The Librarian's Vampire Assistant, Book 3

by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

  “Absolutely,” I say. “That reminds me… I need to take some time off. Just three days. Four tops.”

  “Where are you going?”

  To investigate some dark, scary pits in an attempt to save the world. “Well, you know how my uncle died recently? He left me his collection of books. I need to go through his storage locker to see what’s what,” I lie.

  “You’re going to sell his books?” She sounds appalled, like I’m auctioning off his children on eBay.

  “I might keep a few, but I have to assess what he’s got first.”

  “And since when did you become an appraiser?” she asks, sounding suspicious.

  Since I was born before the United States of America and before the age of television, so I’ve had lots of time to read and learn. My private collection of books back in Cincinnati is very respectable, though it pales in comparison to Miriam’s. Her family began building the collection several generations ago, and her parents spent millions acquiring more. My kind of people. I would have liked to meet them.

  “I’ll figure it out,” I say.

  “I can go with you if you want? I mean, I am looking to expand my collection and—”

  “Thanks, but then there’d be no one to watch your library.” Oh no. She cannot come. It will be far too dangerous. Plus, I do not want to call any attention to my activities.

  “That’s actually not true. I put an ad in with the university for two part-time assistants.”

  No. There can only be one assistant librarian: me. “I don’t like it.”

  “Sorry?” she snaps.

  There I go again, overstepping. She does not understand my apprehension related to strangers. They could be spies. Also, Miriam is a danger magnet. Case in point, look who’s working for her.

  “I meant,” I clear my throat, “I don’t like it…when I’m not trained properly for a job. Very frustrating. I assume your new assistants will feel the same?”

  “Actually, the two applicants already have experience working in the university library, which has the same software. I think they’re more than qualified to help out.”

  “Oh.” We pull up to a red light, and I stare straight ahead. I’m torn. I would feel more at ease having her remain close to me, especially at such a perilous time, but we are not really going to look at books. This little investigatory trip could be dangerous.

  Although… I scratch my chin. I do happen to have a storage locker just north of London. It contains a few items left over from my parents’ estate—glassware, several paintings, and some furniture. I believe there are few old trunks filled with old books. Likely turned to dust by now. Nevertheless, they could serve as my “uncle’s collection.”

  “Hey, if you don’t want me to go, just say so. I was only trying to help,” Miriam says. “And green light.”

  I glance at the stoplight. “Oops. Daydreaming.” I hit the accelerator, but when I glance at Miriam, her eyes are a little glossy and the corners of her sweet little mouth are turned down. I wonder if she simply doesn’t want to be alone.

  Who cares? She wants to be with me.

  My ego does a little tap dance and then takes a bow. It cannot resist a damsel in distress.

  “On second thought,” I say, “I love the idea. I know my uncle mentioned some rare finds. Would really hate to give them up without knowing what they are.”

  “Really?” Miriam smiles, and it tickles my cold heart.

  “Just as long as you let me pay for the plane tickets and hotel,” I say.

  “I couldn’t. You’re just a student. I wouldn’t want you wasting your money on me.”

  “I plan to pay for the trip with some of the book sales. Also, did I mention my uncle lived near London, but his lawyer, for some really weird reason, is near Blackpool up north? So we’ll have to fly there first to pick up some paperwork. The cost will be fairly high.”

  “Oh. He lived in the UK? In that case…I’ll let you buy the tickets, but if we don’t find something good, I’ll pay you back.”

  Miriam owns millions of dollars of books and lives in a mansion located in the most exclusive neighborhood in the Phoenix area, but her parents left her no cash, and she refuses to sell any of her books. In short, whatever cash she gets goes towards paying living expenses, property taxes, and running the library. Part of me loves how she gives everything to her passion. The other part of me wants very badly to take her shopping and spoil her a little. It’s what a man should do for his wife—

  Stop. Get a hold of yourself. She is not really going to be your wife. She’ll only be mine in the eyes of the world’s most powerful creatures. Doesn’t make it real. Nope. Not at all…

  “So when do we leave?” she asks.

