by Sinden West
“No, you brought me here to fuck me. So you’re not that different from those guys outside are you? Oh, and just for the record. I know exactly what they are. They’re men, which means that they’re absolute pigs without exception.”
He stands up. “You know what? I’m not doing this with you. I’m not your boyfriend so I don’t have to fight with you. I’m just gonna take you home.”
I grab my bag. “Of course you’re not my boyfriend. You would never go out with someone like me. You think you’re better than me!” My words come out in an angry rage and I can’t stop them. “You think I’m too stuck up, too prissy. You think I’m just a whore, a fucking joke for you and your friends to laugh at.” Through the angry tears building in my eyes, I see the shock on his face.
“Just stay the fuck away from me,” I mutter and I turn and wrench the bedroom door open, slamming it behind me. I storm out of the house, muttering “bye” to the guys on the porch. I walk to the end of the street and then cut through an alleyway which I hope will bring me closer to home, but it doesn’t and it takes me a while to figure out that I’m going in the wrong direction.
Eventually, Nat’s familiar Toyota stops beside me.
“What are you doing out here?” she asks as I pull the car door open and jump in gratefully.
“I went for a walk.”
“Okay. Anyway, I’m glad I found you. I was worried about you. I’m so sorry that I upset you.”
I shrug. “You were just the messenger. Hey, have you told any of the others about this?”
She shakes her head. “No way. You know what Mags is like; she’d go off on him and his friends without knowing the whole story.”
“You’re right. Can we just keep this between us?”
“Sure. Are you still going to see him?”
“Nope. Can we change the subject now please?”
Nat starts chatting away and I stop listening. Once she drops me off, I head straight to my bedroom. The house is silent and empty. When I reach the safety of my bedroom, I throw myself on my bed and cry.
It doesn’t make me feel better. But when my head has cleared enough to concentrate, I pull out the assignment Liam gave me. I go over it word by word, doing internet searches to translate everything he’s written and ensure that at least the grammar is correct. To my untrained eye, it seems like he’s done a good job. I’ll risk handing it in.
Chapter Fourteen
I’m the last one into the class on Monday morning. I place my assignment on the top of the pile and take my seat. Kate is next to me and Liam is behind me, I’m surrounded by enemies as I pull out my books and focus all my concentration on Madame’s monologue. She writes the next essay question up and I copy it down diligently, I guess I’m on my own for this one. When it comes time for conversation, I choose Jeremiah who’s delighted. Kate should be happy, she gets Liam. Her bitchiness has paid off.
Jeremiah leans over to me. “Man, you looked hot in that little dress you were wearing at the party.”
“Yeah?”
“Oh, yeah. You made me hard as rock, I went and screwed some fat chick, but all the time I was thinking about you.” Jeremiah has just proved my theory that all men are pigs.
“Really?” My lips curve into a smile. “Did you screw Kate?” I allow my eyes to dart in her direction. Her face is red with anger and embarrassment. Jeremiah cracks up laughing. Liam is looking at us curiously.
“Good one. Seriously, I was pretty drunk I can’t remember who it was. Was it you, Kate?”
Her lips thin. “Who the hell do you think you are?” she starts, but I cut her off with no trace of a smile on my face now.
“If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out, bitch,” I snap. “You think that was worse than what you said to me at the party?” She takes a sharp breath, preparing to come back at me, but I get in first. “You should be happy. You can screw Liam now, although do you think he’d want you? Do you, Liam?” I switch my gaze to him.
“Stop being a bitch,” he says quietly.
“Why should I? I’m surrounded by them.” Then I look at Kate again and give her a sickly sweet smile. “Answer my question. Do. You. Think. He. Would. Want. You? I mean, he doesn’t want me because … what was it you said? I’m a fake shell. I’m just somewhere he puts his dick before running off with his little friends laughing about me. So what are you? What makes you good enough for him? Tell him what you’ve got to offer. Because trust me, if he and his friends are laughing about me, then they’re doing the same to you. Are you the heifer one of them screwed on the weekend?” I look at Liam. “Was it Ryan?” He stares back at me in realization but I quickly look back to Kate. “Because if you were, trust me when I tell you that they were being just as nasty about you.”
