Antagonize Me

by T. L Smith

  He releases me and I turn my body so I’m facing him. “What makes me yours?” I ask, trailing my hand down his chest, going for his sweet spot. “Is it that you want to claim me? Or is it that you want me so bad?” I ask when I take his cock in my hand.

  “It’s because I love you,” he replies and I gasp as he inserts another finger and his mouth closes over mine. I want to speak, but I just don’t know what to say or what to think. I’m pretty sure I love him, though love can feel like drowning, it can pull you under and keep you down. Maybe he will keep me up, keep me floating.

  He lifts me up and places me on the bench, then he steps back and looks at me. “Will you destroy me?” he asks, looking vulnerable for the first time ever.

  “Maybe… but you might destroy me as well,” I say. He steps back into my space.

  “Promise me, if we destroy each other, we will find each other again,” he says and I nod my head. No more distance. No more running. We will do this, for as long as we can. I really hope it works, because I don’t know how I would come out if this were to end.

  “I think I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you dance,” he tells me, walking back so close he’s wrapped in my legs. “I just didn’t know what it was. Think of all the time we’ve missed,” he says, leaning in to kiss me quickly. “Can people fall in love that fast?” he asks me.

  “I think so. I think love comes in all different forms and happens for all different reasons.” He reaches for me again and lifts me from the bench. I position myself on him and slide down. He holds me so I can move. I let go and drop on him while his eyes close. I watch him, fascinated.

  “You’re magic,” he whispers. “You’re all I see.” I kiss him to shut him up so he will move.

  He places his hands under my arms, lifts me and drops me hard. I throw my head back, then his hands move to my ass and he does the same again. I let him take control, I let him have me. He slaps my ass hard and I scream while he smiles.

  “Scream my name,” he says into my ear, then bites it.

  “No,” I say, fighting him on it but also smiling.

  “Scream it,” he says when he slaps me harder. I try to hold off as he fucks me, but when it comes time, and he slaps me harder than last time, I do as he asks. I scream his name so loud his smile is huge.

  “Told you one day you’d be screaming my name,” he jokes afterward.

  “Don’t get cocky or it will never happen again,” I say, pushing him off me so I can get down. He holds on and won’t let me move.

  “Want to try for seconds? I bet I can get you to say it again.” He laughs and lets me down. As soon as I turn around he bends me over and comes close to my ear. “Hold on, Pinkie, we’re gonna teach you a lesson. The lesson is to scream my name,” he says laughing and fucks me again. This time he didn’t have to tell me to scream it. This time, I just did.

  Four weeks have passed. Two weeks of sex every day, sometimes twice a day, and my hoo-ha is aching. The time spent with him has been magical though. He’s brought a smile to my face every day, and he’s told me he loves me every day. I say it back now, it’s becoming comfortable. I got my old job back and it’s keeping me occupied while Kyrone spends his days training and practicing for his next game. Sometimes he comes home so tired that as soon as he enters, he passes out from exhaustion. He’s pushing himself hard though I guess he always has. He always wakes me in the morning before he leaves, for sex, for a kiss, or for a touch of my body. I don’t deny him. I let him have it all.

  Tonight’s a big game for him and he’s asked me to come. I haven’t been to one since the last time I came here. He persuaded me though, mainly with his mouth. I gave in because he works wonders with that mouth. He also never stops kissing me. I wonder if a day will come when we don’t kiss as much? Or if we won’t touch as much?

  I wait in the stand and watch as he runs out onto the field. He stops when he’s near me and blows me a kiss. Girls start cheering near me and I smile at him and pretend to catch it. The opposing team comes out and I don’t pay much attention until Kyrone’s face goes hard. I turn to where he’s looking and see the man from the bar… Gallon. He spots me and salutes at me. I shiver and look back at Kyrone. He looks pissed and beyond angry.

  Kyrone climbs the front of the chairs, leans up over the bar and calls to me. I shake my head and his eyes narrow. I walk the two steps down and he pulls my face to his and his lips meet mine. The crowd starts cheering and I blush when I open my eyes to see the stadium camera on us. He jumps back down and joins the rest of his team.

