The First 100 Kisses: Practice Makes Perfect

by Danielle Bannister

  Ow.

  When the wind came back into my lungs, I noticed that Liam was clear across the room and almost to the door.

  “Sorry. This was a mistake. I can’t do this,” he said without turning around. “Thanks anyway.”

  A second later he was gone, leaving me and my bruised, rejected butt sitting on the floor.

  The rest of the week, Liam didn’t call or text. He did that when he was embarrassed about something. He’d say or do something socially awkward and then vanish. It was his process. Clearly, he didn’t like what I tried to do for him. Fine. Whatever. I mean, yeah, it was a little painful that even the idea of kissing me grossed him out so bad that he had to run away from me, but I got it. I wasn’t Angel. Nowhere close. Nor would I ever be. He’d have to find out another way to get ready for his date since I disgusted him. Honestly, I really should be used to that by now.

  I knew he’d come around one day and pretend like he had never asked for help and we’d go on being besties, but until that day, things felt a bit lonely.

  Thankfully, I had a busy Friday with plenty of other things to think about. Like trying to figure out what to wear to work since I spaced on doing laundry last night. Not that I needed a spectacular wardrobe to wait tables, but I did need a clean black shirt and pants, which I was currently out of. I dumped out the bin and sorted through what was there and picked out the least dirty of the bunch. The shirt was wrinkled beyond acceptable, so I threw it in the dryer with a wet washcloth and set it for ten minutes and hoped it would be ready by the time I had to leave.

  While I waited for my shirt to dry, I walked into the kitchen in just my jeans and bra to make my coffee and slap a bagel in the toaster. I’d have to eat it on the train at this point. I did not do mornings well.

  With the bagel toasting and the coffee brewing, I started washing the pots left in the sink from last night’s spaghetti. I dug out my yellow rubber gloves and turned on the faucet when there was a knock on the door. Frowning, I turned the water off, walked over to the door and looked through the peep hole. It was Liam.

  Unlocking the door, I went back to my dishes.

  “Enter,” I said, “as the door swung open.

  I heard him come in a few steps.

  “I have to leave in like eight minutes or I’ll be late for work, so talk fast,” I said scrubbing dried pasta sauce.

  From my peripheral vision I saw him come into the kitchen. I noticed he was wearing his black peacoat which meant he was either coming or going. His eyes were wide.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked. Turning off the water again.

  “I’ve come at a bad time,” he said, turning his back to me.

  It was then, that I realized I didn’t have my shirt on. Naturally.

  “You’re fine.” I said, walking past him to the dryer, praying the shirt was semi-dry in the few minutes it was in there. “I was just trying to get out some wrinkles in my shirt.”

  Liam kept his eyes diverted as I ripped off the gloves and put my shirt back on which somehow looked worse than before I put it in the dryer.

  “You don’t own an iron?” he asked.

  “Own one. Yes. Know where it is or how to use it? Not so much. My family was not exactly domestically inclined.”

  “It’s not hard. I could show you.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “I’ll pass. You’re not so good with delicate things. Like my ass,” I said, rubbing my butt for affect.

  Liam’s eyes pinched closed. “Look, about that…”

  The toaster popped and I brushed past him to tend to my breakfast. He really did have the worst timing ever. I couldn’t get into this right now. I had to go.

  “There’s nothing to talk about. You didn’t like me touching you. Got it. Let’s just pretend it didn’t happen, okay?” I smeared cream cheese on the bagel with more force than I meant, tearing it in half.

  “No. It wasn’t that I didn’t like what you were doing, it’s just…”

  I sighed and put the knife down. “It’s just what, Liam? Spit it out. I have to go to work.”

  He let out a quick breath then spoke. “It made me react in a way I hadn’t anticipated. Physically,” he said, deflated.

  I put my hands over my mouth. “I gave you a hard on?”

  His jaw just clenched a few times.

  Fist pumping the air I beamed. “Yes! I still got it!” I wasn’t disgusting to him. I just turned him on. Score!

