by Sinden West
Lucas releases my hand, and I lean against the wall as I look up at him.
He runs his hand through his hair. It sticks up in spikes. “Look, Michaela, I’m really sorry about last weekend. I didn’t mean to get drunk, I just got caught up.”
I just shake my head. “It doesn’t matter. I got home fine anyway.”
“Still,” he takes my hand again. “I am sorry. I want you to know that.”
Lucas leans in to kiss me and it’s wonderful. His lips are soft and he’s gentle with me. He lives up to my expectation of him being a true gentleman, and for a moment time stops.
But that’s the problem, isn’t it?
A gentleman.
My eyes flicker open. Tara is a whore glares at me from the wall in spiky white letters against the black.
Those stupid thoughts keep running through my head. You’re a whore, Michaela. He wouldn’t want you if he knew. You’d be like a poison and eventually, you’d drag the poor boy down to your level.
I feel like clasping my head and shouting shut up, shut up, shut up! I want to dig my nails through into my brain and make the memory of every disgusting thing that I’ve ever done leak out of my head.
He notices that I’m not kissing back then and pulls away. There’s hurt in his eyes and I hate knowing that I’ve put that there. But I’m letting him off easy. If he were to be with me, there would be a lot more hurt and disgust to come.
“I’m sorry,” I say softly.
He’s nodding. “It’s okay, I get it.”
My heart breaks at the disappointment in his voice.
“It just, it’s me, I’m not goo—”
But he shakes his head. “Don’t do that. You don’t have to do that. We’re still friends, right?”
“Of course,” I manage to squeak out. He squeezes me on the shoulder, and then he’s gone, disappearing around the corner and leaving me in that grotty corridor. I collapse against the wall for support, fighting back tears. Why does my life have to be so fucked up?
Liam appears then, from whatever dark corner he’s been lurking in. He has a beer in his hand, and I can tell he’s drunk from the way that his eyes are glazed. There’s a smile on his face, and it’s not a nice one. There is cruel amusement there.
“I know what you were going to say,” he taunts in a sing song voice and I steel myself, nails digging into the wall, scratching the paint. He takes a step closer so now he’s right in front of me. I press myself against the wall but force myself to meet his eyes. He moves his head so that his lips are close to my ear.
“You were going to tell him that you weren’t good enough,” he whispers.
I grit my teeth in anger that he’s right.
He moves back slightly so he can look me in the eyes again, a smirk on his lips as his gaze wanders up and down me as if he hasn’t seen me naked before and wants to know what’s underneath. He puts one hand on the wall beside my head for support.
“Were you going to tell him what a whore you are? How well you suck cock, just like a common street hooker.” Then a finger is coming up to touch my hair, my skin. It traces, ever so softly and slowly, down from my hairline, along my cheek and down my neck, to rest just above my breast. “You’re right, baby. You aren’t good enough for someone like that.” His eyes are nearly black in the dim light and they appear to glitter. “You’re only good enough for someone like me.”
Then he kisses me and it’s nothing like Lucas’s kiss. It’s soft at first, as if he’s tasting me, but then, as I don’t draw away, it changes to a hard kiss. His tongue enters my mouth as if he owns it and forces my own to start to dance with his. All the pent up misery and frustration within me has come to a head and I need … something that I can’t name but this is how I’m going to get it. I kiss him back just as furiously and violently as if he’s the answer to all my needs. Then he’s pulling my hand, leading me around another corner and opening a small door. He drags me into a closet, pushing brooms and buckets aside. There’s a small bench which he lifts me up onto, and I’m dragging down my own panties as he kisses me, then I’m working on getting his pants down and cock free. He pushes up my skirt and even I’m surprised at how wet I am.
He enters me swiftly in one rough motion and we gasp together. There he rests for a moment, filling me completely, and then he start moving, slowly at first, and then harder and harder at my urging. I’m amazed at how good this feels and I pull his head to me roughly to make him kiss me again. Which he does with urgency until he breaks away, resting his head on my shoulder as he comes.
