Learning Me (Lightworker Trilogy #1)

by Jamie White

  Sam frowned as he considered her words. “I get what you’re saying, I do, but there’s a lot of risks to think about. You have no idea who is or isn’t in that apartment and you can’t find out until you’re in there yourself, not unless you want to get caught peeking in the windows. You’re talking about making yourself look guilty.”

  “I am guilty, but that’s not the point. I need to find out what I can about her so I know whether or not I need to be looking over my shoulder.”

  “Didn’t you say she only attacked you because she said you were starting to get too deep into things like your parents did? Maybe your parents were right to keep this hidden from you all this time and you’d be better off just dropping all of this.”

  “No way. I’m not turning back now, not after what she did to my real parents and what she tried to do to me. I’m starting to understand them, Sam. I’m understanding who they were. There’s just one thing I need to know.”

  Sam sighed, a resigned expression on his face. “What?”

  “Can you?”

  He pulled the car into the dirt lot in front of the creek and turned off the engine. “Are you saying you want to do the same things they did and you want me to just accept that without question? If you are, I don’t know if that’s possible right now.”

  “I’m not saying that I’ve made up my mind on that; I’m just saying that it’s a possibility. I’m going in there to get some answers either way, but I want to know you’ll at least try to understand. Can you do that?” Courtney held her breath as she waited for his answer. Just thinking about him turning his back on her made her feel sick.

  “Can I be completely honest here?”

  “Please.”

  “I can try, but that’s all I can do for right now. That needs to be enough.”

  Courtney wanted to get angry at it, but she couldn’t. As insane as all this was, she knew part of her acceptance came from the fact that the gifts were a part of her; a connection to her biological family that she supposed a part of her always felt subconsciously. Courtney nodded. “Okay. Can you do one thing for me? Will you wait here while I go to check the apartment out? I promise I won’t take long.”

  “I think it might be for the best,” he said with regret in his voice. “Having me with you might make things too complicated—there’s a better chance of being spotted with two of us there than one. Plus, I’m sorry, but you looked a little rough after you brought me in the apartment last time. Taking me along might be too much for you.”

  Courtney opened her mouth to protest, but he was right. Bringing them both to the apartment had been a huge strain on her physically and mentally. She couldn’t imagine how long Lauren had been doing it to not be bothered by the exertion. “Yeah, I guess that would be better.”

  For a while, neither of them spoke or tried to get out of the car. Courtney imagined Sam’s mind was going in a hundred different directions like hers was. The idea of going into that apartment again alone made bile rise in her throat, but she knew it had to be done. She just prayed his fears weren’t justified and she’d get in and out with no trouble.

  Courtney gave him a smile, trying to keep her voice from breaking as she spoke. “I guess I’d better go now. Wish me luck.”

  “Good luck. Don’t take too long, okay?”

  “I promise.”

  Courtney closed her eyes and focused her attention on Lauren’s apartment. She pictured Lauren’s bedroom, with the huge patchwork bedspread, her chair full of clean clothing she hadn’t bothered to put away, the clutter on her dresser. Once she had a firm mental image of the space, she repeated the phrase her cousin had used to move them.

  In an instant, Courtney was standing in the middle of Lauren’s bedroom. Once she’d caught her breath, Courtney crept toward the door and pressed her ear to it. She didn’t hear anything, so she chanced opening the door a crack. To her relief, the inside of the apartment was pitch black. Satisfied she was alone, Courtney felt her way to the dresser and pulled out a flashlight, reluctant to turn a light on that could alert someone outside to her presence.

  She turned the flashlight on, excitement pulsing through her as a sliver of light shone from the bulb. Now that she could see, Courtney considered where to look first. Under the bed seemed far too easy and obvious for a hiding place if Lauren had left any evidence behind. If she had known Lauren at all, what she was looking for would be hidden somewhere no one would think to search.

  Courtney’s gaze finally settled on the bookcase above Lauren’s desk. Something about it called to her and she moved closer. She fingered each book, inspecting the titles. Most of them were school texts, although some novels were scattered among the collection. Finally, Courtney spotted one that seemed out of place. While most of the novels were trashy romance titles, a classic sat as the sole indication that her cousin had had tastes beyond mind candy.

  Curiosity compelled her to pull the book off of the shelf. To her surprise, she discovered the book was one of those hollow things people used to hide things in. Her body tingled in anticipation as she opened it.

  She almost gasped out loud as she spotted the picture of her birth parents on top. It was faded at the edges and depicted them with a baby in her mother’s arms. A salty tear traveled down her cheek as Courtney examined the photo. She reached up to wipe it away before it could fall on the image. Courtney emptied the contents of the hollow book into her purse and put the book back before turning her attention to the closet.

  The shelves were covered in old sweaters and Courtney was reluctant to search for fear of making her visit obvious. She carefully lifted one of the sweaters, disappointed to see there was nothing but more of the same hidden beneath.

  A muffled noise from the other room stopped her from searching any further. She hastily turned the flashlight off and put it back before whispering the words that would carry her far away from the room and its secrets.

