Secrets & Surrender

by L. G. Castillo

  “Nic, there’s something I need to tell you.”

  “Please don’t. I know what you’re going to say.” Turning, hazel eyes gazed at me with a sad longing that quickly widened with surprise.

  “Why are you dressed like that?”

  “I know. I look awful. I look like a giant Easter egg. I didn’t have time to change and Carla was running late.”

  I was rambling and he knew it. I swallowed thickly, wondering why I couldn’t just say it.

  There was a flash of lightning, and like typical Texas weather, the sky opened up in a torrential downpour. Despite the heavy rain, I clearly saw that his eyes held nothing but love for me. Even in his goodbye, his eyes showed how much he loved me. They were the same eyes I’d been looking into since the first day we met. He’d never held anything back from me. He’d always told me the truth. He trusted me. He loved me. And all he ever wanted was for me to love him too.

  Without another moment’s hesitation, the words spilled out.

  “I love you!” I blurted. “Oh God. I said it. I really said it. I love you, Nic. I’ve always loved you. I tried not to love you. I was afraid to love you. Afraid that if I loved you and you found out about me, the real me, that I’d lose you. And I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting like that. So I shoved the feelings away. I smashed them all down into a little box in my heart and threw away the key. But it kept growing and growing...like...like fungus. And now I can’t think of anyone else but you. And then Julian . . . Julian came into my life.”

  The rain lightened up enough for me to clearly see Nic’s face twist at the mention of Julian’s name.

  “He was a distraction,” I explained quickly. “He was a way out. Because he would’ve been so easy to be with. He’s like me. He understands. At least, that’s what I had thought. But I was wrong! I was so, so wrong. I don’t care if he loves me or not. But you, Nic, the thought of losing you is too much. I think of losing you and I can’t breathe. I can’t see a life where you don’t exist.

  “I know I’m probably too late. But you have to know. I had to tell you. I love you. I want to have everything with you. I want to marry you and have your babies.”

  His face lit up, making him even more breathtakingly handsome.

  Oh my God. I couldn’t believe I’d said that. Did I mean it? Yes, I did.

  “I mean it, Nic. I want the white picket fence and little Marcellis running around. But not until after we graduate. And we can name them Nicholas, Nico, Nikki, and Nicole. And you have to promise to change their diapers—”

  In two quick strides, he closed the distance between us. His fingers splayed my cheeks bringing my lips to his. My hands flew up to his neck, and I clung to him. His stubble rubbed against my chin as his lips ravished mine possessively.

  When he pulled back, his lips curled into that lopsided grin of his. “So are you trying to say you love me?”

  “Yes!” I laughed. My Nic was back! The rain finally stopped as I kissed his wet cheeks, his nose, his eyelids, saying, “yes,” in between kisses.

  “Mandi.” He pulled me into his chest. “I thought I’d lost you. I thought you wanted to be with Julian.”

  “It wasn’t Julian. It was what he represented. The real Julian is an asshole.”

  “Other than trying to steal my woman, do you really think that? I mean, he’s done a lot to help people in the community.”

  “God, Nic, that’s why I love you. You always see the good in people.” I kissed him deeply before I continued. “Yeah, he helps people, but he also believes that some people shouldn’t be with others.”

  “What do you—oh.” He frowned. “You mean like my father.”

  And your mother.

  “Yeah. Man, I hate that Juan looks up to Julian. He even told Julian about...” I paused, taking a step back. This was it. This was my chance to show Nic how much I trusted him and how much I really and truly loved him.

  “What is it?”

  “There’s something I need to tell you about my family. The only person outside of family who knows is Cassie, and of course, Julian because stupid Juan told him.”

  “Okay. Tell me.”

  “I’m afraid.”

  “There’s nothing you can say that would change how I feel about you or your family.”

  I gazed into warm eyes, studying him as I told him my family’s secret. The words fell out of my mouth slowly as I carefully explained what I had held so close to my chest, why I’d kept him at a distance for so long. I was finally doing it. I surrendered myself, my heart, my very soul to him. After the last words were spoken, I waited for his reaction with baited breath.