  His team is winning. He looks fierce out there. Dangerous. I watch as he catches the ball and runs, then I see Gallon aiming straight for him. I want to close my eyes as he gets closer. They’re both running so fast, I can see the impact before it happens. Gallon is bigger, probably the biggest thug on the opposing team.

  As he reaches Kyrone, Kyrone swerves to the left and just misses the impact. He makes the goal and people start screaming. The game has ended with Kyrone’s team winning. Gallon looks pissed as he exits the stadium, but Kyrone is smiling.

  I meet him after the game and I’m tired. So tired, in fact, all I want to do is go home to sleep. Tanner walks up and cuddles me before he walks off with some girls he’s going to a party with. Kyrone is next and kisses me when he sees me.

  “You going to come to the after party?” he asks. I shake my head.

  “No, sorry, I’m really tired. Can you just take me home? You can go, though,” I say, speaking honestly. He had a good win, he should go enjoy it.

  “Are you sure?” he asks.

  “Of course, go and have fun. I’ll be home when you get there,” I say and lean over to kiss him on the corner of his lips while he drives.

  “Fuck, I love you,” he says, grabbing my hand and holding it.

  We arrive back at his place and I turn to kiss him goodbye, but he gets out of the car and walks me up to the door. He kisses me so hard, then pulls back and looks at me, brushing my hair from my face. “Call me if you need me?” I nod my head.

  “Have fun and stay away from girls,” I warn him.

  He laughs. “The only girl I want on my cock is here, Pinkie.” He winks.

  “That better be true,” I warn him again as he kisses me one last time before he walks away from the door.

  I go to my computer and Skype Hillary before I go to bed. She answers on the first ring. She’s not fully dressed and she’s in bed with Tick. He waves to me, then gets up and walks off, leaving us to talk.

  “So, tell me, how’s it going living the high life?” she asks, clapping her hands.

  “There’s no high life, Hillary,” I say to her.

  “I call bullshit! He has drivers, gets into anywhere he wants to go and aren’t you even going to England soon?” she asks.

  “Yes, he wants me to come with him. His family is having a vacation there, but I haven’t met them yet. It will be weird,” I say, biting my nails.

  “They will love you. He loves you. So, of course, they will,” she says, her eyes softening.

  “How are things with you?” I ask, referring to Tick.

  “He wants to meet my parents!” she shrieks. That will not go well.

  “Have you told them about him?” I ask cautiously.

  “No, well, yes. They told me not to be silly and to marry a good man with a good job. Not one that produces music,” she says, referring to what Tick does for a living.

  “But he’s good at it and makes a shit load of money. Isn’t it enough that he can support you?” I ask her.

  “To them, a job to support me is a businessman, doctor or lawyer. Not someone who dabbles in music,” she says and her eyes drop to her legs.

  “As long as you’re happy, Hillary, don’t worry about what anyone else says.”

  “I try, I really do, but they’re my parents, CJ.” She’s on the verge of tears now.

  “And sometimes they don’t always know what’s best for you, either.”

 
; “I know, it’s just hard. I love him so much and I know he loves me. It’s just hard,” she huffs.

  “Isn’t love though? Isn’t it hard?” I ask, to which she nods her head.

  “Okay, I’m extremely tired and need to go to sleep, so I can work tomorrow while Kyrone sleeps. That man never lets me get anything done.”

  “I still can’t believe he said he loves you. That boy is crazy for some CJ pussy.”

  “Hillary!” I scream at her.

  “What? It’s true. When’s the wedding?” she laughs.

  “I don’t think so,” I say. “Bye Hillary, go and love that man of yours,” I tell her and smile before disconnecting.

  I check my phone before I go to sleep to see if Kyrone has texted or tried to call me. He sent me a photograph of his cock saying, “Will be seeing you soon,” and after that, “I love you, Pinkie.” I smile and pass out, so happy to have him.

