by Rachel Kane
Trent knew he shouldn’t pursue this line of argument. It wasn’t fair to Billy. It was just taking out his frustrations on him.
But he didn’t care.
“I’m going to go live with my parents again,” said Trent. “And where am I supposed to get another job? Go back to school for even more years, rack up more debt? My future is ruined because I tried to do a good thing. And now you’re turning your back on me.”
“Trent, let’s go,” said Jace.
“I’m not done!”
“You’re done. It’s not Billy’s fault.”
There was a coldness in Jace’s tone that Trent didn’t appreciate. Like Jace was embarrassed over Trent’s outburst. Like he disagreed that Billy’s choice to live alone was selfish.
He started to argue. He totally could have argued. But instead he picked up a box. “Let’s just get out of here.”
22
Loading the boxes into the back of the jeep, Jace realized what had been bothering him. He’d had a hard time putting his finger on it. There had been so little time to think today, and his time in the woods had made his thoughts a slow, meandering process. But now, as he slid one of the cardboard boxes in between two others, it hit him.
I’m a pack mule, he said to himself. It wasn’t something he could say to Trent, who was now stacking a box on top of his. Trent had been through too much, and that thing with Billy in the apartment could easily have turned into a big fight.
But it was simple enough. They’d been thrown together into an emotional situation, and now that the intensity of their time in the woods was over, it was clear Trent was no longer as interested. What had happened in the shower had made that apparent.
It hurt, though. It meant Jace was only here to be useful. The patient bodyguard. The lifter of boxes. The driver. He got into the driver’s seat and waited for Trent to get in.
He wondered what was the right thing to do. Should he say that he understood things had changed? Offer to disappear gracefully into the shadows until needed again? He didn't care about seeming noble; he just wanted the least stress possible.
But it wasn't really fair. Trent had opened something inside of Jace, a door he had assumed was shut and bolted. He wasn't ready to give up this feeling yet.
Fingers drumming on the steering wheel, he looked over at Trent. “Listen,” he began.
“I know,” said Trent, “I was an asshole to Billy. I'm sorry. I mean, I'm not actually sorry, but at least I realize that I should feel bad about it.”
“Come back to the cabin with me,” said Jace, quickly, before he lost his nerve. “Right now. Forget Billy, forget your job. Let's just go.”
Trent looked like he was in physical pain. “You know I can't do that,” he said.
“No, I don't know that.” He pulled the jeep into traffic. “Why stay? What's keeping you here?”
“There's so much to do. I still have to talk to the school, try to salvage something there if I'm able to. And there's—”
“Do you want to go back with me?” he asked. “Assume there was nothing else that needed doing. Job is over, no place to live, all the stuff you've been talking about. Would you just come with me then?”
“Jace, I…” Trent’s voice trailed off.
Jace kept his eyes on the traffic. “I’m sorry. No, it’s okay.”
“It’s just—”
“I understand. You’ve been through a lot. I shouldn’t push.”
“I have to survive these next few days,” said Trent. “I have to see where I’m at. But you’re not going back to the mountains now, are you?”
“I guess I was thinking about it.”
“Don’t you want to stay in town a few days? Just a little while?” A new tone in Trent’s voice. Something sad, lonely, vulnerable.
Jace couldn’t help what he felt when he heard that sound. He could not stop the protective instinct from taking over. He knew it was wrong. When Trent had hesitated a moment ago, the rift that was growing between them had been so clear.
He tried to talk himself out of that frame of mind. Of course Trent needed to stay in town. Of course it was unreasonable for him to drop everything and come live the rest of his days in a dark mountain cabin with no amenities or contact with the outside world.
But it hurt. And when Jace knew he could be hurt, that same protective instinct took over. He had to protect himself.
“Yeah, I’ll stay,” he found himself saying. “Of course I will. I’ll hang out at Harlan’s while you get settled.”
“It’s not forever. You know what we should do? We should go on an actual date. Like normal people.”
That sounded awful.
“That sounds great, Trent.”
From the corner of his eye he saw Trent glance over at him.
“Is everything okay?” Trent asked.
“Everything’s fine,” said Jace.
“We’re good?”
“We’re good.”
23
Two days later Jace found himself back in Harlan’s office. Harlan was staring at him over the top of his reading glasses; then Harlan set down the papers he was reading and said, “Jace. You’re kidding me.”
Jace shook his head.
“You hardly know each other.”
“I know,” he said quietly.
Two days and still no date. He understood. Trent had a lot to do. His entire wardrobe had to be replaced. Going back on his medications after a few days off also involved an adjustment. And Trent was trying to meet with the principal of his school before Grumman’s law team released his psych history.
Tons of stuff to do. Totally understandable why he couldn’t meet Jace right now.
Jace hung his head and refused to look at his brother.
“How serious is this?” asked Harlan. “I saw that you two had developed some kind of connection…but I figured it was just physical. Temporary.”
“That’s just it. I’m starting to think that’s all it was.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
Jace’s hands curled into fists, and he turned his face away from Harlan. “Maybe I want more.”
