Live and Let Drood: A Secret Histories Novel

by Simon R. Green

  “You let me down,” said Adrian. “You disappointed me. Every damned one of you. It doesn’t matter. I can always start again. Make a new family.”

  “Without the Heart?” I said. “Without Ethel? You have no armour.”

  “Then I suppose I’ll just have to take yours,” said Adrian. He lifted his hand, and in it was the monkey’s paw made over into a Hand of Glory. The bloodred flames were burning steadily again. He laughed briefly at me. “You didn’t really think you could destroy something as powerful as this just by stamping on it? It was easy for me to call it out from under your foot while you were busy puffing up your chest and boasting. You don’t live as long as I have without learning a few useful tricks. Now, let’s try this again.”

  He thrust the monkey’s hand at me and spoke a single Word, and just like that the rogue armour ripped off me, and all my pain and injuries returned. I cried out, but I didn’t fall. Adrian cried out at the cold shock of what it was like to wear Moxton’s Mistake. And then he stood before me, powerful and proud, in the golden glory of Drood armour. He started to say something and then he cried out again in horror as the rogue armour constricted suddenly about him. It shrank in sudden spurts, falling in upon itself, crushing Adrian inside it as it compacted itself in sudden rushes. The limbs were sucked inside the trunk, which collapsed in on itself, while Adrian screamed and screamed until the screams cut off abruptly. And still the armour shrank in upon itself, until nothing was left but a golden box, a cube barely three feet in diameter, sitting quietly on the carpet before us. Crow Lee looked at it in silent shock, and then looked at me.

  “Don’t look at me,” I said. “I didn’t know it could do that.”

  The golden box exploded back into human shape again and stood facing me. Moxton’s Mistake, regarding me with its featureless golden face.

  “He put me in the Maze,” it said, in its rasping inhuman voice. “Left me there to run wild for centuries. Did he think I’d forgive and forget? Your torc has no authority over me, Eddie Drood. I serve you only because I choose to.”

  “We made a bargain,” I said steadily.

  “So we did,” said the rogue armour. “I haven’t forgotten. Take this as a sign, a warning…of what might happen to you if you were to turn against me.”

  It hunched its back, which split open to allow out what remained of Adrian Drood. A hot and steaming cube of compacted meat and splintered bone burst out of the armour’s back and fell, stinking and splashing, to the floor in a rush of bodily fluids. And while I was looking at that, the golden armour flowed forward and wrapped itself about me. I shuddered, and not only from the familiar cold. I felt strong and well again, free from all pain, but I also felt the armour’s presence watching me thoughtfully. I looked at the bloody steaming mess on the carpet. Not a bad end for the greatest traitor the Droods had ever known. I just wished…I could have done it myself. It occurred to me that the armour could have done the same thing to me any of the times I wore it. And still could…

  I turned to consider the Plymouth Fury. Mr. Stab was still trapped beneath it, still struggling to break free. He rocked the heavy car back and forth with his more-than-human strength, but he still couldn’t lift the thing off him. The Plymouth Fury settled itself more firmly, like a duck upon its eggs, quietly humming “Rock ’n’ Roll Is Here to Stay.” I stopped down, picked the monkey’s hand up off the floor and slipped it through my armoured side and into my pocket dimension. Because you never knew…and because I didn’t want anyone else to surprise me with it.

  I moved over to the car and knelt down beside Mr. Stab’s protruding head and shoulder. He’d worked one arm out from under the car, and suddenly there was a blade in it, shining bright. I grabbed his hand and squeezed hard until he dropped the knife. And then I picked it up and snapped it neatly in two. The bright glow was quickly gone, leaving just two pieces of broken steel. Mr. Stab glared at me sullenly as I threw the pieces aside.

  “It’s all right,” I said to the car. “You can get off him now.”

  “Are you sure?” said the car. “I can run back and forth over him a few times, if you like. No trouble…”

  “Thanks,” I said. “But that won’t be necessary.”

  The car sniffed loudly, reminding me irresistibly of Molly for a moment. “People…just don’t know how to enjoy themselves.”

  The Plymouth Fury backed slowly away, reversing steadily till it was halfway out the jagged hole it had made in the wall when it arrived. Mr. Stab rose slowly to his feet, brushing the dust off his Victorian finery in an unfussy way. His eyes never left mine.