She’s staring down at her desk now, flushing red. I turn back to my desk as Madame calls out, “En Francaise, s’il vous plait.”
Jeremiah is looking at me with awe on his face. “You’re awesome,” he mouths.
But he’s wrong.
I’m not awesome.
I’m horrible.
I’m the first one out of class the second the bell rings. In an empty bathroom, I stare at my reflection, hating what I see. I close my eyes and count to ten to calm myself, but when I open them again, the same awful girl is staring back at me. I’ve got to get out of here. I head to my locker as the halls empty of people. Everyone is going to their next class. Not me, I’m leaving.
I get my bag out and head to my car. Nobody stops me. I get in and sit behind the steering wheel for a moment, staring at nothing. I have no idea where I’m going to go. I don’t want to go home, that’s all I know.
The passenger door opens and I twist my head in fright. Liam gets in and shuts the door.
“If you’re ditching school, don’t just sit there or you’ll get caught. Drive.” I do what he says. As I turn out of the parking lot, he asks, “Where are we going?”
“I don’t know.”
He waits a moment before saying, “Is that why you’ve been acting so weird? Because you believe what Kate said?”
“Kate’s not the only one saying it. And I heard your friends. Was there really a bet?” My focus is solely on the road. I daren’t glance in his direction.
“Two years ago, we were just messing around though. And for the record, I didn’t tell anyone we had sex in the first place. That was all your friends’ doing.” He pauses. “Why did they all think you were a virgin anyway? Isn’t that the kind of thing girls talk about?” I ignore that question.
“But you do laugh behind my back.”
“I didn’t. My friends are dicks sometimes, and they hate your group of friends so by association, that means you, I guess. I didn’t defend you to them because they would think that was weird, because they think that you’re just a girl that I’m screwing. I told them the sex with you was great. They’re jealous.”
I stay silent.
“Let’s go to my house, no one will be home. We can talk there.”
“I don’t want to have sex,” I mutter.
“We don’t have to.”
I sit in his kitchen at the table while he makes us coffee. It’s surprisingly tidy for two guys living alone most of the time. After he places the steaming cup in front of me, he takes the seat beside me.
“I never laughed behind your back. I should have told the guys to shut up, yeah, I admit that. But this is no joke to me, what we’re doing.”
I watch him with my guard still up as he continues.
“You know, I come up you all the time at school and kiss you, touch you. You never instigate that with me.” He studies me as he speaks.
“Because I know you don’t like me, I don’t know where I stand with you half the time. And I don’t want people thinking I’m some kind of slut. You know, I’m good enough to have sex with but I’m not good enough to be you girlfriend.”
“I like you now. Maybe not at first, that’s true. I like spending time with you. I was so mad yesterday
when I got to the park and that creep was talking to you. I’m not a jealous guy, but I’m jealous around you.” He grabs my hand, holding it tightly. “Are you sure that you don’t think I’m not good enough for you? You’ve never once invited me to your house.”
I look into his eyes so he can tell that I’m telling the truth. “I told you, my stepdad is difficult. He doesn’t like me being with any guys.”
“Really? Any guys or guys like me?” For a moment, I see a near desperate look in his eyes, as if he could be crushed in an instant.
I smile at him sadly. “Any guys. Remember Simon who used to help me before you? Stefan hated him with a passion and I never even touched the guy.”
He looks at the floor, contemplating something before swallowing and looking back at me.
“Okay, so how do we do this? We’re together at school, but your parents don’t find out. Will your friends tell?”
I shake my head.
He gives a broad smile and leans over and kisses me.
Whenever Liam tucks my hand in his and wraps his free arm around my waist, I’m in heaven. The safety and security that comes from being with him is priceless. I float around like a girl obsessed and in love. I used to wake every morning with a feeling of dread, now I wake with a smile at the thought that I get to see him each day.