He just stays like that, and even though I didn’t come I feel somehow fulfilled and content. And then I remember who I just had sex with and my heart hardens.
Maybe he senses a change because he pulls his head up and away from my shoulder to look me in the eyes. The look on his face is happy. I can tell because the smile is real. But then he must see the look on my face because that smile disappears and is replaced by something unreadable. The cool, calm, collected Liam that I’ve come to know and loathe, is back.
He steps away, pulling up his pants and grabbing his beer bottle from the shelf where he left before that chaotic screwing began.
“Don’t think that this counts as part of our arrangement. I still want to see you at my house this week.” I don’t say anything, I don’t move until he’s gone. Then I take my time pulling up my panties and adjusting my skirt. Finally, when there’s nothing left to do, I put my face in my hands and cry.
Chapter Six
Monday morning sees me handing in my French assignment and hoping for the best. Liam’s the last one in the class to enter and he just saunters past Madame’s desk and carelessly puts his on top of the pile. That dick will probably get an A+. We practice conversation and I’m paired with Kate Sims. Kate hates me, well it’s really Mags she hates because Mags slept with her boyfriend last year, but I get to be hated by association.
She does such a lot of eye rolling at my awful pronunciation that I think her eyes might fall out of head. She doesn’t say anything rude to me though, she’s too scared of Mags for that. But I just know what she’s thinking.
This horrible, painful exercise is nearly over when Liam leans over from where he’s practicing with his partner.
“You sound sexy speaking French.” This is directed at Kate, who blushes and giggles and it’s then that I realize that she likes him. Then he turns to me, “I don’t know what that is coming out of your mouth, but it’s not French.” Kate giggles harder at this, while I just scowl.
Liam gives me a playful smile and then leans in closer to say softly, “that’s okay though. I know that mouth has other talents.” Then he’s back paying attention to his partner before I can think of anything to say. Kate is still giggling like he’s made her day and I give her an indignant look.
“Don’t waste your time with that one; you never know what you might catch.”
Kate stops giggling.
Then the bell rings and I escape this torturous class.
The highlight of the day is Ethan and Philippa’s very public breakup in the cafeteria. Lise and I sit there calmly eating our food as we watch them yell.
“I give them until the end of today before they get back together,” Lise says, before biting into a fry.
I shake my head. “Nah, tomorrow. Let Philippa pretend to have some dignity.” I crunch into my apple, my eyes following Philippa as she storms out. I sigh and get to my feet and Lise does the same so we can follow her and let her vent.
In English, we divide into our assignment groups again and head to the library. Lucas is friendly enough but there is plenty of awkwardness between us so most of my conversation is directed toward Nadia. Liam is busy on his phone, again, and doesn’t really engage with any of us. At the end of the period, Lucas packs up and is the first one to leave. He doesn’t say goodbye and I sit there staring after him in a bit of a daze. I snap out of it to say goodbye to Nadia and then slowly start packing up my books.
; “Hey.” Liam touches my shoulder. “Come on, we’ve got work to do.”
“What work?”
“For the oral presentation, weren’t you listening? We need to do a presentation on a book each.”
“Oh, I missed that. I had that stupid cow Kate bugging me.”
“Kate’s alright. You and your friends pick on her too much, she doesn’t deserve that.” He starts walking toward a book shelf.
“Hey, I don’t pick on anyone!” I tell him, following behind. He crouches down to inspect a row of books.
“Your friends do, that bitch Philippa particularly.”
I crouch down beside him. “I can’t control what my friends do. And Kate is a bitch.”
“Well,” he grabs two books out, “you would know.”
I ignore his insult, getting back to my feet and follow him back to the table.
“What are those?”
“Le Petit Prince, in French and in English. That’s the book you’re going to do.”
I frown. “It’s a kids’ book.”
“It’s a classic. It’s got lot of themes and stuff to talk about.” He pushes them into my hands. “Go check those out and take them home and read them. We’ll talk about it on Friday.”