  As light filtered through the parting clouds, he tightened his hold. Ducking his head, he pressed his damp forehead against mine. His breath hit against my lips as he whispered the words that finally set my heart free.

  “Te amo, Mandi. You are my sun, my life. Nothing can ever change that. Nothing.”

  chapter 32

  Mandi

  December 1990

  “Oh, Cassie. You look so pretty,” I breathed as I walked into the room.

  Cassie stared at her reflection in the floor length mirror. Her brown eyes were big and sparkling with life, and her face glowed with excitement. Dispensing with the traditional white gown and lavish wedding, she chose something simple. I was upset at first when she told me her decision. I wanted to go all out. After all, this was her big day. She was a vision in the delicate cream dress that fell to just above her ankles.

  “Really?”

  “Please, girl. Cody is gonna pass out cold when he sees you walking down the aisle if he hasn’t already. I peeked into his dressing room. You do realize you’re about to marry a green man, don’t you? Poor guy. He looks like he’s about to puke. Don’t worry, though. I told Nic to watch him and make sure he doesn’t bolt. We borrowed Willa Mae’s shotgun just in case.”

  I placed the bouquet of flowers on the side table and helped her with her hair. I couldn’t believe she was getting married. It seemed like it was only yesterday that Nic and I had visited with Cassie and Cody over spring break. That’s when I’d first met Willa Mae, Cassie’s next-door neighbor. I connected with her instantly. She may have been like a bazillion years old, but she didn’t take crap from anyone. The woman totally rocked! She wasn’t afraid of anything. She even showed me the shotgun she had in her closet and whispered to me that she had used it plenty of times over the years. I had no doubt about that, but I was more afraid of the cane she used to get around. Seriously, that cane should’ve been considered a deadly weapon. She didn’t hesitate to whack me with it when I elbowed her out of the way so I could hold Cassie’s baby.

  Yep, that’s right, as I had predicted, John Dale, affectionately called little J.D., popped out early just for me. So I had to hold him first after Cody and Cassie, of course.

  Nic was elated when he was asked to be little J.D.’s godfather. For weeks, the man walked around doing a very bad Marlon Brando impression from The Godfather. Just when I thought he’d finally stopped, he started it up again the moment we arrived for Cassie and Cody’s wedding. Willa Mae promised to threaten him with the shotgun if he didn’t knock it off.

  Humming, I worked my magic on Cassie’s hair. I had Nic. Cassie had Cody and their baby. Life couldn’t be more perfect.

  “You’re happy,” Cassie said.

  “You bet. My home fry is marrying the second most awesome guy I know, and Willa Mae promised to make me my own maid of honor cake.”

  She laughed. “One cake isn’t enough for you?”

  “Have you met me? I’ve been dreaming about having her bake a cake for me since the day you and Cody set the wedding date.”

  “So does Cody really look nervous?”

  “Just a little. Don’t worry. Nic will distract him. He brought his guitar and they’re jamming.”

  Sighing, her face fell for a moment.

  “What’s that look?” I asked.

  “I can’t believe we made it
.”

  “Of course you and Cody made it. The man loves you like crazy.”

  “I know he does. We’ve been through so much, and he’s still here and wants to marry me.”

  I was quiet for a moment, thinking about all that Cassie and Cody had been through during the past year. I was so busy with college and my own drama with Nic that I hadn’t even known about the attack until spring break. Man, if I’d known, I would’ve dropped everything, hunted Seth and Dillon Baker down, and left them with one less ball—each.

  Though she didn’t tell me what had happened to her for a long time, I still felt awful that I hadn’t been there for her when she needed me the most.

  “I had no doubt you two would make it. And by the way, I’m still mad at you for keeping it a secret from me. Don’t ever do that again.” I waggled a finger at her.

  She gave me a sad smile. “I won’t.”

  “I still can’t believe Cody’s uncle is running against Sheriff Baker in the elections. Man, I hope his uncle wins. It’ll show those damn Bakers that they can’t run over everyone in this town.”

