THE PRICE SHE'LL PAY: For the secret she never knew she had...

by Cara Charles

  “It’s all just a fucking misunderstanding. I didn’t touch Alva. Not a kinky hair.”

  “Take him away, Sarge. We gotta hose down the place.”

  “Go fuck yourself, Captain.”

  “One of us is fucked. I don’t think it’s gonna be me, boy-o. Bon voyage,” the Captain waved.

  The two burly jailers dragged Eric away. His wild eyes say he’s going to kill the next person who laughs at him.

  “Pay backs are a bitch, Captain!” Eric screamed as he disappeared with his jailers.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN -- TRUE LOVE WILL NEVER FADE

  THE OLD SPANISH COLONIAL CHURCH of dark adobe on East Valley Road in Montecito was filled with warming winter sunlight streaming through stain-glass. Multi-colored sunbeams pierced the nave.

  Heavy hearts were lightened by the service full of poignant memories and stories. The police and FBI cruised inside and out, as the local sheriff kept the media back.

  Sam had known what to do. No caskets, just a wonderful memorial slideshow underscored with their favorite music. There were funny pictures, funny stories from friends, and colleagues. Tom and Lara had touched so many people. Beloved Boogie touched hearts too.

  Elise dreaded what was to come. Elise had gotten through it so far by mentally humming their song. Mark Knopfler’s “True Love will Never Fade,” a song about tattoos and true love ended the memorial service. Sam had held her hand so hard. He cried and looked at her many times, surprised to see how stoic she was. Her stoney composure frightened him.

  When it was over Elise kissed Sam her rock and said, “Perfect, unforgettable and beautiful.” The only words she’d said out loud for days.

  Lara’s friends had cracked Elise’s protective shell. Their inexperience with such pain was written all over their beautiful tender faces. She kissed each one of them.

  Elise told them, “Carry on, my darlings. Carry on.”

  Many kisses and thank yous later, the time had come to leave the sanctuary of the church. They left through a back door. She’d noticed men speaking with Sam, the men from the house. The sad one with the sweet shaggy dog, Dave smiled at her. She smiled back because he was intuitive. She read him as he had read her.

  He understood her, but she still avoided them. He took a step toward her.

  She smiled and nodded but moved away from them, signaling to let her be, as she climbed into the caskets filled hearse, alone.

  They respected her and kept their distance.

  At the seaside Santa Barbara cemetery, the offshore wind was warm for December. They had a family plot in the older Ocean View section near the cliff wall. As the hearse entered the front gates, the graves weren’t visible until they had driven up the knoll and around to the back of the grounds. Elise wouldn’t look at them as she exited the hearse.

  She turned her back on the pallbearers bringing the caskets to the graveside. Finally after a little urging, Sam escorted her across the large lawn to her chair. The caskets were waiting for her at the gravesite. She briefly saw the three caskets, pearl white for Lara, dark wood for Tom and a small yellow casket for Boogie.

  She had purposely avoided seeing them in repose. Mom and Dad’s empty plots were now underfoot.

  At her feet the abyss waited, eager to swallow her family. The astro-turf flapped in the breeze. Elise kept her eyes closed, her nausea winning but her anger was building, consuming her Zen-like poise.

  Something urged her to open her eyes. She obeyed and opened her eyes just to focus on the flowers.

  Dave watched her fight her demons. Techniques he practiced himself. She was rubbing her fingers against her thumbs, fighting the flight response. She’d run soon. Dave elbowed Mac. Mac saw it, too.

  A monarch butterfly was enjoying the floral sprays on the caskets. Everyone focused on it.

  The minister began but Elise didn’t hear him, her life now an echo.

  Sam watched it too.

  Tom’s song, “The Road Runnin” of Mark and Emmy Lou was calling her.

  “There’s no pretending, I’m not a fool,” their voices said to her remembering why Mark and Emmy Lou said that. Right now it would be foolish for her to stay mired to this agony.

  The Monarch took a fancy to the flowers in front of her.

  Elise watched it as if one of her precious loved ones had sent this dainty messenger.

  “A million miles of vagabond skies,” the Monarch said in words only she could hear, then it lifted off.

