Fall Apart

by SE Culpepper

  Flipping over the picture, Damon hoped to God it wasn’t one of him rolling around on Alarik’s bed. As soon as he saw the photo, he laughed in relief. It was their self-portrait taken after the climb on their second date. It was better than he remembered it from the few seconds he’d seen the shot on the camera’s miniature screen.

  “I love it,” he said. “We look nice together.”

  “We do,” Alarik smiled down at him. “Which is a nice bonus because we’re a couple.”

  It was the first time that either of them had used a word like “couple.” It sounded wonderful out in the air!

  Damon had a boyfriend—thank God—and their relationship was young, but so far, it was really good. “I’m putting it on my bedside table,” he answered, leaning over so he could set it in the perfect spot. “There.”

  They grinned at each other and Alarik held out a second frame. “Number two.” As Damon grabbed for it, Alarik pulled it back out of his reach. “Ah, ah. Before you take this, let it be known that I never back out on a deal. That’s the only reason you’re getting this.”

  Damon lunged forward, wrapping an arm around Alarik’s waist and kissing him. He knew which picture this was going to be and while Alarik was chuckling against his mouth, he was prying the frame loose from his fingers. When he looked at the photograph, he cackled in victory.

  It was black and white—yes!—and Alarik was leaning against his crappy rental car. Damon had snapped the picture right as the other man was protesting. It reminded him of an expression James Dean might make, minus the cigarette and leather jacket.

  Looking up at Alarik’s curious expression, he tapped the frame against his hand. “I’m just going to carry this around with me everywhere I go. I’ll tuck it under my arm like this.” He clamped the picture under his arm and mimed like he was walking around. “Have you met my boyfriend? Here’s his picture!”

  Alarik groaned and flopped onto his back on the bed, his towel coming loose, and Damon had a whole new idea of teasing come to mind. He pressed his naked body against Alarik’s and let the picture fall to the mattress. They held each other for a long time, enjoying the sensations of ease and freedom.

  “I think…” Damon began, then paused wondering how to proceed.

  “Spit it out, darling.”

  He sighed. “I think this is the happiest I’ve ever been.” The words sounded natural and honest to his ears.

  Alarik tilted his head so he could get a better look into Damon’s eyes and lifted his mouth for a soft kiss. “And I think I’ve been waiting for you for a very long time, Damon. I’m so glad I went to that wedding.”

  Damon left soft kisses from Alarik’s ear lobe to his cheek, and back down to his mouth. “I’m falling in love with you, Alarik,” he breathed.

  “Then hurry and catch up,” Alarik answered, his voice velvety warm, “because I’ve already fallen.”

  Damon sighed and let his mouth drop to Alarik’s. They held each other tightly, their lips soft and smooth on one another’s. It was a kiss of confession and it changed Damon.

  ***

  When Todd walked into the house, Damon was thinking of his goodbye with Alarik. They’d made love before breakfast and then ate their pancakes in bed. They didn’t slide from beneath the sheets until Alarik absolutely had to be on the road. Damon had watched him dress and asked, “No shower this morning?”

  Alarik gave a firm shake of his head. “I want to smell you on my skin.” Beside the car before he drove away, he touched Damon’s lip with his thumb. “Mr. Wright, your job until I return is to miss me. Will it suit?”

  Damon rested one arm on the opened car door and the other on the roof of the Audi, blocking his boyfriend in. “What’s your job while you’re gone?”

  “Loving you, of course,” he said matter-of-factly. “I think I’ll be very good at it.”

  Damon melted a little bit when he thought of it, and whatever expression he was sporting must’ve shown that because Todd gagged when he was only two steps into the room.

  “You look like a calf with moon eyes.”

  Damon shook himself and glared. “Don’t be stupid.”

  “I’m being honest.” He slouched down on the couch and fixed his buddy with a stare. “He’s good for you, Day. I like seeing you like this.”

  “I like seeing me like this, too.”

  “Can we go do man stuff now?”

