by Rayna Stone
All of it would take time and patience. They still had so much to learn about each other. They had to figure out how they would fit in each other’s lives. But now he was determined to make it happen. If Alexa could be brave enough to risk opening herself up and reaching out for the connections she’d always wanted in life, he could be brave enough to put himself on the line and actually hope again that he and Ryan could have the future they’d dreamed of for years.
James grabbed Alexa’s hand and started back down the path. They hadn’t even bothered to look at the views yet, but he had the feeling that nobody really cared anymore about that. He saw Alexa grab onto Ryan with her other hand and felt a pinch in his chest at the sight. Holding hands was something that he and Ryan rarely did. This was one of the things they missed about having a woman in their lives. The tender, more romantic side of a relationship. They loved each other fiercely, but they were guys. Ryan didn’t need him to cuddle on the couch or hold hands on a walk. And he didn’t feel the need to run his fingers through Ryan’s hair. It just wasn’t the way their relationship worked. They didn’t miss having a woman for just the sex. Yes, they adored a woman’s body, but more than that, they both wanted a woman to take care of. And he could admit he wanted a woman to fuss over them in that way only women really did.
James cleared his throat. “It’s time I gave you a part of my past, angel. Though it’s pretty rosy compared to yours, it’s what shaped me into the man I am today.” He wanted to show her that he could be there to remind her how wonderful family could be.
“I grew up in the Leave It to Beaver house. I’m still really close to my parents, in fact. When I was little, my mom stayed home and took care of me and my dad. She was the one who volunteered for everything at the school, baked for days for the fundraisers, had snacks and games for all the neighborhood kids. Everyone went to my house after school because either the other parents weren’t home, or they didn’t want a bunch of kids storming through the house.” He smiled at the memory. “My mom loved it. She loved taking care of people.
“My dad worked a lot, but when he came home he was the ultimate family man. He played ball with me or helped my mom. I never thought it was strange how loving and connected they were until I saw some of the other parents. I felt bad for my friends when it looked like their parents didn’t even make eye contact anymore.
“My dad had a heart attack at a very young age and was in the hospital for a time. I was old enough to want to be just like him, so I became man of the house till he returned. I took care of my mom as best I could and ran the errands or did chores that he usually handled. I think that’s when I really understood how valuable a feeling taking responsibility for things is. I loved being able to help out. It made me feel important, like I was necessary. That feeling only grew as I got older. I wanted to take care of the girls I dated, but they didn’t like that too much. It confused me a lot at the time until I got to college and met an older woman who said I was a bit bossy in bed.” Ryan and he both had to laugh at that. “She said if I wanted a sub, I should look for one.”
“I didn’t know what she was talking about, but I went back to my dorm and looked online for information. That’s when I found that there was an entire community of people like me out there. People who didn’t think it was wrong to want to pull out chairs and open doors. Hell, they didn’t even apologize for telling their lovers exactly what they wanted. At the time, this was a revelation. Even better, they didn’t bat an eye at people who wanted unconventional relationships.
“I knew for a long time that I was attracted to men and women, but I always thought I’d have to choose. I never knew that there were people out there in poly relationships and that there were groups out there who wouldn’t judge me for wanting that. So, I found those people and went to lunches with them. It wasn’t long before I met Ryan and we both immersed ourselves in learning about BDSM. It just clicked for us. The intimacy, the friendships, the open exploration of all the different ways to experience each other. Ry and I experimented for a long time until we fell into a way of life that worked for us.” James saw Alexa go a little pale and realized she might have taken some of that the wrong way.
“We didn’t have sex with a bunch of people, Lex. We experimented by watching others, having them teach us techniques and trying that stuff on our own. We weren’t Boy Scouts. We did have other partners because we both wanted a relationship with a woman, but none of those relationships worked out for us and we were always safe.” He stared at her to see if she understood.
“I wasn’t judging you, James. I had two one-night stands. I was just thinking that I’m really inexperienced here. You guys said you wanted to date me, and I assume that if things work out, we’ll be having ‘the sex’ at some point, and you’re going to be majorly disappointed in what I have to offer.” It was adorable how she dropped her voice to whisper “the sex.” Fucking cute. It made him want to kiss her again.
Ryan pulled her hand to his lips and spoke while his lips grazed her inner wrist. “See, that’s what’s kind of awesome about BDSM. You never have to worry about what you’re supposed to do to your partner because they’ll just tell you. If we get there, honey, we’ll make sure you do what will please us, and we’ll make sure you find a way to communicate what pleases you.”
Alexa’s little body trembled a bit, and her mouth was hanging open in shock. Damn.
“Oh. Right, then,” she breathed.
* * * *
Ryan was having a hard time convincing his dick to “stand down.” Their little angel was killing him. He didn’t think she knew she was doing it, but her thumb kept tracing circles in his palm, and it was impossible not to notice how her soft breasts swayed as she tried to keep up with their longer strides. This was supposed to be an innocent date, but all he could think about was hauling her cute little ass off into the forest like a beast and snarling at anyone who looked at her. Well, except James. Yeah, he’d happily stand guard and keep the predators at bay while he watched James pound her till she screamed. Shit. There was his dick again.
