by Sinden West
“If you want my help, just ask.”
“Really? What are you going to make me do this time? Screw all your friends?” I pick up my pace but he keeps up.
“I don’t like to share,” he says simply. “So, that’s not an option.”
I come to an abrupt stop and turn to face him. “You haven’t even said sorry!”
He never breaks eye contact with me. I hate his confidence. “I may have acted a little … hasty. Me saying sorry isn’t going to fix anything.”
I throw my hands up in the air in frustration. “Of course it does. You don’t even have to mean it. You just need to say it so that I think you’re a semi-decent person again.”
“You didn’t think I was a semi decent person in the first place,” he argues.
“I was starting to.”
He’s silent for a minute, before saying, “Fine, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry that you were jealous,” I correct.
He frowns. “I wasn’t jealous of that dick Lucas.”
“Then why did you do it?” I ask.
He looks away. “This is stupid. Can I please do your stupid assignment so that we can have sex again?”
I stare at him and swallow. “Is sex all you want?”
He doesn’t answer. After waiting a moment I sigh. “Well, at least you said please.”
His eyes flick back to me. “Here.” He takes my chin in his fingers and tilts my lips up to meet his as he kisses me. I hate that it feels good and that I’m instantly horny.
“Such a cute couple.” I hear someone say faintly in the background.
When he pulls away and releases me. “Does that tell you I’m sorry?”
“No,” I scoff. “It tells me you want to fuck me.” I can feel how wet he makes me. “But I guess it will have to do.”
He gives a small smile and takes my hand. “Can you come over after school today? We’ll work on your oral report as well.”
“Sure.”
With a nod, he releases my hand and walks over to where a group of his friends are waiting. As I turn I see Nat and Lise watching me and not even bothering to hide their grins. As I walk toward them, Nat bounces up and down excitedly.
“Are you guys, like, together now?”
I shake my head. “No.” And then the rest of the day is spent trying to fend off their questions. There is a nagging thought which lingers in the back of my head though; of how pathetic I am to do this with him again after what he did. But I justify my decision with the fact that I simply want to. I have control of my body in this. I have choices that I normally don’t get. Why the hell shouldn’t I?
Liam’s waiting for me when I get to his house. He’s sitting on the porch and jumps up as soon as I pull my car up beside the curb. He shakes his head at me as I move to get out of the car so I wait until he pulls open the passenger door and hops in.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
He grimaces. “My brother has some of his more loser acquaintances over. There’s a lot of drugs and stuff there. If they see you … they’ll probably just cause trouble. Alex has already told them all about you.”
“What did he say? That I’m stuck up?”
“Oh, he told you I said that?” He doesn’t even look embarrassed as I nod.
“He told them you were hot as hell but in a not so polite way.”
“Oh,” I turn the key and start to drive, though I don’t know where I’m going.
“Let’s go to your house,” he suggests.
I give a nervous smile. “That wouldn’t be a good idea. My stepdad wouldn’t like me having a guy over.”
“I’m not just any guy though. I’m your tutor,” he points out with a cocky grin on his face.
“It won’t matter to him,” I say quietly. “What about the library?”
“Kinky,” he teases. “You want to find some spot and screw up against all the books. I’ve heard every library has an aisle especially for that.”
“I’m not into exhibitionism,” I mutter as memories threaten to flood back, but I push them down.
He sighs. “Well, I was looking forward to make-up sex, but I suppose we could just study instead.”
I turn my car in the direction of the library. We don’t screw at the library of course, but he does touch me a lot. In fact, we seem to be constantly touching as he’s either holding my hand underneath the table or resting his hand on my knee. It’s distracting and hard to concentrate, but I like it. I feel normal.
Chapter Eleven
Rumors fly around the school that we’re together. I deny them, I don’t know if he does or not, but he is open with his affection. An arm around my waist, brushing my hair away from my face, a passionate kiss at the school gates, he does this all unashamedly in public. He may as well have painted ‘I’m screwing Michaela’ on the side of the building because it’s obvious to everyone. Some girls who used to be friendly to me start to whisper about me behind my back. It’s jealousy, according to Mags who is, as always, my staunchest defender. Lucas cools toward me and this saddens me.
