We also played a lot of football. In fact, I ended up with such a good arm that our school football coaches wanted me to play quarterback for the team when I was in seventh grade. My mom said no to that idea. The point is that I have always had opportunities to be around John Luke and get to know him in all kinds of settings. He’s not as good an athlete as I am, but he never lets that bother him. He has always cheered me on, and I have always supported and encouraged him in the things he does well.
When people started hating on me (I wrote about that in chapter 8), John Luke was the one who stopped it. He stood up for me, and that gave me the confidence I needed to then stand up for myself. Unfortunately, people do turn against us sometimes, especially in high school, but if you have a good relationship with a sibling, you can know that at least one person is rooting for you. Sometimes that one person makes all the difference. I know John Luke is there for me, no matter what, and that makes my life a whole lot easier.
Even though I have written a lot about John Luke in this chapter, that does not mean I don’t have great relationships with my other siblings. There is something special about my relationship with each one of them. I am the middle child, so I pull us all together. In this chapter I chose to write about John Luke because we are the closest in age, and sometimes the sibling who’s closest in age is the one people tend to fight with most. I want people to know it does not have to be that way.
MEAN WHAT YOU SAY
In relationships, one of the best qualities a person can have is integrity. This is true in relationships with all kinds of people—with friends or teachers and coaches at school or church, with coworkers, and with your family. If you have integrity, people know they can trust you, and that’s really important. Being a person of integrity means being honest about everything, even when telling the truth does not make you look good. It also means you have the character to do the right thing, even when doing the right thing is hard or costs you something. When you have integrity, you take your commitments seriously. If you say you will be somewhere at a certain time, you show up. If you tell people you will do them a favor, you do it. People of integrity do not look for excuses, they find ways to keep their word, and that helps make their relationships strong. A pastor named David Jeremiah has a great quote: “Integrity is keeping a commitment even after circumstances have changed.” That’s not easy to do. I had to put this principle into practice a couple of weeks before I started writing this book.
On Valentine’s Day weekend, I had a plane ticket to go see my boyfriend, who lives in another state, and I was so excited. I play on my school basketball team, but we did not have a game scheduled that weekend. There was no reason I could not make the trip. But then something came up. One of our weekday games got moved to Saturday!
I could not believe it. I was so upset! Now, don’t get me wrong, basketball is my sport. I love it, but I did not want to give up my Valentine’s Day plans to play in a game I knew would not be challenging or exciting. The team we had to play had only won two games all season, and I was confident our team could beat them without me.
But being on a team means being committed to other players. The whole point of being part of a group is that everybody gives everything they can give to help each other succeed. You cannot be on a team and then decide to participate only when it’s convenient or when you don’t have anything better to do.
I definitely thought going to see my boyfriend was better than playing basketball when my team did not need me. But because of the relationships I have with my teammates and my commitment to the team, I decided to ask them whether or not they were willing to play the game without me. Five girls on the team basically said, “We got this. Go see your boyfriend and have a great time.”
One girl said, “You need to stay.”
I did not want to hear that!
But I had made a commitment to the team and that girl was part of the team. Since the group decision was not unanimous, I knew I had to stay home and play the game. Changing my plans cost me money (to change my ticket) and was inconvenient. It also made me sad and angry, but I respected my team and I honored the commitment I had made to them.
My mom knew I was not happy, and she told me there was no point in having a bad attitude about the situation. Once I made my decision, she said, I needed to get over it. So I made lemonade. You know the old saying “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” So that’s what I did, literally. I stood in our kitchen and squeezed lemons fiercely. The lemonade was pretty good, but mostly it gave me a chance to calm down and get some of my energy out. Then I was happy again.
I did get to go see my boyfriend a few days later, but since Valentine’s Day was on Friday, I totally missed that. We still had fun once I got there—and after my team won the ball game. Better than all of that, though, I knew I had been a person of character and commitment, treating my teammates and myself with integrity.
Proverbs 20:11 says:
Even children are known by the way they act,
whether their conduct is pure, and whether it is right.
We need to act right, even when we would rather do something else and even when it’s hard. We do not honor God by acting in ways that are wrong, but if we do the right thing, we ultimately feel good about ourselves, and most important, we please Him.
WHO’S THE BOSS?
“Who’s the boss?” is a question with a simple answer. God’s the boss—of everything. Another way to say this is that God is the ultimate authority in the world and in our individual lives. The Bible talks a lot about “fearing God,” but this does not mean to be afraid of Him; it means to respect His authority and have honor and reverence for Him. This is the only way to live a happy, blessed life.
