Since when? Of course, he’d never actually looked at those reports. Hell, hadn’t he been the one who’d found the pill bottle on the bed with Danny? What more did he need to know? Although, as disgusting as the thought was, if Danny had used his sidearm instead, Travis wouldn’t have been left with so many doubts.
Suddenly, the memory of that night flashed before his eyes and he remembered the kitchen table as clear as day when he’d come in. A nearly empty but capped bottle of tequila, no glass, had been sitting there. Had he blocked that out, not wanting to believe Danny would mix alcohol and pills?
But who was he to judge? Travis didn’t have uncontrolled physical pain like Danny had. His own post-combat issues had been mild in comparison, and he’d managed to keep them under control most of the time. Poor Danny had the double whammy of injuries from the IED attack and all the surgeries that involved on top of his PTSD shit. Turned out to be a deadly combination.
Oh, Danny boyyyyyyy, the pipes, the pipes are calling.
The piss-poor rendition of the song Travis used to taunt Danny with sounded as though it came through the cell phone. “What are you listening to?”
“Nothing. I’m trying to figure out the books and can’t have music on while I’m concentrating. Whatever you hear must be on your end.”
He wasn’t imagining what he’d heard. “Never mind.” He didn’t want Jackson to think he was ready for a shrink.
“What’s going on, Trav? I’m worried about you.” Jackson said.
“Nothing.”
It’s you, it’s you, must go, and I must bide. Again, the haunting “Danny Boy” lyrics seemed to be coming through the phone, taunting him as though Danny were serenading him.
Hold on a minute. Hadn’t he been pissed at Danny for not being honest with him about his final days? He owed Jackson the truth. “Actually, Jackson, a lot’s going on. I went to Kentucky to see an old college flame.” She’d meant a lot more than that to him at one time, but with all her secrets, those feelings were gone now. All he could summon up now was a healthy dose of anger.
Jackson laughed. “Good. You needed to get laid.”
Travis shook his head then cringed in pain. It was hard to be mad at his happy-go-lucky friend. How did Jackson keep his crap together when the world was falling apart around them? He’d done two tours in Afghanistan with the Marines.
“Sorry to tarnish my reputation, buddy, but I didn’t get her into bed. Good thing, too, or I might have wound up with another kid.”
“What are you talking about? You don’t have any kids.”
“Oh, on the contrary, congratulate me, Jackson. I’m the proud father of a half-grown twelve-year-old girl.”
“Come again?”
“You heard me. Turns out I left my college sweetheart pregnant.”
A brief silence greeted him, followed by Jackson howling with laughter. At least one of them found some humor in the situation. “Dayum. What’s she like?”
“No clue. I didn’t meet her.” The silence on the other end this time was deafening and prolonged. Jackson’s old man had been absent from his life, and Jackson remained bitter about it to this day. “Don’t worry. I’m going to meet her eventually. She was away at camp this week.”
His laughter suddenly gone, Jackson cautioned, “If you can’t commit to being a major part of her life, then stay out of it altogether. Don’t get her hopes up.”
“You sound like Katie.”
“That your girlfriend?”
“Former girlfriend.”
“Does the kid know about you?”
“Not as of when I left.”
“Good. All I’m saying is, if you aren’t going to make a solid, lifelong commitment to her, she’s better off not knowing you exist.”
“Listen, I know I can’t screw this up, Jackson. I just needed a little time to figure things out. I’m heading back up there later today.” As soon as I can keep my bleary eyes open and not blow an illegal Breathalyzer if I get pulled over. “But I’ll probably be back at work Monday. If I need even more time, I’ll let you know.”
“Don’t sweat it. Take all the time you need. This is the first vacation you’ve taken since you started the business.”
“Look who’s talking.”
Jackson huffed unapologetically.
Travis thanked him for holding down the fort before saying goodbye and wishing him well, leaving Travis alone once again trying to sort out what the hell he was going to do. He ran his hand through his hair and stared at a wad of gold fur on the floor. Hell, he hadn’t even asked how Sadie was doing. He shook his head in disgust. Before setting the phone down again, he texted Katie.
