Kate held her breath, not knowing where this conversation would go or why he kept bringing up Chelsea. But he continued, seemingly unaware of her nervousness. “Some kids don’t get a chance while others who may not be as good are front and center for everything simply because their parents have more money.” Did she detect some resentment in his voice?
“It’s the way of the world, I’m afraid.” Kate had gotten used to disappointment early on, so perhaps her view was skewed. “I’m sure there were things you wanted that your parents couldn’t afford to give you.”
“Hell, yeah. With five kids, they had to scrimp just to feed us. In seventh grade, I wanted so badly to go on a class trip to New York City, but it might as well have been the moon.”
“But you don’t seem any worse for wear to have missed it.” Was Chelsea going to have similar regrets many years later about not being able to do everything she wanted?
“The perspective of age and understanding lessens the disappointments. Besides, I’ve been there numerous times now.” The server came and took their orders, but he stuck to the same topic. “So what’s your biggest childhood disappointment?”
She didn’t even have to stop and think. “Not having my mom at my graduations.” Or Christmases, Easters, birthdays. “And all the other special occasions a parent should witness.” Having shared those joys with her own daughter, Kate saw clearly how much her mother had missed out on, and what she’d stolen from Travis.
“It has to be rough losing a parent when you’re young.”
Kate had never told Travis the truth about her mother before, choosing instead to spout a lot of half-truths about losing her and her being gone. She hadn’t intended to do so now until the words spilled out. “I lost her, but not to death. She left my father—and me—to make a life of her own somewhere out West.”
Travis cupped her chin to turn her face toward him and look into her eyes. “Why didn’t you ever tell me that?”
She tried to avoid his gaze, but he was relentless. The intense concern in his eyes melted away her indifference to her mom. “It isn’t something I share with anyone.”
“But we were closer than anyone else. I wouldn’t expect you to keep something like that from me.”
Oh, Travis, if you only knew the secrets I’ve hidden from you.
His face began to blur before her as her eyes welled up, and she tried to give him a lopsided grin to lessen the pain. “You took me to see your mom when we first started to date. She treated me like another daughter from the day I met her. I felt motherly love for the first time I could remember.” Not that she’d feel that again if she ever returned to the Cooper household after having kept Chelsea from her father and his family all these years. She hoped they’d want to finally get to know their granddaughter and niece, though.
A rogue tear trekked down her cheek, and Travis bent down to kiss it away. Then another on the left cheek, which he took care of the same way.
Kate broke away, fighting the urge to bury her face against his chest in order to hide her raw emotions. “It’s water under the bridge now. I hardly ever think about my mom anymore.”
Liar.
The beer cheese arrived, although he didn’t pay it any mind. “What’s your mom’s name? Where did she go when she left? How old would she be now?”
Kate blinked away any remaining tears and met his gaze. The same old fears reared their heads again. If she’d done something to make her mother leave forever, what made her think the woman would accept her now? “You can’t fix this, Travis. I know your sisters find missing people, but Mom has always known where I am. If she wanted to see me again, she could have done so at any time. It’s been almost three decades, and she hasn’t reached out to me. That’s all I need to know.” She reached for a carrot stick and dipped it into the soft, sharp cheddar cheese.
“What if she didn’t stay away by choice? What if circumstances, or even someone else, kept her away? Could be she didn’t return because of a financial or physical barrier.”
“There are phones, emails, letters. To have zero contact with me whatsoever is quite telling.”
He fiddled with his fork a minute. “Are you sure she’s still alive?”
A dagger-like pain ripped through her chest. As much as she didn’t want to seek her mother out, the thought that she’d never be able to see her again tore her apart. Could that be why she’d never made contact with her after leaving?
No. Somehow Kate believed she’d have sensed it if her mother had died. She refused to contemplate the finality of death. “I can still remember that last goodbye. She said she was going to visit family or friends in San Diego. Said she’d be back—but that was almost twenty-nine years ago. I never saw her again.”
“How’d your parents meet? They sound like total opposites.”
She supposed it wouldn’t hurt to tell him what little she knew. “Mom was selling her handmade jewelry as a vendor one Christmas at the Kentucky Horse Park. Dad had brought up one of his horses for a demonstration there. A more unlikely pair would be hard to find. But for some reason, they hit it off.”
“Apparently, or you wouldn’t be here.” Travis’s attempt at levity brought a smile to her face, too. “Background doesn’t determine who you’ll be attracted to. Look at us. I was city, and you were country, but we had a lot in common and no trouble connecting.”
They certainly had. “That’s because you loved the same country things I did and spending time with me outdoors. Mom, on the other hand, was never into the horse farm or rural Kentucky living. She was rather…bohemian. A true California hippie. Sometime after my fifth birthday, she chose to go back to that lifestyle, it seems.”
“She was here for more than five years, though. If she were truly that flighty, wouldn’t she have deserted you and your dad long before?”
“Daddy said she was a dreamer. That wasn’t the first instance of her wandering off. He said she felt the need to roam a couple of other times. I don’t remember them, but I was awfully young. But she didn’t come back that final time.”
