The Incredibly Irritating Irishman: Book Three of the Conn-Mann Chronicles

by Rie Sheridan Rose

  I was a bit at odds what to do with myself for the moment, so I wandered over to the desk. Curiosity is a dreadful habit, but I am terribly prone to it.

  Leonora’s letter appeared to be in French, and I could understand very little of it, though the salutation of “Mon cher André” was quite intriguing. I wondered who André might be. A whiff of jasmine rose from the paper, and I doubted that André was the butcher.

  I knew Leonora had spent quite a bit of time in Europe. Perhaps this was one of her acquaintances from France. An intimate acquaintance...?

  I moved away from the table when I heard footsteps in the hallway outside, a little smile curving my lips. Perhaps I wasn’t the only one with a suitor or two...

  Leonora had collected her bag, and was pulling on her gloves. “Are you ready, my dear?”

  I really should start wearing gloves like a proper lady, but I am always misplacing one of a pair or spilling something on them. “Yes, of course,” I answered, shaking myself out of my reverie.

  Leonora and I had a very pleasant chat as we made our way to the Fergusons’s home. She was quite interested in Priss’s kittens, for example.

  “I do agree that Emily might enjoy having a lively little creature about the house to provide a little spark, as it were. She gets so dreadfully lonely, though she’d never admit it. Vanessa is a dear, but she has her hands full managing the house. She can’t play companion too. And, if I do manage to find a suitable house of my own soon, Emily will be left to her own devices again.” Leonora sighed, as if the matter weighed heavily on her mind.

  I resolved to visit Aunt Emily more often. Alistair would understand if I needed some time off in the afternoons.

  “Of course, there’s no question of them being removed from their mother for several more weeks, but perhaps you could bring Aunt Emily across to the boarding house to see them,” I offered. “I’m sure Ma would love some company of her own. What about tomorrow?”

  “That would be splendid, Jo! Emily will be so pleased.” She leaned forward. “And, to be honest,” she murmured softly, casting a glance toward Roderick’s position on the driver’s seat, “I believe that Vanessa will be quite relieved to have her out of the house for a little while. There are chores that require more concentration than constantly answering her little bell allows.”

  Now, I was doubly resolved to entertain Aunt Emily more. Perhaps she would enjoy a trip to the theater...? Or a stroll about the Menagerie—it was quite fascinating. As I mulled over the idea, the carriage came to a halt outside Sinéad’s door.

  Roderick stepped around and handed us out of the carriage.

  “Wait for us here, Roderick. We shan’t be long,” Leonora ordered, then turned and swept up the walk as if she owned the property.

  I so admired her style. If only I could emulate it...but a lifetime of breeding and culture went into that bearing. I could only attempt a poor copy. So I did, sweeping up the walk after her.

  She rapped imperiously on the door as I joined her on the tiny stoop.

  It opened to reveal Sinéad, a frazzled expression on her face that put the last time I had seen her to shame. “What do you wan—who be you now?” she asked Leonora, before she saw me standing beside her. “Oh. It’s you back, is it? What d’ya want now? Me Daimhín sent that Perfessor fellow a letter what we’re lookin’ t’ git.”

  “May we come inside, my good woman?” Leonora murmured, pushing past Sinéad without waiting for an answer. It was quite intimidating…and a little arrogant, to be honest. Still, it had the desired effect. I would have to remember the strategy.

  “We would like to discuss the matter rationally,” Leonora continued, “without any menfolk involved. Things are so much better that way, don’t you agree?” She took Sinéad’s arm. “Is the sitting room this way?”

  She settled herself onto Sinéad’s shabby settee as if it were covered in damask. She looked like a hot house flower in the neat but worn surroundings.

  “Come and sit here, dear,” she said to Sinéad, indicating a position beside her. “You must be exhausted. How far along are you?”

  I started. How on earth could she know something so intimate about a woman she had just met? Sinéad had given no such indication to me on our last visit, and I prided myself on being observant.

  Leonora winked at me as Sinéad blushed and sank down beside her. “It’s a mother thing, Jo, dear. One day, you’ll understand.”