  “You’ll never stop me,” he said coldly. “I can recover from anything you do to me. You’ve seen that for yourself.”

  “Maybe no one ever tried hard enough before,” I said. “Maybe no one was ever motivated enough before me. This new armour really is very versatile. The things it can do…You saw what it did to the traitor Drood.”

  “Crush me. Put me in a box,” said Mr. Stab. “I’ll still bounce back. Like the worst jack-in-the-box you ever saw.”

  He held up his hand, and there was a new shining blade in it. He swept it back and forth before him, smiling coldly.

  “I am never without a blade. This, too, was given to me.”

  “But all the other attacks were from outside,” I said. “I’m thinking about…inside.”

  And before Mr. Stab could react, I stepped quickly forward and punched him in the mouth. The golden armour didn’t stop at his mouth; it carried on, flowing down his throat, filling up his insides. I held him firmly with my left hand as he struggled wildly, my right hand pressing down on his mouth. The golden metal flowed off me and into him, inside him, filling every space, every little nook and cranny. He couldn’t scream, but his eyes were full of a terrible horror. He still couldn’t die, despite what was being done to him. So I sent a final command through my torc, and the golden metal inside Mr. Stab exploded. The blast tore him apart, blasting him open from inside, every bone and organ reduced to fragments and less than fragments.

  I’d got the idea from watching Molly’s protein exploder.

  A familiar pink mist rolled and roiled in the air, but this time there were no bones. The bloody mist fell slowly out of the air to soak and stain the carpet. I could feel the rogue armour’s presence at the back of my mind. Felt its…satisfaction.

  I just felt cold.

  “For you, Penny,” I said. “And for all his victims down the years. And especially for six poor women in Whitechapel, who never wanted to be part of a legend.”

  The Plymouth Fury whistled loudly. “Way to go, Drood! Let’s see the evil little scrote come back from that!”

  I ignored the car and turned to look at Crow Lee, who was standing very still, exactly where I’d left him. He smiled briefly.

  “People…can always surprise you. Have to say, Eddie, I didn’t think you had it in you.”

  “I didn’t,” I said. “He had it in him. And I did it for the victims.…”

  “No,” said Crow Lee. “You did it for yourself. I know about these things.”

  “Why didn’t you run?” I said. “I was…distracted. You might have got away.”

  “Where could I go that you wouldn’t find me? You’re a lot more than I thought you were…I’m bad, Drood, but you’re the biggest monster in this room. So, better to stay and work out some kind of agreement that will get you off my back.”

  “You took away my family and my Molly.”

  “The least of my many crimes, but let’s not dwell on the Past. I still have something to bargain with. Something you want.”

  “Can you bring back Molly and her sisters?”

  “No…I’m not exactly sure where that particular spell sends people. Not that I’ve ever given a damn, as long as they disappeared from my life. It can’t be that bad; no one ever comes back to complain! Little joke there…No. All right. I can help you recover your lost family! I still have the remote control I used to send Drood Hall away. It s
till contains the exact coordinates of the dimension I had Alpha Red Alpha send them to. A place so remote and distant you’ll never find them, Eddie, never track them down. Not without the exact coordinates contained within my remote control.”

  “You still have it?” I said.

  “Not here,” Crow Lee said quickly. “Not actually on me…but it is somewhere near. Somewhere safe. We can make a deal, Drood: I give you the remote, and you agree to let me live.”

  “Let you live?” I said. “Let you go unpunished after everything you’ve done?” I remembered the major hitting Molly, his fist smashing into her face over and over, saying, This is Crow Lee’s orders.…I shook my head. “I don’t think I can do that.”

  “Isn’t it worth it? To get your family back? Immunity for one man, to have the mighty Droods back in the world again?”

  “But you’re not the only game in town,” I said. “I have the monkey’s hand. It can find anything. It can make changes in reality. Put that together with my Merlin Glass, and what do I need you and your remote for?”

  “Well, yes, technically speaking,” said Crow Lee. “But, unfortunately, I know more about these objects than you do. So I know it’s already pretty much used up. It can only hold a certain amount of magical energies, and it has been very busy.…You see, a monkey’s paw isn’t supposed to be a Hand of Glory. And vice versa. The two contrasting natures are always fighting it out, which is why it can never hang on to its various powers for long. See for yourself.”

