Learning Me (Lightworker Trilogy #1)

by Jamie White

  “No, really… it’s nothing. I’ll see you guys in the morning. Night, Daddy.” She hugged both her parents, and then made a beeline for her room to escape any further interrogation. This was going to take a lot more prep than she thought at first.

  “You are such a wimp,” she muttered, leaning against her closed bedroom door.

  Chapter Four

  “You still haven’t told them, have you?”

  The accusation took Courtney’s attention away from the assignment she was working on. Sam peered down at her from her spot in the courtyard. “Hi to you, too. What makes you say that?”

  “Because you probably would’ve told me by now if you had.” His expression dared her to prove him wrong.

  Courtney couldn’t help but smile sheepishly at that as she slammed her book shut. “You’d be right. I was about to and then my dad got this weird look on his face and I thought it’d be smart to wait for a better time.”

  “Aren’t you running out of ‘better times?‘”

  Courtney groaned in frustration. “Did you, Lauren, and Miss Hernandez get together to plan this or something? I swear, you’re all reading the same script.”

  “I’m not trying to be a pain in the ass,” Sam assured her. “And I don’t think they are, either. We just don’t want to see you miss out, that’s all. I mean, you have a great chance. You’re talented… hot…” He winked, and then laughed as she stuck her tongue out at him.

  “I promise I’ll tell them about it tonight. No backing out.” She crossed her heart to emphasize the vow.

  Sam smiled. “Good, now I don’t have to get Williams on your case too.”

  “You wouldn’t,” she said with mock terror in her voice.

  “Don’t underestimate me. You know how I am when I want something….”

  “Believe me, I know,” she said with a laugh. He’d been after her for weeks to go out before she finally agreed. As cute as he was, she’d known little about him other than he played hockey. She figured he’d be another of those stuck-up jock types. Plus, who in his right mind would want to go out with someone who was barely coherent the first time they talked?

  “Want me to be there when you do?”

  “No, I think this is something I should do on my own. Thanks anyway, though. I mean it.”

  He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “Anytime. So are we still on for tomorrow?”

  She nodded. “As long as you’re up for the challenge.” He’d finally talked her into going skating at the local ice rink, and she was sure he would have to spend the majority of the evening keeping her on her feet.

  “I always am.” He glanced down at his watch. “Shit, I better get going. I’m supposed to pick up some notes before class. See you later.”

  “Later,” she replied. Once she was alone again, she tried to focus on her assignment, but most of her attention drifted to what she would say that night. She figured if she didn’t want to wuss out like before, she needed to prepare.

  ****

  “Mom, Dad… I’m home!” Courtney dropped her bag by the front door as she surveyed the room. When she didn’t see either of her parents, she checked the kitchen, but found it empty. She made her way out back to the patio, where the two were sitting at a small table. Her father worked on a laptop while her mother went over some papers.

  “Oh, Courtney… you’re back. How was school?”

  “Good. Are you guys busy?”

  “No,” her father replied as he closed the laptop. “What did you want?”

  “Well, I wanted to talk about that thing I was going to mention last night.” Courtney took a deep breath and spilled it all out in a rush before she could lose her nerve. “See, Miss Hernandez found out this filmmaker is coming to town for a project and she thinks I should audition for a part. I want to do it.”

  Courtney nearly cringed at the tension that filled with air with her announcement. She was afraid they wouldn’t like what she had to say, but the reaction was almost worse than she was expecting. She might have felt more comfortable if they just started yelling at her. As it was, the awkward silence that accompanied their expressions weighed on her to the point she wished she could take it back.

  “Courtney, we’ve talked about this a hundred times. You know we had a deal and that meant only doing school productions. Once you are on your own, what you do is your own business, but until then we expect you to stick with our agreement,” her mother said in an offhand tone, as if the subject was already considered closed.

  “But, I’m almost eighteen now and I’ll be graduating at the end of the year. What’s the big deal? It’s not like I’ll get the part anyway… it’s just something fun to do and it’ll be good experience for later.”

  “You heard your mother, Courtney. She said ‘no’ and that is the end of this discussion. I don’t want to hear another word about it.”

  Courtney sighed. “You know you can’t stop me forever, don’t you? One day, I am going to make this happen whether you support it or not. This is what I love and you don’t seem to care at all. I get it, when I was little you didn’t know if I’d lose interest or just not understand how hard it might be, but I’m not a little girl anymore. I’ve been sticking with it ever since I was in Kindergarten.”

  “Young lady, you know what we just said and you will not take that tone with us again. We’re not talking about this anymore.”

  Courtney grunted as she pivoted toward the door. She retreated from the room, desperate to put as much distance between her and her parents as possible. Their predictable answer and refusal to budge at all made her want to scream. Why couldn’t they understand, or at least try to?

  Once she was in her room, Courtney pulled her cell phone out. She scrolled the contacts, pressing the call button once she’d found Sam’s name.

  “Hey, what’s going on?”

  Just knowing she was on the phone with someone who might be sympathetic to her plight made the tension in her body ease a little. She plopped down on her bed, sighing. “Well, I did it. You can guess how it went.”

