Grabbing the saddle horn, he hoisted himself up and waited for Katie to mount Chula. “Where to?”
“Why don’t we ride the perimeter of the big field to make sure there’s no delayed damage to the fence? Then we’ll head to the springhouse for a drink.”
He nodded. The two of them gravitated toward that covered spring just about every time they rode. Katie remained quiet the first twenty minutes, as if deep in thought. Something seemed to be on her mind. Had stirring up memories of her mother caused her change in mood since lunch?
When they reached the springhouse, they tied the horses to a nearby tree branch rather than the door, to avoid a repeat of the last time. He motioned for her to precede him down the stone steps and inside. When she didn’t go straight for the dipper, he took it down and filled it, handing it to her.
“No, thanks.”
Shrugging off her melancholy, he drank his fill and replaced the dipper on the wall. “What’s up, Katie? You seem preoccupied.”
She nibbled at her lower lip, short-circuiting his brain. “I think you should have a seat, Travis. There’s something I need to tell you.”
She wrung her hands together, and the hairs at the back of his head stood on end. Was he about to get the brush-off again? Face to face this time? Here he’d thought they’d been getting along better than ever, despite a few rocky patches.
“I haven’t been honest with you about something.”
Something besides her mother? He faced her. “What’s going on?”
She retreated to the other end of the damp, stone building. Without turning to face him again, she whispered, “There’s someone you need to know about.”
What on earth could she be talking about?
Hold onto your britches, Trav.
He was being bombarded with an overload of sensations—and Danny hallucinations weren’t going to help anything.
Sudden clarity hit when Katie began pacing. Travis remembered the dispatcher asking if Chelsea was all right and Katie having an odd reaction whenever he’d talked about the girl. Why would the dispatcher be concerned about only one of Katie’s students, unless…
Before he could express his suspicion, Katie blurted out, “We have a daughter together.”
“Chelsea,” Travis said. It wasn’t a question. He knew.
She nodded and turned toward him. “When I found out I was pregnant, I’d already decided not to hold you back when your dream was to be a big-city civil engineer.”
Her words didn’t make any sense. “So when you ditched me, you knew you were pregnant with my baby?” Why hadn’t she notified him all those years ago when he could have been here for her? Hell, why hadn’t she told him on Monday? Or Tuesday? Or any day this week, for that matter?
Still reeling from hearing that he had a daughter, he sat down on the side of the spring trough. Clearly, she hadn’t wanted to share Chelsea with him. At some point, her words crashed into his brain. “…no intention of you finding out about her, because I didn’t want to put my daughter through what I’d been through.”
Who the hell did she think she was to unilaterally make that decision? Heat flooding his chest and face, Travis stood again and took his turn at wearing a trench in the old floor, avoiding going anywhere near Katie. He clenched and unclenched his fists, wanting to pound the wall, but not particularly wanting to inflict any more pain at the moment. He felt as though his heart had been ripped out of his chest and stomped on. His mind alternated between numb and overwhelmed with questions.
How had he ever thought that he and Katie were meant to be together? He didn’t even know this woman. Lying about her mother was trivial compared to lying about their own daughter.
“She’s at a vulnerable age now. She can’t be taken away from everything she knows.”
Taken away? What would a confirmed bachelor do with a kid? The last thing he intended to do was take Chelsea away from her mother—but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t want to get to know his daughter.
“Travis, she’s all I have in this world. Please don’t take her away from me.” The fear in Katie’s voice was palpable. If he’d been able to speak right now, no doubt there’d be a bunch of fear in his own voice, too.
He raked his fingers through his hair. A kid? And he was a father?
“I wanted to tell you so many times, and I’ve been riddled with guilt every time I chickened out.”
Good. You ought to rot in the guilt for what you’ve taken from me.
He stared out the doorway, then started to pace again. He probably only caught half of what she said, but his mind couldn’t get over the fact that they had made a daughter together—and he was just hearing about it. How the hell was he supposed to process something out of the blue like this?
“Where is she?” His words came out in a croak because his throat had tightened up.
“At church camp. She’ll be home about suppertime on Sunday.”
He blinked rapidly and turned to stare blankly at the flow of water into the spring’s trough. He was days away from potentially meeting his only daughter and it would happen on Father’s Day. How appropriate.
You’d better stick around for that, Trav.
Even his subconscious wasn’t giving him any credit for being a decent human being. Then he remembered that same internal voice saying something that made no sense whatsoever at the time.
“You can name this one after me.”
Holy hell. Apparently, he wasn’t hallucinating Danny’s voice at all. Is this why Danny had visited him in a dream and sent him up here? His buddy had known about Chelsea all along. Must be nice to have such a clear picture of someone else’s life—after you chose to no longer be a part of your own.
“Some friend you are.”
“I’m sorry, Travis.”
He realized he’d said the words out loud and that Katie thought he was speaking to her, but he might as well have been. Katie certainly was no friend to him. Or anything else, for that matter.