“Which book are you doing?”
“Vol de Nuit. It’s by the same author. See ya.” He grabs his stuff and goes while I stand there inspecting the cover. Thank God there’s an English translation.
On Friday, I turn up at his house with the books in my hands. A guy a couple of years older than me answers the door; the smell of marijuana assaults me immediately. The guy is good looking, just like Liam. He stands there without saying anything, just looking me up and down in a way that makes me feel naked and uneasy.
“Um, hi. Is Liam home?”
“Nah, he’s not back yet.” He peers at me. “You must be the stuck up girl he’s tutoring.” He talks about me? Nice.
I don’t really know what to say to that.
“Come in.” He indicates with his head. “He won’t be too long.” He ushers me into the lounge.
“Take a seat.” I do so, perching uncomfortably on the edge of the couch, gripping my books.
“Hey, you wanna beer?” he offers.
I shake my head. “No thank you.” He heads to the kitchen and grabs one for himself, before returning to sit beside me on the couch. Even though there are other chairs to sit in.
“I’m Alex, Liam’s brother.” He takes a long drink from his can.
“I’m Michaela. So are you in college or something?”
He laughs. “Hell no, Liam’s the only smart one in this family.” Then he’s staring at me. “So, are you going to college?”
I smile nervously. “Hopefully. That’s why Liam’s helping me.” I stop myself from frowning when I notice how close he is to me, his leg brushes against mine every time he moves. I wish he’d stop staring. He’s got that predatory look that I know so well.
“You sure you don’t want a beer? You seem kind of uptight.”
I shake my head again. “I’m driving so …” He puts his hand on my knee and squeezes it slightly. Before I can react, the front door bangs and both our heads turn to see Liam standing in the doorway to the living room. He’s staring at his brother, his mouth in a grim line. His brother drops his hand from my knee and I take that opportunity to jump up and walk toward Liam. He moves out of the doorway to let me pass.
Before I do, Alex calls out. “Nice meeting you, Michaela. You should come around more often.”
I look to the ground and twist my lips into something that resembles a tight smile.
“Thanks.” Then I move past Liam and he follows me as we head to his bedroom.
Once he closes that door, he looks at me. “You been here long?”
I shake my head. “Just a few minutes.” I hold up the books. “I read it, it’s a cute story and I looked up the themes so now I just need you help me translate what I want to say.”
We both sit at the desk as we get started. He writes it out for me in his careful writing. It’s oddly beautiful script for a boy. Although, his fingers are long and graceful…
He shakes his head at one part. “No, you’ve got this one wrong. When the fox says you become responsible for what you have tamed, he’s talking about building bonds of trust, they’re what are essential in any relationship and they make the person you love unique. But you need to keep up the ties, keep up the bonds.”
I tilt my head and smile as he writes it down. “Oh, that’s romantic.”
He gives me an odd look. “You girls are all the same. Looking for a fairy-tale.”
“Of course. There has to be something to look forward to. Don’t you want to be unique to someone? To be the only one they care about more than anything? Don’t you want to be in love?” I’m getting a little carried away now but I don’t really care.
He laughs at me and shakes his head. “I think love only gets you so far. Love isn’t going to help you pass this French class.” And then he leads forward and places his hands on my waist.
“But my lust will,” he whispers as he starts to kiss my neck.
“Must you make everything so carnal?”
He pulls back and kisses me on the mouth before saying, “Yes.”
I stand up and grab his hand, pulling him to the bed, and set about pulling off his t-shirt and then straddle him on the bed as he looks up at me expectantly. I pause for a moment, thinking, before saying, “I bet you end up falling hard for someone one day. You’ll get the fairy-tale and I’ll be stuck with some asshole and be all disillusioned.”
A smile plays on his lips. “Would you just shut up and kiss me.” Dick. But I do as he asks.