  I wake in the middle of the night to find his half of the bed empty. Wondering where he is, I get out and head to the kitchen. I turn every light on and don’t see him anywhere. I go back to the room and try his cell, but there’s no answer. I think about trying Tanner’s, but realize I would look like the crazy girlfriend checking up on her man.

  I decide to text him instead, telling him to call me when he gets it. I stare at my phone for a good hour, scrolling through Facebook to see if he’s on there or to see if anyone has posted anything. I eventually give up and pass back out, hoping my phone will ring and wake me with his voice.

  I wake and run to the bathroom, everything I ate the night before comes straight back up. I sit there for a good hour, bringing up everything I have in my stomach until nothing’s left. I eventually leave the bathroom and wonder why Kyrone didn’t come in when he heard me being sick. I walk back to the room and see that he’s not there. I do the same as last night and check the kitchen and living rooms, but I don’t see him anywhere. I check my phone and notice he hasn’t called or even text messaged. I call straight away and get no answer. I call Tanner and it goes straight to voice mail. I don’t know who else to call. My gut is telling me something is wrong, very wrong. He would have texted me, he always text messages me on his breaks from practice or any time he can. Sometimes it’s multiple times a day when he’s away for training.

  Just as I start to call him again, there’s a knock on the door. I tighten my robe around me and open the door. A lady is on the other side, dressed in a dress that’s very business-like. She looks me up and down and I see she’s sad.

  “You must be Christina,” she says, walking in. I nod my head and allow her in. “I’m Kyrone’s mother, Michelle,” she introduces herself, looking around the apartment.

  “I need you to get dressed and come with me,” she says, looking back at my robe. I nod my head and throw on the closest thing I can find. When I walk back out, she’s on her phone talking to someone. She stops when she sees me and I follow her out the door to her car.

  “There’s been an accident,” she says very softly, trying to hold back her tears I now see rolling down her cheek.

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “Kyrone was run off the road last night. Someone side-swiped his car. It’s bad,” she says and my heart stops. I’m silent for the rest of the drive to the hospital. She grabs my hand halfway there and gives it a squeeze. I let her and lay my head against the window, trying to take calming breaths.

  When we arrive, I follow her to his room. I see him lying in the bed, covered in tubes. His eyes are taped closed and he’s not moving. The nurse walks in and checks him over, then walks back out.

  “He was operated on last night. They had to put him in a coma due to the swelling of his brain. His legs were crushed on impact as well and he may not be able to walk again,” his mother tells me, holding his hand on the opposite side of the bed to me.

  I run to the bathroom and throw up again. There’s nothing more to come up, so it hurts when I do. My stomach starts cramping and I collapse onto the floor. When I get my strength back, I walk back out.

  “Who did this?” I ask, not looking at him, but at her.

  “He’s been arrested. Someone by the name of Gallon,” she says spitefully.

  “What time?” I want to know all the details.

  “Tanner says he was at the party for an hour, then wanted to go home. It was just after midnight.” That’s when I woke up, that’s when I tried calling him.

  “When will he wake?” I ask, sitting back in the chair next to him.

  “They don’t know. You have to prepare yourself that he may never wake up,” she says, then cries harder. I should comfort her, I should tell her it will all be fine. I just can’t manage to move from the spot I’m in.

  ***

  Weeks pass with no improvement. There’s been no change in his condition at all. People come to visit, but no one stays long. It’s hard seeing him like this, so broken, no smartass comments coming from his mouth. Tanner informs me that Gallon has been charged and an impending trial date has been set. That does not make me happy, either. I hardly eat, I hardly sleep. Michelle is always bringing me food and clothes. Her motherly instincts are transferred to me; she doesn’t have anyone else to look after. Kyrone’s father has visited a few times though it’s hard for him. Every time his eyes land on his son, he breaks down. He is his biggest supporter. He never said much to me and I can understand why. I’m just another girl though I haven’t left his side.