TRAVIS: Send me her picture.
Katie didn’t respond right away. After ten minutes, he was reduced to begging.
TRAVIS: Please.
A few more minutes passed. Still nothing. Maybe she was busy with a lesson or driving or something. Then again, maybe she didn’t intend to share Chelsea with him at all.
You’d better not go there, Katie.
He’d give her a little more time. Then…
KATIE: Here’s one taken a few weeks ago.
Travis’s heart stopped a moment before pounding back to life so hard his chest ached. The sweet face staring back at him was his daughter’s. His daughter. He flashed back to the hospital where he’d been looking through Kate’s wallet for her insurance card. Same girl, although this shot was a candid one unlike those that had been school pics most likely.
She’d practically grown up without knowing him at all. Why the hell hadn’t Katie reached out to his mom and dad at least to let them know. Maybe even ask them for information on where he lived? If she’d wanted to find him, she could have.
Clearly, she hadn’t wanted him to be part of either of their lives.
Chelsea’s long, blonde hair had streaks of sunlight glinting off the strands on one side. Where’d she gotten blonde hair? No one in Travis’s family was light-haired—he and Katie both had brown.
Maybe she wasn’t his after all.
He looked closer. Those green eyes staring back at him were definitely his mom’s. And that high forehead? Just like Clint’s. Not a chance he could deny the girl was his.
But Chelsea’s smile—well, that was pure Katie—although it seemed somewhat forced, as if she might have been annoyed at her mom at the time she’d snapped the photo.
A kid with an attitude. Now that she got from Travis, especially at that age.
He was grinning down at his phone like a sop, but couldn’t bring himself to stop staring at her picture. Every time the screen dimmed, he touched it to bring her face back into the light.
“Chelsea, you don’t know me, but I’m your dad.” His voice sounded hoarse from emotion. What would he say to her when he met her face-to-face the first time? It would be kind of lame to say those words to her over the phone. He’d definitely need to tell her in person.
How did someone start a parental relationship with a preteen? Travis dropped into a chair at the kitchen table. He had no clue. But he’d better figure it out. Fast. He had no other choice.
When Chelsea returned home late Sunday afternoon, he intended to be there to greet her. No, meet her.
Congratulations, Mr. Cooper. It’s a girl.
“Tell me about it, Danny.” If Danny hadn’t come to him in that crazy dream, Travis still wouldn’t know about Chelsea. Would Katie have ever contacted him to tell him? If she hadn’t done so in the thirteen years since she’d found out she was pregnant, there wasn’t much of a chance she would have.
Thanks, buddy.
One thing’s for certain—nothing in this world would stop him from returning to Kentucky to meet his little girl. He rubbed the back of his neck to try to relieve the tension. Or was it fear? Shit just got real.
* * *
Kate stumbled as she entered the barn. Her mind reeled from the thought of having to prepare Chelsea for the real possibility that her father could suddenly show up on the
ir doorstep.
Would he come back? Or would the photo assuage his curiosity?
Travis was an honorable man. He’d be back once the hurt and initial shock wore off. She tried to run through the scenario of how she’d tell Chelsea about him, but kept coming up blank.
As though pulled by an invisible string, she made a beeline to Chula’s stall and spent the next hour giving the horse a brushing she would come to expect every time. The comforting repetitive motion calmed Kate’s nerves a tad, but every time she pictured Travis here in the barn, her peace was shattered once more. He’d almost become a fixture in here in a few short days.
How could she both miss him and never want to see him again at the same time?
Knowing she probably should have done this first, she set down the curry comb and asked anyway. “Chula, honey, how about a ride?” The horse nickered and nodded her head. Taking the saddle and bridle from the tack room, she readied her and soon led her out of the barn.
