The Quick Brown Fox

by Stan Mason

  ‘If anything dangerous appears on the horizon just ring me. I’ll be here in less than five minutes. I live close by.’

  ‘How will you protect me?’ asked the jeweller thoughtfully.

  ‘Leave that to me. Ring at the first sign of danger and I’ll be here in a flash.’

  ‘I’ll do that,’ returned the other man with an element of relief as he showed the ex-convict to the door.

  Later that day, Jake went directly to Mr. G. with details of the costs, placing the sheet of paper with all the details in front of him.

  ‘The man can make six eggs in a year,’ he said informatively. ‘The estimate’s quite high but, as the man said, if you want the thing to appear like the original in every form, you’ll need the right materials.’

  The one-armed entrepreneur stared at the details scribed on the paper and nodded. ‘I think that’s reasonable,’ he said slowly blowing smoke from the cigar in his mouth.

  ‘You know smoking can take years off your life,’ quoted Jake quietly. It was the first time he had ever criticised the other man.

  ‘Yes... one may live longer,’ came the reply, ‘but the boredom of it all makes it seem to be much longer.’

  ‘How much do you intend to sell the eggs for?’ asked the ex-convict impertinently.

  ‘Anything form a quarter to half a million a time, maybe more,’

  ‘Wow! That’s some profit!’

  ‘A man’s got to live you know.’

  ‘Do you think you’ll find buyers at that price?’

  Mr. G. paused to sip at his Jack Daniels. ‘They’ll be queuing up for them. There are many wealthy collectors willing to give their right arm to own a Faberge Egg. A quarter of a million’s a real bargain. But I’m really only going to allow this man Taffler to produce four eggs in the first year.’

  ‘Why only four?’

  ‘I don’t want to flood the market. If I did, people would start to become suspicious. I can get away with it for only four of them.’

  ‘I take your point,’ responded Jake recognising the sagacity of the entrepreneur. There was a lot of sense in what he said which would have been overlooked by many other greedy people. No doubt Taffler would be delighted to hear of the plan especially as he would earn a solid fee for his work.

  Jake left the building with the thought of the colossal amount of money being gained in the first year. There were so many poor people working their socks off to make a meagre living yet here was a situation that would bring in a small fortune in a short space of time. He mused how unfair life was to so many people in the world. He knew that Mr. G. would honour his arrangement with everyone and that they would all profit from the venture, The new project was now on its way and, most importantly, it would not be as complicated or as difficult as the hydrogenetics process. This time it would be much more easier to handle. This time it would be plain sailing!

  ***

  Three months passed by before Dr. Sinclair finally completed the physical reconstructions to Don’s face and body. Very carefully, he removed the bandages from the scientist’s face and stared at him closely on admiration of his work.

  ‘Hm!’ he muttered mainly to himself euphemistically. ‘Not bad! Not bad at all! Your ears no longer look like Dumbo, the Disney elephant, your nose is in excellent shape, and your face looks extremely presentable. Here... look in this mirror and judge for yourself!’

  He handed a small mirror to the scientist who held it tightly in his hands before lifting it slowly in front of him. This was the moment of truth... the moment he would see what he really looked like now! He stared at his image with his heart thumping like a steam hammer. To his utter surprise, it was as though he was looking at a completely different person... one that he had never seen before. As the surgeon had told him, he was extremely presentable but it would take him a little while to get used to seeing the new image of Don Wise.

  ‘Wow!’ he exclaimed very impressed with the result. ‘I look quite handsome, don’t I? Will these lines go away?’

  ‘Very quickly,’ came the reply, ‘now that they’re exposed to the open air. Just give it a few hours. I want to say that you committed yourself one hundred per cent to your programme and now you can rightly claim the reward. You are good-looking and fit for purpose... whatever that may be We won’t be seeing each other again but I must say you’ve been an excellent patient. Before you do go, I suggest that you make your farewell to Mai Wan. She was very impressed by you and she succeeded admirably in getting your mind into shape.’

  ‘Thanks for all you done, doctor,’ stated Don, shaking the surgeon’s hand firmly. ‘I’ll never forget it,’

  ‘I’m certain you will the moment you leave,’ smiled the doctor sagely. ‘I’m afraid that life’s like that. As Shakespeare wrote: The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred in their bones. Goodbye Mr. Wise and good luck with your new life.!’

  Don smiled easily and left the surgeon to go to the next house to see his second mentor. She moved towards him staring at his face with admiration. ‘You look wonderful!’ she commented warmly.

  ‘And you look as beautiful as ever, Mai Wan,’ he returned amiably. ‘if the difference between our ages was much shorter in length I might have considered entering into a relationship with you... if you felt the same way of course.’

  She smiled at his words but failed to respond. She was a professional psychotherapist and would never mix business with pleasure whatever the circumstances. He was simply a patient who needed her skills... nothing more.

  ‘Just one thing which I never mentioned before,’ she told him. ‘When you’re entertaining a woman, make certain that you consider introducing romantic music. It will definitely be of benefit to you. As they say, music soothes the savage breast. Use it to your advantage.’