  “Awe, man. Sorry, Court, I thought they might ease up a little by now. What’d they say?”

  Courtney rolled her eyes as she recounted, “Just the normal ‘our house, our rules’ routine. They are dead set against me doing this until I’m on my own. I don’t know any way to make them understand that this is what I want, so I guess I need to work on the other part.”

  “What’s the plan?”

  “I don’t know yet, but I hope one of those scholarships come through. There is no way I am going to let them pay for college so they can use it against me later. You know they’ll try to keep me from doing any serious auditions until after I graduate.”

  “Just because they said not to, doesn’t mean you can’t. Go anyway… if you don’t get it, no harm done. If you do, the money might help.”

  Courtney wrinkled her nose. “I don’t know, Sam. It’s not really my style to sneak around like that.”

  “If you want this, you need to do what you’ve gotta do. The question is: how bad do you want it?”

  She suppressed the urge to curse him out over making an argument she couldn’t really counter. He was right—if she didn’t do something now, she might end up in law school, or worse. The thought made her shudder. More importantly, she would miss a once-in-a-lifetime thing, and Courtney didn’t want to live with that regret. “Okay, I guess you’re right. Hey, I have to go now or I’ll never get this Chem assignment done. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  “Same place, same time. Later.”

  “Later.”

  Courtney ended the call, considering the logistics. She’d need to come up with a good alibi for the day of the audition and would have to sneak an extra outfit in her bag that day. As she inspected herself in the mirror across from her, she cringed at the idea of showing up in her normal uniform of jeans and t-shirts. It was comfortable, but not the image she wanted for a meeting with one of the most talented new indie a
rtists out there.

  I hope I can pull this off.

  Chapter Five

  The next morning, Courtney was up extra early. She yawned while stumbling her way into the bathroom. Her mind raced with ideas for alibis for the audition, thoughts of what her parents might say if they found out, and whether or not she was up to the challenge. Her stomach churned just thinking about all the embarrassing ways she could blow it.

  You are good enough to do this. You just have to get that through your thick head.

  The harsh words echoed through her mind as Courtney repeated it in a whisper like a mantra. Her stomach relaxed more with each repetition, eventually settling enough for her to get ready for school. She didn’t bother to do more than call out a quick goodbye as she raced out the door. She figured the less interaction she had with her parents, the better. They’d always had an uncanny ability to know when she was being dishonest, and she had no intention of giving them a chance to use it.

  On the way to school, Courtney tried to psych herself up to tell Miss Hernandez she was going to audition after all. For once, she was grateful for her parents’ lack of interest in her drama class. It meant the teacher couldn’t say the wrong thing in front of them and spoil the whole thing.

  Courtney walked through the front entrance, side-stepping other students who were rushing to their lockers or the courtyard to meet friends before class. She wanted to tell Miss Hernandez the news before she had the chance to over-think the decision. Courtney approached the auditorium where most of the drama classes took place, taking a deep breath.

  Here it goes.

  She walked inside, inspecting the space. Courtney frowned at seeing an empty room. She finally spotted Miss Hernandez coming from the backstage area. “Miss Hernandez, are you busy?”

  “Of course not, Courtney. I was hoping I would see you before class later. Did you decide whether you want to go to that audition?”

  “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I want to do it, but are you sure it’s not too late?”

  “Not at all. They’re finalizing the list tomorrow and the audition will be in a couple of weeks. It’s on a Saturday—does that work for you?”

  “Sure, that’s great.” Relief flooded through her body at the news. She’d been afraid that the audition might be during school hours, and as far as she was about to go, Courtney didn’t know if she was up for cutting class. She hadn’t skipped a day in her life and she didn’t feel like starting now.

  “Good. We’ll talk more about it after class. Okay?”

  “Perfect. Thanks for telling me about this.”

  Miss Hernandez smiled. “You’re welcome. I’m just glad you decided to go after all. I love to see students challenging themselves and taking risks.” She glanced at the clock on the wall and added, “You’d better get going now. You don’t want to be late to first period.”

  “Right. Bye, Miss Hernandez.” Courtney ran out the door, intent on making it to class before the bell rang. She couldn’t chance a single thing that would put a spotlight on her until the whole thing was over.

  ****

  The rest of the day, Courtney felt an intoxicating sense of liberation. Making the choice to go for her dream was the first thing she’d done that was completely for her, and she relished it. Now, she just had to hope her ruse went smoothly. She figured she’d just tell her parents she was out with Sam. He’d back her up in a second.

  “Hey, wait up!”

  Courtney turned to see Matthew running up to her. She raised an eyebrow at seeing him still here. She figured he would’ve run to the local sub shop by now. He hated cafeteria food and had no desire to fix anything himself. “Hey, what are you still doing here?”

  “Wanted to check with you about next Saturday. I was thinking we could all go to the mall or something.”

  Oh, crap.

  Courtney cringed as she remembered their plans. “I’m sorry, I completely forgot we’d made plans.”

  “No problem. What time should we meet up?”

  “That’s the thing… I can’t. I’m going to be busy that day.”

  “Really? What?” His voice rose a bit in pitch, a sure sign he was curious and not going to take a non-answer.

  “You didn’t hear this, okay?”