We’re on the couch in Jeremiah’s lounge, tucked into each other like no one else exists while the party goes on around us. He’s kissing my neck while I close my eyes, in ecstasy at his touch. I won’t be able to have sex with him tonight though. Stefan came to my room last night; his aggression has left bruises that I won’t be able to explain. He seems more and more agitated lately, I know that he lost an important client recently and I think he’s been doing more drugs with my Mom. He usually doesn’t because he likes to be in control, I don’t think this is a good sign.
“Man, you two are always at it.” Ryan collapses down next to us, making himself comfortable and forcing us to move along. Liam sighs and breaks away from my neck to give his friend some attention. Ryan has slightly thawed toward me since Liam and I started going out, but he’s not entirely friendly.
“I thought I saw you with some girl before.” Liam grabs our beers off the coffee table and hands mine to me.
“That’s virgin territory. She wouldn’t let me anywhere near her that mattered,” Ryan mutters despondently, then he perks up. “Her face wasn’t that great anyway though. I would have had to do her with the lights off.” Liam grins, I don’t. I untangle myself from Liam’s and stand up.
“Where you going?”
“To find my friends, I’ll see you soon.” I move away and into the kitchen. Nat hugs me as she carefully tries not to spill her drink.
“Where have you been? I haven’t seen you all night.”
“She’s been hiding away with her boyfriend,” Philippa answers, before turning to kiss Ethan and forgetting about the rest of us. “Let’s go upstairs,” she whispers to him. We watch them go before Nat turns to me.
“So you two must be still going strong?” She doesn’t look happy. I know Nat doesn’t like him because of the rumors. We’ve only had words about it once and she’s kept her mouth shut since. But right now she’s drunk and her tongue is likely to be looser.
“We are,” I answer, preparing myself for whatever she throws at me.
“I don’t know what you see in him. I mean, sure, he’s good looking but is he really good enough for you?”
I sigh. “He’s good to me, he’s nice to me. That’s all I want. C’mon Nat, what’s your problem with him?”
“I just don’t want to see you get hurt. It’s like you’re head over heels in love with him. I’m not sure that he deserves your adoration.”
I have to smile at that. “Adoration?”
“What? It’s a word, isn’t it? I’m going to have to look it up.” She’s pulling out her phone to do just that when a guy who she flirts with regularly comes up and hugs her drunkenly. All her attention is on him and I take that moment to escape.
Liam is still sitting on the couch and Ryan is gone. But now there are two girls sitting either side of Liam. I can’t remember their names but they hang out with Liam’s friends. They’re tough looking, kind of like Nadia, but not as nice. They see me before Liam does. One sneers at me, but the other one, the one who has Liam’s attention and her hand on his leg, gives me a triumphant smile. Liam follows her gaze and finally notices me standing there. He nearly jumps in fright. In any other circumstance I would find this funny because Liam very rarely gets surprised or shows any vulnerable emotion. But it’s not funny right now.
“Hey,” he frowns, the girl’s hand is still on his leg like she’s claiming him. He eases it off him and goes to stand, reaching for me. I move away before he can, and he follows me down the hall. I stop and lean against the wall, eyeing him distrustfully.
“What were you doing?” My voice is even and normal.
“I was just talking to them.”
“That girl had her hand on your leg.”
“So? Look, Tamsin can be a bit forward at times. It’s just how she is. I’ve known her a long time and we’re comfortable with each other.” He drinks his beer, watching me.
“Does that mean you used to sleep with her?” My voice is accusing now and he looks annoyed.
“So what if I did? I’ve slept with loads of girls but I’m not sleeping with them now.” He’s glaring at me.
“So you did screw her?”
“Why does this even matter?” His voice is tight and angry. “And while we’re on the subject of screwing other people. Who have you screwed? You’re so secretive sometimes. For all I know half the school’s fucked you, could still be fucking you. C’mon, give me a bit more information so that I can irrationally accuse you of stuff.”
