by Sinden West
“Hey, Michaela, come on in.”
I’m firmly aware that his eyes are transfixed on my ass as I walk down the hall to Liam’s bedroom. I knock on the door and open it at Liam’s yell. He’s sitting at his desk, and looks over at me and grins.
“I tried asking Kate for a threesome but she turned me down. She said I was okay, but you’re kind of a bitch. She likes your tits though…” He spreads his arms wide and shrugs. “Oh, well. I tried.”
“Damn,” I say sarcastically. “Her boobs weren’t big enough for me anyway. Or Jeremiah as it happens.” I sit down on the bed and pull out my notes. “You are so mean, why didn’t you just ask her out. She was all pathetic and needy. It probably took all her courage to say that to you.”
He joins me on the bed and starts looking at my presentation notes.
“Kate’s not the type of girl you just screw. She’s the type that wants a fucking engagement ring before she goes down on you. Too much hassle.” Then he looks at me. “That’s why I like you so much.”
“You say the sweetest things,” I say sarcastically. “Now, are you ready to listen? I’ve been practicing.” I stand up and start to attempt to speak in a good accent.
He watches me without saying a word until I finish and I spread my arms wide.
“Well, what do you think?” I have a bright, hopeful smile on my face.
“We have a lot more work to do.”
“Oh.” My face falls in disappointment. “That bad?”
“That bad,” he confirms. He reaches out and takes my arm and pulls me down to sit beside him.
“But, I’d give you an A for screwing, an A+ even.”
I just look at him. “That doesn’t make me feel better.”
“It should. Being good in bed will get you further in life than being able to speak French ever will.” He shuffles over on the bed until he’s lying on his side, facing me. I join him, resting my head on my hand.
“That might be true, but being able to screw isn’t going to get me a scholarship.”
“Actually, it might if you know the right people.” He grins, and then he asks, “Why do you need a scholarship anyway, isn’t your stepfather like really wealthy?”
I sigh, wanting to get off this subject. So I lean forward and kiss him and he forgets all about his question.
After we have sex, we lie together under the blankets. We’re not cuddling or anything like that, and we’re only touching because it’s such a narrow bed. But still, it does feel kind of nice. Liam’s trying to teach me how to pronounce certain words, it’s really boring and I drift off to sleep. I wake up to hear my cell phone ringing. Liam is asleep beside me and stirs. It’s dark outside and the clock on the wall tells me it’s seven o’clock.
I get out of bed and get my phone out of the pocket of my jeans. Stefan’s names flashes across the screen until I finally answer.
“Hi.”
“Where are you? Do you know what the time is?” He doesn’t sound too angry.
“Sorry, I’m just at my tutor’s and forgot the time. I thought you guys were going tonight anyway?”
“It got cancelled.” Shit, Shit, Shit. “I thought we could spend some time together instead. Your Mom’s gone to bed with a headache.” My heart sinks in disappointment. I know what that means.
I swallow. “Okay, I’ll be there soon.”
“Good girl. I love you.” He ends the call. I sit there for a moment staring at my phone. I grip it tightly to stop my hand from shaking.
“Who was that?” Liam asks sleepily from the bed.
“Stefan.” I feel faint all of a sudden, all sweaty and tense. It’s a familiar feeling.
Fear.
Liam lifts his head off the pillow. “Are you okay? You look sick.”
“I’m fine.” I concentrate on getting my clothes on, then I grab my notes and shove them in my bag. “See ya.”
“Bye,” he murmurs behind me.
I calm myself on the drive home, and manage to give Stefan a smile when I walk in the door. The smile I receive back is a warm one.
“Have you had dinner yet?”
“No, I completely forgot the time.”
“I’ll take you out. I bought you a new dress. Why don’t you go upstairs and change. It’s on your bed.”
He follows me up the stairs and stands in the doorway while I change. It is a very beautiful dress in a dark burgundy fabric. It’s tight though, and clings to every curve.
“Thank you, it’s beautiful,” I say as I look in the mirror. He walks up behind me and meets my eyes in the mirror, before kissing the back of my neck while running his hands down my shoulders. I try not to shiver.