And her parents. He didn’t know yet how they had died, but he wanted to dig them up and kill them all over again. He knew a thing or two about shitty families, but he could not imagine any parent looking at those eyes and not falling in love instantly. At least thinking of his family calmed his sex drive down. Telling her about them would kill it, but it had to be done. Shit, he would rather start talking about how incredible the trees were, and he didn’t give a shit about trees.
Ryan rolled his eyes at Alexa to get a smile out of her. “I guess it’s my turn for Share-a-Palooza.” Bonus, she giggled.
“I didn’t have quite the same idyllic childhood as the Beave over there.” He nudged her side. “But just so you know, he’s still got a surprise or two to tell you about his family,” he whispered.
Alexa gasped in mock horror. “No, don’t tell me the chipmunks in his neighborhood didn’t sing and dance. I can’t take that.”
James glared at Ryan and addressed Alexa. “Smart-ass. He’s talking about my parents being in the lifestyle. Yeah. That was a fun day. I came home from college and my dad found some kink magazines. He decided it was time to share the news that he and my mom had a D/s relationship. He then proceeded to destroy some of my brain cells with TMI. I never needed to know that my parents actually had sex. I still don’t, and they still share too much. But after I recovered from the trauma of visualizing them naked, I was grateful to know because it made me realize I could have this kind of relationship and still have a real life. Nobody would have guessed they were anything but a loving couple who raised a good kid. This kind of lifestyle doesn’t have to mean the end of having a family or a place in the community.”
Ryan gave Alexa a brilliant smile. “Leave It to Beaver with floggers and ball gags, the Christmas Special.” The full, rich laughter that she gifted him with now made him want to spend all his time learning her different laughs.
“Okay, so my family
was rich and snobbish, and the ultimate country-club, presidential family. I didn’t really have real friends because everyone just followed the fake-as-shit societal protocol. I never knew if people wanted to be around me for me or because my dad employed theirs. I pretty much despised everything about their views and the life they expected from me. I didn’t want to fit in because nothing was real. And I sure as hell didn’t want to go into business and work with my dad. I knew if I didn’t break free I’d end up with that same fake smile on my face my mother wore while she planned my wedding to the most popular girl at the club. No thanks.
“Still, I loved them. I knew in high school that I’d have to make a decision about my life. I figured it out the day I wanted the quarterback as much as the squealing cheerleaders did.” The laughter in his voice couldn’t cover up how upsetting that moment had been for him and he knew it.
“My parents would never accept a son that wasn’t strictly hetero. I knew that if I wanted to explore my sexuality, I’d have to hide it and always risk getting caught and thrown out of the family. As much I despised their values, it was hard not to want their love. Harder to know that they really wouldn’t give me that love if they knew I was bi. Hardest to know that if that happened, it meant I never really had their love to begin with.
“I went to college to ‘find myself’ and James really helped with that. With him and the friends we met, I finally realized it was okay to be me. I wasn’t sick or screwed up. It was okay to want to let another man into my heart. It was better than okay, because that man was James. He helped me understand that when I submit to him, I can really let myself be loved. He gives me security and pleasure. I belong to him and he belongs to me. We give each other strength in our different ways, but ultimately we give each other what we need to feel whole.
“I told my family and was promptly disowned, but it was okay because James was there to show me I had worth. That I was loved. I had always wanted to please people that never accepted me, but with James, the ways I take care of him, the ways I want to please, are cherished for the gift they are.”
Ryan stopped them all and drew Alexa close. He cupped the nape of her neck with one hand and brought their entwined fingers in between them up to his heart. “You can be yourself with us, angel. If you want to explore a relationship with us, we’ll find our fit because we would never make you do anything that makes you uncomfortable. We want you to embrace who you are and what you want to give. And we would treasure that for the gift and blessing it would be to us.” He knew he was assuming a lot. That she wanted them. That she would be interested in finding a place in their lifestyle. That any of it could work, but he knew. Knew in his gut that they were waiting for this woman. That she was made for them.
She may not know for sure she was submissive, but she had been taking all her cues from them since they picked her up this morning. She naturally shifted her body to accommodate theirs. She looked to them for their reactions. She relaxed her shoulders when they held hands. He wasn’t throwing in the towel unless she flat out told them to back off. And even then, he planned to fight.
“Now let’s get back to the car so we can feed you, angel. I want to hear all about the work you did this summer.” His spirits lifted right along with his libido at the gleam in her eye. Their girl liked to talk about her work. They’d pushed her enough for one day, and he was happy to let her sink back into her comfort zone. They had time to delve deeper.
Chapter Ten
Alexa was driving home from the university three weeks after her first date with James and Ryan. Three friggin’ weeks and all they had done was drive her insane with caresses and kisses! Sure, she was having the time of her life getting to know them, but if someone didn’t make a serious move on her soon she was going to spontaneously combust.
