Secrets & Surrender

by L. G. Castillo

  This was a dream. It had to be.

  “Does that mean you’ll go out with me? I’m guessing you will . . . seeing as how you brought me back to life and all,” I murmured.

  “Bite me, Marcelli.” She turned on her heel, her hoop earrings swinging. She paused then turned back around, her face in torment.

  “Don’t leave me,” she said, her voice shaking. Then she grabbed my shirt as if afraid I’d disappear. In a blink, my clothes shifted. I was now in a tux, and we were back in the Koppe High gym. Quickly, I clutched her close to me, not knowing how long I would have with her before the darkness took me back.

  “I love you, Mandi.” I kissed the top of her head.

  Dark eyes gazed up at me. Red lips moved slowly as she spoke the familiar words again. “Don’t you die on me, Marcelli.”

  Her voice echoed in my mind, growing louder.

  “Do you hear me, Nic? Don’t you dare die on me!”

  With a push, I opened my eyes and stared up into the most beautiful eyes I’d ever seen, eyes that followed me, even when they were angry, eyes that always held love for me. I opened my mouth to speak and winced at the pain the movement caused. I took a breath, braving the pain, gasping as I spoke.

  “You’ll . . . go . . . out . . . with me?”

  “Yes, you silly man,” her voice squeaked. Her voice began to fade as I felt the darkness come after me again. And for a brief moment, it came to a standstill when she mentioned something about the laundry.

  “Pink boxers.” I smiled as she talked. I wanted to hold onto her voice. But I was losing. I could feel it. I couldn’t leave her. Not yet. She had to know.

  “Mandi.” I struggled to open my eyes again. Finally, there they were, those beautiful, dark eyes. “I love you.”

  Then the shadow’s arms gently wrapped around me, pulling me back into the abyss. And as I drifted, all I could hear was the thumping of my heart and Mandi’s sweet voice lulling me to sleep.

  “I love you. Please, Nic, I can’t live without you. You’re my life. Come back to me. Please.”

  She still loves . . . me.

  Thump, thump.

  I . . . didn’t . . . lose her.

  Thump, thump.

  She . . . loves . . .

  Thump, th—

  chapter 44

  Mandi

  “NO!”

  The scream ripped out of my throat as Nic’s eyes fluttered shut and his body went limp.

  “Nic! Nic!” I shook him gently at first and then harder when he didn’t respond. “Nic!”

  He’s not dead. He’s NOT dead!

  “Wake up, Nic! Wake up!” The world started spinning as I begged him to come back to me. I threw myself onto his chest, pleading for him to forgive me, promising that I’d never leave his side ever again. The words came out in gasps as I struggled to breathe.

  “Move aside, ma’am.” A pair of strong hands lifted me off him.

  “No!” I screeched at the paramedic as he tried to move me to the side. I pounded against the man’s back as he and his partner hovered over Nic.

  “Let them work on him, Mandi.” Julian took hold of my arm, dragging me away from them.

  With a loud crack, I slapped Julian, hating the very sight of him. He was taking me away from Nic again. He was not going to do this to me. Not again.

  “Fuck off!” I shoved him away and tried to run back to Nic. When he grabbed me by the waist, I beat against his beefy arms, screaming, “Nic! Nic!”

  My feet kicked air as Julian lifted me off the ground, carrying me back to the minivan. I clawed into his muscled arms, running my nails deep into the Aztec princess’s face.

  “Stop it, Mandi!” He growled.

  “Let go of me!” I screamed until my throat was raw. I clawed and kicked, but I couldn’t get loose. His arms were like iron, and all I could do was watch helplessly as the paramedics placed Nic’s body on a gurney and into the ambulance.

  Breathe, Nic. Breathe! My mind wailed, willing him to move as I watched one of the paramedics giving him chest compressions.

  Nic, I love you. Please, breathe for me. Come back, Nic. Please come back.

  When the ambulance doors closed and started to drive away, it suddenly hit me.