The way we learn to respect God’s authority is to respect the authority we see on earth—our parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles, teachers, coaches, church leaders, neighbors, basically anyone older than we are.
My mom says respect sometimes comes from the knowledge that people in authority want the best for you. If I did not respect my parents, I probably would not do what they tell me to do. The same is true with God. If I don’t respect Him, I will not obey Him. And then I’ll be in real trouble! According to the Bible, respecting God and respecting our parents are the two most important areas of respect for us as teenagers. Ephesians 6:1–3, NIV says,
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
“Honor your father and mother”—
which is the first commandment with a promise—
“that it may go well with you and that
you may enjoy long life on the earth.”10
If God thought enough of this whole idea of respecting parents to make it one of the Ten Commandments (see Exodus 20:12), it must be important!
We have to understand that God knows everything. He knows way more than we do, and when He tells us to do something, it’s always for our good. We might not understand it at the time—and we might not like it—but if we believe God loves us and wants to bless us, we will do it. When it comes to our relationships with God and with our parents, we honor them by doing what they say even if we do not see things the way they do. We respect them enough to do what they say because we know they love us and are looking out for our best interests.
We need to respect our teachers too. This is a big thing for high school students. Sometimes teachers let us know they expect to be respected and sometimes they don’t. But because they are teachers and we are students, we need to respect them anyway. We respect their positions of authority, even if we do not like the way they handle our classrooms.
One time I had a class that was always a little out of control. People who behaved well in other classes did not act nicely in this class. A few people showed respect to the teacher because of her position, but some walked all over her. She threatened different kinds of discipline but never followed through. This went on for a while, until the teacher finally got frustrated and asked u
s why we were so bad in her class.
No one said anything for a moment, then I spoke up. “Honestly, I don’t think you expect us to respect you,” I told her. “You say you aren’t going to put up with things, and then you let us get away with them. You don’t seem to expect respect, so we don’t think we need to give it.”
I’m not saying it was right for the students to treat her that way, but a fact of life is that if you don’t expect other people to treat you with respect, in all likelihood, they won’t. If you are a high school student, you can probably relate to this. Good students like teachers who make us respect them. If they do not act like they deserve or expect respect, most of the time they will not get it.
Even if you are young now, someday you will be older and have a position of authority. When you do, you will want people to respect you. You can prepare for that now by learning what respect means and showing it to everyone in authority over you.
THE ONE PERSON YOU CAN NEVER GET AWAY FROM
There’s one person in the world you can never escape, no matter how fast you run, where you try to hide, or how hard you work at it. You can never get away from yourself. That’s why learning to respect yourself is one of the best things you can do. I’m not talking about having good self-esteem—“self-esteem” implies thinking highly of yourself. I’m talking about self-respect. Self-respect is knowing that Christ lives in you and that you belong to Him.
This is especially important in girlfriend/boyfriend relationships. If you do not let your boyfriend know from the very beginning that you expect to be treated with respect, just like the example of the teacher at my school, chances are, he won’t treat you respectfully.
One time a guy asked me to be his girlfriend and I said, “Under one condition.”
“What’s that?” he asked.
I answered, “I ain’t no hoochie mama, and you ain’t about to make me one.”
Okay, I know I’m not supposed to say “ain’t,” but I was making a point. I was sending him a strong message: “I have certain values and priorities, and you are not going to change me.”
That was the only way a relationship with him would work. I would not let it be any other way. If he wanted a girl he did not have to respect, he needed to find someone else.
I really want to encourage girls my age to make it known right off the bat that they respect themselves. Telling a guy at the very beginning of a relationship that you respect yourself and that you expect him to respect you is way better than trying to say it later. When you are dealing with guys, get it out there early and get on the same page—and make it the page that says “Respect.” That kind of respect for each other is what brings the best relationship.
The same thing is true in friendships and other relationships. If you do not respect yourself, then no one else is going to respect you. Respect has to start with you. When people see that you will not put up with hate, bad language, negative talk, or people trying to take advantage of you, they will not treat you that way.
You are valuable! You are worth respecting. No matter what you may struggle with, you are still a person God made. You are His child. He loves you, and He has good plans for your life. If you respect yourself and insist that others respect you too, you’ll be right in the middle of God’s plans for your life now and on track for a great future.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
A long time ago, in 1967, Aretha Franklin put out a song that spells the word “respect,” and it ended up being really popular. That song still plays today, and it’s a good thing, because we all need to be reminded to be respectful, especially in relationships.