  Now I was the one blushing! Judging by the heat I felt in my face, I must be as red as a tomato.

  “T’ree months,” Sinéad answered softly, her hand fluttering down to rest protectively on her still flat stomach. Now that I thought about it, she had done that before...perhaps I wasn’t as observant as I thought myself to be...

  Leonora patted Sinéad’s knee. “Don’t you worry, dear. We’ll make sure you keep this one.” The woman really was psychic. There was a determined gleam in her eyes.

  And there were tears in Sinéad’s. “Dis is tha fourth since Ryan were born,” she whispered. “None of ’em come t’ term. He’s tha only child I’ve got.”

  A look of pain swept across Leonora’s fine features. “There is no greater sorrow, is there? Than to lose a child before you even get to hold it in your arms?” she said softly.

  I was shocked into complete silence. Those words were coming from personal experience, I was sure of it. No one had ever even hinted that Leonora had lost a child. Perhaps Aunt Emily could enlighten me, so I didn’t put my foot in my mouth around her.

  Leonora favored me with a tiny smile. “It was a long time ago, Jo.”

  Sinéad whispered, “There’s so much fer me t’ do—keepin’ tha house, watchin’ o’er Ryan... I’m so tired all o’ tha time.”

  Leonora clucked her tongue. “That will never do, my dear! Now I understand everything completely. Don’t you worry any longer. I’ll make sure everything is sorted out.”

  She reached into her bag, and dug about for a moment, pulling out another little perfume bottle—similar to the one in my reticule, but not as fancy. She pressed it into Sinéad’s hand. “This is lavender water, Mrs. Ferguson. A daub at your temples will help ease your headaches and calm your nerves. I’ll send you a larger bottle by messenger as soon as I’m able. Now, why don’t you give it a try?”

  “Thankee, Missus,” Sinéad whispered, the tears beginning to spill. “If that be true, ’twould be a right blessin’.” She did as Leonora had instructed, rubbing the scent into her temples. An immediate expression of relief crossed her face. “’Tis a wonder!”

  “Lovely,” Leonora murmured. “Now, as to the sum you demand from my son to dismiss the suit—”

  Sinéad swiped at the tears on her cheeks. “I tol’ Daimhín ’twere a foolish t’ing t’ ask for, but his damn—pardon me language—brodder convinced him.”

  “I thought as much. You seem like a practical woman who understands that there are more important things than money.”

  “Indeed,” Sinéad said with a smile, her hand moving again to her unborn child.

  “Exactly.” Leonora beamed at her. “Now, Josephine here—” She nodded toward me. “—has an acquaintance who is in charge of the convent school at Our Lady the Star of the Sea. The Mother Superior has agreed to take Ryan in as a day pupil. Do you know what that means?”

  Sinéad’s eyes shone. “Oh, yis! It means he could get a proper education away from dem hooligans he’s bin runnin’ around wit’. I’ve bin worried sick he’d wind up in one o’ dem gangs—and he’s a dear boy at heart.”

  Leonora patted her knee. “Well, don’t you fret. We’ll make all the arrangements, including transportation.”

  My shock must have shown on my face, because Leonora shrugged. “I’ve been needing a carriage and driver of my own anyway. I won’t trouble Roderick over the matter.”

  That eased my mind—we all abused Roderick’s time far too often as it was. All our borrowing took him away from Aunt Emily when he might be needed most. Even now, he
waited outside for us...

  “And I’ll be sending you a girl to help with the household chores, so don’t you worry about that. No—” she said firmly, holding up a hand as Sinéad opened her mouth to protest. “—I’ll hear nothing about it! You need the help, and I’m sure there are dozens of girls, perhaps even in this very neighborhood, in need of positions. Giving one of them service will allow her to help feed her family, as well as giving her a good home of her own. Now, in return for this, you will convince your husband to drop the suit with no further demands on Professor Conn.”

  “He’s goin’ t’ grouse about feedin’ anodder mouth...”

  “I’ll make sure you have the wherewithal to assure the girl is fed, and pay her wages for at least a year. You can tell him that as well. Come now, you look like a clever girl. I’m sure you can arrange it.”