  They were taking him away, and I was never going to see Nic again. I’d never see that lopsided, confident grin in the morning as he waited on the front porch to give me a ride to campus. I’d never see his beaming face as I rode along with him on the country roads, showing me how fast his Porsche could go. I’d never hear his sexy voice singing to me. I’d never feel his arms around me. I’d never feel his sweet lips on mine, or the gentle touch of his hands as they swept over my body. I’d never hear him say those three words that I’d taken for granted for so long. The words hadn’t just come from his perfect lips, but from his eyes, his heart, his very soul. I’d never hear and I’d never feel his “I love you” ever again.

  I stomped my foot onto Julian’s. He cursed, and I fell to the ground with a thud as he reached down to grab his injured foot.

  “Nic! Nic!” I scrambled to my feet and ran.

  Don’t leave me! I love you, Nic! I love you!

  My feet pounded against the gravel road. I chased after the ambulance, running through the cloud of dust that billowed behind it as it zoomed away. Even as my chest felt like it was about to explode, I ran faster.

  A pain stabbed my side, and I gasped. Clutching my side, I stumbled and fell to the ground.

  When I looked up, the ambulance was a tiny red dot, growing smaller before it disappeared completely.

  “No!” My legs shook as I tried to get up. I fell to my knees. My stupid legs couldn’t take me another step farther. And then, I knew it was over. It was all over.

  I clawed at the gravel, barely noticing the sharp rocks tearing my skin as I wailed. Nic was gone. I’d never see him again.

  “Nic. Nic,” I moaned. I couldn’t take it. The pain was too much. I gazed up into the clear blue sky, praying for something, anything, to take the pain away. “Take me too. Please. I can’t live without him.”

  The world around me spun as I rocked back and forth, crying an endless river of tears, until my body grew numb and I collapsed. Sharp gravel stabbed my cheek when I hit the ground. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think. All I could do was lie there, breathing in short painful spurts.

  I can’t. I can’t do this. I’m going to die.

  The world around me grew black, but I didn’t care. I let it take me away because the light in me was gone, and I knew it would never come back.

  chapter 45

  Mandi

  “You have five minutes. And I’m only giving you five minutes because you’re family and because Dad told me to.”

  I touched the lit match to the candle and said a prayer. Turning to Juan, I blew out the flame. The smoke swirled into the air as I glared at him expectantly. He gulped and reached for a match. After he lit one of the dozens of candles that lined the wall, he swiftly tapped his forehead with the tip of his finger, followed by his chest, and then his left and right shoulders. He then turned to me with a hopeful look in his eyes.

  Yeah, I wasn’t buying into his gesture. Dad had obviously told him to light a candle for Nic.

  I glanced at my watch. “Four minutes and thirty seconds, Juan.”

  Five minutes was the most I could stand to stay away from Nic’s side. Dad had wanted me to go home and talk to Juan. The chicken shit had been afraid to come to the hospital. More than likely he was afraid to face the consequences of his actions and see Nic lying in a hospital bed, tied to all types of machines. I’d had no intentions of leaving Nic’s bedside, but Dad had pleaded with me to talk with him, and he’d promised to hold Nic’s hand in my place. Lucky for Juan, the hospital chapel was on the same floor as Nic’s room, and it was probably the one place I wouldn’t dare try to kill him.

  Seeing Juan brought back a flutter of images I didn’t want to remember: Nic pushing Juan out of the path of the bull
et, his body falling to the ground, his life slipping through my fingers. Fortunately, most of the time between now and when I collapsed after the ambulance had left was all a blur. I’d been so numb, I had barely registered what had happened. What I could remember was someone trying to carry me and how I kept falling down. And for some reason, I remembered fighting off a dog, or maybe it was some hairy dude, when I was being placed into the minivan. Somehow I managed to get out and find my way to Five Mile Dam. And I remember the sound of rushing water, and then my mother’s voice calling out to me and telling me that Nic was alive. I had thought I was dreaming until her hands cupped my cheeks and her warm brown eyes looked into mine.

  I had cried into her chest as she’d held me in her arms and told me that she’d been let go and that Mrs. Marcelli had taken care of everything. As they drove me to the hospital, Dad had filled in the rest, telling me that Mrs. Marcelli had also put up bail for Juan and that they wouldn’t be pressing charges. He told me how Julian had the cops go get him because I wouldn’t let anyone touch me. I could barely believe it when Dad said that Julian had to get stitches on his forehead and arms. It wasn’t until I saw Julian with cuts and bruises all over his face and arms that I realized how much I’d lost it.