His knee slides in between my thighs and I can’t help but grind against it. His hands lift my top over my head and slip my skirt down. I push him down, and clad only in bra and panties now, I straddle him and start to kiss down his chest.
I swirl my tongue around his nipple and suck on one, and then the other. He’s breathing hard and I know he likes it. I feel my panties practically dripping with need, and as he frees my breasts from my bra, I slide my panties down and carefully sink down on his hard cock. I go slowly at first, reveling in the novelty of being in control for once. Once my body has adjusted to him I start to move so that it feels good for me. While one of Liam’s hands stroke my breasts, the other places a finger at my clit so every time I move it drives me crazier. I close my eyes as I really get into it, I don’t care if it’s good for him, I only care that it’s good for me. When it’s too much to take, I collapse down with my head on his chest as I grind harder.
“Oh, Liam, Liam, Liam,” I moan like a mantra until I come.
Afterward, all I can do is lie there on top of him, breathing heavily. When I’m composed I move off him, careful that the condom doesn’t come off and spill. I don’t even look at him. I just find my clothes quickly and dress. And then I’ve got my keys in my hand and I’m out of there.
After I drive for a while aimlessly, I pull over somewhere and lean back in my seat. I can’t believe I was that wanton or selfish. I just took what was mine. This must be what sex is like for other people. I laugh. I must be kind of normal after all. I smile all the way home. The day just gets better when Mom hides in her bedroom, drunk, stoned, or whatever the hell she does. Stefan has a business dinner and won’t be back till late. For once, everything appears perfect, even if it’s only for a fleeting moment.
Chapter Seven
My first French assignment gets handed back to me with a B emblazoned across it. Kate leans over and peers at it.
“I’m surprised,” she says, eyebrows raised. Bitch.
I see her own paper has an A, but that doesn’t dampen my good mood. I wave my paper over at Liam so he can see and he mouths, “Told you.”
I can’t stop grinning and actually pay attention today to Madame Gerard with a renewed enthusiasm. The day gets better when I’m not paired with stupid Kate for conversation. In
stead I’m with Jeremiah who only speaks to my chest and spends most of the time drawing penises in his book. That leaves me free to listen to Kate and Liam’s conversation.
“So, are you going to the dance next week?” she asks, and I nearly cringe at the hopefulness in her voice.
“I’m not really into school …. activities,” Liam answers.
“Oh? It could be fun. I was thinking about going, I don’t have a date yet though.”
I want to slam her head into the desk, instead I shoot a quick glance at Madame Gerard who’s sitting at her desk reading French Vogue and ignoring everyone.
I pull out my phone.
‘For fucks sake. Ask that stupid cow to the dance and put her out of her misery.’
He texts back straight away.
‘I don’t go to dances’
‘Then ask her out, or over to your house for a BJ. She’ll probably be up for that. Look at her; she’s practically drooling over you.’ I watch him smile as he reads that one.
‘Sure, I’ll ask if she wants a threesome with us. By the way, Jeremiah is looking down your top’ I look up quickly to see that it’s true.
“Jeremiah!” I hold my hands over my top.
“What?” he asks innocently.
“Hey, Jeremiah. You going to the dance?” Liam asks.
Jeremiah shrugs, “Dunno.”
“You should take Kate, she hasn’t got a date,” Liam suggests, as Kate’s eyes go wide.
“Actually, I’ll probably just go with a group of friends,” she says quickly.
“Whatever,” Jeremiah says as he inspects Kate’s chest quickly then looks away. I don’t think her breasts are big enough for his tastes. Then his eyes turn to me.
“Have you got a date, Michaela?”
“I probably won’t be allowed to go,” I say quickly, just in case he gets any ideas.
It’s then that Madame Gerard flicks her eyes up and yells at us in French, thankfully bringing an end to this conversation.
I practically prance up the path to Liam’s house. It’s been a good day. Stefan and Mom are going away for the weekend which makes it even better. Liam’s creepy brother, Alex, opens the door. He grins at me.