  “It’s not funny, Chloe. I wasn’t prepared for that to happen.”

  It was clear from his expression that he felt like he had done something horrible, and I felt bad for him.

  “Liam, it’s not a bad thing. That’s what happens when bodies get close. It’s totally normal.”

  He shook his head vehemently. “Not with your best friend it’s not. That was unacceptable, and I have to apologize for my behavior.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “Your dick doesn’t care who is on the other side of a kiss. It just reacts. It’s biology. There is nothing to be ashamed of. It means you are a normal guy.”

  Liam looked at me, pondering my answer. “So, you were expecting that to happen?”

  “Well, yeah, at some point. Admittedly, I didn’t figure it would happen quite that fast, but it makes sense. You haven’t had a lot of practice holding that part of you back. In fact, it’s probably good that we practice now. Otherwise, poor Angel is going to get quite the show the second she touches you.”

  Liam’s eyes bugged out. “That wouldn’t happen, would it?”

  Um, yeah, it might…But I couldn’t tell him that. I needed to ease his nerves.

  “You just need to practice restraint.” I went back to my breakfast. “Look, we’ll talk about this more when I get out tonight, okay? Maybe we’ll try again?”

  He nodded once as I filled up my travel mug with coffee. He looked like a scared little puppy dog. My heart hurt for him.

  “It’s going be okay, Liam. We’ll get you ready for your date. We have loads of time. Have a little faith,” I soothed.

  As contented as he could be, I shooed him out of my place, and we walked out of the building together, parting ways when we got outside. We worked on opposite ends of the city. He could afford a cab, but he always walked and arrived twenty minutes early. Me? A mad dash to catch the train, and being at least five minutes late, every single day.

  Once on the train, I had the hardest time zoning out to my music. Usually, the 80s brought me to my happy place, where I could ignore the fact that I was going to have to bust ass to make ends meet yet again. But today, my mind was elsewhere. Stupid Liam and his stupid favor. While it pleased me that I had been able to get a literal rise out of him, I was beginning to wonder if this was going to be a good idea. Was this ‘experiment’ a clear violation of the friend line? Even if neither one of us had any romantic feelings for the other…was it dangerous to play with that line?

  Liam likely worried about me falling for him, but what if the reverse happened in this process? He might get confused. Being so inexperienced, he might mistake our practice as real…Then it would be me hurting him instead of Angel. I couldn’t let that happen.

  Boundaries. We needed to set some firm ones if this was going to happen. Some safe words, maybe. There needed to be a clear way to stay focused on the mission. Getting him lip ready for Angel.

  I got so lost in my thoughts that I missed my stop completely and had to double back, making me fourteen minutes late for work and garnering a glare from the waitress whose tables I was taking over.

  “Sorry, delay on the train.”

  “Whatever. You have a five-top on twelve, a solo on the patio and a seven-top with more coming on ten. They have their drinks already. You’re welcome.” Ellen handed me the notepad and whipped her apron off and flipped me the bird.

  Ah, another glorious day at work.

  Fridays were, by far, the busiest days. People just got paid and had money to burn. Tips usually panned out well, though breakfast an
d lunch shifts like mine never generated squat. A measly $70 bucks to my name after an exhausting shift and I was toast. I couldn’t wait for November to roll around. That’s when the holiday shoppers came out. Granted, they didn’t tip as heavy as the summer season, but there were more of people eating out in general. November tips got me through all of December and parts of January some years.

  Folding my cash in my pocket, I sighed. This wasn’t going to be enough to cover rent. At this rate, I’d need to try and get a double or two next week. Even picking up Saturday evening would work. Or a Sunday Brunch. Church folk were usually generous after service. Before leaving, I checked the board to see if anyone posted needing to drop a shift. Naturally, there were only three offers already posted to pick up Saturdays. Figures. I scribbled my name on a piece of paper, pinned it to the board, and hoped for the best.

  After work, I had to run to the store to buy dinner, which took forever. The line at the Chinese joint was insanely long and it was cold by the time I got a chance to eat it on the train.