  “Tomorrow or the day after. I’m trying to get there before someone else gets to his things—some second or third cousins were upset that I got it all,” I lie as an excuse to mask the urgency. I loathe having to make up so much phony bullcrap, but I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; I am a man of integrity, but I am also a vampire. We break rules when we need to. All part of the fun when you live a double life.

  “Wow,” she says. “I didn’t realize you were leaving so soon. I mean, I do have a passport, but—”

  “I wish it could wait a few weeks, but you know how greedy cousins are…” As we’re talking, I realize that I’m going to have to bring a few guards with me. There is no possible way I can keep my honeymoon—I mean investigative trip—low profile if she comes along. Also, we will have to leave her alone at some point while Lula and I do our thing near Blackpool. I can explain Lula’s presence, but the guards? Why would anyone bring members of their drama club with them to another country to inspect some books? Hmmm… On second thought, she really should stay here at home.

  “No problem. I’ll make it work,” Miriam says. “I’m actually super excited. With everything that’s happened, I haven’t taken any time off for myself. I need this. I need a little distraction.” She sighs. “Yeah. This sounds perfect. Thank you, Michael. I don’t know how you do it, but you always seem to come to my rescue.”

  I am a man, and men love to feel important and needed. No shame in that. However, this response is unusual for an independent woman such as Miriam.

  “Not to be nosey or anything, but is everything all right?” I ask.

  “As good as can be expected, considering I was attacked, almost murdered, you had to kill two guys for me, and we were kidnapped.”

  Oh. That. The kidnapping was actually the council taking us into custody. It happened just a few weeks ago when I was accused of running that blood farm. Given the location, the council assumed Miriam was in on it, too. Long story short, Miriam was cleared, and I was set free after Lula outed Alex as the true mastermind. We also figured out what the blood farm was for. As for Miriam, she was returned home and told I belonged to some crazy cult who was behind it all. She and I haven’t spoken of the event since, but I know it’s been on her mind.

  It also sounds like she’s just now coming to grips with the fact that I have killed two men for her. Both were hired by the land developer who’s now dead. Again, that whole episode is water under the bridge except in Miriam’s fragile human heart. She feels guilty about what I’ve done in the name of keeping her safe.

  If only I could tell her the truth. I have killed thousands, and while I won’t claim it doesn’t haunt me, adding a few murderous bastards to the list won’t change a thing. To the contrary, it gives me pleasure putting my lethal skills to good use.

  “If there’s anything I can do, any questions you have or thoughts you want to share, I’m here for you, Miriam.”

  “I-I just want to know if you’re okay.”

  “Me?” I am tormented beyond words. I cannot begin to think of what will happen if I fail to restore order. But my fear is my burden to carry, and I will do it alone, as I have for over four hundred years. Simply put, it is what men like me do. We battle demons. We stay strong. There is no other purpose for a man
like me to exist. “I’m great.”

  “But you killed two people. Doesn’t bother you, even if you did it to save my life?”

  I know what she wants me to say. If I’m a normal non-psychopathic human, it should bother me.

  I turn right, down the main thoroughfare, and encounter morning traffic. “I talked to a therapist, and I’m okay with it. Those men would have killed you, so I did what I had to. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” If I had one. Plus, they were tasty, so it was a win-win all around. The only downside was digging graves in the heat-infested desert.

  Miriam nods stoically. “There you go again, sounding like a calm, rational man who’s seen it all.”

  I don’t want her to catch on, so it’s time to sprinkle in some age-appropriate nuggets. “Well, I haven’t seen as much as you. So. Old.”

  “Hey now!” She slaps my arm. “I’m not that old.”

  “Says the woman who is now thirty. Does it hurt to be so ancient?” I try not to smile, but it doesn’t work.

  “Very funny, Michael.”