  “Me too. Cody’s so proud of him.”

  “I can’t believe Sheriff Baker thinks he can win having two sons in jail. Seriously, I hope Seth and Dillon rot in there. Maybe we’ll get lucky and someone named Biff will stake a claim on their sorry asses. Would serve them right.”

  “Let’s not talk about them. They’re not worth a millisecond of our time,” she said. “What I really want to know is about you and Nic. You two seem much happier than when I saw you last spring.”

  “We’re good.” I grinned. In fact, we were more than good. We were perfect. Ever since I’d told Nic our family’s secret, it was like a weight had been lifted. There were no more doubts and I had nothing but love for him, which I told him on a daily basis.

  “So you told him?” Her eyes met mine in the mirror.

  “Yeah.”

  “And . . .”

  “I’m an idiot.”

  “Mandi, you are not an idiot. You were just making sure your family was safe. I get that. I’m sure he does too.”

  “Yeah, he does. But I still think I’m a chicken shit for not telling him about my family in the first place. All that wasted time. I could’ve told him about it a long time ago.”

  “Don’t be so hard on yourself. It just took you some time to see how much Nic loves you and would never hurt you.”

  “Yeah, I see that now.” I smiled widely.

  “You know a secret,” she said. “I see that twinkle in your eye.”

  “Yes.”

  Turning, she placed her hands on my shoulders and looked me straight in the eye. “Spill it.”

  “I think Nic’s going to pop the question. Like really soon. Maybe even today.” I bounced on the balls of my feet. I was so excited.

  “Oh my God! That would be so cool. When he does, you have to tell me everything.”

  There was a knock on the door and Willa Mae poked her head in. Her face shined as she gazed at Cassie. “My, oh my, don’t you look pretty. Ain’t you just the picture of an angel.”

  “Thank you, Willa Mae.”

  “And you’re next.” Willa Mae’s wrinkled hand patted my arm.

  “You think so?”

  “I know it. I can feel it in my bones. It’s time to go now, chile. Cody’s waitin’ for you and your man,” she turned to me, “he’s waitin’ to see you too. Sure is a fine day to see youngins gettin’ married. A fine day. I’m ’fraid these ol’ eyes won’t be seein’ many more.”

  “Now, Willa Mae, don’t you talk like that,” Cassie said as she headed to the door. “I’ve seen Abraham Johnson checking you out.”

  “Good Lord, chile,” she hooted. “He ain’t checkin’ out nothin’ with that glaucoma of his.”

  Leaving the room, we teased Willa Mae about her boyfriend. She snapped at us, claiming he was no such thing, which made us laugh even more. As we walked down the hall to the chapel, I looked out of the windows into the parking lot, searching for my dad’s minivan. It wasn’t there.

  “What’s wrong?” Cassie asked.

  I glanced down at my watch, my brow furrowed with worry. Dad was never late. The drive from San Marcos was only a couple of hours, and knowing Mom, she would’ve gotten my brothers and sister up at four in the morning to make sure they were here on time for the wedding. Cassie was family to them.

  “Nothing.” I turned to her, placing a bright smile on my face. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

  chapter 33

  Nic

  It seemed like the entire town of Koppe was sitting in the church pews. Some people I recognized, like Tricia and her uncle. Buster and his father sat near the front with Cassie’s mother. Dozens of eyes were on Cody. Mandi had told me about how hard it was for Cody growing up in this town, especially with his father’s reputation. After he confronted Seth and Dillon when they attacked Cassie, I guess the townspeople saw him with new eyes. “Confronted” was putting it lightly. The man beat the shit out of them. I didn’t know if I could be as kind as Cody had been if they had done something like that to Mandi. I would’ve killed them, no doubt about it.

  Cody didn’t seem to notice the admiring looks from the pews, especially from a few of the girls sitting in the third row. His eyes were glued to the closed doors at the end of the chapel and he looked like he was going to hurl.

  “Nic, what time is it?”