They had dinner at least four nights a week and spent their weekends hiking or looking at the shops in town. She had a file in her computer that contained a recipe for every dish she found out they liked, along with Internet-search recipes for similar dishes. Cooking with them was flirtatious and relaxing all at the same time, but she was starting to worry that she was sending the wrong message. Like perhaps she should research if there was a dish that screamed “do me now and feed me peanut butter later.” Honestly, she found herself daydreaming of them at the most inappropriate times and actually getting wet! At least she managed to put off the horse-riding excursion.
The two previous sexual experiences she had didn’t come close to turning her on the way a single nuzzle from either of them did. At one point, when she realized she had a damp spot on her panties, she freaked out thinking she had a medical problem. Was producing this much natural lubrication normal, or had they screwed up her biology so much she had a yeast infection? Thankfully, all the medical sites relieved her of the fear that her pH levels were out of whack, but she needed some relief before her sanity became the problem.
Mimicking what she considered James’s voice of authority, Alexa talked to herself all along the highway. “Before we take this to the next level, physically, we want to take you to the club. I don’t want to influence you too much on my likes and dislikes, I want you to see how a bunch of other people interact in this community so you can have an idea of what you might like to try, or what resonates with you. Then we can start to explore how our physical relationship will work. I will not take you, or allow Ryan to, if you see the lifestyle in reality and want nothing to do with it. Seeing it is different than reading about it, angel, and once I take you, I won’t be letting you go anytime soon, so I want you to be as prepared as possible.” She rolled her eyes. “Blah, blah, blah.”
She waved to Lily, the tiny little thing that owned the handmade jewelry store, as she made her way down Main Street. She’d met a few of James and Ryan’s friends, and she even visited Kelly in the hospital and at home, but she liked Lily best. Lily was full of information no normal person usually retained, but she was as flighty as a two-year-old. She’d be talking about the Roman Empire one minute, and then something shiny would catch her eye and off she’d go. Alexa found her enthusiasm for life refreshing. Plus, she seemed to really care about people. Like you could tell her anything and she wouldn’t judge, just go start a war for you whether you were in the right or not. Yeah, she was looking forward to getting to know Lily better.
On the plus side, there was a party at this club of theirs this weekend. They hadn’t told her much of what actually happened there, other than to say that she just needed to see it, but she thought that might finally happen this weekend. Then maybe they’d touch her under her clothes. If not, she was going to try being a Domme and jump them. She could fake the confidence long enough to get naked at least.
Pulling up to her house she had to blink a few times to make sure her eyes were functioning properly. It looked like Kelly was running between the houses like a lunatic. “What the hell?” Before she could turn the car off, Kelly popped back into her view by the backyard fence, aimed a gun, and shot Precious. She sat stunned for a second before launching out of her car and running at top speed toward Kelly.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Alexa was screeching and wildly looking around for where Precious was lying. “Why did you shoot my dog?” This last was said in a bit of a dangerously low tone as she grabbed a surprised Kelly’s shirt.
“There’s a wolf in your yard. I shot it for you,” Kelly calmly stated as if it were Alexa that was insane.
Alexa let go of Kelly and ran toward her front door while pulling out her cell phone. “It’s not a wolf! You shot my damn dog!”
“I just tranquilized it,” Kelly shouted back. “And it’s definitely a fucking wolf!”
A small measure of relief washed over Alexa as she pulled open her door and punched in James’s number, but she was still terrified. What if she overdosed him? If he died, she didn’t care if Kelly had just come home from surviving a serial killer’s attempt on her life, she was going to cut a bitch.
“Angel, I’m glad�
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She cut James off before he could continue.
“Your crazy-ass friend just tranqed my dog! She got a gun and shot him. You need to get here fast because either Precious is going to need you or Kelly will. I’m about to lose my shit, James. Who the fuck tranqs a dog?”
She heard James sigh on the other end. “That would be Kelly, honey. I’m on my way.”
Alexa threw her phone on the kitchen counter and blasted through her back door. She barely managed to get down the steps without breaking her neck when she zeroed in on Kelly standing by the fence. “You keep your crazy on that side, Kelly. Do not even think about getting any closer right now. I am not responsible for what I may do to you.” Alexa tried not to fire back when Kelly only smiled at her like she was a little child in need of being taken seriously. Oh, she would inflict damage.
Kneeling beside Precious, she frantically felt his chest for a heartbeat. The reassuring thud transmitted a wave of relief all the way up her arm and through her body as if she just realized her own heart was still beating. She stayed frozen over her badass, now-slobbering wolf, in a trance-like state, not even glimpsing Kelly’s way until she felt James’s warmth at her back. Oh yeah, nothing weird about knowing who’s behind you based on his heat signature.
Alexa felt his breath rush across her neck. “He’s going to be fine, baby. I gave Kelly enough tranquilizers to weaken an adult male because Troy won’t let her have a real gun, but it isn’t enough to hurt Precious. He’ll just sleep for a little while, okay?”
Incredulously, Alexa looked back at him. “I get that she would want to protect herself, considering what happened to her and all, but why would she shoot my dog? That was in my backyard. Behind my fence,” she questioned. All the while her voice getting higher and louder.