Wait. He still couldn’t figure out why Danny would doubt that Travis would stick around. While Travis had given up on having children and his own family long ago, he’d made his crew at work an extended family of sorts and had been an uncle to his brother’s kids, as well as Craig and Megan’s. After seeing all they’d been through raising theirs, there’d been times he’d been thankful he hadn’t had to deal with any of that. Having kids was a scary amount of responsibility.
Guilt washed over him. Yep, you sure are father of the year material, Cooper.
“Say something, Travis.”
His mind was going a mile a minute. Did he care that she was nervously awaiting his response? Well, given he’d only known about being a father for all of five minutes, tough shit.
He scrubbed his face with his hand. “I don’t know what to say. What do you expect me to do with an announcement like this? How the hell did this happen?”
She glanced toward the springhouse steps, taking him by surprise again. Seriously? “How can you be sure it was that first time?”
She shrugged. “It was a couple more weeks before we…did it again. According to the doctor, conception was earlier than that.”
“What I want to know is how we get to where she’s, what—twelve? Thirteen?”
“Twelve and a half. Her birthday’s in January.”
Her name was Chelsea, and she was born in January. Where had he been then? He’d finished boot camp and was headed to Iraq for the first time, that’s where.
“And you couldn’t bother to tell me in all these years? Why the hell not?” he shouted then gritted his teeth, angry that he’d lost control of his emotions.
“I was scared.” Her voice was barely a whisper.
“Of what?”
She shrugged. “Of you not being able to make a commitment to us for the rest of your life without having regrets and resenting me for killing your chance at your dream.”
“Just what did you base that fear on?”
Tears shimmered
in her eyes as she faced the open doorway. “I didn’t want Chelsea to suffer from having a parent who didn’t want to be a part of her life. In time, you’d have grown sick of this place and deserted us. Her.”
To be compared to a woman who deserted her family only burned his gut more. In a hushed whisper, he said, “I’m not your mother, Katie. I take my responsibilities a lot more seriously than that.”
She nodded. “I know, and I’m sorry. I screwed up. While I can see that now, having seen you again and hearing the turns your life took, hindsight is twenty-twenty.”
“My character didn’t change. You’d have seen that if you’d given me half a chance.”
Unable to bear looking at her any longer, seeing tears streaming down her cheeks, he turned away and stared out the doorway at the horses grazing near the tree.
“What do you plan to do about her, Travis?”
“I have no clue.” This changed everything. Hell, how was he going to be a significant part of her life when he lived four hours away? They’d need to work out some kind of visitation schedule. “I need to think.”
Katie was up in his face like a drill sergeant in a minute, sparks flying from her eyes. “If you can’t commit one-hundred percent to being a part of Chelsea’s life, I want you to leave her alone. It’s better she not know her father at all than to know him and be abandoned by him later.”
Clenching his fist, he took a step backward. “Look, you just sprang all this on me not five minutes ago. Don’t expect me to start behaving like some perfect dad in a matter of minutes. All I’m saying is that I need time to think. Then we can decide what’s best.”
Katie began shaking and wrapped her arms around herself. “I’m sorry.” She sounded slightly contrite, but he wasn’t looking for apologies at this point. “Take all the time you need.” But her inner Mama Bear reared its head again. “Just don’t make any promises to her until you’re ready to commit. I don’t want to see my girl hurt. She’s never had a father figure around, other than Daddy, and she barely remembers him.”
At least Ben hadn’t been overbearing and overprotective toward Chelsea, the way he had been with Katie.
A sudden sense of…something he could only describe as protectiveness came over him. Now I’m someone’s father. Travis wanted to meet the girl, to get to know her, but would he make the same mistakes Old Man Michaels had? He didn’t know the first thing about parenting. Yeah, he’d been raised in a loving family and had a lot of knowledge to draw from, but the potential for screwing up such a precious life was more than he could deal with right now. What if he messed up her life or wasn’t there for her when she needed him most, the way he hadn’t been there for Danny?
“I need some space to figure this out. I’m heading home tonight.”
Her body visibly relaxed—from relief, perhaps? Is that the answer she’d expected? Wanted? “Take all the time you need, Travis. Be sure before you come anywhere near her that you’re ready to make a lifetime commitment.”
Clearly, she had no intention of telling Chelsea without that assurance from him. He could see she was simply protecting her daughter.
His daughter, too. His little girl.
Oh, lordy. He needed some time alone. “I’ll call you when I’m ready.”
Ready to what? Talk? Tell her to leave him alone? Or head back up here and meet his responsibilities—ones he hadn’t even been aware of—at long last?
No damned clue.
* * *
Kate sank onto the cold, limestone wall as she watched Travis walk out of the springhouse, untie and remount Angus, and ride out of sight. She’d told him. Finally.
As expected, he’d chosen to leave, his anger at her barely controlled. Not that she blamed him.
Would he return? There might be no hope that she and Travis would have any future together as a couple, but would he want to have anything to do with Chelsea? It sounded as though he just needed time to come to grips with becoming the father of a twelve-year-old. But could he handle that role?
If not, he needed to steer clear of Chelsea altogether.