  Damon laughed and stood up, stepping over Todd’s legs on his way to his gear stacked by the door. “Let’s go—we should time this climb and see how fast we can do it.”

  Todd was right behind him and he grabbed a couple bags to carry to the truck. “It’s not a tough one—I’m betting forty-five minutes.”

  “Thirty-five.”

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  Damon drove and most of the trip was made in comfortable silence. They’d free-climbed together a lot and were very in tune with how the other moved and thought. It was too bad that Luke couldn’t come. Damon missed him, but he supposed this kind of change between them was only natural. They would always be friends.

  About an hour and a half after they left the house, they parked in a small lot advertising a scenic overlook, and made the short hike to the base of the rock wall they planned to climb. Changing shoes and putting on helmets, they created their plan. Two other climbers were ahead of them, but they would be finished about halfway into Damon and Todd’s trip up the rock face.

  “They’re kicking down rocks here and there, so watch that,” Todd mumbled, squinting at the other climbers.

  Damon nodded and adjusted his harness and chalk bag.

  “Hey,” Todd swatted him on the arm.

  “What?”

  “I asked Simone out.”

  Damon’s mouth popped open for a second before he gave a crack of laughter. “You asked her out? Did she say yes?”

  Todd was smiling that true smile that Damon had only seen a handful of times since Ella came and went. “Yeah. She actually said yes—said she’d been waiting for me to ask her for months.”

  “I can’t believe it—that’s really great, man!”

  “I was thinking about what we talked about, you know?” Todd answered, focusing on his harness as he spoke. “I’m getting older. I don’t want to be a miserable asshole the rest of my life, letting a girl from college shit all over my future. And, Simone…she’s good.”

  Damon squeezed both arms around his friend’s body, locking Todd’s arms to his sides and lifting him a few inches off the ground. This news wasn’t just good; it was huge. He dropped Todd back on his feet.

  “Where are you taking her? When?”

  Todd was hesitant with his answer, but Damon could tell he was also proud of himself. “Out to dinner on Friday, I guess.”

  “Awesome, Toddy. No kidding. I hope it works out.”

  There was a buzz of positive energy between them as they started the climb, taking cues from each other as they moved further up the rock face. The day was as cloudy as the one before, but the chalk helped their grip on the moist rock. Todd set the pace and Damon thought they could actually meet the thirty-five minute goal.

  He was making an easy hand transition about twenty feet from the base of the cliff when Todd yelled down to him from ten feet higher up. “You’ll need more chalk up here. Watch for some of this loose rock!”

  “Got it!”

  “Hey, maybe Lorenzo’s!”

  “What?” Damon called up in confusion.

  “Maybe Lorenzo’s! For the date with Simone—”

  Todd’s grip with his left hand slipped and his hands and feet scrambled for a new hold in the rock. Damon’s heart rocketed into his throat as he let out a shout of warning. The muscles in Todd’s right arm were so taut that even several feet below, Damon could see the veins running over the muscle.

  “Reach!” he shouted. “Use your legs to push up!”

  Todd tried to adjust his position, but the slip was so sudden that his entire body had shifted away f
rom the good hand and footholds.

  “Shit!” Todd gasped. “I can’t get my foot any higher.”

  He tried to adjust his feet to push up as Damon had coached him, his right hand still lodged in a tiny crack in the rock, but his leverage was fucked—that left handhold he’d lost had been critical. He kept trying to lift his left foot to a higher foothold, but couldn’t reach it.

  “I’m coming!” Damon hollered, trying to speed up, concentrate on his route, and keep an eye on his friend.

  Todd, normally very cool-headed on a climb, was breathing too fast and Damon didn’t like the sound.

  Shouldn’t have climbed today. We’re rushing. Too many fucking mistakes!

  “I’m coming, buddy—”

  Todd pushed off his right foot, but instead of moving upward, he accidentally pushed away from the cliff face. “My fucking hand’s slip—” A sudden curse, and a wash of rocks fell toward Damon as Todd cried out.