“I still think you ought to find out why.”
Kate nibbled on a celery stick and gave his words more thought.
“Let me ask Shania and Emmy to see what they can find. If you have your birth certificate, it would give them enough information to start.”
Her heart pounded at the thought of finding the answers to questions she’d kept buried inside her entire life. Should she give him what they’d need? Deep down, though, she did want to know the truth, despite her fears. “The certificate is in my safe-deposit box at the bank down the street.” She hadn’t any reason to look at it in all these years but supposed it would have her mother’s maiden name on it. All she remembered was Gail Michaels, but doubted her mother kept the Michaels family name if she wanted nothing to do with Kate’s father—or her.
Would seeing the name written on that piece of paper churn up memories she’d rather not remember?
“We’ll go get it after lunch.”
“I don’t have the key with me.”
“Okay, then we can get the key and come back into town.” He seemed more anxious to get started than she was. “She may have remarried by now,” Travis pointed out.
Could Kate have a whole other family? Half-siblings, maybe? Did she really want to know?
“My parents never divorced, but I doubt someone who’d abandon her husband and daughter would be all that concerned about committing bigamy. What I can’t figure out is why Daddy didn’t file for a divorce. Any court would have granted one on grounds of desertion.”
“You’re sure he didn’t?”
She nodded. “I asked him once why he didn’t date a woman from church who seemed interested in him, and he said he was still married.”
“What if she didn’t desert him but was pushed away?” His words echoed what Kate had done to Travis, not that they’d been married.
“It doesn’t affect my relationship with her, if there ever will be one.
”
Travis squeezed her forearm. “I’m sure it’s scary to think about confronting her or even meeting her amicably again after all these years, but maybe it will give you peace of mind and closure.”
“What if I don’t like what your sisters find out about her?” And worse yet, what if her mother still wanted nothing to do with her?
“No one is going to force you to do anything you don’t want. Let’s see if they can locate her first. Then you can decide how you want to pursue it after that. They’ve worked miracles before, so be prepared for a result—positive or negative.”
The server brought them their pizza. Not wanting to continue this conversation, Kate dove in. But her mind swirled at all the possibilities before shifting to what she planned to tell Travis tonight. No more stalling. Danny was right. Her stomach knotted up, and she could barely finish one slice of the pizza. She’d forgotten about last night’s encounter, but needed to talk with Travis about him, too. That’s something they could do here this afternoon.
Hoping to steer him to Danny, she said, “Tell me more about your time in the Army.” Would he be like her father and remain closed-lipped about it?
“I worked with a great group of soldiers. Our job was blowing things up.”
She grinned, shaking her head. “You sound as though you enjoyed that.” Or was he merely sugarcoating it for her? She needed to guide the conversation to his deceased friend. “I’m sure there were tough times while you were over there.”
He shrugged off her observation. “We had a job to do, and we did it. You have to focus on your mission at all times and never forget you’re a target. There’s lots of hurry up and wait, monotony and boredom, but you can’t let your guard down for a second. Then all too soon you’re back home in civilian clothes trying to make a smooth transition into the normal world again.” He glanced down, peeling the label from his sweating beer bottle. “Some never quite make that transition.”
Like most people, she’d heard the statistics. She swallowed hard and asked, “Like your friend Danny?”
He nodded, but didn’t say anything. Keep him talking.
“Any chance you’ll be deployed again?” The thought of him being sent overseas and having something happen to him instilled new fears in her. How did military families handle the stress? Her heart ached for the widow and her children he’d told her about the other day, too.
“Sure. While we’re most often called to handle local problems in our state and surrounding ones, there’s always the potential for a reservist with needed skills to be called up.” He was quiet a moment. Then he whispered, “After losing Danny, I don’t know if I have the desire anymore. I know that sounds pretty pitiful—”
She placed her hand on his forearm, ignoring the spark of electricity arcing between them. “Hardly. Deployments are incredibly disruptive, not to mention terrifying. Besides, you’ve taken on a new mission now—helping your veteran brothers and sisters transition stateside again.” All too soon he’d have another mission—fatherhood.
“Funny you should call it that. It’s always seemed like a mission to me, too.”
She realized she hadn’t managed to get him to say anything more about Danny. Needing to find out if his friend truly had found a tear in the veil long enough to make contact with her, she asked, “What happened to Danny that made it so hard for him to…deal with life?”
He sighed. “He made it through the first deployment without any problems. Danny didn’t have an ideal childhood, so he could handle more trauma than many others could.”
She hated picking at the wound, but… “Then what happened after the second deployment?”
Travis drew a deep breath. “Craig was right next to me when he was killed. The explosion tore off Danny’s leg above the knee.” Her heart pounded. He’d described what Danny had told her had happened, without the IED detail. Given that they were in an explosives unit, she could have surmised another type of explosive. “He had a severe period of depression after that,” Travis continued. “After he got out of the hospital, I hired him so I could keep tabs on him. He seemed to be doing okay, then had to have another surgery, and dealt with pain management issues after that. Hit painkillers pretty heavily.” He dragged his fingers through his hair. “Found him dead five months ago, but you already know about that.”