“Don’t turn this back on me!” I go to leave, but he grabs my arm.
“Stop. I don’t want to fight with you.” His voice is calmer now. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m drunk but I still shouldn’t have let her touch me.” He wraps his arms around me and pulls me to his chest, resting his head on top of mine. “Are we okay?” I hug him back tightly.
“I’m sorry.”
He pulls back, smiling. “Let’s go find a spare room.”
“Oh.”
His smile drops. “What’s wrong?”
“I’ve got my period,” I lie.
“Okay. I’m not really into blood so … you just want to cuddle?”
I give him a broad grin. It’s on the tip of my tongue to say I love you, but of course I don’t.
I let Liam drop me off home in the morning instead of Mags because Stefan is supposed to be away. But as we turn into the driveway and Stefan’s black BMW comes into view, my heart stops. I nearly tell Liam to turn back around but Stefan comes out of the house before I get a chance.
“Is that your stepdad?” Liam asks.
All I can do is nod as I start to mentally form lies in preparation.
“Bye,” I say shortly to Liam, grabbing my bag and getting out of the car as soon as we stop. Stefan is looking at Liam’s car with an unreadable look on his face. I walk toward him and put a smile on my face, then I hear a door slam shut and I turn around. Liam has gotten out of the car and is walking toward us.
“Who are you?” Stefan asks. He’s got that intimidating business persona on, but of course nothing disturbs Liam. He slips an arm casually around my waist before meeting Stefan’s eyes.
“I’m Liam, Michaela’s boyfriend.” I wonder if Liam can feel me shaking. Stefan’s eyes slide to me, and the cold look gives me chills.
“Boyfriend, really? And when did this happen?”
“Yesterday,” I lie quickly. “Liam’s been helping me with French a lot and he just asked me out yesterday.” I’m grateful for Liam’s arm around my waist. It feels like he’s giving me strength. Stefan stares at me for a moment before switching his gaze to Liam and holding out his hand.
“Stefan Manderley.” Liam sha
kes it, and then his phone sounds like he’s got a text. He flicks his eyes at it quickly then puts it away.
“I better go. It was nice to meet you, Mr Manderley. Michaela, I’ll see you at school.” He gives me a chaste kiss on the cheek before walking back to his car. Stefan watches him drive away before pinning me with his gaze. I feel like I can’t move.
“You’re an idiot,” he says quietly. I wait.
“That boy doesn’t like you, or want you,” he continues. “He just wants to fuck your tight little cunt.”
“I-I know,” I stutter.
“Are you letting him?”
“Of course not.” I try to act affronted at the question. “Stefan, I just want people to think I’m normal. People at school think I’m weird because I’ve never had a boyfriend.” I swallow before saying the next bit. “He’s nothing to me. He’s just some druggie loser who wants all his friends to think he’s screwing me. He likes how I look. That’s it.”
He stares hard at me, and I panic inside. He can’t take Liam away from me, he just can’t. But then he seems to relax and takes a step back. He nods.
“Alright. You can keep seeing him.” Relief floods me. If I couldn’t see Liam, I think I’d die.
I go to move away but his hand grips my arm tightly, preventing any escape. “Don’t make me regret this.”
“I won’t,” I whisper.
Chapter Fifteen
My birthday comes and Liam wants to take me out. I pick out a dress that’s feminine but not tight or slutty. I look my age in it and I see Stefan raise his eyebrows; it’s definitely not something he would have chosen for me. His moods have become increasingly irrational lately and each day is Russian roulette. Will I get ‘boyfriend’ Stefan, or will I get ‘sadistic’ Stefan. I’ve kept him away from Liam as much as possible. I want him to keep believing that Liam is just a stoner. If he figures out how smart Liam really is, he might feel threatened.
I’m hoping Stefan will disappear into his office before Liam gets here. But he doesn’t, instead he waits and drinks his bourbon. My mother is around as well, she’s forgotten it’s my birthday, but Stefan hasn’t. He’s given me jewelry that I know I will never wear.