  Juan’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he gulped again. Nervously, he brushed his dark hair off his face. The sleeves of his shirt pulled up slightly, revealing his tattoo. I wondered if Mom had seen it yet. Probably not since he was still alive . . . for now.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt.”

  “Didn’t mean—what the hell, Juan! You were going to shoot Nic! And I don’t care if the gun wasn’t loaded. You were stalking him on campus!”

  “I wasn’t stalking him.”

  I whacked his head. “Don’t lie.”

  “Okay, so I was watching him. But not because I wanted to kill him. I wanted to get him alone, and then I was going to tell him off and tell him to leave our family alone. And maybe rough him up a little, but then his father showed up and I thought maybe I could somehow convince him to take us seriously

  “Are you insane? You actually thought you would help Mom by stealing Julian’s motorcycle and his gun?”

  “Yes. No. I don’t know. I figured that since it was the Marcellis who put her in the dentition center, they could get her out. And then when I saw Nic’s father in the car waving me away like I was nothing. I guess I lost it.”

  I glared. Part of me wanted to punch him, but another part of me actually understood where he was coming from. The moment I’d seen Nic’s parents walk through the hospital doors looking for Nic’s room, the only thing holding me back from attacking them was Kristie’s cool hand in mine and her calming whispers that I was better than that.

  “He took a bullet for you,” I seethed, still angry at him for putting Nic in harm’s way. “The bullet just barely missed his heart. The doctor said if he had moved one millimeter, he would’ve died instantly. One, Juan. One!”

  He looked away, gazing at the flickering candles. “I know. He saved my life. And when he wakes up, I’ll tell him I’m sorry.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “And . . .”

  “And I’ll tell him I was wrong about him.”

  “Well, that’s a start.” I glanced down at my watch again. “Time’s up. I’m going back to his room.”

  As I spun on my heel, he took hold of my hand, stopping me.

  “I’m sorry, Mandi. I was wrong about him, and I’ll spend the rest of my life letting him know how wrong I was.”

  There was a sincerity in his eyes that I’d hadn’t seen in a long time. He’d changed a lot over the past couple of years. I could tell there was still an underlying frustration at having had to keep the family’s secrets and not knowing who he could and couldn’t trust. And even though I was grateful that he had Julian to look up to, some prejudices, Julian’s prejudices, seemed to have rubbed off on Juan, and that wasn’t a good thing.

  But then again, I hadn’t been any better. I had wasted too much time fighting off Nic. It had taken almost losing him to make me realize that life was too precious to keep a love like Nic’s out of my life. I vowed that nothing and no one would ever come between us ever again.

  chapter 46

  Mandi

  When I returned to Nic’s room, Dad was exactly where I’d left him, sitting at Nic’s bedside, holding his hand. The sound of his voice drifted across the room as he murmured something to Mrs. Marcelli, who sat on the opposite side.

  The moment Mrs. Marcelli had walked into the room, I had wanted to smack the haughty expression right off her face. I expected her to take one look at me and demand that I leave. Or even worse, call security on me. I had been totally prepared to fight her and anyone else who tried to take me away from Nic’s side.

  The moment she’d seen Nic, her face twisted in anguish and she rushed to his side. She didn’t even throw me a glance. In between sobs, she’d kissed his forehead, eyelids, and cheeks, murmuring under her breath, “Owie, owie go away, little Nic wants to play.”

  I had been so shocked, I kept staring at her, wondering if maybe Nic’s mother had a twin sister or something. When she finally stopped crying, she looked at me and asked what had happened. What was really shocking, and even a little scary, was what she did after I explained that Nic had taken a bullet for my brother. She’d actually reached over and pulled me to her and wept.

  I hadn’t known what to think. I’d been so confused. But when I heard the same agony in her cries that had been in mine when I thought Nic had died, I knew that we were in the same place. We both loved Nic. We were both thankful that he was alive. Both of us held vigil over him, with her on one side and me on the other, until Dad had asked me to meet with chicken shit Juan.