  I looked at him for a long moment and then fished the ugly thing out of my pocket dimension. The monkey’s paw was always a dried, withered thing, but now it was actually rotting and falling apart. I let it drop to the floor, and it just fell to pieces as it hit. Crow Lee tutted sadly.

  “They really are such fragile things.…So, now you’re going to have to make a deal with me, Eddie. If you ever want to see your family again.”

  And then we both stopped and looked around sharply, as we heard the sound of something approaching. A great roaring, rushing sound that seemed to come from every direction at once, and then concentrated directly under my feet, under the floor. A sudden wild surmise gripped hold of my heart, and for a moment I couldn’t breathe, for hope. I stepped quickly backwards…as the great hole before Crow Lee’s chair reopened, and Molly and Isabella and Louisa came flying up out of the hole together and back into the room. The hole in the world disappeared and the three Metcalf sisters stood there together. They all looked radiantly healthy and entirely uninjured. Molly didn’t have a bruise or a drop of blood on her. She smiled brightly at me.

  “Hello, sweetie. Miss me?”

  I dropped my armour and stepped forward to take her in my arms, holding her tight, so tight that no one would ever be able to take her away from me again. Molly held me just as tight, murmuring comforting, reassuring words in my ear. Eventually I let her go. Isabella was looking down her nose at me. Louisa was beaming widely. Molly looked haughtily at Crow Lee.

  “I have been to Heaven and Hell and everywhere in between. Did you really think you could send me anywhere that I couldn’t get back from? And once you’d broken the chains holding my sisters, their magics returned and they could heal me. You really didn’t think it through, did you? Had to go for the big dramatic gesture.” She looked at me and broke off. “I’m sorry, love. You still look terrible. Let me.”

  She took my head in both hands, gently, gently, murmuring Words under her breath, and all my injuries healed in a moment. I hadn’t realised how much fighting the pain had weighed down on me till it was gone. She stepped back, looked me over briskly and nodded, and then frowned.

  “Eddie, you’re looking at my sisters again while they’re naked!”

  “They’re standing right in front of me! I am so glad to see you again, Molly. I was so worried…”

  “Well, that was sweet of you,” said Molly. “But you really are going to have to learn to trust me to be able to look after myself.” She looked around her. “Where’s Mr. Stab?”

  “You’re standing in what’s left of him,” I said.

  “Oh, ick,” said Molly. “And what is the car doing in this room?”

  “Saving the day!” the car said cheerfully. “I helped!”

  “It’s true,” I said. “She did. Apparently the Scarlet Lady is one of the Regent’s Special Agents.”

  “Will wonders never cease?” said Molly. “Hold everything—where’s Crow Lee?”

  “He went into the next room,” the Plymouth Fury said helpfully. “While you were all distracted. He’s still in there. Up to no good, I’m sure.”

  “Can you please get these collars off us?” said Isabella. “They’re suppressing our magic, now that we’re back in the world.”

  “Oh, sure,” I said.

  I armoured up my right hand and gave two of the fingers sharp edges to form simple scissors. I snipped through Isabella’s collar easily enough, and then Louisa’s, and she giggled happily as I did so. Molly stood close beside me as I worked.

  “Whatever you do,” she said, “Don’t look down.”

  “You don’t want me closing my eyes as I’m doing this,” I said. “Could be a very unfortunate incident.”

  “I like you,” said Louisa. “You’re cute.”

  “And you’re a very scary and destructive person, by all accounts.”

  “That’s right!”

  I cut through her collar. Immediately Louisa and Isabella covered themselves with clothes. Isabella was back in her crimson biker leathers, while Louisa wore a long daisy-yellow dress and white stilettos. Isabella nodded to me brusquely.

  “Good to see you again, Eddie. Thanks for the rescue.”

  “You plotted with Crow Lee to destroy my family,” I said.

  “Your family, my family…I think maybe it’s time all of us stopped defining ourselves by our families.”

  “Yes,” I said. “But not quite yet.”

  I looked at Louisa, who smiled brightly.

  “I knew everything would work out! Group hug!”

  The three Metcalf sisters moved together and held hands, and there was a brief burst of swirling lights and coruscating energies that filled the whole study. Molly let go and stepped back and stretched luxuriously, like a cat in the sun.