“It’s a guy thing,” Mags explains as we sit in the park doing our homework. “You belong to Liam now. If Lucas were all buddy-buddy with you it’d be like an insult to Liam and then he would probably kick Lucas’s ass.”
I raise an eyebrow in disbelief. “That’s stupid. I don’t belong to Liam.”
“Oh really?” Mags says slyly. “Then just what is it that you two are doing? He acts like you’re his girlfriend. At Claire’s party, when that college guy was talking to you, I could have sworn he was going to start a fight with him.”
I frown. Had he? We’d barely spend any time together at that party. He’d been with his friends and I’d been with mine. I know Liam likes to have sex with me, he likes to touch me, but he’s not exactly out buying me flowers. We don’t even sit together at lunch. Secretly, I’m sure that he still thinks I’m a stuck up bitch. It hurts when I think about that though, so I don’t dwell on it. Anyway, this is too much thinking.
I shake my head at Mags. “I don’t want to label anything. I’m just enjoying what we’re doing. I like how he makes me feel.”
She’s silent for a while, and I think that she’s just concentrating on her school work until she looks at me with a serious look in her eyes. “Don’t let him hurt you,” she warns.
“He won’t, we’re just having fun. That’s it.” Although, I’m not so sure that I’m telling the truth.
The mark I receive on my oral assessment leaves a smile on my face. It’s equal with Kate’s and this pisses her off. She barely acknowledges me now that it’s common knowledge that there is something going on between Liam and me. But when she sees my grade she can’t hide the scowl on her face. As she catches my eye, I give her a smile.
Liam’s not in class today so at lunch I text him, telling him my good news. There is no reply and I can’t say that that doesn’t hurt a little. All the talk is about the party on Saturday at Sarah’s and what we’re going to wear. Phillip and Ethan are on a break, again. Mags, Lise, Nat and I all roll our eyes when her back is turned as she goes on about getting revenge on him. Her plan is to have sex with some other guy and rub it in his face.
Mags’ brow furrows as she hears Philippa’s intentions. “I’m pretty sure Ethan isn’t going to care. Seriously, have you seen some of the guys that Sarah has at her parties? They should be paying you to have sex with them. All Ethan will do is laugh at you.”
“They’re not all bad,” Philippa says haughtily, and then a different look comes over her features. “Besides, I can think of at least one hottie who’s apparently not attached. Or is he, Michaela?”
I open my mouth in shock. She wouldn’t, would she?
“Hey,” Mags barks. “You don’t go after Liam. He’s Michaela’s.” She gives Philippa that ‘don’t fuck with me’ look. Philippa tries to match her stare but can’t, finally looking down in defeat.
“I was just joking, Jesus,” she mutters, but then she brightens u
p and switches her gaze to me. “I thought you’d tell me to back off at least. What is going on between you two?”
I can’t answer that, because I don’t know. I don’t have to answer, because Nat decides to voice her opinion then.
“It sounds like he’s just using you for sex.”
The effect that this has on me is like ice being dumped down my back. Her words bring reality crashing down on me. I stare at her for a second with wide eyes. Then I grab my bag, clumsily entwining the strap around my fingers and then I turn and head outside blindly. I’m on autopilot as I look for a secluded area so I can be alone with my thoughts. I find a bench to sit on and pull out my phone. He still hasn’t texted me back. Why would he? I’m not his girlfriend; he doesn’t owe me anything.
He’s just using you for sex.
I try to clear my head. This shouldn’t be news to me, I know that sex is all he wanted initially, but as my feelings had changed, I’d hoped his would too.
He’s just using you for sex.