  Sinéad nodded slowly. “’Twon’t be eaisy, but I believe I kin manage.”

  “This should help,” replied Leonora, coolly pulling a stack of crisp bills from her bag. “I took the liberty of having my banker draw five hundred dollars from my own account.” She fixed her eyes upon me. “Something Alistair has no need to ever discover.”

  I nodded, speechless at her machinations.

  “It isn’t as much as Mr. Ferguson was seeking, but when you figure in the cost of Ryan’s education, the salary and board of a maid-of-all-work, and access to the carriage, I feel it is more than adequate. Don’t you agree, Sinéad? I may call you Sinéad, mayn’t I?”

  Sinéad nodded as well, her eyes as round as saucers.

  “Now,” Leonora continued, adding several more bills to her stack, “here is an additional one hundred dollars that your husband is not to know about. It’s an emergency fund for you and your children. You may spend it frivolously if you desire, but—unless I very much miss my guess—you’ll save it away until you have real need of it.”

  “Oh, Missus—” Sinéad broke down in wrenching sobs, and Leonora gathered the distraught woman into her arms.

  “There, there, dear. I told you I would sort everything out, and I always keep my word.”

  I found myself searching my memory to see if she had promised me anything I had forgotten about.

  “Welcome to Mrs. Carrouthers’s,” Opal murmured for the thirtieth or fortieth time that evening as she opened the door to yet another gentleman. She fought back a yawn.

  The novelty had worn off hours before. Now it was just another part of the job, and if she was going to have to do chores all day and usher in men all night, when was she supposed to sleep?

  The buzzer sounded yet again, and she opened the door with a sigh.

  “Welcome—”

  The practiced words died in her throat. In the doorway stood the most perfect man she had ever seen…

  — Garrett Goldthwaite

  Old-Fashioned Opal and the House of Ill-Repute

  Chapter 9

  “Remember to keep that last bit of money I gave you to yourself, Sinéad dear. You never know when an emergency may arise,” Leonora reiterated as we rose to depart—after agreeing to partake of extremely weak tea and buttered bread, which was the best refreshments the poor woman could offer. It was a matter of pride that she could offer them though, which Leonora recognized as much as I did.

  Sinéad nodded in a daze, but I noticed her tuck the aforementioned bills away inside her sewing basket. I was sure she would find a more secure hiding place before the day was out.

  “Don’t hesitate to contact me if you have need of anything.” Leonora handed Sinéad her calling card—I must get me some of those...

  “You’re too kind, Missus—”

  “Please, call me Leonora,” she murmured. “I like to take care of my friends.”

  The woman’s face lit from within. “I promise, Mis—Leonora,” she breathed, with a vigorous nod.

  “I will send you a girl within the week,” Leonora repeated. “But for now, you must get some rest. Lie down on the settee for a few moments, at least. We’ll start Ryan at the convent school on Monday—providing, of course, that we can get this ridiculous lawsuit taken care of.”

  “Yis, Mis—Leonora,” Sinéad agreed, impulsively clasping Leonora’s hands. “You are a life-saver, m’lady. I’ll make sure there’s no more trouble.”

  “I know you will, my dear. Come, Jo. We’ve taken enough of this lovely woman’s time. Go and put your feet up for a bit, Sinéad—it’ll do wonders for you.”

  I followed her out, awestruck at her ability to sweep aside problems with a wave of her hand—like some Wise Woman in a fairy tale.

  Roderick was dozing where he sat on the driver’s bench of the carriage when we approached it. He had been putting in a great many extra hours lately, as I have said.

  He awoke with a snort when Leonora opened the door to the conveyance.

  “Rise and shine, Roderick,” she called gaily. “We’re ready to return home, if you please.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” He nodded stiffly and prepared to click to the horse.

  “Oh, Roderick...did you say you had a niece who wished to enter service?”

  Leonora startled me again. I had never even considered that Roderick might have family. Of course, he must...

  I suddenly realized I had taken him for granted—like a piece of furniture, always there when you needed it, and out of mind when you did not. I resolved to do better. If Leonora could stay abreast of such things, so should I.