“You’re beautiful.” Then he’s taking my hand and leading me out of my room, out of my house. When we get into his car, he puts his hand on my thigh and squeezes.
“I have a new friend for you to meet. I think you’ll like him.”
I don’t say anything and just stare out the window.
The friend has anal sex with me while Stefan watches with his dick in his hand. It hurts. I cry, and for the rest of the night my anus stings. When Stefan deposits me at my bedroom door, I receive a chaste kiss on the cheek.
Once safe in my bedroom, I pull out my diary, add to my list, and write my story. Then everything is okay again, and the voices stop.
That Saturday afternoon I’m supposed to meet Mags at the park but she gets caught sneaking in late from a party and gets grounded for the rest of the weekend. It’s turned into a beautiful, warm day so I go anyway. On the drive there a song comes on the radio about having sex like animals.
I have to turn it off.
The park’s filled with families but I find a spot where I stretch out on my back with my copy of The Little Prince in my hands. The sun is warm on my face and I close my eyes and begin to doze off.
Then a shadow intrudes on my sun and I’m jolted awake.
Liam’s looking down at me. He’s got his shirt off and looks all sweaty as he breathes heavily.
“You must really like that book.” He indicates toward the book I still hold.
I sit up, and he spreads himself out beside me.
“I want to be the rose,” I tell him, yawning.
He nods but doesn’t say anything.
“Why are you all gross and sweaty?” I ask, wrinkling my nose.
“I’ve been running.” Without asking, he grabs my bottle of water and starts to drink.
“Oh, so that’s how you keep in shape. I did wonder.”
He grins. “You can’t look like this without working out. I spar at the MMA gym as well. I knew you liked my body,” he teases.
I roll my eyes at him. “Everyone has at least one good quality, I suppose.”
“Sure. What’s yours?” He fights a smile.
I punch him on the shoulder, but only end up hurting my hand.
“Ouch.” I try to shake the pain away. “That was supposed to hurt you, not me.”
“You punch wrong. I’ll teach you how one day.”
“What? So I can beat you up? I like that idea.”
“You’re very violent, you know that.”
I smile at that. “Don’t take it personally. It’s not just you. I hate all men.” I get to my feet. “Do you wanna coffee?”
He grabs my hands and pulls himself up.
“As long as you’re buying.” Dick.
With our coffees in hand, we stroll along by the fountains. He’s not as good company as Mags but I suppose that he’s better than nothing. We come across some drunk people near one of the fountains. Actually, they look drunk and homeless, but that could just be me being judgmental about the clothes they were wearing. They know him by name and ask him about a fight he was in recently. He makes conversation with them for a few minutes before we continue on.
“So you’re a fighter?” I ask him once we move away.
“I just spar with the other guys for practice mostly. But I did fight the other week though, didn’t win.”
He sips his coffee, not appearing bothered. “I’m not as good as a lot of those guys so I don’t really go in for the public fights or anything.
A though occurs to me. “So that’s how you beat up that senior when you were a freshman.”
Liam raises an eyebrow at me. “You know about that?”
“Of course. You’re a legend.” My coffee’s cooled enough by now for me to drink it and I savor the taste.
He gives me a cocky smile. “So that’s why you wanted to sleep with me.”
I frown at his teasing. “I didn’t want to sleep with you. It was your idea.”
“But you went along with it. Most girls wouldn’t.” That comment makes me pause for thought. Wouldn’t they? I thought I was acting like a normal person. Maybe I don’t even know what normal is anymore.
“I was desperate,” I say to him, looking away. But he turns in front of me and stops, facing me and forcing me to come to a stop.
“But you want to sleep with me now, right? I mean, you’re not just doing it because I’m helping you, are you?” The way he’s looking at me right now is so intense that I feel myself flush red. I push him out of my way, nearly spilling my drink in the process.
“What, you think I some kind of whore now?” I say, suddenly nervous.