  She’s quiet all of a sudden, and when I glance her way, I notice she is studying my face. Actually, no. She is ogling me—pupils wide and receptive, a hungry look on her face. The shocking part is she doesn’t look away or try to hide it. No. She wants me to know she’s liking what she sees.

  Dear God, what is happening between us?

  I reluctantly put my eyes back on the road, and the car fills with tension. It’s raw. It’s sexual. I am so turned on right now. My manhood begins to stir once more.

  No. No, sir. You shall not stand and salute the woman. We have a war to win. And something tells me I will need all the energy I can muster. But remember when I said that Miriam is my biggest weakness? I was wrong. My weakness is the spark between us.

  Forget spark. Whatever this is, it’s turning into a bonfire. And I do not know how long I will be able to keep my hands off her.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  After trying to stay clear of Miriam all morning, for the sake of my pants and the children who come to the library, Lula makes her appearance around noon, an hour before my shift ends. As always, she’s wearing an eccentric tribute to her independence as a woman—a skintight yellow leotard with yellow flats. Her blonde hair is braided in pigtails with matching yellow ribbons.

  “Are you a dancer in Duck Lake—the ballet where the swan rejects go to die?” I try not to laugh.

  “Okay, Mr. ‘I touch my shelves.’” She rolls her eyes. “Where the hell do you buy all of your crap T-shirts from, anyway? The Dumb Fucker Store? Oh, wait! Don’t tell me.” Lula snaps her fingers. “You go to the Old Navy outlet. The real one. Because you’re older than the navy. And the invention of ships, for that matter.”

  “Wrong answer. I went to your favorite boutique, The Immortal Frigid Spinster.”

  “That was a terrible comeback.” She sticks her finger down her throat. “You’re losing your touch, Mikeypoo.”

  “I’ve missed you.” I wrap my arms around her five-foot-four body and give Lula a squeeze.

  “Eeeek. Careful there, mister. Don’t want people getting the impression that I like you or something.”

  I let go of my trusty sidekick and beam down at her spunky face. She has expressive brown eyes and a perky little nose I just want to grab. (And sometimes break off and chuck to the floor before stomping on it.) Nevertheless, life without Lula is bland and colorless. I cannot get on without her. “You love me and you know it.”

  “Like I love a good scrub-down after radiation exposure,” she replies.

  “Like you love gangbang porn and fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies on a Friday night.”

  Little known fact: In high concentrations, chocolate is fatal for vampires. No different for dogs. In small doses, chocolate has a marijuana-type effect. Lula loves her chocolate chips as much as she does her kinky videos. I think it’s a result of having been alive for so long. Our need to find new thrills can push our tastes a bit outside the norm. Personally, I seek adventure in spicy food. Sex and cookies lost their excitement when I was about a hundred years old.

  “Lula?” Miriam appears behind me in the lobby.

  “Mir!” The two women rush toward each other for a quick hug and start gabbing so fast I can hardly keep up. Except for the part where Miriam says…

  “Did you hear?” Miriam bounces on her sensible black flats. “Michael and I are going to England to sort through his uncle’s book collection!”

  Lula doesn’t miss a beat. “How exciting! I did not know.” She gives me a side glance, her disapproving frown fast but furious.

  Oops. Forgot to tell her. Or, perhaps, I didn’t want to. Our mission is going to be focused on checking out the pits. Lula will not appreciate the extra responsibility and danger of bringing Miriam along.

  “So are you coming to Michael’s housewarming party tonight?” Lula asks.

  “Oh…I’m not sure.” Miriam crinkles her nose in distaste.

  What the what, woman! “But you have to,” I interject.

  “I have so much to do,” Miriam says apologetically, “and if I’m going to travel, that means packing. I’m meticulous when it comes to suitcase usage.”

  My testicles quiver, and I take a step back. How I love an organized suitcase, but I cannot allow her to skip out on our wedding night. There are charades to be had, cake to eat, sex to—No. Stop. No sex. This will be a ceremony and nothing more. Down, mighty elm. Down, I say!