“You like him.”
“I don’t know. Don’t know if I like him. Don’t know if I should like him.”
“Then why are we having this conversation, Jace? If you don’t know how you feel, then why be morose about it? Stick around, get some rest, get cleaned up, then think about what to do with the rest of your life. You don’t have to go back to the mountain.”
“Maybe that’s the best place for me. Away from everybody. I moved there--”
“Oh god, Jace, I know, okay? You moved there to stop having feelings. I’ve heard that so often that I think you’re protesting a little too much. You’re probably up there in your cabin watching soap operas and weeping softly every day.”
“It’s just simpler there, not having to think of anyone else.”
“Yet you want him to go with you.”
It was true. He wanted to recapture that magic. Was it even possible? It had been so brief.
But before he could reply to Harlan, Dodi walked in, her face tense. “Harlan, Grumman’s legal team is on line three.”
Harlan glanced at Jace. “Here we go. They’re going to make an offer so low we’ll barely cover our expenses.”
“And then it will all be over?” asked Jace.
Dodi said, “Considering what we’ve spent building this case so far, our careers are about to be over. As well as our ability to pay the lease on these offices.”
She sat on the other side of Harlan’s desk, and Harlan switched on the speaker-phone.
“Marlowe here,” he said.
“Springer,” said the person on the other end. Jace recognized the oily voice of Grumman’s lead counsel. “I talked to my client,” Springer said, “and he has made his decision.”
Jace watched as Dodi and Harlan leaned closer to the phone, tensely staring at it as though Springer himself were visible there. Jace found himself tense too.
It was just a number. Springer would counter their settlement offer with a number of his own. Jace knew that Dodi and Harlan would have to accept it. Over the past few days, they had explained just how large the settlement would have to be, to justify the work they’d put into it, the other clients they had had to turn away as they prepared for this. The margin of error was thin; just enough of a settlement, and they could get back to business, but anything less than that would involve having to make cuts to staff. It had been an expensive case.
“My client has decided not to settle at this time,” said Springer. “He is perfectly willing to go to trial.”
There wasn’t even time for a thought, before Harlan’s hand reached out and slapped the Mute button on the phone. “Christ,” he whispered, looking from Dodi to Jace.
He turned the sound back on. “Springer, are you sure? A trial is going to be—”
“Let’s face it, Marlowe. A trial is going to be much less effort for us, than it will be for you. All we have to do is show up. You’ve got no new evidence. I assume you won’t be putting up that boy of yours.”
Jace began to rise from his seat, but Harlan waved him back down.
“Guess we’ll see you in court, Springer.”
“There’s still time to cut your losses.”
“Thanks for the advice, Springer.”
Harlan clicked the phone off. He looked from Dodi to Jace. “And so the death march begins.”
“Why don’t you drop the case?” said Jace. “You can’t possibly think you’ll win.”
Dodi tapped her pen against her lower lip. Jace knew her look well. It was the look she’d always get at the dinner table when they were kids, before making a grand, wise pronouncement to show them all how smart she was.
“I think we need Trent,” she said.
“What?” said Jace. “You can’t be serious.”
She nodded. “I am.”
“You’re going to make him go up on the stand and talk about having a psychotic break? You’ll destroy him.” Jace felt his cheeks flushing with color.
“We’re obviously going to try to protect him from that. We can file a motion to get his mental health history suppressed, and we could—”
“Try to protect him?” said Jace. “You two are crazy. We failed to protect him the first time. And we’re not just talking about more embarrassment on the stand. Don’t you realize, if you ask him to testify, he’ll be right back in Grumman’s crosshairs?”
Harlan waved away the objection. “You’re mistaken,” he said. “Grumman won’t touch him. Springer knows how Trent will testify, knows what he needs to try to do to neutralize Trent’s testimony, and knows we’re going to try to prevent that. It’s all out in the open now.”
“This is wrong. You’re not talking about a rational man here. He sent hitmen after us, Harlan. And you promised it was over. You both told Trent that life could get back to normal now.”
Dodi said, “What am I missing? Why are you involved in this conversation, Jace?”
But after looking at Jace’s expression for a moment, she said, “Oh, no. You’re kidding me.”
“They’re an item,” said Harlan.
“Jace, you can’t,” said Dodi. “You can’t be involved with him.”
“I don’t know how involved we are,” Jace said, glaring at Harlan. “I don’t know whether we’re an item or not. But it doesn’t matter, does it? You’ve decided to put his life in danger, and now I’m back on the job.”
He would never admit it, but the idea gave him some tiny hope. Trent would need him again. They could be close again.
But that was so foolish. Ramping up the emotion wasn’t a solution.
“This can’t be another replay of you and David,” said Dodi, a look of deep concern on her face.
“It isn’t,” said Jace.
“Do you know how hard it was to watch you go through that with David? It broke our hearts, Jace.”
“I said it’s not the same. Listen…let me be the one to break this to Trent. Coming from you, it’s going to scare him.”
“Coming from us?” said Harlan. “You’re the one saying Grumman’s going to come after him. Which he’s not. Too late for that. Trent is safe.”