  ‘I’ll bear it in mind,’ he said softly, regretting that the sessions with the woman hand ended. ‘I have to say I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for me. It’s been quite incredible. I was a hopeless mess before you straightened me out. Look at me now. I’m a completely different person.’

  ‘You’d better go and see Mr. Griffiths before you leave to thank him also. He’s helped you considerably,’ she told him finally, stemming back the tears.

  Don kissed her gently on the cheek before leaving to say farewell to his third mentor. Mai Wan had been the one to transform his mind and actions and for that he was most grateful. On the other side of the coin, she was surprised at his total commitment to the task, never missing a session in all the days since the programme started.

  ‘There’s just one last thing I want to tell you,’ declared Griffiths when they met for the final time. ‘You have a very agile and adaptable mind. Before you came here, it was focussed on one subject... science. What I had to do was to unlock your brainbox and fill it with information. I think your mind was actually waiting for me to come along. Anyhow, it all worked out well in the end and you can go out into the world with a modicum of knowledge to get your through.’

  ‘Only a modicum of knowledge!’ challenged the scientist.

  ‘You’ll soon find out that the more you know the more there is to know. That’s the way of life and education,’ returned the teacher solemnly. ‘I wish you good luck in all your endeavours and remember to keep an open mind on everything.’

  ‘I never believed that I was so stupid before I came here,’ uttered Don in disbelief.

  ‘Not stupid... untaught! Use the knowledge you’ve gained wisely and don’t forget the old Chinese adage: Cursed is the man who achieves his ambition.’

  ‘What do you mean by that?’ asked Don perplexed at the comment.

  ‘You told me that you want to go out and play the field with women. You may find that ambition quite rewarding for a while but in time you’ll realise its folly. I can’t advise you what t
o do but if you follow that ideal you’ll eventually become bored and very much disliked. You will almost certainly achieve an adverse reputation. You’ll be known as a Casanova and become avoided by the women who are sincere. In fact you’ll attract those who will not bring you happiness. I’ve see it happen before.’

  Don shrugged his shoulders somewhat annoyed at the advice. It had been his highest ambition to make up time by flirting with women and becoming popular with them. He didn’t appreciate someone advising him to do otherwise.

  ‘And don’t forget the anecdotes,’ concluded the teacher. ‘Did you hear the one about the two carrots who were involved in a serious car crash. They were rushed to hospital where one of the was taken immediately to the operating theatre. The other carrot asked the doctor about his friend. ‘It’s bad news,’ related the medic sadly. ‘I’m afraid he’s going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life!’ They both laughed before the teacher continue. ‘There’s only one other piece of advice I can offer you.’

  ‘What’s that, Mr. Griffiths?’ asked the scientist.

  ‘Think ahead of the game.’

  ‘How do I do that?’

  ‘Take a scenario where you’re in a restaurant and a big man enters. He stares at you and says belligerently ‘What are you looking at?’ You could say ‘I don’t know, the label’s fallen off but that would mean confrontation and fisticuffs for the insult.’

  ‘So what should I say?’

  ‘Say... don’t I know you. You’re John’s brother-in-law, aren’t you?’ Of course it’s not the case at all but almost certainly you’ll have taken the steam out of the issue and he’ll probably shake his head and move on. In that way, you’ve stayed ahead of the game.’

  They shook hands and the scientist made his departure from Limehouse for the very last time. He would never return there again. It had been his home each evening over the past five months in which he had undergone a number of strenuous sessions with the three experts. It had been an experience that he would never forget while all the pain from the surgery was lost in the mist of time.

  At last he was free of those horrid bandages under which his face often itched madly without him being able to scratch it He was now a handsome fit man capable of making his way in society without being cajoled or bullied for his obesity or his ugliness. What could be better! He had enjoyed the skills shown by the triumvirate of mentors, difficult though it had been at the time, and he could face the world currently on his own terms. He had been such a dedicated and committed pupil that they were clearly proud of him and of the final effect that they had achieved. His only failure had been in the field of dancing. He knew all the steps from the waltz to the tango but his timing was deplorable and he was never able to keep up with the tempo or the rythm. His failure at this exercise almost drove Mai Wan to distraction at times as he continued to fail to keep time with the music. Despite her brave attempts to correct his mistakes, it soon became clear that he would never be any good on the dance floor. Nonetheless, he was able to shuffle around to a slow romantic tune but nothing more.

  Now that the bandages had been removed, his next task was to buy himself some new clothes and get a modern haircut to fit his new image. The following morning, he went directly to a hairdressing salon asking them to change his hairstyle to something really modern and, in due course, he emerged looking quite different. Then he went to a clothing store to buy himself a T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. When he emerged wearing the new clothing, and sporting the new hairstyle, no one in the world would have recognised him as the old Don Wise. T was a total transformation in which he now looked like a different person.

  He was late getting to work that day and he was surprised to find that Anya had also not arrived for duty. He sat at his desk working out ideas that were promoted at the last brainstorming session although he didn’t feel that any of them was worthwhile. Despite that he felt so good to be different from his old self and he removed a hand mirror from his desk drawer to stare at himself. It was all so overwhelming! He was very good-looking and well groomed. As he sat deep in thought, all that he had been through flashed across his mind until it was broken by the unsolicited arrival of Farrow and Collinge, the two men testing the hydrogentics process.

