Fall Apart

by SE Culpepper

  “Meeting you created an expectation. I’ve been trying to undo the damage from the beginning, but none of that’s your fault.”

  Alarik sank back in his chair, feeling like shit. “Can we do this? Work together?”

  Max gave a frustrated laugh, running a hand over his eyes and turning off the composure that seemed so natural. “I can work with you, Alarik; I’ve had time to prepare myself in the hopes you’d take the job. You need to ask yourself what you really want. After all, you’re the one who seems to care for two people at the same time.”

  It was interesting how the truth could be so cumbersome. Alarik’s face flushed guiltily and he dropped eye contact, aware of the ugliness inside of him that swiveled his head back and forth between Damon and Max. He thought he wasn’t so fickle as all that. Max saw more than he let on.

  Alarik thought of being with Damon and holding him. The freedom they had together. Then, he thought of Max and the sensual drive he felt in the man’s presence. He was already further along with Mr. Wright than he’d ever been with Max, so why were these inner whisperings so convincing? Why did he look at Damon, and then find himself turning back to Max?

  The job offer was too good to pass up. He’d read the script that Max emailed to him the day before, with subject line: For Your Consideration. It was brilliant. He wasn’t even ten pages in before he was taking shots in his mind and picturing how he wanted to capture particular characters in order to best portray their personalities. The thought of Zane in full makeup with cameras on gave him the chills.

  Alarik thought of how close he would be to Damon if he based his work out of L.A. for six months or so. After that, they could figure out what to do together. He thought of letting Damon go, but that was too painful to pursue beyond an initial thought.

  “I don’t know what to say, Max,” he sighed. “I want to be a part of this.”

  “I’m glad to hear that.”

  Alarik set to eating to give his hands something to do, wondering exactly how Max meant that.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  The doorbell rang and Todd rolled himself off the couch to answer its call. “Where’d I put my wallet?” he grumbled sleepily. “It took forever for these guys to get here. Don’t you think it took forever?”

  Damon lifted a couple fingers off the neck of his beer in affirmation. “We’re biased ‘cause we’re hungry.”

  “Where’s my fucking wallet?” Todd hissed again, patting pockets until he saw it on the table by the front door. It turned out that he knew the delivery guy because “Dean from Pizza Park” had gotten so used to seeing Todd once every couple weeks with a medium cheese pizza delivery. This meant that Todd had to take the opportunity to give the kid shit before he handed over the tip. “You’re lucky I didn’t eat this cash waiting for you to show up, Dean-o.”

  “Car accident on Third Street, man!”

  “You know what else is on Third Street?” Todd barked. “Strip clubs. If my pepperoni is cold because you stopped by Lulu’s Show Club, I’ll find you and wring your neck.”

  Dean adjusted his flour smudged ball cap emblazoned with the Pizza Park logo. “Don’t talk to me about your pepperoni, bro. I deliver pizzas, not happy endings.”

  Todd swung around to look at Damon on the couch. “Did you hear that, Day?”

  “I heard.”

  Todd turned back to Dean. “Aren’t you, like, thirteen years old? Watch your mouth. What would your mother think?”

  “Want me to ask her? It’s her shift at Lulu’s,” Dean shot back.

  Todd flicked a couple bucks at Dean and snatched the pizza box out of his hand. “Get out of here.”

  Dean waved at both of them and touched the bill of his hat again. “Don’t forget to call Pizza Park for all your pizza needs, gentlemen.”

  “Fuck off.” Todd slammed the door and grinned at Damon. “I love that kid.”

  “It shows.”

  Todd unceremoniously dropped the box on the coffee table and disappeared into the kitchen for plates and napkins. “Another beer?” he called.

  “Nah.”

  They ate to the accompaniment of Sports Center, every now and then talking around bites of food. Todd was calling some college quarterback a cocksucker when Damon’s phone buzzed with a text from Alarik.

  I’ll be able to call in an hour or two. Missing you. All ok?