  The nurses have put a cot in the room for me. I sleep on it, next to him, hoping and praying for a miracle. I go to shower when Michelle comes back that afternoon and she brings me food and tells me to eat. I can’t though, and nothing is staying down. When I stand, my stomach cramps, it hurts so bad. I collapse on the floor and touch between my legs with my hand. When I remove my hand, it’s covered in blood, and I scream when I see it. Nurses come running in and immediately go to help me. Michelle hasn’t moved, her hands are covering her mouth.

  “Miss, are you pregnant?” one of the nurses ask. I shake my head. I would have known if I was, wouldn’t I?

  “Miss, it seems you’re having a miscarriage,” she says, helping me into a wheelchair. I scream when I am moved. How could I do this? How could I not look after myself enough to carry his baby?

  They take me into a room and run scans on me, then take my blood and give me something for the pain. When they tell me I was indeed pregnant, my mind shuts down. My heart is broken, so is my spirit. I let them do whatever is necessary to me. I sit there and close my eyes and think of things when they weren’t so broken, weren’t so fucked up.

  The procedure doesn’t take long and when Michelle comes to see me, she cries again. This time for me. “I’m so sorry,” she whispers. I don’t give her words, there’s nothing left but broken promises.

  Nothing but shattered hearts.

  Nothing but broken pieces.

  Nothing but corrupt souls.

  Where will my life take me now? Will it be this broken mess forever? Will it get better? Will he get better? Will he wake? Who will be the one to tell him I killed his baby because I didn’t look after myself? I think I should not break him any more than this will. He doesn’t need to love someone with holes in them. Everyone I love, something goes wrong, or someone dies, or someone leaves. He deserves better, so much better than me.

  I check myself out from the hospital and go back to our apartment. It hasn’t changed since I was here last. Everything is still the same.

  I pack a bag, pack anything I can find and leave. I need to make things better, for him not to get broken by me again. I just hope it’s the right choice. My heart is telling me no, but my mind is telling me yes.

  Love will destroy us, of that I’m now sure.

  I wake with a start and look at my surroundings. I have no idea where I am or how I even got here. I try to move my arms, or even my legs though I can’t. I’m stuck in this one position, a position that I can’t move from no matter how hard I try. I try to picture his
face, his beautiful face that comes to me when I dream… comes to me when I imagine. He isn’t in my head today and for some reason that hurts my heart. I feel it break just a little bit more, like shards of glass are tearing at it, making it snap into tiny pieces.

  The door opens and an elderly lady in a white coat walks in. She sits next to me and smiles down at me. “How are you feeling today, Christina?” she asks and I cringe at that name, that’s Kyrone’s name for me. I just nod my head.

  “You have given everyone quite a scare. We’ve had to take drastic measures to keep you from hurting yourself,” she says, still with that observing smile on her face. I go to lift my arm and see that there are bandages around it. She looks down at it and releases my hand. I bring my hand up to look at the bandage and it hurts when I touch it.

  “As I was saying, you have not been well. Hillary thought it was best that you stay in here for a while. You seem to want to hurt yourself. You took large amounts of pills and you’ve had to have your stomach pumped. That was one week ago. Then this week you drank so much that when you cut your wrist, the blood wouldn’t stop. I’m going to let you out of the braces today. Please come and walk around, we have a lot to discuss,” she says and releases my other arm and legs.

  I stand on shaky legs and follow her out of the room. She goes into an office and sits behind the large mahogany desk. I take the seat in front of it. She taps her pen on the paper in front of her and then looks up at me and smiles again. I want to wipe that smile off her face.

  “Would you like to discuss what’s been happening?” she asks in a sing-song voice. I shake my head.

  “Okay, when you’re ready,” she says and looks back down to the paper and starts writing.

  “Can I leave?” I ask, she nods and I rub at my wrist.

  “You’re not a prisoner here, Christina. All we want to do is help you with your loss,” she says, looking down at my wrist.

  “What do you know of loss?” I snap at her.

  “Quite a lot actually. You’d be surprised,” she fires back at me immediately. “How about you go and have lunch, meet some people and have some interaction?” she suggests when I don’t reply.