Kate waited about twenty minutes before following Travis, hoping to give him time to clear out before she made it back to the house. Mounting Chula, she chose a meandering path back to the house to give him even more time. She continued to shake, not a hypoglycemic episode, but perhaps from shock or relief at finally getting the news out there. She didn’t want to face him again in this state.
When she crested the last hill and looked down on her farmstead, his truck was no longer parked in the lane, and she missed it already. He’d been out of her life all these years. What difference would his absence make now? She’d known all along he wouldn’t be staying.
Life would go on as it had before for her and Chelsea, no doubt.
So why did her heart ache tonight as though a piece of it had been carved out?
She must be missing Chelsea, now that Travis wasn’t there to distract her. Even though the girl had been a handful lately, her acting out was simply the tween personality rearing its ugly head. Deep down, Chelsea was a wonderful daughter and would grow up to be a good person.
How would things change for Chelsea if Travis became a part of her life? Not that she intended to bribe her daughter to keep her happy here, but maybe it was time for Kate to give her more freedom. She’d be thirteen on her next birthday. Why not let her go to the school dances she’d begged to go to, as long as they were well-chaperoned?
Stop acting like Daddy.
Her father hadn’t let her do any such thing until she was sixteen. He’d even forbidden her to go to the senior prom with the boy who had asked her, telling her he wasn’t good enough for her.
Kate needed to let Chelsea experience some independence, or she’d never know how to take care of herself when Kate wasn’t around. She’d laid a firm foundation all these years and had to trust that Chelsea had a solid head on her shoulders. The time had come to loosen the reins a little and let her grow up.
Would that include allowing her to spend time in Nashville—Nolensville, specifically—with Travis if he decided he wanted Chelsea to be a part of his life? She’d want to check out his place first to make sure it was suitable for a twelve-year-old girl. After all, she had no clue what kind of lifestyle Travis led.
Trust, but verify.
But she had no real reason to doubt that Travis would keep their daughter safe and protected while with him. She shook her head at the notion of his doing anything else. An alpha male like Travis would be no different than Kate’s own father, growling at any boy who came anywhere near Chelsea and swiftly neutralizing any threats—real or imagined.
She smiled for the first time in hours. Yes, Travis would be Papa Bear on steroids. Chelsea would be a lucky girl.
If he accepted the challenge to become an active participant in Chelsea’s life.
After taking care of Chula, she went into the house to check her glucose. Finding it elevated, she administered her insulin, ate a light snack, then prepared for bed. No sleeping in anymore, even though she hadn’t exactly expected Travis to do her morning chores. She had stalls to muck, horses to exercise, and riders to give lessons to.
Life was going to go back to normal.
It sure was going to be lonely around here until Chelsea came home.
Chapter Fifteen
Travis woke up Saturday morning with a hard-on and a hangover. One helluva combination, but supremely fitting. Staggering to the bathroom, he reached for the naproxen bottle and filled a glass with water. The headache and nausea wouldn’t abate fast enough, but maybe he’d remember next time not to overdo it with liquor.
Please, don’t let there be a next time.
He hadn’t tied one on like that since the night of Danny’s memorial service. Booze hadn’t helped then, so what had made him think it would be the answer now? Both times, he’d indulged at home rather than with his buddies. In the kitchen, he emptied the remainder of the fifth of Jack someone had given him
for Christmas down the drain to remove further temptation. Two pity drunks a year were two too many.
His phone buzzed in his sweatpants. Would Katie be calling to find out what he intended to do? A mix of dread and, oddly enough, anticipation filled him as he pulled it from his pocket. Jackson. He hadn’t let his foreman know he’d come back home last night. With his hand-eye coordination slightly off, it took him two punches to hit the answer button on the screen.
“You okay, man?”
Jackson worried too much about everyone. Not unlike Travis.
“Yeah. And you?”
“Can’t complain. What are you doing back so soon?” He must have driven by the house, which wasn’t exactly on his way to or from anywhere given that he lived an hour on the other side of Nashville. “Find what you were looking for?”
“And then some.” When he’d taken off last Monday, he’d only let on to his foreman that he needed some time away to come to grips with Danny’s death and that he’d be gone at least all week, but hadn’t mentioned anything about visiting Katie. “Listen, there’s a whole lot of other shit going on with my life right now.”
“What can I do to help?”
“Nothing, but thanks. I have to sort this out on my own. So if everything’s okay at work, I don’t think I’ll be in today.”
“I wasn’t expecting you back until next week anyway. Everything’s under control so well it’s downright boring.” Jackson paused a moment. “You been drinking?”
The man knew him well. “Was last night. But I’m sober now.” Not that he’d pass a blood-alcohol test. “No more booze for me.” Especially not if he was going to set any kind of example for his daughter.
“Good. That stuff’ll kill you, too.”
“Too?”
“You know. Danny.”
“What about him?”
Jackson paused a moment, then said, “His toxicology reports showed he had a lot of alcohol in his system on top of the opioids.”
Kate's Secret (Bluegrass Spirits Book 2) Page 17