I laugh out loud like a crazy person. There’s no humor in it though, and a few nearby people shoot me odd looks. What was it Stefan called me last night? His cum slut. I’d never heard that word before but I suppose it’s an apt description for what I am. He’d said it before kissing me urgently, turned on by seeing those men—
No, I can’t think about that. That experience is safely locked away in my diary. If I think about it I’ll go crazy. As it is, the pain in my body is enough of a constant reminder that all is not right.
Chapter Twelve
I’m allowed to go to Sarah’s party. But before I leave I have to make an appearance at the cocktail party that Stefan’s having at our house. Servers and caterers have been coming and going ever since I got home from school. Elaborate bouquets grace every spare corner and give the house more warmth than it’s ever had. Stefan’s assistant Dora is handling everything. She walks around, constantly talking on her phone and occasionally shooting adoring looks at him. Her crush isn’t subtle, that’s for sure. I guess she’s not into the same kind of kinky shit he is though. He graces her with polite smiles which work adequately to keep her at bay but at the same time ensure that her adoration stays.
Just before the guests are due, my mother descends the stairs in a short, but tasteful cocktail dress that shows her amazing legs off. She had the hair and makeup artist with her all afternoon and they’ve enhanced her natural beauty so much that she looks like an ethereal, unworldly creature. When I was little she used to let me brush her hair and I always thought she was this wonderful angel. None of my school friends had mother’s that looked like her and I used to feel smug. Until I found out what was hiding underneath that beauty.
I feel Dora stiffen beside me as we watch my mother. She struggles to hide her dislike and jealousy. My mother casts an eye over the décor that Dora has overseen. Her beauty becomes tarnished as she lifts her lip in a slight sneer.
“Aren’t all these flowers a little tacky?” The words seem to hit Dora like a jolt and I see that it takes all her effort to form her next words in a way that doesn’t betray her anger.
“The florist is the best in town,” she says politely. My mother then turns her attention to Dora as if she’s only become aware now that she’s in the room. Her gaze flicks over Stefan’s assistant quickly.
“Cute dress.” Disdain is evident in her voice and part of me feels sorry for Dora. But then it’s my turn.
“Michaela, isn’t that dress a little grown up?” She’s right, but Stefan picked it out so there was no option of saying no. It has a plunging neckline that shows a generous amount of my skin, it also hugs my ass so tightly that I’m paranoid that the thong I’m wearing will show. Stefan wanted me to wear it with no panties but I’m hoping that he’ll be too distracted during the party to notice.
“It was a present from Stefan.” I meet her eyes and she looks away. I don’t need to say anything else. The doorbell rings then and guests start arriving. The guests are all well-dressed, pretentious, and have way too much money. Men old enough to be my grandfather stare at my ass, while their bitch wives give me evil looks. I steal a flute of champagne and sip on it to get over my boredom. Mags is going to pick me up in an hour for the party, and then I’m going to stay at her house. I figure getting drunk will be a good way to get in the party mood. My mother ignores me, I’m too young and she doesn’t want her looks to be compared to mine. She has to be the star of the show and that’s fine by me. Sometimes I look up to find Stefan staring at me, which makes me nervous, so I have another flute of champagne. I get trapped talking to some boring investment banker whose eyes are firmly glued to my cleavage. I rack my brain and try to remember whether he’s been to one of Stefan’s ‘parties’. Eventually a woman who must be his wife joins us, she puts on a fake smile but her eyes are shooting daggers at me. That’s when I excuse myself and go to the bathroom.
When I come out, Stefan is waiting. He has a quick look to make sure that we’re not in view and then takes me by the arm and leads me to his office. He closes the door behind him. The center piece is a large oak desk that apparently is an antique and it is over this that he pushes me so that my ass is sticking out on display and my face is resting against the wood. He pushes the short fabric of my dress up so that cold air hits my flesh.
“What’s this?” he asks quietly. He loops a finger in the thin material that forms my thong and rips it off. I feel a hand run over my ass. “Very disobedient, Michaela. I said no panties.” His voice is calm; he’s relishing this.
But a knock at the door jolts him back to reality.