  He stood a little taller and his eyes widened. “This sounds like it’s going to be good. What are you up to?”

  “I’m going to be spending most of my free time getting ready for an audition. My parents don’t know it, and I’d like to keep it that way.”

  He gaped at her a moment before answering. “Are you serious? Why would you do something like that? What’s the deal?”

  Courtney shrugged. “I don’t know, I just really want to do this and they aren’t having it. I don’t have a choice because they’re totally against it. You know how they are. They would sooner go to a golf tournament than watch my plays.”

  “I guess you’re right. They do act like they can’t leave fast enough when they bother going. Need any help getting there?”

  “No, Sam’s going to take me. He wouldn’t miss a chance to help me stick it to them, even if they don’t know. Well, assuming I don’t get the part.” Her anxiety intensified at the possibility of getting cast, so she chose to focus on the more likely scenario.

  Matthew laughed. “And what if you do?”

  “I guess I’ll have to figure that out if it happens, but please don’t make me think too much about this, or I might back out.”

  He crossed his arms and hardened his tone. “No way are you going to do that. I’ll drag you there myself if I have to.”

  Courtney gave Matthew a hug. She suddenly realized how much she was going to miss his support once they all moved on to college. “Thanks, you rock.”

  “I gotta be me.” He winked and pulled away. “I better go if I’m going to get something that actually resembles food.”

  “Sure, see you later.”

  “Bye.”

  A frown touched Courtney’s features as she watched Matthew run down the hallway, barely avoiding ramming into more than a few students on his way. His earlier questions struck a nerve that she’d tried to ignore for most of her life.

  Why did her parents react so strongly to her acting aspirations? What was so horrible about it that they couldn’t even show a little pride in the minor productions they allowed her to take part in? They’d expressed disdain for the Hollywood scene and what usually happened with young people in it, but something told her there was more to it than just being worried about their daughter succumbing to the darker side of the business.

  “What is it?” she mumbled to herself. Courtney figured it was time to find out. After all, she was already taking a huge step by defying them. Why not go ahead and try getting the answers she felt she deserved?

  Chapter Six

  A couple days later, Courtney was no closer to figuring out the questions plaguing her since she spoke with Matthew. She figured there was little chance of her getting a straight answer by asking her parents, even if she told them she knew there had to be something more behind their attitude.

  So how do I start looking?

  Courtney pondered the question for a while as she lounged on the back patio of her house with a music player by her side. The headphones blared her favorite pop tunes. The music helped to keep her from focusing on the problem too intently. She always found she came up with solutions better when she didn’t think too hard and let her unconscious mind take over.

  As she closed her eyes, a memory came to her with a clarity that surprised her. Thinking about it, she was surprised she’d even forgotten. It’d been a pretty big deal at the time, but she figured time had faded the experience. She’d been about four years old and her parents had taken her to a fair in town to see a show featuring characters from one of Courtney’s favorite childhood shows.

  A smile spread across her face as she remembered how she’d bounced across the fairgrounds, with her parents trying with little success
to slow her down. She’d run so far ahead, they’d eventually screamed her name and caused her to freeze. A threat of going home without seeing the show kept her from doing the same thing twice. When they got to their seats, Courtney noticed a bunch of people with cameras near the front of the stage.

  “Mommy, Daddy! Look!” she’d said, bouncing in her seat as she pointed to the stage. “The TV people are here!”

  “That’s nice, Sweetie,” her father had said.

  Courtney had watched the crew intently, her eyes widening as they turned away from the stage and began shooting footage of the crowd. She’d barely been able to breathe as she watched them come closer and closer. Before long, the cameras were only a few feet away and Courtney had been beside herself with joy at the idea of being on TV.

  “Hi!” Courtney had exclaimed, waving her arms at the cameraman closest to her.

  “Hi,” the man had replied with a smile. He looked to her parents. “Can I ask you a couple of questions for the evening broadcast?”

  Courtney had gripped her mother’s arm tight and shook her. “Please, Mommy?”

  “I’m sorry, but that won’t be possible,” her father had answered. “We wouldn’t feel comfortable allowing her to be on television.”

  The man had nodded and gave her parents an apologetic look. “No problem. Sorry to bother you.”

  Once he’d left, Courtney pouted and crossed her arms. “Why not?”

  “Courtney, you heard what we said. If you pester us about that again, we’ll leave without seeing the show. Understood?” Her father’s voice had taken on a hard edge as he gave her a look that dared her to defy his order.

  Courtney had gulped and nodded. “Okay.”

  The memory of that moment made Courtney shiver. The more she thought about it, she realized that was probably the most tense and angry she’d ever seen either of them. They’d looked at the camera as if it were the most dangerous thing they’d ever seen.

  Now that she’d allowed her subconscious mind to explore the possibilities, the more she understood that hadn’t been an isolated incident. She’d had to cry and beg for weeks until they finally relented and let her join an acting class near their home. A model search in town nearly got her grounded when she wouldn’t stop asking to take part. Each time, her request had been met with a tense look exchanged between them and a firm denial. It wasn’t until she got to High School that they even bothered to give her the excuse of not liking the Hollywood scene.