  Damon wanted to be secure in his status as Alarik’s guy, but that wasn’t easy. He pretended it was, but in reality, he was picturing Max and Alarik in a dimly lit office, shoulder to shoulder as they looked over ideas and shit that was totally foreign to him. Hayama would turn on those “tea with honey” eyes full blast and soon, papers would be scattered and the two of them would be going at it on a copy of next year’s summer blockbuster. His imagination was fucked up.

  All good. MissU2. Looking forward to ur call.

  Damon looked up to find Todd watching him with a knowing expression, one eyebrow cocked and ready to fire. “Mr. Bond, I presume.”

  “Yep.”

  “You dodged my question earlier, so tell me the truth now. Did you guys play a game of Just the Tip or not?”

  “Why? You want all the dirty details?”

  Todd pointed like he’d discovered a clue. “So, you did sleep together and it was dirty?”

  Damon sank down even lower on the couch, adjusting throw pillows behind his head. “It was really good.”

  Making a noise like an exploding firework, Todd leapt from his chair and mimed firing a shotgun into the sky. It made Damon laugh because it was the same thing he’d done when Todd lost his virginity to Heidi Hamilton their junior year in high school. Memmmmories…

  Todd gave him a “good job” slap on the shoulder and sat back down. “It was good?”

  Damon nodded, the flush beneath his skin not from embarrassment, but from his thoughts of that night. “It was really nice. I’ve pretty much got Kenny and Andrew to compare it with and it blew those guys out of the water.”

  Todd sneered. “They were assholes, but I’m glad for you.” His eyes got that faraway look that was becoming more common as of late and it made Damon uneasy. “I guess I’m the last man standing. You’re with Alarik, Franco’s got Sandra, and Luke gets home from the honeymoon with Mandy tomorrow. Looks like I’m the lone wolf.”

  “If you’re trying to make that your new nickname, you can forget it. I won’t be calling you ‘Lone Wolf.’”

  “It’s got a certain ring to it.”

  Damon tossed his wadded up napkin at Todd and snapped his fingers to make sure he had his buddy’s attention. “I wouldn’t even call Alarik my boyfriend yet. With his work I won’t even be seeing him all that much. I’d still say that you and I are on the same island.”

  Something about those words seemed to encourage Todd because he nearly smiled. The television show filled the silence and Damon was on his way to a gentle doze when Todd spoke again.

  “Day, can I ask you something?”

  Damon lifted his chin in answer, too sleepy to say anything.

  “Do you think I was a good guy to Ella back in college? Was I a totally different person than I am now?”

  Oh. Shit was getting serious. Okay. Damon pushed up out of his slouch. He didn’t know what Todd was looking for in an answer, and he wanted to make him feel better.

  Honesty… Just go with honesty.

  “Toddy, you were great to her. She never deserved you. I thought that she was crazy from the word go, but there was something you saw in her that I didn’t see—that Luke and Franco couldn’t see, for that matter. You were trusting back then,” he paused, mulling it over, remembering his friend of ten years ago. “You had more hope than you do now, I think.”

  Todd looked away, staring with blank eyes at the empty pizza box. “I always thought I’d be able to see when someone was jerking me around and I wouldn’t fall for it. But, she had me so convinced, you know? I was totally, one hundred percent sure that I was everything she wanted and when the rum
ors started, I knew I’d been totally duped. Me. I was on the lookout for this, and I didn’t see it coming!”

  Damon could see the confusion on Todd’s face that he’d seen years ago when that first phone call about Ella being pregnant came. “Let me ask you a question. What pisses you off more now, that you didn’t see it coming back then, and you gave her your trust, or that what she did nearly ten years ago is still in charge of your life today?”

  Todd shrugged, sighing. “I don’t know, man. Sometimes I think about her and I want to kick my own ass for ever believing a word she said—forget the fact that she was convincing as Satan. I get close to wanting a relationship again and I realize I will go out of my fucking mind wondering if a woman is everything she says she is. I don’t know if it’s worth it for me.”

