car wash? Although, I’d have to use your water and your soap… at your house.”

  Piper laughed, plucking a French fry from her plate. “Hmm, maybe go to the next home football game with me? I haven’t been to one since Callie moved away, and I feel like a loser because it’s my senior year and I haven’t been to any of the games.”

  “Deal,” I said as I snatched my own fry and plopped it into my mouth. “As long as Jill and Pete say it’s okay.”

  Piper’s eyes twinkled as she squealed and threw her arms around my neck briefly. I smiled when she released me, and it was a genuine one. I allowed a tiny piece of happiness to creep into my heart for a second—that was, until I happened to glance up to see Christian glaring at me.

  And that was how the rest of the week went: Piper and me laughing together at our table while I tried to pretend that Christian and his angry, smoldering looks weren’t bothering me. He ignored me completely in our classes together. I hid in the back like a coward as he commanded all the attention in the front. If I had any spare time in class, I spent it doing homework, which kind of backfired as I usually did all my homework when I got home so I could have a distraction from Pete’s drinking and Jill’s pleads for him to be nicer to her.

  Although I hated my foster home, it wasn’t the worst one I’d been in. That didn’t mean it was great by any means, as Pete was still locking my door, but I was surviving. And despite the whole Christian fiasco and either being ignored completely by my peers or sneered at, I actually enjoyed English Prep. I liked the extensive curriculum. It occupied my mind when it wanted to wander and took up a lot of my free time. Sure, Christian hated me, and Ollie wouldn’t look in my direction. I was among the peasants in the hierarchy of royally popular kids, but at least I had made one true friend, and that was more than I could have said for any other high school I had gone to in the last few years.

  Even Madeline had left me alone, which was surprising. If you didn’t poke the bear, it wouldn’t wake up, I guess.

  Slipping off my gym shirt in the girl’s locker room, I listened to the gossiping occurring around me. Gym was my last period of the day, so as soon as I got dressed, I was able to leave. I always thought guy locker room talk was a thing people often talked about, but girl locker room talk? It made my head spin.

  “Did you hear that Madeline kicked April off the cheer squad?”

  “Did I hear my name?” That was Madeline speaking.

  “Yeah, we were talking about how pathetic April has been since you booted her hoe ass off the squad.”

  Shrill, ear-piercing laughter. God, girls were so mean and catty—vindictive, at best. I was almost thankful I’d been such a loner all these years. Girls like them were awful.

  As I bent down to gather my uniform, it was suddenly snatched out of my grasp. I spoke too freaking soon. I sighed as my nostrils flared with annoyance. One guess. I had one guess at who would be stupid enough to take my uniform as I stood there in my bra and underwear.

  I slowly turned around, and there she was. Madeline, with her bleached hair and fake tan. She was smiling connivingly, her posse not far behind her, all sharing equally bitchy smiles. They were all back in their school uniforms, whereas I stood half-naked.

  They had the upper hand.

  Lovely.

  I had let my guard down. I had gone a few days without anyone bothering me, and that was my first mistake. If you take down your trap, the wolves will tear your shelter down eventually.

  Not bothering to cover my skin, I inched an eyebrow upward at Madeline. She thought she was the queen of this school, but didn’t she realize that queens were often overthrown from their throne? Being a queen didn’t mean anything if people feared you more than they loved you. The only reason those girls were standing behind her was because they didn't want to stand in front of her, much like I was.

  “Like what you see?” I asked, planting a sly smile on my face.

  Madeline’s face twisted with disgust.

  “Are you kidding? You’re nothing but a piece of filthy trash covered with skin and bones.”

  I shrugged. “Skin and bones? Isn't that why you and the rest of your clan refuse to eat carbs? I thought you wanted to be skinny? Otherwise, you wouldn’t fit into that cute little cheer uniform. Am I right?” I tilted my head. “When was the last time you had bread, Maddie?”

  I snickered. Her face twitched a fraction, and I knew I struck a chord. Girls like her were the same across all high schools. Cutting out carbs, trying to be a size zero when they should be a healthy size five. There was nothing wrong with having curves. Why couldn’t they see that? I heard her scolding one of her friends two days ago in the lunchroom—in front of everyone, of course. “Put down that potato, Ariana, or else you’ll look like a potato and be at the bottom of the pyramid.”

  “I thought I told you to stay away from Christian,” she snarled at me, holding my uniform in her hands, close to her chest.

  My eyebrows rose. “No problem there. He’s all yours.”

  She narrowed her eyes like a cat, her friends all looking back and forth to one another. I was sensing the climax coming soon, and I was really hoping I could rip my clothes out of her hand at some point, because I was starting to get chilly with the draft from the air conditioning breathing down my bare back. And not to mention, Piper was probably wondering where I was.

  “See, I heard differently. I heard you two were leaving a room together the other night after I sent him on my errand.”

  “Your errand?” I asked, confused. Was she the girl Cole messed around with? Who cares, Hayley! Grab your clothes!

  I inched toward her, but she was smarter than I gave her credit for. She laughed and handed my clothes off to one of her friends. Dang it.

  “I sent him to teach Cole a lesson. See, Cole dissed me, and I knew that if I said he touched one of my friends without permission, Christian would go crazy. Especially considering Cole went to Wellington Prep.” She threw her head back and cackled like a wicked witch.

  “So, let me get this straight,” I started, keeping my voice even. “You wanted to get with Cole, and he took a hard pass—can’t say I blame him—and you told Christian…that he raped someone…just to get him beat up?” What kind of world am I living in?

  It was pure silence in the locker room. So silent that you could hear the guys getting rowdy in their locker room through the vents.
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  Madeline shot me another dirty look, throwing her hair over her shoulder and popping her hip out. “I find it funny that you think you’re in a position to judge someone, Hayley. Have you seen yourself? Your daddy got murdered because he was such a loser, and your own mother didn’t want to take care of you. Save the judgments for yourself. You’re likely to end up on a stripper pole, begging men to fuck you so you can feel worthy.”

  “Funny coming from someone who just tried to fuck a Wellington Prep boy.”

  It took every ounce of restraint I had in my body not to lay her flat on her ass. I envisioned it. Me pulling back my fist and punching her in her perfect, flawless face. Her body flying backwards and landing on the cool, concrete floor. But I couldn’t do that. If I got in trouble at this school, there would be no detention. There would be no punishment. I’d be kicked out. Back at Oakland High. Unable to get the hell out of this shitty town, and not to mention, back where Gabe was.

  Instead of punching her lights out or giving her any satisfaction that she had wounded me, I put on a brave face, reached down and put on my Converse, and walked right past her and her fucked-up girl gang. If I showed one ounce of fear or hurt, these vultures would eat me alive. I made it seem like I wasn’t affected by her words.

  But I was.

  They stung.

  I’d been hit before, slapped around more than I cared to think about, but words? Those stuck with you.

  Your own mother didn’t want to take care of you. That was a true statement. She didn’t. My own mother told me she hated me. “It’s your fault we’re in this position. It’s your fault your father is dead. He had it under control, and you had to go and call the police. Now look at us!”

  I shivered as the memory ran through my brain. My eyes glossed over, but I sucked the unshed tears back in.

  What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

  And walking down the hall in search of clothes wasn’t going to kill me.

  Not today.