  “But Lula will be the only woman there, and I’m sure she doesn’t want to be alone,” I argue.

  “Didn’t you say your drama coach is coming?” Miriam asks.

  “You’re taking drama classes?” Lula laughs.

  I narrow my eyes. “Yes. I mentioned it yesterday. Don’t you remember? I said I invited a bunch of the guys from my troop.”

  Lula claps her hands together. “Fresh meat!” She turns to Miriam. “Then you should definitely not go. Less donkeys, more hay.”

  I shake my head. I know she can’t be thrilled about my marriage, but this is a matter of life or death. I need my men guarding Miriam so I can take care of critical business. For example, right now there is a body in my car that needs a home. Then I must meet with Viviana and review her findings. After, Lula and I must go over our strategy for getting into the pits, and I still need to get the generals on a call.

  “Miriam, Lula is just being greedy,” I say. “You are still welcome, and I will take it as a personal insult if you do not attend this evening.” I have everything worked out so that we can complete the ceremony before the men arrive. It’s a foolproof plan, just as long as my bride shows up.

  Lula laughs. “Mikey, why do you always sound like you have a stick up your ass? If Miriam doesn’t want to go, then she doesn’t.”

  Why the devil is she sabotaging me? The rage seeps into my veins.

  “Oh no. Don’t look so upset. Of course I’ll be there.” Miriam gives my arm a squeeze and it sends an erotic shiver down my spine, instantly cooling my rage, but heating up another zone. “I have some things to take care of for my new hires, but see you both tonight.” Miriam heads to her office.

  Lula and I watch her walk away and ensure she’s out of earshot before whipping out our fangs.

  “What the devil was that, Lula?”

  “I was using a little reverse psychology so she’d agree to come. I can’t believe that after everything, you still don’t trust me,” Lula hisses.

  “How about a heads-up the next time you plan to help me out?” I hiss back.

  “That would ruin the element of authenticity. So,” she exhales, “why don’t you shut your man hole and tell me what’s first on the to-do list?”

  “I need you to stay here and watch over Miriam while I—”

  “Michael…” she whines in a hushed tone. “You brought me all the way to this sunny cesspool to babysit again?”

  “I have no choice. We don’t know where Alex and his army are or what they’re planning.”


  “Since you’re king, I’m now in charge of both Ohio and Arizona, Michael. Do you have any idea what’s going on out there?” She points to the double glass door and lowers her voice again. “It’s chaos. Everyone’s in a panic, hoarding bagged blood, boarding up their windows, and getting ready to fight each other. No one trusts anyone, and it’s up to the society leaders to keep the wheels on the vampire bus. I’m up to my eyeballs in emails and phone calls. And, unlike you, I don’t have an assistant.”

  “Well…get one!”

  “I’m too busy dealing with your shopping lists and babysitting your librarian.”

  “You like Miriam,” I growl.

  “So? I like a lot of people, but that’s not going to keep the world from blowing up while you play charades and take your sweet time formulating a battle plan.”

  “I’m not going to battle, Lula.” My words are just as much a shock to myself as they are to Lula, but now I realize why I’ve been so focused on getting out of being king.

  She lifts two blonde brows. “Then who is?”

  “We are getting the council members back. They will have to win this war.”

  Her mouth flaps for a moment. “Seriously?”

  “What?”

  “What if you can’t get them back? What if they’re dead already? Then what?” she snaps.

  “They are alive. I know this because it would be foolish to dispose of such valuable assets. Also, Nice is still with us, so that indicates the leaders were not slaughtered.”

  “What if he’s in on it, huh? A spy?”

  “Nice? He’s a pampered, spoiled loon. He doesn’t want to go back to the old ways, because then there’d be no vampire romance novels or Netflix.”

  “Fine. You have a point, but in your scenario, you’re proposing to free the other council members and have them fight the war. Them being vampires just like Nice.”