  Elise got up and followed to seek the vagabond skies. Elise was moving closer to the sea wall.

  She could hear Sam’s voice in the back of her consciousness, but she had a mission. Forever was a long time to live a sad life.

  The wall separated her two lives. One with immense pain. One without. She could jump.

  But as that thought drew her to the sea wall, the Monarch stopped flying away from her, and landed on the grass in front of her, stopping her in her tracks, stopping the hypnotic call that coaxed her closer to the sea wall.

  Elise took a few steps toward the wall and the butterfly lifted and settled at her feet again as if to say, ‘No. That is not your destiny.’

  Then the Monarch took to the air, away from the sea wall, and down the hill and toward the back gate of the cemetery. The Monarch flew fast, forcing Elise to jog in her black heels to keep up.

  Soon Sam, Dave, and the M4 men with Sam were flying down the hill, but she faster. She was out of the cemetery. Free!

  Dave, Mac, and Sam called after her. “Elise wait. Please!! Please don’t run away, El!”

  Iain told Sam, “We’ve got her covered. Give her some space.”

  They all stopped.

  On cue, a yellow cab was rounding the corner coming from the freeway, traveling toward the beach as Elise watched the Monarch take flight over the lagoon heading for the Zoo, where her family had spent many wonderful years.

  “Thank you for saving me,” she waved as it disappeared, over the Eucalyptus and the lagoon.

  Elise hailed the cab. It slowed and pulled to the curb.

  The driver was a tall, lean surfer with bleached blond ringlets, a huge smile, and hypnotic hazel eyes. He knew she’d run from a funeral.

  “Where can I take you, ma’am?” Mr. Sunlight asked as he drove away quickly, seeing men running, and cars descending the hill from the cemetery.

  “Any car dealership. I need to buy a car and stay away from them.”

  “Sure thing.” He kept silent, then said, “Sorry for your loss ma’am.”

  Elise wished Mr. Sunlight could buy her a beer and tell her something wise, only he would know being a man of the sea. He had kind eyes and instincts she’d naturally respect.

  “Tom surfed all his life. He’d be happy it was you who rescued me.”

  “Why don’t I take you surfing, so you can say good-bye in your way?”

  “Fantastic idea, but I need an anonymous car, first. I need to get away for a while, to sort out this new life without them. I’ll go this one alone this once, but I knew you’d give me just what I needed. I’ll drive to C Street in Ventura, see if I can catch a few and say good-bye properly. We had our first date there. At the county fair.”

  “Oh my God ma’am, you’re Elise Andersen. I respect your work so much. And I’m so very sorry about your tragic loss, truly.”

  “It is a tragic accident losing them all. Can you keep a promise?”

  “Of course.”

  “Don’t tell anyone you saw me if those men catch up with you.”

  “I’ll ditch them,” he said, as he expertly lost them then drove to a dealership.

  Elise gave him a hundred dollar bill.

  “Oh no ma’am. This one is on me.”

  “I insist. Please. Buy your best girl a nice dinner and raise a glass to Tom, Lara, and Boogie. You gave me the perfect good-bye. That gift is priceless.”

  “I’ll never forget you. I hope I really did help. That’s what I’d do. It’s a perfect time to be in the water. A northwest swe
ll is building today. All the best, ma’am. You deserve it. Just remember the sunsets you shared. He’d want it that way and carry on your work.”

  “Yes, he would. May all your sunsets be memorable for beautiful reasons. Thanks again.”

  Elise walked into the dealership as he honked good-bye.

  Someone she felt looked familiar, finished detailing the used white Range Rover she’d just purchased.

  Elise drove south, passing cars emptying the cemetery. She entered the beachside entrance, the gravesite was deserted now. She retrieved her gear bags hidden in her mother’s family’s 100 year-old family crypt. Then she entered HWY 101, South.

  In her new Range Rover, Elise had gone south and exited to find the Waveline Surf Shop in Ventura. There she’d bought her board, her winter suit, head, hand, and footgear, and board racks for her new hybrid.