He frowns. “Of course not, just … you don’t have to be embarrassed to say that you’re into it too. I mean, I know you are. I can tell.” He reaches out his hand and brushes my hair away from my face. I don’t want to look at him but I can’t help it. I hate how electric I find his touch now.
“Fine. I like having sex with you. So?” I bite out.
A broad smile spreads across his face. “I just wanted to hear it.”
I glare at him. “You really are a prick, you know that?”
Liam just nods. “I get that a lot from girls. So, you wanna come back to my place?”
I shake my head, even though I do really, but my body is still a bit sore from last night. “No, it’s a nice day. I just want to spend it lying in the sun.”
So that’s what we do. The sun warms our skin as we lie on the grass talking about nothing important. When it nears five o’clock I figure that I should get going. I give him a ride home and I see that a party’s started already at his house. People are openly smoking drugs on the front porch while music blares out from the stereo at such a noise that I can’t believe the neighbors don’t complain.
“You sure you don’t want to come in? Have a beer or something?” he offers before he gets out of the car.
I’m tempted, but I figure if Stefan’s home he’ll be wondering where I am.
“No, I have to get home. Do your parents mind you guys having parties all the time?” I ask.
“Nah, Dad’s on the oil rigs so only comes home once every couple of months, and Mom has a whole new family in another town. She hasn’t been around for years.” He says it casually, like it doesn’t matter.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I say.
He looks at me in surprise. “It’s not so bad. I get a lot of freedom.”
“Freedom,” I repeat. “That must be nice.”
He opens the car door. “Anyway, come over later if you want.”
“Thanks.” I give him a smile as he gets out of the car, before I drive off.
We have guests for dinner. Stefan’s lawyer and his wife. They are a nice middle aged couple and my Mom is on her best behavior. She is absolutely charming and witty; the perfect trophy wife. Stefan has on the personable façade that he normally uses to convince people that he’s not the monster he really is. I can imagine the lawyer and his wife saying later to friends about what an absolutely delightful evening they’ve had and how we’re the perfect family.
As soon the front door shuts, my mother’s fake smile collapses.
“Fuck this. Get the cleaners to come in tomorrow and get this sorted.” She grabs an unopened bottle of wine and takes off to her bedroom without another glance at me or Stefan. I’m not sure what the look is that Stefan gives to her retreating figure. I think it’s almost one of regret or sadness. It’s times like this that I think he really loves her in spite of her issues.
He looks at me then, and smiles indulgently like he’s the father figure that he should be.
“I’ll call the cleaners in the morning. You should go to bed sweetheart.” He takes a step closer and gives me a kiss on the forehead that could be construed as innocent. But then his lips linger longer then they should, and he moves his mouth down to mine and gives me a French kiss that’s seductive like one that you’d long for from a boyfriend.
Once he pulls away, I manage to speak. “I’m not your girlfriend.” It comes out in a nervous rush as my heart beats wildly. He looks at me and I know there’s sadness in his eyes.
“I know.” He brushes my hair away from my face. “But you know you belong to me, don’t you? From the first time I saw you …” He twirls a tendril around his finger. “So beautiful… You should go bed, Michaela. It’s late.”
My feet are moving before he’s finished speaking, I don’t allow myself to feel relief until I’m up those stairs and my bedroom door is closed. At least he wasn’t angry at my outburst. Still, I feel nervous. I need to escape this house. Even if it’s just for a little while. Once all the lights are turned off and I’m sure that he’s gone to bed, I creep down the stairs while holding my car keys firmly so they don’t make any noise. Once I’m in my car and driving down the street, I give a sigh of relief. I drive aimlessly for a while before turning in the direction to where I’ve really wanted to go all along.
The party at Liam’s house is in full swing, outside and in. I push my way through the crowd to get inside, desperately looking for any sign of Liam. I run into Ryan and Nadia. Nadia gives me a warm smile that may have more to do with the beer she’s drinking than anything else. Ryan doesn’t really acknowledge me.
“Hey,” Nadia welcomes, shifting over on the couch to make room for me to sit down.
“Thanks. Hi. Have you seen Liam?” I ask as I sit beside her. She passes an unopened beer to me, which I take gratefully. I feel like drinking.