The noontime air was as hot as ever, but Kate planned to ride fast, at least for a while after her mount was warmed up. When she had Chula up to a canter, the breeze cooled Kate down immediately. “I promise you another rubdown when we get back to the barn, girl, but I really need this.” As if aware of her mistress’s words, the horse ran even faster. Kate’s hair came loose, and she ripped the band out to let the strands fly like Chula’s mane.
Exhilaration washed over Kate. After about twenty minutes, she slowed the horse to a trot then a walk. Stopping, she surveyed the farm she’d been granted stewardship of. Had she instilled that sense of love and responsibility in Chelsea? One day, if she chose to remain here, this farm would be hers.
The rolling hills and creosoted fences stretched out far beyond her own borders—all the way to the Brodies’ winery toward the east.
She hadn’t visited Jason and Lidia in forever, but needed to talk with someone. Maybe they would be around, although it was rare to find them idle on a Saturday. Her two best friends in the world might be able to help her sort this mess out, though, so it was worth a try. She’d grown up with Jason as a neighbor and had met Lidia Mercado in college, later introducing the two of them. They’d been married for a decade now.
An hour later, after seeing that Chula received her second rubdown of the day, Kate drove the two miles to the gate of Chambourcin Winery. For years, Kate had provided peaches from her orchard to the winery for one of their fruitier blends. While by necessity, she wasn’t much of a sweet wine connoisseur, Kate did enjoy their dry reds.
Seeing how the couple had transformed his family’s beef cattle farm into a popular vineyard and winery had given Kate some of the courage she’d needed to make changes to her own place.
“Get in here, amiga!” Lidia greeted her at the door. “You have to solve a dispute between me and Jason.”
Finding both of them home on a Saturday afternoon was unheard of. Jason spent a lot of his weekends traveling to promote their wines and weekdays working at his advertising firm in Lexington. Lidia was the brains behind the vineyard and winery, putting her love of agriculture and chemistry to work.
“Here, taste this.” Inside the kitchen, Lidia handed her a wine glass half filled with a sparkling red. Lidia knew Kate’s limitations, so she accepted and took a sip without blinking. The full-bodied wine burst with flavor on her tongue. She detected no strong grape flavor, and the sugar level was minimal, but there was a hint of something…she couldn’t quite name.
After swallowing, Kate asked, “I like it, but don’t ask me to describe it. The bubbles are a nice touch, though.”
Lidia glanced at Jason. “I told you!” To Kate, she added, “He doesn’t think we should expand our line of sparkling wines, but there’s something about this one that just sings to me.” Narrowing her eyes, she leaned toward Kate as if seeing her for the first time. “What’s wrong? You look like hell.”
She’d always been able to count on Lidia to be honest. “Gee, thanks.”
“Take a load off,” Jason said, pulling out a bar chair. “I’m going to leave you two ladies to talk. I have a feeling it’s going to get all emotional in here.” He gave Kate a peck on the cheek. “But you know how to reach me if you need me.”
Lidia gave him a look of exasperation. “Go! But I’m pursuing this new line.”
He waved her away. “Do what you want. You always do.”
She grinned at him, but her smile disappeared when her focus returned to Kate. “Is Chelsea all right?”
Kate nodded. “She’s at camp until late Sunday afternoon.”
Her friend leaned back in her chair, her shoulders relaxing. “Good. So what’s going on?”
Drawing a deep breath, Kate dove right to the heart of the matter. “Travis was here this week.”
Lidia’s eyes opened wider as she leaned closer and reached for Kate’s arm. “And you didn’t invite me over to gawk?” Lidia smiled. “That man was molten sex on a stick.”
Kate remembered the nights she and Lidia had spent in their dorm room freshman and sophomore years talking about the boys in their lives. Lidia always gave it to her straight on which ones to ditch, but she’d thought Travis was a keeper. Of course, he wasn’t the one who’d called it quits. Not the first time, anyway.
Kate shrugged, reining Lidia in. “For obvious reasons, I didn’t want him to stick around too long.”
“So he’s gone already? Does he know?”
Kate nodded, drawing a deep breath.
“Bueno. I never agreed with your decision to shut him out. He would have been a great help to you in raising her.”