“Whatever. Just let me tell him.”
24
“Oh, shit no,” said Trent. He pushed his chair back from the table, and tossed his napkin onto his empty plate. “Don’t even joke about that.”
But he knew Jace wasn’t joking. Not with that grim expression on his face.
He wished the restaurant would freeze in time. The people around them, with their chopsticks clicking against their plates; the clouds of steam from food and tea; the waiters busily delivering trays. He wanted all of it to simply stop. Why couldn’t things get back to normal, the way he needed them to?
“I think you should tell them no,” said Jace.
“Of course I’m going to tell them no!”
“Okay then,” said Jace, his shoulders easing for the first time since they’d sat down. “It’s settled. That’s over.”
But Trent didn’t feel like relaxing. The past couple of days had been so hard.
Oddly, getting back on his medication had made everything harder. It hadn’t taken him long to unpack at his parents’ house; there was so little in the boxes that he could still wear or use. But his medicine bottles had been in with his other belongings, and so he had taken his normal dose.
It had knocked him out cold. All the things he had planned to get done that evening were lost, as he twisted in a dark, uncomfortable sleep.
All the next day, when he had so many important things to do, he felt like he was moving through molasses.
He’d spoken to the school. Not face-to-face; he didn’t have the clothes for it, so instead he called to schedule some time. There was a coldness on the line, speaking to the assistant principal. There was no Oh Trent you have been missed, or anything like that. She seemed confused and irritated that he was wanting to bring some personal drama to her boss. He had to remind himself that in their world he had only missed two days of work, albeit without calling in. Right now he was an annoyance rather than a crisis.
Then clothes. Talk about humiliation. Without a ride to stores, and still nervous about taking the bus, he’d had to get his mom to drive him around. Hearing her make suggestions for what to buy was like being in grade school all over again. She’d insisted on picking out a few things for him, that he had thanked her for and promptly folded away into one of the boxes.
The call from Jace had brought so much relief. He wanted to dance and laugh when he heard Jace’s voice. That is, until the somberness in Jace’s tone had sunk in.
Now he knew why Jace had that tone.
Without meaning to, he suddenly laughed, bitter and sharp. When Jace scowled in confusion, Trent said, “It’s the medicine. I feel like I’ve been in a coma the past two days from it…and yet, I’m absolutely terrified. It’s like it has no effect at all.”
A few days ago, Jace might have smiled at that, or made some sarcastic remark. Might have had anything but the leaden reaction he was giving Trent now.
Still feeling revved up by his anxiety, but needing something to do with the feeling, Trent began to play with his napkin again. It had originally been in the form of a crane when they’d sat down. He would try to fold it back into that shape.
“What are you doing?” asked Jace.
“Right now, or in a larger sense?”
“I don’t know. Either.”
“I don’t know what to do. I really don’t. I can’t testify.”
“You said that.”
“Which makes everything I’ve gone through absolutely meaningless. That’s the fucked up thing about this. All the fear, the running to the mountains, the narrow escape, the humiliation…all for nothing. Your sibs will have to drop the case, or lose it.”
“It doesn’t matter. What matters is, you’ll be safer.”
Trent rais
ed an eyebrow. “Odd choice of the words there.”
“What?”
“Not, you’ll be safe. But safer. Implying there’s still some risk.”
“Harlan and Dodi disagree with me.” Jace explained his siblings’ theory: Trent could testify, the lawyers would suppress the embarrassing psych stuff, and Grumman would be in no position to hurt him anymore.
“But if I refuse to testify, I’m off the hook,” said Trent.
“Are you?” asked Jace. “Grumman went all out to stop you before the deposition. Even if you refuse to testify, he could still come after you…just to guarantee you didn’t change your mind.”
“Damn it. I can’t believe this. Harlan and Dodi have thrust me back into danger, whether I want them to or not? Man, it’s just not fair. I mean, that sounds so childish to say it like that, but it’s really unjust!”
“I know.”
“Can’t you do something? Can’t you make them drop the case?”
Jace held out his empty hands. “How? They’re lawyers. I’m just the unemployed hermit brother.”
“Go to them. Tell them what’s going to happen to me if they keep going.”
“I have.”
Trent’s hand slammed down on the table, rattling teacups and plates. “Then do it again!” he said, loud enough for the other diners to turn to listen. “Keep telling them, until they listen! I refuse to go through this again, Jace!”
His appetite was gone. He got up from the table.
“Wait, where are you going?” said Jace.
“Home. Where else can I go? I have to keep trudging along, picking up the pieces, don’t I? I have to go see the principal tomorrow. Hell, I owe Billy a call just to make up with him. Other of my friends still haven’t heard from me. I have things I have to do. Life can’t hold still anymore.”
Jace looked genuinely confused. “Trent, you can’t. You have to come with me. I think we should stay at Harlan’s, just until tomorrow, so we can get the lay of the land. Then we need to make plans for hiding you. I don’t think we should use the cabin—”
“Hiding me? Are you kidding? I’m not doing that again!”