  Sleep was the only thing on my mind when I got on the train heading home. Naturally, there really was a delay this time. That Karma. She always gets you.

  By the time I finally made it to my building I was dead on my feet. Climbing up the stairs to my apartment because the damn elevator was out again, I yawned and yanked out the elastic caging my hair back. My brain sighed in relief as I ripped out bobby pins. I rounded the corner and found Liam sitting on the floor, leaning his head against my door.

  “You’re late,” he said.

  “Always. What are you doing in the hall?”

  “Waiting for you,” he said, as though that should have been obvious.

  “Yes, Einstein, I figured that out, but why are you keeping me away from my Netflix and wine time?”

  He pushed himself off the floor and stood up.

  “This won’t take long,” he said.

  “What won’t?”

  He rounded his shoulders. “I want you to try it again. The ear thing. I think I can resist it now.”

  Ah. So that’s what sprung him. Ears were super sensitive and could go either way, a turn on or an off-limit touch. Guess I knew which his was.

  “Fine. I smell like fried food and misery, but fine.” I said, dropping my bag to the floor with a thunk. I was tired and just wanted to crash so I grabbed his head a bit more aggressively then he probably was prepared for and pushed him against the wall. I heard him grunt against me, but I didn’t stop. He wanted this. He was going to get it.

  I repeated my same moves, hands up the arms, (hello biceps I missed you,) before slinking around to the nape of his neck where they dug into the back of his hair so I could hold him still. He wasn’t going to drop me on my ass this time. Bringing my lips to his ear I ran my tongue along the edge, sucking the lobe gently.

  To his credit, Liam stayed still even though he could have easily pushed me away. Deciding to give him the win, I took a step back.

  “You did it!” I beamed like a proud parent.

  “No, I didn’t.” Liam looked at me and then down at his erection.

  Whoopsie. My bad.

  “You like ear play. Now you know. Night, Liam,” I sang, picking up my bags and letting myself into my apartment, leaving Liam in the hall with his hands over his crotch.

  I smiled. Go me.

  Sleep was the best thing ever. I dare say, even more satisfying than sex. I rarely got to sleep in, which is why I was ready to tear the head off whoever was pounding on my door at the ungodly hour of eight AM.

  “Go away. I gave at the office!”

  The pounding only intensified. “Chloe? I need you. Please open up.”

  Liam. I’m gonna kill him. He won’t need to worry about kissing Angel cause he’s gonna be dead. Ripping my covers off, I plodded my way through the apartment and yanked open the door, nearly yanking it off its hinges.

  “What?” I shouted.

  He was standing there, holding out a cup of Starbucks and what smelled like an everything bagel in a small brown bag, looking particularly pathetic.

  I grabbed both from his hands and glared at him.

  “This does not mean that I forgive you for waking me up,” I said, turning away from him. I left the door open as an invitation and went into the kitchen to eat his peace offering.

  “I’m sorry to wake you. I didn’t realize you’d still be asleep,” he said, shifting uncomfortably on his feet.

  “Liam, how many times have we ever done something before noon on a Saturday?”

  “Um…”

  “None. Exactly none. I sleep in on Saturdays. I work late on Fridays. This is my one day to doze the day away. It’s my happy time, Liam. I need my beauty sleep.” I gestured down to my wrinkled pjs which were nothing more than an old pair of sweatpants and a faded pink tank top. Great. My nips were showing through the shirt. I started to move my hands over my chest but then I thought better of it. Screw him. He woke me up, he was going to have to deal with his uncomfortableness. Judging by the way he wasn’t looking me in the eye, he’d noticed said nips, and was appropriately bothered. Good. Served him right for waking me up.

  My hair, on the other hand, I did make a move to fix. I probably looked like a drowned rat. It was still damp from the shower I’d taken before crawling into bed last night. I could feel the tangles at the back of my head. Stealing a hair tie from my wrist I tossed the mess into a bun.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll come back. You said tomorrow, but we never agreed on a time,” he said.

