by Rachel Kane
“Well, no. Just that he was anxious. And, I knew he had trouble keeping jobs in the past.”
Harlan groaned. “I didn’t even know the part where he had trouble working. Why didn’t he tell us?”
“Can you blame him for not saying anything?”
“Yes, I can blame him. I’m just looking for reasons not to, so I can live with what happened in there. You know what would happen to him on the stand, with this information? It wouldn’t just be the psychiatric history, there’d be all this other probing. They’d ask, What else is he hiding?”
It was a question that had occurred to Jace too, before he put it out of his mind as unfair. He had to keep reminding himself that he’d only known Trent since late Friday night. It wasn’t as though they’d had months of conversation.
But wasn’t this the sort of thing people brought up when contemplating a relationship?
God, what was going on inside him? He had never used the phrase contemplating a relationship in his entire life.
And it wasn’t like he had been an open book to Trent. There was one secret he simply had not been able to confess, one so dark he kept it hidden even from himself.
He told himself that it didn’t mean either of them was dishonest to have secrets this early on; there just hadn’t been enough time to decide when and how to say everything.
But some darker part of his mind asked: How much more was Jace really going to take? He had already risked his home, his life, everything, for a guy he hardly knew, at first out of a sense of duty, then out of a growing sense of attraction and connection…but how much more was there going to be?
It wasn’t even the psychotic break stuff. Not really. That wasn’t great to hear, but he was hardly some great example of mental health. At least Trent had gotten his breakdown out of the way, and then got on with his life. Jace had run off to the forest to become a hermit when his stress got too bad.
No, it was that he had somehow inherited a boyfriend—if you could call Trent that—who was suddenly jobless and homeless. And did Jace really have room in his life for all that?
Of course you do. You have no job yourself. You live off your tiny savings, on your brother’s land. Who are you to judge?
His thoughts were going crazy, and he realized he needed some time to rest. He also realized Harlan had said something, and was staring at him, waiting for a reply.
“What?”
“I said, do you want to borrow my apartment. I assume you’re not going back to the cabin today.”
He blinked. “I hadn’t thought ahead that far, I guess.” Truth be told, he’d thought about whisking Trent right back to the mountain, getting back to normal, now that everything was over. But he hadn’t actually asked Trent about it. He glanced back into Dodi’s office. Trent was nodding, rising from his chair.
Harlan tossed him a set of keys. “Get cleaned up. I don’t know if I have any food there, but you’re welcome to it.”
Trent and Dodi were headed towards the hall.
Quickly, Jace turned to Harlan and whispered, “What should I do about Trent?”
“You mean today? Or as far as whatever you two have going on? Because if it’s the latter, my advice would be--”
“Today. I mean today.”
“Oh, hell, Jace, I don’t know. Take him to the apartment too. Take a nap or something. Just, please god get cleaned up first.”
“And you’re sure he’s safe now?”
“From Grumman? Grumman’s probably buying him a nice big thank-you present. Trent just saved him millions.”
Jace sighed. “I am sorry your case got fucked up.”
“We’ll live. Maybe we’ll move our practice down to the mini-mall, focus more on whiplash cases than evil billionaires.”
Dodi knocked, and Harlan gestured them in.
Jace looked at Trent. The Trent of the deposition room was so different from the Trent of the cabin. The man before him seemed shrunken somehow. Bowed from the strain. It got Jace’s protective instincts going all over again.
“So, what happens now?” Trent said, in a tired voice.
“Now, we wait for Grumman’s lawyers to call back,” said Harlan. “And by we I mean me and Dodi.”
Trent nodded, and looked at Jace.
“Come on,” said Jace, putting his arm around Trent. “Harlan is letting us borrow his fancy apartment.”
20
“Your sister should have been a therapist,” said Trent.
“She got all the empathy in the family,” said Jace, driving towards Harlan’s building. “But don’t tell her that, or she’ll think you’re being sexist. Which is ironic, because she takes after our dad. He’s the good listener. My mom is about as aggressive as you can get without being jailed for it. She was a real estate agent until she retired. I think she dragged me through half the buildings in this city, growing up.”
Trent found himself a little surprised to hear about Jace’s family. Not the particulars, just the warmth in his voice as he described his parents. Even knowing he had siblings, it was easy to assume Jace had just sprung up from nowhere, with no human connections in his past.
Better still, as long as Jace was talking, Trent didn’t have to say anything. Didn’t have to worry about talking about his feelings, since that clearly bothered Jace. Not that Trent had any idea what he was feeling right now. He just wanted to rest. But he knew there were other tasks ahead of him.
Dodi had given him a good bit of sympathy in their talk, but not a mushy kind. She hadn’t been pleased about the way the deposition had gone, but she was more concerned about Trent’s well-being than the case, and asked him about his plans for the next few days.
But there was only so much he could say. It all boiled down to the same thing: His life was over.
It wasn’t over over. He had reminded himself of that several times since the deposition. He’d rebuilt his life before. He could do it again. But right this second, the thought exhausted him, and he just needed to rest, to recharge his reserves of energy.