Tears in her eyes, she said, “Travis, there’s something I need to tell you about Danny’s death.”
Chapter Fourteen
What could Katie possibly know about Danny or his death, other than what Travis had already told her? Before he could ask, she continued.
“Last night, I heard a man talking to me in my bedroom.”
Travis’s body went on alert. Someone had gotten into her room? Had he—
“He said his name was Danny,” she continued before he could ask.
Travis relaxed. He didn’t know what kind of game she was playing here, but decided to play along. “And just what did he say to you?”
“Well, he told me about his leg being blown off by an IED.”
How could she know that it was an IED? He’d only said he’d been injured the same day Craig was killed. Lucky guess?
“That’s not all he revealed.” She glanced down and fiddled with her napkin. “He wanted me to assure you that…” When she met his gaze again, her eyes were bright with unshed tears. He steeled himself for whatever she was going to say. “Travis, he said he didn’t kill himself. Not intentionally, anyway. It was some kind of horrible accident.”
Travis gritted out, “Downing half a bottle or more of pills is no accident.”
She chewed on the inside of her lower lip. “He didn’t go into any details. But what about the alc—”
The server stopped to check on them, and Travis asked for the bill. To Katie, he said, “Look, I really don’t want to talk about this anymore. If you’re ready, we can head back to the farm. I’d like to repair the roof of the old barn before the hay gets wet or moldy.”
“Listen, I know it sounds ludicrous that your friend would come to me, but he said you were ignoring him. I’m telling you exactly what he told me.”
He nodded, put his credit card in the vinyl holder, and then turned toward Katie. “I know you’re trying to make me feel better and help me stop dwelling on what happened to Danny…” More like what Danny did to himself. “But I’d rather not talk about it.”
Her brows knitted, but she kept quiet.
Back at the house after another run to town for her birth certificate, Travis hauled the metal roofing onto the top of the old barn, determined to repair the section that the recent windstorm had torn off. But he’d been blown away over lunch by two things—Katie’s confession about her mother, who may not be dead, and her claim to have been visited by Danny, who was.
He didn’t know how to begin processing it all. Clearly, Katie wanted to make him feel better and tell him what he wanted to hear about Danny. Not much more to think about there. So he’d focus on the issue of her missing mom.
You are one stubborn cuss.
Travis ignored the Danny voice in his head and focused on reality. To grow up without a mom was bad enough, but believing that she’d chosen to live her life without her kid in it had to be devastating. Danny had been estranged from his mother, too, and Travis believed it was part of the reason he’d had a tough time after that last deployment.
Maybe that had something to do with how Katie buried or hid her emotions. She’d had to learn early on to suck it up and move on. That she bore any shame as a result of her mother’s abandonment flat out disgusted him. Why hadn’t she trusted him enough to tell him the truth back when they’d dated? No matter. She’d told him now.
As soon as they came home from the bank, he’d taken a photo of the birth certificate and texted it to Emmy and Shania asking them to report back as soon as possible with any news. He didn’t know which of his sisters would take up the case, but told them he wanted to get the search started today or as soon as possible. Be
cause his sisters weren’t too fond of Katie after she’d dumped their big brother, he’d told them all communication should go through him.
As suspected, her mother’s maiden name was on there, but the biggest revelation was Katie’s middle name—Katherine Serenity Michaels. He would guess that her dad had chosen the first name, but Serenity undoubtedly had been her free-spirited mother’s contribution. Not at all surprising that she’d never told him her middle name before. He grinned. Not exactly a common one here in Kentucky.
“How’s it coming?” Katie called up to him from the ground. He glanced down at where she stood, one hand shielding her eyes from the sun that had sunk low on the horizon.
“Almost finished.”
“Great.” She glanced away but didn’t leave until she met his gaze again. “I wondered if you’d like to go for a horseback ride this evening?”
“Sounds good to me.” His time here was growing short, and he still hadn’t a clue if there might be a chance in hell of their seeing each other again after this.
She didn’t smile, as though she’d perhaps wanted him to say no. “Okay. In about an hour?”
“Sure. I ought to finish here in about half that time.” Tonight might be his last opportunity to rekindle something with Katie. He had to make the most of it.
“Thanks for taking care of the roof for me. I was going to wait until Miguel came back. I’ve never been fond of heights.”
“Don’t mention it.”
True to her word, an hour later, they were saddling up Angus and Chula, a palomino mare Katie had chosen to ride this evening. “What kind of name is that?” he asked.
“A Spanish one. I looked it up. Means pretty.”
“Where’d you come up with that?”
She shrugged. “I have no idea. But I needed to name a bunch of new horses, and that one just stuck in my head for her. Odd because you don’t think of a Spanish beauty being a blonde, but…”
The only Chula he’d ever heard of was Chula Vista near San Diego. Had her mother mentioned it? Was it a clue as to where she’d lived or disappeared to? He’d mention it to his sisters, but didn’t say anything to Katie. Didn’t want to get her hopes up until he had something positive to report.
Kate's Secret (Bluegrass Spirits Book 2) Page 16