  “No, I’m up now. And hungry now that I’ve smelled this.” I opened the bag and pulled out a perfectly toasted bagel with cream cheese. “Mmm. This almost makes up for the lack of sleep. Almost,” I said taking my first bite. “Now, spill. Why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost?”

  He blinked, probably unaware of how well I could read him. Something had spooked him.

  “Angel called,” he said after a moment.

  I stopped chewing. “Ah. What’s the soon-to-be ball and chain want?”

  He frowned at me, but he didn’t correct me. “She was wondering if she could move our date up?”

  Figures, the randy bitch. She wanted her claws into my best friend as soon as she could.

  “To when?” I asked taking another bite.

  He swallowed. “This Friday.”

  Sighing through my food, I put the bagel down.

  “Let me guess, you said yes?”

  He nodded, looking at the ground.

  “You moron,” I said rubbing my temples. Two weeks’ notice was hard enough to get him date ready, now we only had a few days! The boy could barely handle being close to his best friend, how was he going to be able to do it with the love of his life without creaming his jeans? “Let me get some clothes on. You start the coffee pot. I’m going to need way more caffeine than this,” I held up my cup before I took a sip. Four creamers, Six sugars. Just the way I liked it. I will admit, the boy paid attention. Maybe he wouldn’t be a lost cause after all.

  While Liam busied himself in the kitchen I inhaled my breakfast, made my bed, and pulled out some jeans and a dark gray V-neck T-shirt. If I had been going out on a date, I would have worn my black lace push-up bra with this particular shirt, but since it was just Liam I went for a basic white one with no underwire. Purely functional. Never to be seen by anyone but me. My jeans were probably too snug for his taste, but I liked that I didn’t have to wear a belt with them. Plus, they made my butt look good, as any good pair of jeans should.

  Glancing at the clock, I figured we had about four hours until I had to call in to see if anyone needed me to cover a no-show. Not to mention the rest of the night shifts I had during the following week and the ones I was still hoping to pick up to pay rent. How was I going to fit this in too? Why did he say yes to her request?

  “Because it’s Angel, Chloe. He’d do anything for her,” I whispered. This was going to be a lost cause no matter what I did, but I owed it to Liam to
at least try to get him ready.

  “Okay,” I said, coming out of my bedroom. Liam was sitting on the couch, nursing a cup of black coffee. “Here’s what we need to do. Since we don’t have the full time I’d hoped for to make you into the sex machine we all know you can be, our goal for the week will be to tease her only.”

  “Meaning?”

  I grinned, “You are allowed to give her one kiss goodnight. You will not cross any line beyond kissing. Not even a feel up, do you understand?”

  “I think so, but how is that teasing? We’ve kissed before, you know?”

  “You said you gave her a few chaste kisses. Those don’t even count as a kiss in my book. We’re going to give her a heart-stopping, toes-curling kind of kiss. One that will make her wonder why she ever turned you down. One that will never make her want to leave you again.”

  “And just how do we do that?” He raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

  Oh, ye of little faith. I may not know how to keep a boyfriend, but I knew how to kiss them.

  “By making you the world’s best kisser. Trust me, the way to a woman’s heart starts with her lips. If you kiss a woman the right way, you’ll have her in the palm of your hands for the rest of your days.”

  Liam didn’t look convinced.

  “Fortunately for you, I happen to be an expert kisser. It’s like, my favorite part. Besides the actual orgasm.”

  Liam flinched.

  “Seriously, dude. Grow up. It’s a word, not a venereal disease.” I shook my head but teaching him how to talk dirty would definitely have to come later. I had a big enough task ahead of me as it was.

  “Step one.” I said, pointing to the door. “Go brush your teeth. In fact, bring your toothbrush back here. We may be at this awhile.”

  “You want to practice now? Don’t you want to wake up first…?” He was stalling. Scared shitless.

  “If you want my help, we have to start now. I may be able to pick up a shift in like, four hours, so our time’s-a-wasting, ding-dong.”