  Chapter Twenty

  When Courtney reappeared inside the car, Sam jumped in his seat. Despite the tension she’d felt in the apartment, her laugh echoed through the space at the sight. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” she said.

  “It’s okay. I just didn’t expect you to get back so fast…. Did you find anything?”

  “How long was I gone?”

  “Only about fifteen minutes.”

  It didn’t seem possible to her that she’d been gone such a short time. Every second she’d spent in that bedroom felt like hours. “Wow, that’s it? I was hoping I’d have more time—I had to stop because I heard a noise in the apartment. I’m guessing her roommate must have come back.”

  “I can’t say I’m disappointed. I kept worrying that you were going to get caught in there. So? Did you find anything or not?”

  “I think so. She had this hollow book in her room with a picture of my parents and me when I was a baby inside. There were other things, but I didn’t get the chance to look at them yet.” She smiled proudly at having the memento she’d stolen, patting the purse. There was no way in Hell she’d allow anyone else to get their hands on that image.

  “That’s great,” he said. “Why don’t we go back to my place so we can look at them? The lighting here is great for some things, but it sucks for trying to examine pictures and whatever else you have in there.” He gave her a teasing wink.

  Courtney smiled at that, grateful he always seemed to know how to lighten the mood. “Sure.”

  ****

  Twenty minutes later, they were sitting on his bed as Courtney dumped the contents of her purse in front of them. Scattered among her keys, lip gloss, and other items were several other photographs. She noticed some papers and other small things mixed in that must have come from Lauren’s room.

  Courtney flipped through the photos first, noting with displeasure that they seemed to have been taken without her parents knowing about it. In one, her mother pushed a stroller while she and her father appeared to be deep in conversation. Another one showed them all at a park,
while still another had her parents entering a New Age store with a barely-walking Courtney in tow.

  The violation the images represented made her face heat, but at the same time she was grateful for the intrusion. At least she had a few pictures of them all together. Courtney passed them over to Sam to look at while she examined the first paper. Messy, incoherent notes cluttered the page. The more Courtney studied the paper, the more it seemed as though someone had been keeping tabs on what her parents had been up to.

  Another page was an old newspaper clipping about her parents’ accident, while still another detailed a house that had been haunted. A family had been going crazy for months over unexplained happenings until some unnamed couple came to help. She traced the edges of the page as she read the comments from the people. The emotion behind their praises was palpable, and Courtney once again felt a surge of pride rise within at how they’d made such an impact.

  “Sam, check this out.” Courtney handed him the article and waited for him to read before saying, “Isn’t that amazing?”

  “It’s nice,” he said with a cautious tone. “They obviously knew what they were doing.”

  “Nice? It’s great! Couldn’t you feel it? I mean, those people were practically falling all over themselves to talk about how much they’d helped.”

  “They did,” he agreed. “I just want you to take a step back a minute. You’re getting that look in your eyes.”

  “What look?”

  “A look I’m afraid might put you in the same place they are now,” he said. “I’ve seen that look before and it’s usually just before you jump head-first into something. What else was in that book?”

  Courtney decided to let his comments go, focusing on his change of subject instead. “There’s this thing.” She picked up a large pendant that had several crystals on it as she added, “I don’t know what good it will do, though. It could be anything.”

  Sam inspected it a minute before setting the pendent aside. Courtney showed him another object, this one a circular brass thing with weird symbols on it. Something about it made her skin crawl, although it looked harmless enough.

  “What do you think it is?” he asked as he brushed his fingers over the object.

  Courtney shrugged. “No idea, but I’m not sure I like it. Maybe I should take it somewhere to see if anyone knows what it is.”

  “Like where?” Sam raised an eyebrow as he gestured to the window. “This place isn’t exactly crawling with experts in the unexplained.”

  “So I’ll go out of town,” she insisted. “There has to be someone who can tell me what this thing is. Maybe it’ll give me some answers.”

  “Did this help you at all?” He took the object from her and studied it.

  “Sort of,” she said. She looked at the object he held, wondering what secrets it might hold.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Weeks later, Courtney was no closer to figuring out the secrets the object held. Everywhere she’d gone had been a huge waste of time, which just added to her growing bitterness and frustration. Her family was still organizing searches for Lauren, which Courtney was forced to take part in no matter how much she’d grown to resent her cousin.

  The conflict was beginning to take its toll, and Courtney had begun counting the days until graduation and her escape from town. At least then, she wouldn’t have to pretend to look for someone she knew would never be found.

  Courtney woke to the smell of bacon and eggs cooking in the kitchen. She groaned softly as she struggled to sit up. Her sleep had been a restless one filled with nightmares she preferred not to remember. When Courtney thought about it, she realized her restless nights had started with finding that thing in Lauren’s room.

  She yawned and sat up in bed, looking over at the alarm clock on her nightstand. Another groan came as she realized someone would be coming to make sure she was up soon if she didn’t get herself into the kitchen. She would’ve preferred sleeping for a week straight—she sure felt as though she needed it. The one bright spot was the day would be over soon.

  Happy smiles that made her want to scream greeted Courtney as she finally dragged herself into the kitchen.