  Within the hour, she was in the water at C Street at the Fairgrounds in Ventura. She hadn’t surfed in years, but as a swimmer she was in shape. Muscle memory soon had her duck diving under the waves. Her philosopher-cabbie was right. A northwest swell had come in. The dedicated were in the water. It was a long paddle out, but the ride back was just as long and so was communing with the sea and Tom. And Lara and Boogie.

  Elise looked up at the Ventura Hills, remembering the first time they’d come here. Tom had just gotten his driver’s license. They’d come for the Fair and the surf.

  ‘Our first kiss was right here.’

  Elise remembered how his kiss had thoroughly rocked her as she glided through the water, pushing herself out of despair. Her powerful strokes long and even now, cut through the water as she remembered the salty coolness of Tom’s sweet mouth on hers, wet with the sea, such a part of him. They’d watched the fireworks on the water from the top of the Ferris wheel at the end of a long beautiful, memorable day.

  Elise got out to the break, turned her board, lay her face and legs down on it and let the water rock her as she waited for that perfect wave. Tom had taught her how to wait. It felt good to be here. It felt right.

  “How am I ever going to live without you?” Elise waited for Tom to talk to her.

  Somewhere close-by, a dog barked sounding just like Boogie.

  “You too Boogie. You all, are my joy.”

  Tom answered from somewhere in the air around her, “I never wanted to leave you, my love. Fate may have been cruel to us. But we had beautiful, enriching years together. My happiness with you was a dream come true, poetic, and perfect. We’ll be with you, every step of the way. But you must carry on with your life’s work, El. You were meant for this mission, saving Paradise for Lara’s generation and all the children that follow. Promise me you won’t give in to the dark side of this.”

  Elise was bathed in warmth as tears streamed down her face and became the ocean.

  “Honey? There’s a black hole in my soul, sucking the life out of me. I don’t have the strength, Tommie. I just don’t.”

  “Honey? Remember your Dad’s motto. ‘Hills and valleys.’ Take a deserved, replenishing rest, but you’re a crusader with an iron will. You’re an avenger, a hero to those without a voice. You will find resolve and strength within your life’s purpose. You will carry on my love! You will carry on because you are all about love, and your love will see you through.”

  “Be with me, Tommie.”

  “I am by your side Honey and always will be, every step of the way. Your will right the wrongs of this greedy world and will help you get to the next day and the day after. You will find a new mission. Do you believe me?”

  “Yes. My love. I believe you.”

  “Mom? I am who I am because you taught me so well. Right the wrongs in the world, Mom. You were made to give a voice to the voiceless. Teach a million Laras what it’s like to love something bigger than your self. I love you. You are the perfect mother, not just to me, but to our planet.”

  “Lara, my joyous child. The world really… needed you.”

  Elise broke down as she realized she’d spoken of her daughter in the past tense, for the first time.

  “They need you now, Mom. Now, more than ever. Don’t cry. Just fight on. OK. Please?”

  “You must understand. You both are the joyous light in my life, my darlings. How can I live without your beautiful joy?”

  From somewhere Boogie barked. There wasn’t a dog anywhere on the beach.

  “I love you Boogie. I love you all. Your love is with me now and for always. You will be in the air that I breathe and the sunlight that touches my face, for the rest of my days.”

  Elise felt the message to look behind her.

  “It’s time, El. Paddle!”

  The perfect wave was coming. Elise sat up then paddled hard. She rode the wave into the shore, feeling their love compel her to rejoin the mortal world. She looked back. The sky was turning pink. Day was done. She hurried to her hotel room on the beach.

  From her ocean view window, Elise welcomed the rays of the brilliant sunset to bathe over her bare body. Elise raised a glass of Champagne to her family there in the pink light of day’s end. She didn’t feel so alone, now.

  Elise showered, then left the room heading to Target to get music, clothes, toiletries, and an atlas. She’d call Sam, soon. The guests would have said their good-byes by now.

  CNN was tuned to the aged TV in the old bar in a remote village in Western Ethiopia. Shanti Larsen watched, riveted by the tragic news she’d missed the last few days she’d been in the bush. Tragic news about Elise recapped the latest updates, saying she had re-appeared at her family’s funeral. Mavra Kimirov was dead, lost over water.