“We’ve been over this before. He had a career to build. I was certain that eventually he’d resent being stuck here in sleepy Woodford County. I didn’t want to chain a baby around his neck.”
Lidia shook her head. “Kate, a baby is such a blessing! How could anyone feel burdened by such a beautiful thing?”
Too late, Kate remembered how badly Lidia wanted a baby, but the couple had been plagued by fertility issues and had given up.
“I’m sorry, Lidia. I wish my own mother had shared your enthusiasm.”
“Leaving you was her loss, and I’m sure she’s suffered every day since then.”
Kate didn’t want to talk about her mother.
“You still could have given him the information to make that choice for himself.”
“That’s basically what he said—that I unilaterally made the decision for him.” Even though a part of her knew Travis and Lidia were right, she said, “I just didn’t want to put Chelsea through what I’d been through.” She held out her hand like a stop sign. “And before you say anything, yes, I’m fully aware that’s come back to bite me in the ass.”
Lidia had fought many times with Kate about calling Travis, even before Chelsea was born. But Lidia hadn’t brought it up since Daddy passed. “You knew this day would come eventually. That man was crazy about you. So what did he say about becoming an instant dad to a preteen?”
“Needless to say, he wasn’t all that thrilled at the news. Said he needed time to think.”
“How’d you expect him to react?”
Kate sighed. “Honestly, a lot worse than he did. He left late last night—I suppose to return to his place near Nashville—less than an hour after I told him, he was gone.” Drawing a deep breath, she tried to veer off the subject of Travis. “Look, what I’m here for is some advice about how to talk to Chelsea about him.”
“When are you going to tell her?”
“As soon as I know he intends to be a part of her life.”
“Careful, Kate. She has the right to know her father, even if he doesn’t choose to meet her or step up to the plate.”
“She’s going to be shocked, to say the least. She’s already angry enough at me for normal mother-daughter stuff. I don’t want our relationship to deteriorate any further.” Tears welled in Kate’s eyes. “I don’t want her to hate me for this,” she said in a whisper.
“She needs to
be told—and soon.”
Kate wasn’t so sure. “Chelsea hasn’t asked me about him since third grade. She’s accepted the fact that he isn’t around. Why stir up all that emotion again?” Lidia glared at Kate. “Okay, okay. I’ll tell her Sunday. Or Monday, maybe.” Kate added, “I’ve always been honest with her—up to a point. I assured her that he didn’t know about her, so that he hadn’t made the choice to abandon her.” Unlike my mom.
“Just because she hasn’t talked to you about him doesn’t mean she’s not still thinking about him. A little girl needs her daddy, Kate. Who’s to say part of the reason you two are going through a rough patch lately isn’t because she’s begun to realize that you’ve kept him from her?”
Feeling a bit defensive, she said, “But this is the first I’ve heard from him since that summer we broke up.”
“You mean, since you broke it off.”
Kate shrugged. “Semantics.”
“Kate, you need to be truthful with her—and yourself.”
“I’ve already told her that her father and I thought we were in love and made a baby but that circumstances split us up.”
“That’s a cop-out. You were the only circumstance that split you two up, Kate.”
Guilt washed over her at the enormity of the secret she’d kept from Chelsea—and Travis.
“Tell her the truth. Tell her about your own mother and your reason for doing what you did. She’s old enough and has enough compassion and empathy to understand that even parents are human and make mistakes—sometimes enormous ones. Explain that our feelings aren’t always logical or rational.” She paused then added, “But the sooner you tell her, the better.”
“I could have at least shown her photos of him.”
“Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Forget the past. You need to move forward. I know why you did what you did, but now you need to fix it.”
I’m too scared.
“We’ve been through all this before, but you chose not to tell him, even when you could have notified his parents that you needed to speak with him. I bet he’d have come back to you in an instant.”
“It’s not like he’s been in hot pursuit of me all these years—and I didn’t move around at all.”
Kate's Secret (Bluegrass Spirits Book 2) Page 18