  “Morning, Sweetie. Are you excited?”

  Excited for what? For the life of her, Courtney couldn’t figure out what she was supposed to be so happy about this morning. Then it hit her: graduation day. Only a few more weeks and she would be heading to her grandparents’ house. Since she was going to college near where they lived, she’d talked her parents into allowing her to leave early to visit them and get a feel for the area.

  “Yeah, I can’t wait,” she said. For the first time since everything had happened, the enthusiasm in her voice was genuine. The only bad part was that she’d be leaving Sam behind as well. She smiled as she thought about how he’d followed her to every New Age store in a twenty-mile radius of her house. Whatever issues he had with all this, she had to admit his support was unwavering. At least when it came to exploring the stuff she’d found at Lauren’s. He still reminded her at least once a day that he was worried about her getting into trouble.

  “We’re really proud of you,” her father said.

  “Thanks,” Courtney said, giving him a hug. He held on to her a little too tight and Courtney couldn’t help but smile. Some things were probably never going to change. When he finally released her, Courtney gave her mother a hug as well before grabbing a cup of juice from the table. She gulped it down in one swallow, then set it back on the table. “I should go. I was planning to meet Sam and Matthew this morning.”

  “You should at least eat something first,” her mother insisted. “You’ve got a big day ahead.”

  Don’t I know it.

  She hadn’t even started packing — despite her desperation to get as far away from there as possible — and she had a date with Sam that night. Her head swam just thinking about how she’d fit it all in. “I’ll be fine. We were all planning to get something this morning. A last-day celebration and all.”

  Her parents exchanged a look, appearing to once again communicate silently before her father said, “Have fun. We’ll see you later on at the ceremony.”

  “Sure thing.” Courtney turned to leave, but hesitated a moment before giving her parents another hug. The lies they’d told still stung, but she understood their side a lot better now after Lauren’s attack on her. “Thanks,” she told them.

  Before Courtney ran out the door, she noticed a look pass between them that made her believe they’d understood what she’d really meant. She was glad because she wasn’t sure she could find the words to explain just yet.

  ****

  Courtney didn’t bother joining in any of the celebrations that popped up around school that day. It felt wrong while her family was still grieving her cousin’s disappearance. She might hate Lauren now, but they hadn’t, and the pain in her aunt’s and uncle’s eyes had haunted her ever since. Once the final bell rang, she gathered what little stuff was left in her locker and went home.

  An odd thing happened when Courtney walked in her front door. A flash of the object she’d found at Lauren’s went through her mind and the air in the room felt heavy. It reminded her of the day after her parents refused to allow her to do that spelling bee. She’d had a fit of such epic proportions they’d barely talked for days after.

  The same tension filled her body now as she surveyed the living room. Nothing seemed to be out of place, so she dared a look in the kitchen. Everything seemed to be in place there, so she moved down the hallway. Her throat caught when she noticed the door to her bedroom was open. She crept to the door and peeked inside.

  Her eyes widened at the sight of her parents sitting on the bed with a bunch of papers spread out in front of them.

  Crap.

  She opened the door further, forcing a cheerful smile as she asked, “I’m back. What are you guys doing?”

  “Courtney, have a seat,” her mother said in a stern voice, pointing to the desk chair a couple of f
eet away.

  “Yes, Ma’am,” Courtney said involuntarily. She felt like she was four years old again, begging to get in front of the camera after her parents forbid it.

  “We know things have been tough and you have a lot going on today, so we thought we’d surprise you by helping with the packing today,” her mother began. She picked up one of the pictures and turned it in Courtney’s direction.

  Courtney almost fell out of her seat as she saw it was the picture of her real parents pushing her in a stroller. She wanted the earth to open up and swallow her right then and there. She just hoped they hadn’t found the other things she’d hidden in her room.

  “Where did you get it?” Her father asked.

  “I’d rather not say.” She didn’t understand how her mother had found them; they were tucked away securely in a box in her closet.

  “I think you need to do a lot better than that. These images look like surveillance photos and there are all kinds of notes that look like someone was following them. How did you come across this?”

  “Please don’t ask me that again because I can’t tell you,” Courtney pleaded. “I wish I could, but I can’t.”

  “We hid what we did from you because they asked us to do it, but we told you the truth when you asked. Don’t we deserve the same?”

  Courtney started to argue the point, but she couldn’t think of any excuse good enough to stop their questions. “Let’s just say that I did a lot of digging and I know what really happened to them. After, I kept that stuff because it was a connection to my past.”

  Her mother put a hand on Courtney’s. “What did you do?”

  The question chilled her. Did they suspect the truth now? “Nothing. Well, sort of nothing. I stole this stuff, okay? I thought I had a right to. I can’t say any more than that.”

  The statement hung in the air, weighing down on Courtney so much she could hardly breathe. She just prayed they would believe her. Something, or someone, must have been looking out for her. Without another word, they both nodded and got up to leave. The stuff they’d found lay forgotten on the bed as the door closed and Courtney couldn’t control the sigh of relief that escaped her. Especially when she noticed they hadn’t found everything yet. The weird amulet and necklace were still exactly where she left them.