  “Ah…Now, that’s more like it! My magic is back, every last bit of it! Let us have words with Crow Lee.”

  “Hard words,” I said.

  We marched over to the door leading into the next room. It was locked. Molly laughed and snapped her fingers at it. The heavy wood of the door groaned loudly and rattled furiously in its frame, but it wouldn’t open. Isabella and Louisa said a Word of Power together, and the veneer jumped right off the door, but still it held. So I got out my skeleton key, slipped it carefully into the lock and turned it slowly, with just the right amount of pressure, and the protections on the door just threw their hands in the air and said, Have it your own way, then, and the door opened.

  Crow Lee was scrabbling through the contents of a chest of drawers. He spun round as we entered, and the remote control was in his hand. I knew what it was, what it had to be, just from the look on his face. The thing didn’t look too complicated. Crow Lee snatched up a long ironwood staff and held it out defiantly before him. I immediately stopped short and made sure the others did, too.

  “No one move,” I said. “No one do anything. That is Oath Breaker.”

  “That is?” said Isabella. “I’ve only ever read descriptions of it. I’d expected a lot more, to be honest.”

  “What’s Oath Breaker?” said Louisa, frowning prettily.

  “One of the Drood forbidden weapons,” said Molly. “It revokes all agreements and bonds, right down to the atomic level.”

  “Oh goody!” said Louisa, clapping her hands together. “I want one!”

  “You’re dangerous enough as it is,” said Molly.

  “Girls just want to have fun!” Louisa said brightly.

  “Is she always like this?” I
said quietly to Molly.

  “This is her being relatively stable,” said Molly. “God knows how long it’ll last.…Now you know why we never let anyone meet her.” She glowered at Crow Lee. “I don’t care what you’ve got. You do not get to walk free after everything you’ve done.”

  “My offer of a deal still stands,” said Crow Lee, ignoring the Metcalf sisters to stare directly at me. “The remote control, the coordinates it contains and the return of your Hall and family in return for immunity for all the things I may have done.”

  “We might have made a deal,” I said steadily, “but not now. I can’t let you walk out of here with Oath Breaker. Throw it aside and we’ll talk.”

  “How did he get his hands on that thing, anyway?” said Molly.

  “From the Original Traitor Drood,” I said.

  “And where’s he?” said Isabella.

  “Dead,” I said.

  Molly looked at me sharply. “You have been busy while I was gone. Mr. Stab and the Original Traitor?”

  “Let’s not get distracted, people,” said Crow Lee. “This remote control can guide your Merlin Glass straight to your family, Eddie. And their safe return is all that really matters, right? And don’t even think about taking the remote from me; I’ve got it rigged with a dead man’s switch. If the remote leaves my hand without my permission, it’ll self-destruct. And then no one will be able to find the Droods. You’re not going to risk that, Eddie. So, I’ll be leaving you now. With the remote and Oath Breaker. I’ll be in touch, from a safe distance, and then we can work out the terms of our agreement, like civilised people.”

  “You make one move to leave and I’ll kill you,” I said.

  “Like Mr. Stab and Adrian Drood?” said Crow Lee. “You are getting a taste for it. Aren’t you, Eddie? But I don’t think so. All your armour and all the Metcalf sisters’ magic are still nothing when set against the ancient brute force of Oath Breaker.”

  And that was when Major Michaels came slamming through the other door on the far side of the room, with a whole bunch of heavily armed mercenary soldiers. Who took one look at me and the Metcalf sisters and opened fire on all of us. Crow Lee darted quickly out of the line of fire, shouting, “No! No! Stop it! You’re ruining everything!” The three Metcalf sisters clasped hands, and a protective screen snapped into place between them and the bullets. I armoured up and laughed as the bullets just bounced off me. Crow Lee cried out as ricocheting bullets slammed into the piece of furniture he was hiding behind. Molly let go of her sisters’ hands and stepped forward to face Major Michaels. He saw the expression on her face, the face repaired from the beating he’d given her, and opened fire on her at point-blank range. The bullets turned into flowers in midair and drifted to the floor. Molly held up her hand and snapped her fingers sharply. And just like that, Major Michaels and all his soldiers were gone, replaced by the same number of filthy sewer rats. They ran squealing around the room, biting and tearing at one another, and then they all turned on the biggest and oldest one and chased it out of the room.