  “So, you think that whole shitty situation might’ve made you a confirmed bachelor.”

  “I don’t know. I don’t even know if that’s what I want, but I still don’t feel capable of jumping in with both feet just to have my legs chopped off at the knees.”

  Damon really didn’t want to get Todd’s hackles up, but then he remembered that he wasn’t the one who started this conversation. “Is this about Valerie? Do you actually like her?”

  Todd’s chuckle was tired. “She needs a totally different kind of guy than she’d find in me… Nah. I don’t want to be with her, but I admit that she made me seriously think about being with somebody again.”

  There was an infinitesimal change in the way Todd was speaking that grabbed Damon’s attention. Even his buddy’s expression had changed. It was softer, less worn down.

  “Whoa—wait a second. You… There’s somebody you do like! Who? Who is it?”

  “Horseshit,” Todd answered without inflection. “Nope.”

  “Who is it, Todd?”

  “Nobody. There’s nobody.”

  Damon lunged around the edge of the coffee table and tackled Todd, using all his weight to push him into the cushions and punch him right in the sweet meat of the shoulder.

  “Ow! God!”

  “I’ll fucking do it again—”

  “I told you—”

  Damon cocked back his arm and nailed Todd in the same spot, making his friend howl.

  “Son of a bitch! That shit hurts!”

  “Then quit lying to me,” Damon grunted, trying to keep Todd from getting out from beneath him. If he got free, he’d overpower Damon in seconds.

  “I don’t like her—”

  Wham! Damon slugged Todd again, but this time his buddy jerked his torso to the side and totally fucked Damon’s grip. The next moment, Todd had him in a headlock and they were panting against the side of the armchair. They wriggled and fought for a few more seconds before Damon let his body go slack and Todd eased his grip.

  “Who?” he rasped around the arm at his throat.

  “Her name is Simone,” Todd panted.

  “Your boss?” The question was met with silence and Damon fought to pop his head out of the circle of Todd’s arm. “She’s really nice, Todd.”

  Todd nodded in defeat.

  “I mean, she’s a couple years older than you, right, but she’s really sweet.”

  Another sad little nod.

  “And you can’t ask her out because you work at the same place?”

  Nothing. No response. No nod. Nothing. Damon lifted his fist like he was going to go for four, but Todd clamped a hand over it and gave him a gentle push.

  “She’s… Simone’s got me all twisted up, and that’s why I don’t trust myself. I thought Ella was special, too.”

  Damon lay back on the floor and let out a serious groan. “Todd. What would you say to me if I let a coward like Kenny, or a user like Andrew, cripple me like you’ve let Ella cripple you?”

  “I’d say you’re a stupid, fucking blow job.”

  “Simone’s really great…”

  “I know.”

  “You’re a stupid, fucking blow job.”

  Todd sprawled out on the floor beside him and they both stared at the ceiling with its cobwebby corners. “I know that, too.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  A rare November rainstorm was keeping shoppers at home, and with all the day-to-day chores out of the way in the shop, Damon didn’t have anything to do to distract himself from the night ahead. It had been three weeks since he’d last seen Alarik because of work scheduled in New York and L.A.

  Tonight, Damon was supposed to present him for “the official” parental introduction. His mom had delivered the invitation with her usual grace by poking him in the chest so hard he’d had a sore spot on his sternum for days.

  “Damon, I’ve had enough of the secrecy. You’re getting serious about a boy neither of your parents know. Bring him to the house on Saturday.”

  Damon tried the excuse that he’d already made plans with friends and she smashed the ploy to bits by telling him that she’d invited everyone he knew. His dad had called later when Molly was asleep and told him not to worry; he would “soften her up.” So, with the help from Pops, maybe his mom would cut them some slack and crack a smile. Alarik was being incredibly brave about it all, but maybe meeting the mom of a significant other was child’s play compared to meeting dignitaries and conversing with them.

  Damon and Alarik spoke a couple times each day and even though they didn’t see each other as much as he wanted, Damon thought that it was better for his state of mind not to wonder if it was all about sex between them. Alarik was sticking with him in spite of the distance. That meant something, right?