  When the news coverage was over, Shanti had left a large bill for her small drink, gathered her belongings and had caught the last bus for the capital and the airport.

  She thought she had finally come home to Ethiopia, but she realized her old home was just a memory.

  She had finally realized she had a new home. Home was where her heart was.

  She was going back home to the U.S.

  Home.

  To Elise.

  CHAPTER TWENTY -- THE ROADRUNNING

  THE EASTBOUND HWY 101 TRAFFIC was speeding ten miles over the speed limit, the usual for the L.A. San Fernando Valley drivers.

  Elise searched her phone for her favorite music meant to help her forget Christmas was coming, and prepare her for the solitary life ahead.

  ‘Bon Jovi. Seemed fitting. She was “…living on a wish.”’ She had Mark Knopfler, and Crosby, Stills, and Nash, their songs she used to sing to Lara as her lullabies, old friends for when she wandered and needed a guiding light back to the living.

  She slowed with the traffic preparing to go South, East or North from Hwy 101 to the 405, then to the 5.

  ‘Lara honey, I’m beginning my life without you and Dad and I’m going to hate it. I’m really going to hate it.’

  Tears welled up. They blinded her from the traffic. She couldn’t escape the frozen snapshot of Tom, Lara, and Boogey so happy to be on their way to fun in the snow. If only she’d gone with them, there would be no energy to conjure to stay among the living, or the tomb-like silent reality to escape. She shouldn’t have tried to sweat out her sinus infection at the Spa. Angela had given her her life. She didn’t want to squander her gift, but the emptiness created regrets. She should have driven up to be with them.

  ‘Why didn’t you?’

  ‘Mom? Remember Papa said, ‘above the clouds, it’s always blue.’

  Her Dad’s saying. Lara’s sunny spirit spoke to her now, as her resolve was melting.

  Elise had worked hard to keep her Dad alive for Lara. He would have been so proud of her. Lara, always the peacemaker, the optimist, the one who found the silver lining, the strongest one in the family, really. Lara had been the one to get them to start their small organizations, and support the bigger ones. The world will miss her. She had the heart of a thoroughbred.

  Elise wanted to scream, release her raging grief in the privacy of her car, but pare
nts rushing home to their families prevented her from such selfishness.

  ‘The time will come,’ she told herself.

  The downshifting of truck gears brought Elise back to the freeway. So many big rigs were out tonight staying in the two right hand lanes. She stayed out of the fast lane where drivers drove 75 mph because she was too fatigued to concentrate that hard.

  Brake lights were popping on in the winter evening. Traffic was slowing. The cars were like salmon, threading their way into the traffic stream, home drawing them onward. UCLA and the Getty, beach cities, Mexico was that way. The rest of the U.S. appealed to her.

  She’d never been very far out of the State by car, just Vegas and Arizona, ending there. They’d flown in and out of New Orleans and Haiti, always busy. Vacations postponed half the time or a working vacation to see the progress on their seed starter companies overseas in Africa and the Sudan or the poor urban centers in the U.S., like Detroit and the District and New Orleans, and the Hurricane Katrina and Sandy victims’ neighborhoods.

  ‘A Southern route then, a better choice for this time of year. The Desert would offer warmth, pools, and spas.’ But Elise shook that thought out of her head, ‘a massage after you buried your entire family and ran away from Sam? Ya right.’

  Stopping the automatic thinking was damn hard. She wanted to be numb, not remember the past few days. She was afraid despair would make life unbearable. Mavra Kimirov had spread death like a plague. Even Dave and his dog suffered. Mavra would be stopped. That would be her first priority.

  Then, by carrying on their work, Elise felt determined to honor their lives in that way. A sense of unfinished duty, duty to Lara’s dreams and their work had pressed Elise back into a plan.

  ‘One day, at a time. The fear of loneliness is too overwhelming to look at now.’

  ‘No other children would call me, ‘Mommy or Mom or Ma,’ or Lara’s million other silly ways to call her, Mom. I’ll never love another man or be loved by one or touched by one or kissed or caressed. There will be no one to kiss good-night.’

  A big rig cut her off. She swerved.

  “Alright. Enough self pity! Do you hear me?” Elise said out loud.