  I seriously thought Dad was going to cream her after what she did to Mom. Even if they’d gotten Mom out and paid for Juan’s bail, Mrs. Marcelli deserved to get her ass nailed to the wall by my dad. Instead, there he was, patting her hand and giving her a sympathetic smile.

  “Dad.” I stayed by the doorway and gestured for him to come over.

  He nodded and then patted Mrs. Marcelli’s hand one last time.

  She smiled gratefully at him before turning her attention back to Nic.

  “I don’t get it, Dad. How can you be nice to that woman after what she did to Mom?” I whispered furiously.

  “Manuela, I raised you better than that,” he chastised. “Who are we not to forgive when someone asks for forgiveness?”

  I blinked. “She apologized?”

  “Yes, she did.”

  “And you accepted it?”

  “Of course, I did. Just as you forgave your mother and me for our mistakes, I also forgive others for theirs. Look,” he gestured to Mrs. Marcelli, “she almost lost her son with her mistake. And if not for her son, I could’ve lost mine.”

  Tears welled in my eyes as I watched Mrs. Marcelli sit next to Nic. It was hard to stay mad at her. God knows I wanted to hate her, but she looked so pitiful. Her normally perfect hair was disheveled, and there wasn’t a trace of makeup on her tear stained cheeks. Her clothes were wrinkled. She hadn’t left Nic’s side since she’d arrived. It was like she was a totally different person.

  “Find it in your heart to forgive her,” he whispered. “After all, she is the mother of the man you love.”

  After Dad left, I sank back down in my spot next to Nic, taking his hand in mine. Mrs. Marcelli’s green eyes looked up at me.

  “Is everything alright with your brother?”

  “For now.”

  She nodded and turned her attention back to Nic.

  Nic looked so peaceful. It was as if he were asleep. I let out a breath and closed my eyes, thankful that we’d been given a second chance. I squeezed his warm hand, vowing that the moment he woke up, I was going to let him know that I was his forever.

  “Victoria, we have an issue to discuss.”

  I stiffened at the sound of Mr. Marce
lli’s voice.

  “There’s nothing more to discuss, Frank,” she snapped.

  My jaw dropped. The woman has some backbone. I’d never once heard her raise her voice, and I definitely never expected her to do it to her own husband.

  Her green eyes blazed. He blinked, looking almost as shocked as I was. She turned away from him, running her manicured fingers through Nic’s hair as she spoke. “Whatever Dominic wants is what I want.”

  She gave me a soft glance.

  I almost fell out of my seat. I was so not expecting that.

  “Dominic’s too young to know what’s good for him or his future. I’m sure even Ms. Ruiz can see that it’s better for him to attend Princeton. He’ll meet people who can help his career, not destroy it.” He glared at me. “An incident like this would’ve never happened if he was around...well, when he’s around people who have some restraint.”

  My eyes darted to him, glaring at the insult. He could say anything he wanted to about me. I didn’t care anymore. What really pissed me off was that he didn’t really care about Nic. All he cared about was his own stupid reputation.

  I lifted Nic’s hand, kissing it before placing it gently by his side. Standing, I marched over to give him a piece of my mind.

  “I don’t give a shit if you are Nic’s father. Don’t you ever talk about me like that ever again!” I jabbed his chest with my finger. “And you had better get used to seeing me because if you want Nic in your life, I’m going to be there. Where he goes, I go. Got that?” I poked him in the chest even harder this time. “And if he wants to spend family holidays or dinners with you, well, bring out the tamales because I’m gonna be there. And they better be fresh ones too because the stuff that comes out of the canned ones are nasty.”

  “Now, look here, Ms. Ruiz—”

  “No, Frank, I have had enough of this.”

  My eyes widened as Nic’s mother came to my side, placing an arm around me. Each word that came out of her mouth was like a bullet. “You will accept Mandi and her family into ours. You will accept Nic and his wishes to attend SWT with Mandi. And you’ll cover all the expenses they’ve incurred because we were too blind to see that Mandi is good for him.”