  “Yes, ma’am. Our Gertie. She’s just gone eleven, and smart as a whip.”

  “Do you think she’s up to the task of maid-of-all-work?”

  “I believe so. She’s not so tall, but she’s been preparing for service all her life. She’s been popping in and peppering Vanessa with questions since she was old enough to toddle. I know Vanessa has taken her under her wing a bit. Taught her the proper way to do up laundry, cook simples and such like.”

  “Excellent. I’d like for her to come and work for Mrs. Ferguson. She would receive room and board plus two dollars a week of her own to start. If she proves satisfactory, I’ll raise that to five at the end of next month.”

  “I’ll tell my sister, Martha. She’ll be most grateful, ma’am. Her first man got himself shot in the War, leaving her with two wee ones. Her second turned out to be a right bounder and left her with two more. She’s struggling all alone, and I can’t do for her as much as I’d like.”

  “That takes care of that, then! Martha shall have another five a week for the trouble of losing her own little helper.”

  Leonora’s purse must be very deep indeed if she could so calmly sprinkle money on all and sundry in this manner.

  “Now, we need to go and see a man about a horse—and a trap. Do you know who sells ready-built carriages? I don’t believe I care to wait for a custom order...”

  “I do, ma’am. Very reputable house it is, too. Owner also runs a stable, and will probably be able to sell you a good, sensible animal.”

  “Excellent!” She stepped into the carriage. “Take us there at once.”

  I hurried to join her inside. As expeditiously as Leonora was dealing with problems, I didn’t want to be left behind!

  ~*~

  By the time we finished our errands, Leonora was the proud possessor of a smart little trap and a lovely bay mare—and I was the proud possessor of a stack of visiting cards with my name and address.

  Leonora surprised me by driving the trap back to Aunt Emily’s herself. She was constantly surprising me these days.

  I wanted to be just like her when I grew up.

  Roderick had sent a messenger to his sister, telling her to get Gertie ready to visit Mrs. Estes’s home the next day to meet with Sinéad and discuss a position. He had sent another to a friend to see if he were interested in becoming Leonora’s driver. Not that she needed one, but it would give her more freedom—and provide the transportation she had promised Sinéad to get Ryan to the convent for school without her having to drive him herself.

  I
said my goodbyes to Leonora and Roderick at Aunt Emily’s, and started back to the boarding house. There was so much going on...my mind was spinning over it.

  Which reminded me. I had promised Alistair to collect some papers he’d left behind at the lab. I let myself in, and located the files.

  It was much easier to find things now I’d reorganized the place—and we’d taken so much of the equipment out to the warehouse. I slipped a few small tools we’d also forgotten into my reticule. I’d take them out to the warehouse on my next trip to the workshop. Locking up, I realized I was starving. It was way past luncheon, and if I wasn’t careful, I would miss dinner!

  Hurrying up the steps, I was looking downward, lost in my thoughts, when I smacked into something—an unfortunate habit of mine—and almost pitched backward. I shrieked, flailing my arms for balance, and someone caught my wrist. It wrenched my arm somewhat, but at least I didn’t tumble to greater injury.

  “Are y’all right, m’dear?” cried an unmistakable voice.

  My blood boiled at the very sound of it. Something about the man irritated me no end. Family or no family, I could not stand to be near him!

  Though, if I wanted to make Alistair a bit jealous, I might have to… Oh, it was all so very confusing. I couldn’t make up my mind at all. But irritation won out.

  “No thanks to you, Seamus O’Leary!” I growled, slapping at his hand around my wrist. “Let me go.”

  He sighed. “That’s no way to talk to yer fiancé, now is it?”

  “I would sooner marry a...a billy goat than you, Seamus O’Leary! Now, let go of me at once!”

  “And have ya fall down tha stairs, me girl?” He tightened his grip instead, and pulled me back up to the sidewalk. “That wouldn’t be very Christian of me, would it?”

  I thought about calling for Phaeton, but the last thing we needed at the moment was for a passerby on the street to see the automaton accosting someone. It would give the Fergusons leverage for their suit—and since they were just on the verge of dropping it, that would be most unfortunate.