  “It’s exactly thirty seconds from the last time you asked.”

  “Oh.” He nervously brushed a hand through hair that looked like it’d been gelled to death. Realizing what he was doing, he pulled his hand out and grimaced.

  “Shit. Got my hand sticky.

  He looked down at the suit he was wearing, waving his hand as if deciding whether or not he should wipe it on his pants.

  Chuckling, I reached into my front pocket and drew out a crisp white handkerchief. “Take this.”

  “Thanks.”

  “That’s what a best man is for.” I grinned.

  He swayed as if he was about to pass out. I latched onto his arm, keeping him steady. “Hey, breathe, man. It’ll be over before you know it. Look, there’s Willa Mae.”

  Willa Mae gave us a grin as she hobbled down the aisle.

  “Oh no. She ain’t comin’. Cassie sent Willa Mae to tell me she changed her mind.” Blue eyes looked at me in alarm. “I should’ve known better. Someone like me ain’t got no business with someone like her. Mandi’s probably drivin’ her out of town right now.”

  The dude was really freaking out. This was the most I’d ever heard him speak at one time.

  “They’re just a couple of minutes late. Don’t worry about it. Look, see, Willa Mae is sitting down right next to Cassie’s mom. Just try to chill and—”

  The doors opened and Mandi stood at the doorway. Dark eyes locked onto mine as she made her way down the aisle.

  While the “Wedding March” began to play and everyone stood, it was my turn to try to remember how to breathe.

  Mandi was a goddess. The floor length gown hugged her curves perfectly. The gown was asymmetrical, gathering the draped fabric on one shoulder while leaving the other bare. A band of material around her middle hugged her tiny waist, and the wine color of the gown set off her dusky skin to perfection. Her hair was piled on her head with a few loose curls framing her delicate neck.

  There was a sound of oohs and ahhs as she walked down the aisle. I beamed. This was my girl. She was all mine.

  Behind her was Cassie, looking beautiful in her simple dress. Cody’s uncle escorted her down the aisle. He looked just as nervous as Cody.

  Mandi took her place only a few feet away from me. She was even more stunning up close. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I barely noticed when Cassie finally made it to the front and joined hands with Cody.

  With a soft voice, Cassie promised to always love and cherish Cody. Although they were exchanging traditional vows, they were words I longed to hear Mandi say
to me some day soon.

  When it was Cody’s turn, I fingered the velvet-covered box in my left pocket, ready to do my duty as best man and hand it over to him when it was time.

  Mandi’s eyes glistened as Cody spoke, and I wondered if she was thinking the same things about me that I’d just been thinking about her. I hoped so. I used to think I couldn’t love her more that I already did. I was wrong. Since that night, when she said those three words to me, my love for her was different: stronger, deeper.

  Whenever she spent the night after one of our long study sessions, I’d watch her sleep. I was in awe of the beauty that lay next to me in my bed, her hair flowing over the pillow, her sweet smell surrounding me. I still couldn’t believe that someone like her could love me. Then in the mornings, tasting her sweet kisses, I could feel her love, and it’d blow me away all over again. I’d never been as close to anyone as I was to Mandi, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

  After I handed Cody the ring and the preacher announced them man and wife, I stuck my hand in my other pocket, grinning widely. I was happy for the newlyweds, but I was even happier for myself. I touched the other velvet box, knowing that in a couple of hours its contents would be on Mandi’s hand.

  You know it’s love when the love of your life convinces you to do the chicken dance in front of half the town of Koppe and you do it willingly.

  Standing in the center of the dance floor, that’s exactly what Cody and I did.

  Mandi and Cassie were having a blast watching us act like total fools.

  “Do you think our girls have a bet going on?” I handed Cody a bottle of Shiner as we stood back, taking a break.

  “Could be.” He took a swig. “Mandi keeps lookin’ at her watch like she’s timin’ us or something.”

  “I think they have money on who will break first.”

  “Maybe. So far it ain’t that bad. Long as they don’t play none of that Rick Astley stuff Mandi likes.” He grinned.