  “DAMON!”

  Trying to protect his head from the rocks, Damon caught sight of Todd falling a second too late. His hand shot out instinctively, leaving the bulk of his weight on his own right-hand grip. He felt Todd’s hands scratching down his entire arm, unable to find purchase. “Todd!”

  The weight was enough to break his own grip and he was falling, sliding down the rock face. He didn’t see Todd. Where the fuck was Todd?

  His wrist hit something and white-hot pain shot up his arm. He felt every bit of the rock that scraped over his exposed skin and his harness snagged on something for a beat before breaking free again, continuing his plummet to the earth. Each noise in his ear was specific—the clatter of rocks, the hiss of his clothes against the cliff, his shoes hitting stones. He felt everything. He saw everything. But he didn’t see Todd.

  The ground came fast and hard, and Damon’s world went dark.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Restless for reasons he didn’t understand, Alarik decided to go in to the Sunrise Productions office and spend a little more time on his plans for next week. Filming began bright and early Monday morning and he was actually very excited to return to the set and take a look around. He’d been getting to know the Director of Photography for the movie, and was once again impressed by the team of people working on this project. Max had been very busy.

  Alarik got the chance to see Zane in the full costume and makeup he’d wear for the first few days of filming. He had a wig that hung nearly to his waist, a scar that ran from the corner of his left eye down to his jaw, color contact lenses, and a goatee. He was barely recognizable. Mark was going to cringe when he saw it.

  A little before six, he heard the deadbolt flip open on the back door of the building and he rolled his chair out to the hallway to make sure no one was about to murder him with an axe, or knock him senseless and steal his shoes. He loved these shoes.

  It wasn’t a criminal, but Max was dangerous in his own right. Their eyes met and they nodded hello. The wall between them was still up…way up. They worked better together when they were both inside of their own perimeters.

  “Did you just get in from New York?”

  Max shook his head. “This morning. It’s been a long day.” He squeezed past Alarik who was swinging from left to right in the chair, and tried not to knock him in the head with his bag. “What are you doing here?”

  “Working for a living,” Alarik teased. “I couldn’t relax at home.”

  “I know the feeling.”

  Max dumped his stuff on the conference table instead of in his office, and sank into a chair across from Alarik. With a heavy sigh, he rubbed at his eyes and pushed his hair away from his face. Sweet heaven, look at that bone structure.

  When Max dropped his hands away, he caught Alarik’s gaze and his expression tightened. “Don’t,” he said, his voice hard.

  “Don’t what?”

  “Look at me like that.”

  “How am I looking at you?” Alarik was trying his best not to be offended. He wasn’t looking at the other man any differently than he looked at anyone else.

  Max mumbled something in Japanese and Alarik wished, yet again, that he knew any of the language besides “yes” and “no.” He may not be able to understand what Max’s mouth said, but he could read body language.

  “You’re exhausted. You should go get some rest.”

  “Alarik, I don’t understand you.” Max glared at him. “How much do you care about me?”

  “Oh, Christ. I’m not going to have this conversation.”

  Max abruptly shifted forward in his chair so that the plastic made an angry cracking noise. “Are you in love with me?”

  Alarik went very still, sensing he was the prey in this scenario. His phone began buzzing on the conference table and Mandy’s name came up on the display; he sent the call to voicemail. “I don’t think you ever gave me the chance to fall in love with you, Max. How about that?”

  “Bullshit.” Max leaned his forearms on the table and nailed Alarik to his chair with one look. “I’m too tired to verbally spar with you. I think you’re running from the truth.”

  “I think I’m the only one here who can accurately describe his own feelings.” His phone began buzzing and Mandy’s name appeared again. “I was the one being honest and putting myself forward from the beginning and you held back,” he snapped, sending Mandy to voicemail a second time.

  “Alarik,” Max clenched his teeth, his frustration thick in the air between them. “All I’m asking is that you don’t push me away one minute, and then look at me like that the next—and answer your goddamn phone!”