I hope your relationships will get better and better, whether you are dealing with siblings and family members; people to whom you have made commitments; authority figures, including God; parents; or yourself. If you respect others, they will respect you!
Live Original Challenge
1. Do you stand up for your brothers and sisters? Next time someone starts hating on one of your siblings, what can you do to support them and protect them?
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2. Are you a person who keeps your commitments? How do you need to improve?
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3. Do you respect authority? In your own words, why is it important to do so?
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4. What is one thing you can do today to have a better relationship with yourself?
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DON’T FORGET
Always respect your relationships.
Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young.
Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.
—1 Timothy 4:12
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Five Seconds of Awkward
I have lots of cousins. You see some of them on Duck Dynasty, but we have a really big family, with even more cousins you have not met on the show. I am especially close to my cousin Katelyn, who’s on my mom’s side of the family. My mom babysat her when she was young, and she was one of my babysitters when I was little. Now she is a mom herself and is a great example to me of what it means to be a woman of God. She gives great advice and said something at a Bible study one night that I don’t think I will ever forget, something every teenager needs to hear: “Five seconds of awkward can save you from a lifetime of regret.”
I know. That’s powerful, right?
We have all had times when we feel awkward or insecure. Those experiences may or may not affect your everyday life. But here I’m talking about the times when something is happening that you know is not right, and you have to either walk away or speak up and stand up for what you believe. I’m talking about those moments you know will be awkward. People will notice when you suddenly leave a party or when you stop the gossip and say to your friends, “I don’t think this is right.” Or when your boyfriend tries to go too far and you have speak up and tell him to stop. Some of these situations could carry more weight than others in the long run of your life.
In those moments, we can make bad decisions or good ones. If we make the wrong choice, the rest of our life could be really hard. If we make the right choice, we will grow in confidence, strength, and maturity because we have taken a stand for godliness and strong character. And when we look back on these times, we will feel good about ourselves instead of wishing we had done something different.
I’m sure you can think of some things that would cause a lifetime of regret, but I’ll list just a few. We need to understand how serious “a lifetime of regret” can be, because that should give us a lot of courage to stay away from situations that could cause it. For example:
Getting in the car with a drunk driver. This could hurt or even kill people. On top of that, if you were to get seriously injured, it could keep you from living the life you’ve always dreamed of, and it could be extremely expensive in a lot of ways for your family.
Getting pregnant. This would definitely change your plans. You could miss out on some important opportunities and experiences because you would have to take on a lot of grown-up responsibilities before you’re ready to handle them.
Telling a lie to a teacher to cover up for something done wrong. If you were to get in big trouble for lying to a teacher, some people would never forget it and would not trust you again. Becoming a person of strong character is really important. Telling the truth is like an investment in good character. When people lie, they usually don’t get away with one little untruth; they end up feeling they have to weave a whole big complicated web of lies to keep their story going. Just always do your best to do the right thing, and if you don’t for some reason, then tell the truth about it so people will think of you as a person of integrity, not as someone who lies and cannot be trusted.
Losing a fr
iendship because of gossip. Good friendships are treasures, and gossip can be really, really hurtful. You could lose a friend for life just because you wanted to be popular and say something to the “in” crowd. When you talk about people, you affect their reputation. Sometimes, gossip follows people for the rest of their lives, and they spend years with people believing untrue things about them based on high school gossip. Would you want that to happen to you? I wouldn’t. When you talk about someone, make sure it will affect that person in a positive way, not a negative way.
Don’t get me wrong. I do not like awkward. I don’t know anyone who does. Standing up for what we believe in is not always comfortable or easy; in fact, it’s usually uncomfortable and hard. Doing the right thing often means saying no when we are under pressure to say yes or standing up for beliefs other people think are old-fashioned or uncool. If we do that, other people may make fun of us or cut us down. But that’s way better than doing the wrong thing and regretting it years after we have moved on from those people.
If you are a teenager, you will probably have to deal with lots of awkward situations. Those are some of the best opportunities you will ever have to build your character and your confidence and to be a person who does the right thing. I hope you will decide today that no matter what happens, you are not going to live a life of regret and you will not do things now that will bring guilt, embarrassment, or trouble on yourself or the people you love for years to come.
“WHOA. I’M DIFFERENT.”
Live Original (Sadie Robertson) Page 11