“There’s so much to do,” he said to Jace. “I need to call Billy. I need to call work.”
They pulled into the parking lot of an apartment building. “First,” said Jace, as though reading his thoughts, “we need to get some rest.”
The apartment was almost frighteningly pristine. “Is this the right place?” said Trent. He was scared to touch the furniture; he might leave marks on it.
Jace stepped further into the place. He seemed on edge, as though the apartment were too silent, too clean, to be safe. As though its emptiness posed a threat.
“He’s never here,” said Jace, after apparently satisfying himself that this wasn’t a trap. “Do you want to get a shower?”
The thought of hot water was almost beyond belief. “Yes. Hell yes, I want a shower.”
They passed through a couple of rooms to discover the master bath, with its spotless tile and perfectly folded towels. It was like a hotel room Trent could never have afforded.
“You go ahead,” said Jace. “I’ll dig through his closets and see if there’s something you can wear for now.”
“I’ll be glad to get my own clothes back,” said Trent. He stepped onto the tiled floor, then stopped. “I feel like we should take a minute and commemorate what is happening here.”
Jace raised an eyebrow. “Hygiene?”
“Safety. This is the first time since we met, that I haven’t had a cloud of danger overhead. Nobody’s coming after me. I’m not hiding. It doesn’t make up for that bloodbath of a deposition…but it’s a good feeling.”
The look on his face wasn’t a smile, as he could see in the vast bathroom mirror, but the worry lines around his eyes had relaxed a little.
Jace stepped into the bathroom, and put his hand on Trent’s arm, giving it a little squeeze. “I’m glad you’re finally feeling safe.”
It was probably inevitable that Trent wound up in Jace’s arms. There was no dam left to hold back the flood of misery and h
opelessness he had been trying to hide from these past few days. He could finally react.
Clothes were shed onto the warm tiles. Water sprayed from the shower, painfully hot, like cautery for the emotional wounds Trent had sustained. He had the strangest sense of being unable to move, requiring strong hands to guide his body into the water. Those hands took on the task, holding him, washing him, rubbing shampoo into his hair, tilting his head to let the spray rinse out his hair.
Jace, with sponge and soap, worked over Trent’s exhausted body. He scrubbed every inch of naked skin. Yet still Trent felt distant, as though this were happening to someone else, someone far away. Was it possible to be in two places at once? Because these were definitely his nipples growing hard beneath Jace’s ministrations; he could feel and not feel at the same time. Sponge was replaced by hand, and hand by mouth.
Jace kissed his chest, his tongue playing over Trent’s nipples, before lifting his head and looking into Trent’s eyes. “Where are you?”
Trent laughed softly. “I don't even know. A place where none of this ever happened.”
“None of this?” Jace’s hand slipped down, soapy and slick, between Trent’s legs.
“I think I'm in shock.”
He leaned against the wall of the shower, feeling Jace’s hand encircle his shaft.
“Do you want me to stop?” Jace asked him.
“God no. But don't be conscientious. Don't make me think and answer and…” His voice trailed to silence. He was so hard in Jace’s hand that it almost hurt. He felt both weightless and somehow leaden, needing a strong scaffold to hold him up. His arms found Jace, wrapped around him, as his head fell back and he gasped at the sensation in his cock.
He’d come to the shower hoping for a brief respite from all the duties before him, but the shower had expanded to become the whole world. Nothing else existed but the hot water, and Jace, and himself, his hips now thrusting, pushing himself against Jace’s tight but soapy grip. There was nothing else he needed to do right now. No calls. No life rebuilding. No effort, except to somehow remain standing as Jace jacked him off.
But thoughts intruded. Jace’s strength was intoxicating, but wasn't that a problem? Wasn't it the same problem Trent continued to face? His life, always out of control, always entrusted to someone else? Yeah, it was nice to think about Jace being around to protect him and solve his problems, but what happened when things turned bad, as they always did? Didn't he need to be independent? If he hadn't counted on Jace, Harlan and Dodi to protect him, maybe he would've made better decisions and not be facing the total collapse of his life.
His eyes were closed, and he wanted to recapture the arousal of moments ago, but his body had begun responding to his stressful thoughts, and had ceased responding to the motion of Jace’s hand. His cock began to soften, even as Jace’s grip tightened on him.
“It’s not working,” he said, drawing back from Jace.
“Should I try—”
“No, it's okay,” he said, hoping the embarrassment was not too obvious. The concerned look in Jace’s eyes was too much for Trent to bear; it was a look of hurt, of Jace trying to figure out what he had done wrong.
“You just need time to rest,” Jace said, finally. He turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around himself.
There was an atmosphere in the room Trent hadn't felt before. He didn't know what to do with this emotion of Jace’s. He didn't have the energy to analyze it, much less to ask Jace what was going on. It was almost as though his body had insulted Jace by refusing to respond.
Harlan was larger than Trent through the shoulders, and taller than Jace. None of his clothes fit them very well. They dressed in silence, Trent pulling on cords whose cuffs he had to roll up, and a gray t-shirt that was only a little oversized. While Jace was still picking out clothes, Trent got out his phone. Enough putting off the inevitable; he needed to call Billy and start making arrangements.