“He’s around here somewhere.” She stretches her neck to look. Ryan decides to speak then. He points to a corner.
“There he is.” I look at where he’s pointing expectantly, and disappointment overcomes me as I see Liam standing with a pretty blonde girl leaning against him.
“Is that his girlfriend?” I ask Ryan.
Ryan just laughs. “Liam doesn’t do girlfriends.” A pang of jealousy raises itself somewhere inside me though, despite my protests, but then I think: Fuck this, and I stand up.
“I’m gonna go say hi.” I manoeuver through the crowd, swigging back my beer for confidence. The minute Liam sees me, his face brightens.
“Hey, didn’t think you’d make it.” I don’t say anything, just lean in to hug him in a way that pushes the stupid blonde girl out of the way. He returns my hug, squeezing me tightly and leans down to whisper in my ear.
“I am so fucking horny. I’ve been thinking about you since I got home.”
I smile. “Let’s go then.” And suddenly it’s like the girl isn’t there anymore and he’s taking my hand and leading me to his room. I look back to see the girl’s reaction and she’s giving me a dirty look. I just flash her a triumphant smile. He’s mine, bitch.
Chapter Eight
Seeing Liam becomes the highlight of everyday. We’re not together or anything like that, we’re just having sex but it’s so wonderful, it’s like an escape from my real life. Unfortunately I can’t escape Stefan as easily. Last night he made me go to a ‘party’ with him. Usually he’s happy after these but this time he still seems agitated. He didn’t touch me while we were there. Instead he sat in a chair with a glass of bourbon in hand and just watched. I don’t know if he came or anything like that. The one man I was with wasn’t particularly cruel in any way so maybe that just didn’t do it for Stefan.
It’s Thursday and I go to Liam’
s house after school. The minute I’m in the door I’m kissing Liam. I’ve been looking forward to this all day. He seems as eager as me, kissing my neck as his hands push up my top. He scoops my breasts out of my bra, one after the other. He starts to kiss them and I lean my head back in pleasure as he sucks a nipple into his mouth, licking and biting it gently. Then he moves to the other one and … stops.
“What’s this?”
“What?” I’m rudely awakened out of my pleasure state. He staring at my left breast and I look too. There’s a very clear love bite next to my nipple. How did I miss that?
“It’s just a bruise. I banged into something.”
He frowns, “It doesn’t look like a bruise.” Then he meets my eyes. “Are you having sex with someone other than me?”
“No.” The words come out without hesitating. And it’s not a lie because what I do with Stefan and those other men is not sex. No matter what part they make me play.
“Really? That looks like a love bite.”
“I’m not.” Then “Would it matter if I was though?” I hold my breath as I await his answer. But it’s like I haven’t spoken.
“I’ve never seen you go out with any guy. I was sure you would have been a virgin that first time, but you were definitely.... experienced.” He’s looking at me in the strangest way.
“Is that why you wanted to have sex with me? Because you thought I was a virgin?” I ask this so softly I’m surprised he hears me.
He shrugs. “Kind of, to be honest, I didn’t really think that you’d say yes.”
“But you wanted me to be a virgin?” Instead you got a whore.
He shakes his head. “None of this matters, anyway. C’mon.” He takes my hands and leads me to the bed. We have sex but the whole time I’m thinking.
It does matter. If he knew the truth he wouldn’t want anything to do with me.
As soon as he’s finished, I leave.
Stefan comes to my room that night. He tries to have sex with me normally, but of course he can’t get hard. To remedy this he ties my hands to the headboard with a scarf. It’s wrapped around my wrists so tight that I’m scared the circulation to my hands will be cut off. I’m so busy trying to move my wrists hoping to get the scarf to give a little to reduce that pain that I don’t even see the belt until it hits me across the breasts brutally. A scream starts to leave my lips but a pillow is shoved onto my face to muffle it. The belt hits again and again and I scream against the pillow. The panic I feel at not being able to breathe overrides the pain and I would give anything, endure anything, just for oxygen.