  ‘Are you in charge here?; asked Farrow, not recognising the scientist.

  ‘I suppose you could say that,’ answered Don. ‘I’m the senior scientist.’

  ‘I haven’t seen you around here before,’ stated Farrow with an element of suspicion in his voice. ‘Where’s the man with the bandages on his face?’

  ‘I was the one with bandages on my face the last time you came here,’ he went on.

  ‘You were also wearing a white coat which you’re not doing now,’ continued the man even more suspiciously.

  ‘Why are you here?’ demanded Don curtly, not wishing to get into a long harangue with the two men.

  ‘It’s a matter of courtesy really,’ declared Collinge entering the conversation. ‘We know you had nothing to do with the hydrogentics programme. It was all down to Harris but we thought it only fair to come and tell you.’

  ‘Tell me what?’ snapped Don tiredly.

  ‘We struggled with the formula until we were almost out of our minds,’ related Farrow slowly. ‘Seventy-five per cent of it seems to be okay but we can’t follow the reasoning from there onwards. The last twenty-five per cent’s like gobbled-gook. We can’t make head nor tail of it. We’ve tried to test the programme with a number of different possibilities but we always come up with the same negative answer. The formula cannot possibly work. To be honest, it’s against all the laws of nature.’

  ‘I think Harris was searching for the Holy Grail but he never found it,’ intervened Collinge seriously. ‘I really don’t think the man knew what he was doing. Farrow’s right. The first seventy-five per cent is fine but it ended there. Sorry to have to tell you this but it’s a bust. I don’t know what senior management’s going to say. I mean it was a complete waste of time and effort.’

  ‘So we thought we’d come and tell you personally,’ added Farrow, his face puckered up in ostensible pain. ‘We truly tried everything we could, I assure you, but we couldn’t make it work. Each time we tested it, the process produced the same amount of heat at the same temperature. There was no mass expansion and no advantage whatsoever.’

  ‘In my opinion, Harris tried to copy the Schrodinger theory,’ Collinge informed him, ‘and he tried to extend it beyond its capacity.’

  ‘We’ll leave it for you to report it to senior management,’ advanced Farrow hoping that the matter would not be left for him to carry out. ‘I mean it was thought up by this unit. It’s your responsibility.’

  ‘Did you try every test available?’ asked Don knowing the answer only too well. The Noble Prize for Science was swiftly disappearing into the distance far out of his reach.

  ‘We tried every test available,’ returned Colllinge candidly. ‘It just didn’t work. You can’t treat hydrogen like a block of wood carving bits out to reach the final product. It’s a scientific phenomena.’

  ‘Well it was only a theory,’ responded Don slowly. ‘Sorry you’ve been put to all that trouble but, as you say, it had nothing to do with me.’

  ‘We’re not blaming you,’ added Collinge. ‘It’s all part of the job. We just came to tell you of the result.’

  They left the room and Don screwed up his face as he thought about all the fuss that had taken place. The formula and the notes had gone missing. The details on the computer had been erased. It had caused the demise of Robert Harris who refused to hand over the details to Jake and it had led to the departure of David Coleman from the company. There were only two beneficiaries of the project... the appointment of Anya and himself, due to his transformation.

  He now had another unpleasant task to undertake... reporting the failure of the hydrogenetics
process to senior management. It was something that he was most reluctant to do but he believed that he could put off reporting it to them for a short period of time as they knew that the process was undergoing tests. His main concern was that, after learning the facts, they might consider closing the brainstorming unit in which case both he and Anya would be out of work. It was anything but an exciting thought. He toyed for a while with a pencil between his fingers fathoming out a number of ideas which passed through his head. If he was made redundant, where would he go... what would he do? His track record could hardly be called brilliant in any sense of the word but there were a number of employment agencies that might be able to help him find another appointment elsewhere. And then he remembered the facsimile in which senior management had appointed Martin Tarrant to take over the control of the unit Quite clearly, it was going to be allowed to run a little longer.

  He sat quite still for a while until the door opened and a stranger entered. He was a university graduate overwhelmed by his own ego. Through his appointment, the senior management of Universal Energy had decided to boost the brainstorming unit in an effort to find new processes which could be to their advantage.

  ‘Are you Don Wise?’ he asked bluntly.

  That’s me,’ replied the scientist wondering about the identity of the man. ‘Can I help you?’

  ‘I’m Martin Tarrant,’ stated the stranger pompously. Ashbury University. Passed with Honours. Appointed as Controller of this brainstorming unit. Senior management told me about the hydrogentics process which I understand is under test. I want to look at the details on the computer.’

  ‘Be my guest,’ invited Don moving out of the way to allow the man access to the machine without telling him that it was no longer in operation.

  Tarrant ran his fingers over the keys until he came to the file and the formula. He screwed up his face as he stared at it seemingly following it through from left to right.

  ‘Hm!’ he muttered to himself. ‘So that’s the formula. Looks quite interesting to me. Did you develop it?’