Trent and Jace didn’t look at each other for the longest time.
21
“I did the best I could,” said Billy, gesturing to the cardboard boxes lining one side of the room.
The boxes may as well have been labeled My Former Life. They seemed too small, too few in number. Was this really all Trent had to show for himself? He needed to collect these and take them to his parents’ house for the time being, but staring at them, found he could not move one step forward.
Beside him, Jace was impassive. He had not said a word since they entered Billy’s new place. Hadn’t commented when Trent told Billy the story of his downfall. And Jace hadn’t wanted to talk on the drive over. Something was clearly bothering him.
It was coming at just the wrong time. The dark cloud over Jace’s mood, unreadable as it was, reminded Trent that for all the closeness he had felt to Jace these past few days, that’s all they were: Days. There had not been enough time yet to learn each other’s faces and emotions. No time yet to figure out which words would bring peace, and which would cause an argument. He had theories. He worried that Jace was sulking thanks to the incident in the shower. Maybe Jace was so used to being the protector, and so used to people spilling everything to him, that this silence from Trent offended him. It wasn’t to be helped. Trent couldn’t speak right now. He couldn’t explain what was going on in his head.
But even if Trent had known Jace well enough to understand this mood, and even if he could overcome his urge to stay silent, he just didn’t have the energy to pursue it. All his energy had gone into hiding himself. Protecting himself from further harm.
And the next step in that protection was to pick up these surprisingly few boxes.
Harlan’s secretary had arranged this apartment for Billy. It was a small but tidy studio. In its layout, it reminded Trent of Jace’s cabin. The counters were small, there were few places to sit, and yet it seemed it could be a comfortable place for the single person who lived there.
Because it was a studio. Just big enough for one.
To Trent, the message was clear: We used to be roommates, but you’re not invited back.
“You did great,” Trent said to Billy, trying to sound chipper. Inside the sleeves of his borrowed coat, his fingers twisted around themselves. “I wish they hadn’t taken my laptop.”
Billy frowned. “No, it’s still there.”
“What? Really?” A brief flicker of hope, of things getting back to normal. “It wasn’t on the desk that night. I thought they stole it.”
Billy pointed at a box. “Well, it’s in there. But I think you need a new one.”
“They broke it?”
He glanced over at Billy, who had closed his eyes and was nodding. His ex-roommate let out a long sigh.
“It was bad, Trent. You’ll see.”
“My clothes?”
“I think they left you some.”
Hesitantly Trent stepped over to the boxes, and knelt. It felt like a nightmare version of a birthday, opening a box but terrified at what he would find inside.
He already knew his furniture was destroyed. He hadn’t had much, just the bed and the desk.
His fingernails slipped under the tape on the first box, gently pulling it up from the cardboard, before looking inside.
“Damn,” said Jace, looking over his shoulder.
Trent pulled out his laptop. It was in four pieces, not counting the shards of broken plastic and circuitry near the bottom of the box. It was easy to see that the hard drive had been removed. He let the broken computer slip out of his hand and back into the box.
“I don’t know why they’d do it,” said Billy.
“It’s so stupid,” said Trent, his voice rising. “It’s a laptop. I don’t even keep anything on there that would relate to them. What could they possibly be looking for?”
“They weren’t looking for anything,” said Jace. “They were trying to intimidate you.”
He knelt next to Trent, and pulled a jacket from the next box. Its back was slas
hed repeatedly. “When Grumman’s men did this, they didn’t know you’d come to the woods to stay with me. They wanted to make sure you were frightened.”
Trent sat back on the floor. It felt like all the air had left him, like his lungs were full of lead. “Now that they know I’m not a threat, will they buy me new things? I don’t even know if I should bother taking all this to my parents’ house.”
“I’m sorry you’re going back there,” said Billy. There was a hesitation in his voice.
Trent glanced over. Here was another person who needed comforting from him, at a time when he had no comfort to give.
“I’m sorry I got us thrown out of the apartment,” Trent said. “But I guess I’m glad you got this new place.”
All he wanted was to pick up this stuff and go. But Billy clearly had more on his mind. Billy was looking nervously between Jace and Trent. If Trent hadn’t known any better, he’d have thought Billy was scared of the two of them.
“Just say whatever it is,” Trent told him.
“No, it’s nothing.”
“It’s obviously something.”
“I just feel bad about…about this,” said Billy, waving around the small apartment. “It was the first place that was open, and I seriously had no place to go, and—”
“It’s okay, Billy.”
“Are you sure? I mean, I worry you’re offended.”
“What, to find out that not only did I get kicked out of my apartment, but my roommate has cut ties with me? Is that what you worry about me thinking?”
He felt Jace put a steadying hand on his shoulder.
“It wasn’t on purpose,” said Billy. “You could stay! I’ll move out. I’ll get another place.”
“How can I afford this? I’m not going to have a job anymore! We were friends, Billy. Do you know how important it is to have friends, when your life is being ripped apart?”
Billy cringed at this. Jace squeezed Trent’s shoulder.