“Stefan?” Dora calls through the door. My dress is pushed down to cover me and I’m wrenched up from the desk to stand straight. My torn thong is shoved into his pocket.
“Come in, Dora.” She does with a wide smile on her face. It slips a little when she sees me.
“I didn’t mean to intrude,” she apologizes; the glazed look in her eyes tells me she’s drunk.
“You didn’t,” Stefan says smoothly. “Michaela’s going to a party tonight and I just wanted to talk to her about being responsible. Now, what can I do for you?”
She looks a little taken back at this, and I hide a smile. I bet in her drunken mind she was going to come on to him. “Oh, the Jensens were wondering where you went to. They wanted your opinion on a new investment they’ve been approached about.”
I make my move. “Mags is picking me up in a minute. I’d better get my stuff ready.” I move past them both without another a glance at either of them. I hope for Dora’s sake that she doesn’t get caught up in his web. Women will do a lot for a man when they think they’re in love. Before I go up the stairs to my room, I grab another glass of champagne. I’m all packed and ready to go of course, so I just sit on my bed and drink the champagne as I wait for Mags to text me that she’s outside. As I look at my phone, I can’t ignore the fact that Liam hasn’t texted me. I can’t ignore the fact that it hurts either. I drain my glass as a text sounds, but it’s only Mags. I put my glass down and grab my bag. It’s party time.
She’s surprised by my affectionate hug as soon as I get in her car.
“I’ve had some champagne,” I confess, before I start giggling.
“Oh no, now you’re going to be all snobby about the cheap wine that I stole from my Mom.” She giggles with me as she starts the car.
“It’s all booze, baby,” I tell her. “Now let’s going, I need to get DRUNK!” She puts her foot down and we speed through the streets. I feel young and carefree. I feel like anything could happen.
Sarah’s party is crazy. There are fights between guys, girls, blood gets spilt and hair gets pulled. Mags and I push past everyone into the kitchen to find wine glasses. While she fills our glasses to the brim, I’m engulfed in a hug from behind. As the hug turns into my boobs being felt up and being humped from behind, I know who it is.
“Jeremiah!” I twist free and hit him on the shoulder.
“What? I’m just
happy to see you.”
“Back off, pervert.” Mags hands a glass to me. Jeremiah just gives her an adorable grin.
“Hey Mags, my dick is really happy to see you. How ‘bout it?” But then he’s shoved out of the way by Lise who embraces us both and it’s quite a feat that we don’t spill any wine. That would be sacrilege after all.
“Guess who Philippa’s hooked up with?” she cries.
Please don’t be Liam, please don’t be Liam.
“Ethan?” Mags asks like it’s the most obvious answer.
“No, some guy from another school. Now Ethan’s on the prowl and looking to hook up. But most of the girls are too scared of Philippa to even touch him.”
“Well, she’ll be happy at least.” I sip my wine, it tastes like crap but I drink it anyway. Before long, Nat is dragging us to a table to start doing shots. The alcohol goes down way to easily and soon I’m dancing my ass off with Mags and Lise and fending off drunken advances. I purposely don’t ask anyone if they’ve seen Liam even though I’m constantly looking. When I see Nadia leaning against the wall with a beer in her hand, I make my way over to her.
“Hey,” I greet her.
“Hey, nice dress,” she compliments. I pull the skirt down self-consciously. I’d nearly forgotten that I was wearing it, and I certainly hadn’t put any panties back on
“Thanks.” And then I can’t think of anything else to say.
“You’re looking for Liam.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement.
“What? No.” I’m kind of affronted that she saw straight through me.
She straightens. “Look, Michaela. I like you. In spite of what people say about you—”
“What do people say about me?” I frown. “Is it bad?”
She looks surprised and then sighs. “Never mind, people are just jealous of your looks, and I think because you come across as a little standoffish they take that the wrong way.”
“Oh.” Well, that wasn’t too bad.
“Look, Liam is my friend. I love him to bits but I know his faults as well. He likes to have things his own way, and he doesn’t compromise for anyone.”