  The jealousy over Max was getting a little bit better, but that might’ve been because Max had to fly to New York to attend the premiere and do some press for his movie, Mile-high Sky. That left Alarik in L.A., working on his own plans for Nowhere, Idaho and a few different photo shoots. Whenever the doubts about them began to creep in, Damon tried to refocus. It wasn’t Alarik’s fault that he was attracted to a nervous, inexperienced moron like him.

  The bell over the door rang as two teenaged girls dashed in out of the rain, shopping bags over their heads to protect their hair. They were giggling and excited, stopping to share a look with one another when they spotted him behind the counter. He gave a lackluster wave in greeting and they both smiled, making their way to the shoe section at a much more sedate pace. The entire time they were comparing the relative merits of several different running shoes, they were darting glances his way.

  Right about the time he heard one of the girls say something was “amazeballs,” the bell rang again, and he looked up to find Alarik standing at the entrance, his hair dripping onto his jacket and a growing smile on his face. He walked to the counter, planted his hands on the surface and slid himself over the top. Damon had to backpedal to make room for him in the small space, but he didn’t get far because Alarik grabbed his shoulders and tugged him into a strong embrace in spite of his wet clothes. Their bodies fit in all the right places.

  Alarik dropped a soft kiss beneath Damon’s ear as he pulled back a bit. “Were you lonely for me, Mr. Wright?”

  Damon made a face, forgetting all about the customers in the store as he soaked in the sensation of his lover’s touch.

  “Not even a little?” Alarik smiled. “Good—me neither. That’s why I got a speeding ticket on the way here; I was rushing to get this whole visit out of the way.”

  Damon grabbed Alarik’s hips. “Are you serious?”

  “Yes. I figured the sooner I got here, the sooner I could leave.” His grin was so boyish and charming that Damon kissed him smack on the mouth, quick and hard. A gasp from the girls reminded him that they weren’t as alone as he’d like to be at the moment, but he didn’t step back or act like he was ashamed of kissing him.

  “Sorry, ladies. It’s closing time,” he called out, never looking away from Alarik’s twinkling gray eyes.

  When the girls had rushed out, he lowered his head and really tasted that mouth the way he wanted. Alarik sighed into him, his body relaxi
ng against Damon’s as they enjoyed the moment.

  “I was lonely for you,” Damon whispered against Alarik’s lips.

  “And I really did get a speeding ticket…”

  A few more light brushes of their mouths followed and if Damon could’ve found the words right then, he would’ve said his blood had turned into Pop Rocks candy and it was snapping, tickling, and fizzing away inside of him.

  “A speeding ticket and an introduction to my parents. It sounds like it’s going to be a great weekend for you. Maybe before you head back to L.A., Todd and Franco will slash your tires.”

  Alarik looked curious. “Will we be seeing them, too?”

  “Mom invited everybody,” Damon admitted. “Listen, Alarik. If this is too much, too soon—”

  Alarik shook his head, smiling. “Why are you so worried? I’m happy to meet your family. I swear it on my most prized Radiohead album.”

  Damon laughed. “You’re so English.”

  Knowing that Molly was impatiently waiting for their arrival, Damon didn’t think it’d be a big deal to close a little early. Alarik helped him organize clothes that had been messed up on the racks, close out the register, and lock up. They worked silently, sharing looks every now and then, and stopping to make out a bit more than that. As fun as it was to press Alarik up against the wall and have a nice dry humping session, Damon couldn’t help but picture his mom glaring at him from behind the cash register, so he stopped before things got too out of hand and they made love on a pile of Adidas running shoes.

  Before they left, Damon changed from his work t-shirt into a simple cotton pullover. Alarik watched him intently, his lips tilted in a way that telegraphed what he was thinking about. On purpose, Damon flexed his pecs and Alarik let his eyes roll back as he groaned. “I’m so English and you’re and American tease. You’re bold at the oddest times.”