  Alarik grabbed his phone peevishly, the third call from Mandy lighting up the screen.

  “Mandy, darling, it’s not a good time—”

  “Alarik…” The sound of his name spoken so breathlessly sent a bolt of fear right through the heart of him.

  “What is it? What’s happened?” He half-stood from his seat, feeling like he needed to move, but not knowing where. Was it Luke? Oh, no…

  Mandy was crying and trying to talk to him as clearly as she could. “Honey, there’s been an accident. We just heard and we’re on the way to the hospital right now—”

  We? So, it probably wasn’t Luke. Alarik’s heart clenched.

  “Mandy,” he said, shaken. “What happened?” Across from him, Max stood as well, watching Alarik’s every move with an unreadable expression.

  “Damon and Todd were in a climbing accident,” she whispered and Alarik had to grab onto his chair to keep his feet. “It happened sometime this afternoon and they were medevac’d to Ventura County Medical Center.”

  “Are they going to be okay?” he choked. “H-how bad…”

  Max came around the table and grabbed onto Alarik’s shoulders to support him. Alarik found himself staring into golden brown eyes as the blood pounded in his ears.

  “We don’t know much, honey. Molly called and she didn’t have an update. I-I think…I think it’s pretty bad. She hasn’t been allowed to see them.”

  “I’m coming right now. I’m on my way.”

  “We’ll watch for you.”

  Alarik wasn’t thinking, so he hung up on her without saying another word. He tried to tell Max what was going on, but the words were stuck in his throat. Hayama gave him a little shake, his eyes full of concern.

  “I was just with him, Max…” he murmured. “This morning, I—”

  “Where do you need to go?”

  Alarik tried to remember the name of the medical center Mandy had named, but he kept picturing Damon on a gurney, alone somewhere.

  “Alarik. Focus. Where do you need to go?”

  “Ventura.”

  Max grabbed his bag from the tabletop. “Get your things together; I’ll take you right now.”

  Stumbling and off balance, Alarik managed to remember to grab his wallet, keys and jacket before running to the car. Max had the engine started and he was going through a list of medical centers near Ventura on his navigation system.

&
nbsp; “Is this it? Ventura County Medical Center?”

  Alarik nodded distractedly, buckling himself in. By the time Max had merged into the traffic headed north on the freeway, Alarik’s head was in his hands and every prayer he could remember was flowing from his mouth in whispers. He tried not to think about all the horrible possibilities, but the idea that something worse was coming would not go away, and he didn’t know how to fight it off. His boyfriend needed help and Alarik was too far away to do anything. He was utterly powerless and knowing next to nothing about Damon’s condition was driving him mad.

  Every now and then during the drive, he would feel Max’s hand on his shoulder, or curling around the nape of his neck. Hayama would speak soothing words to him in Finnish that never sank in.

  What did he do if—No! He couldn’t think that way. Damon and Todd would be okay. Everything would be fine. Alarik would get to Damon, find out what was going on, and go from there.

  It took them just over an hour to get to the medical center and when it looked like Max was just going to drop him off at the entrance to the emergency room, Alarik grabbed his hand on the gearshift. “Please, come with me.”

  It didn’t make any sense, but he felt that if he had someone with him, whatever bad news he learned inside those walls wouldn’t be able to reach him.

  Max didn’t argue; he parked and they ran into the building together. As they came through the doors, Alarik spotted Molly, Leo, and Luke off to the side with a doctor, while Mandy, Franco, Sandra, and Jess all waited nearby. Franco saw him first and rushed forward to meet him, barely glancing at Max. Everyone else was intent on the discussion with the doctor, though it seemed like they couldn’t hear a word that was being said.

  “What’s going on, Franco? Do you know anything more?”

  “This is only the second time that someone has spoken to us. Damon and Luke are Todd’s emergency contacts, so Luke will probably find out about Todd,” Franco kept glancing back at the doctor like he was expecting him to finish any second. “They were climbing about an hour and a half away from Ventura and were medevac’d in a couple hours ago.”