My mom has always believed travel is important. She has taught us that the world is bigger than where we live—or where anyone lives—and getting to experience other cultures and see new things can teach us a lot of valuable lessons. When I had an opportunity to travel with a Junior Olympic basketball team to Austria as a thirteen-year-old, she had no problem letting me go. She knew I was mature enough to handle that experience and believed I would learn a lot from it. Did I ever!
On that trip, I first began to realize I was different—really different—from lots of other people, and that was a big surprise for me. It started when I met my roommates. One was from New Jersey and one was from Maine. And there I was, from Louisiana. I don’t think my roommates had any relatives with long beards or pickup trucks with shotgun racks in the windows. I’m pretty sure their dads’ careers did not involve duck calls. And I’m almost positive their grandfathers did not skin frogs in the backyard! As big as those differences were, they were not the only things that set me apart from those girls.
My roommates were very similar to all the other girls on the team because they were very much “of this world.” I was the only Christian in the group. None of them had been raised going to church or knowing anything about God or the Bible. One time I mentioned something about Lazarus being raised from the dead and a girl looked at me like I was crazy. I said, “You know, Lazarus? The guy in the Bible?”
She said, “No. I don’t know. Never heard of him.” At that time in my life, I had never been around people who were not familiar with God’s Word, so that was a shock to me. I had to figure out how to deal with it, and the best way I knew was to try to show the fruit of the Spirit as I interacted with the other girls.
I was even more shocked by the way the girls behaved and by the conversations they had. I remember calling my mom and saying, “You will not believe what they are talking about!” My mom understood that I was around people who were not raised the way I was and did not know anything about following God, and she just encouraged me to stay true to myself and do a great job on the basketball court. And I’m sure she prayed a lot!
The girls on the team partied every night, but I did not want to participate in that. One of them even said to me, “You’re like an old, broken-down lawn mower stuck in the garage and all of us are red Ferraris.”
I did not like being called a broken-down lawn mower, but it was better than giving up my values. Even as a young teenager, I knew my family and I had worked hard to help me become a godly girl, and I was not going to sacrifice that to fit in with a group with whom I would only spend a week of my life. I knew, as a Christian, I needed to be kind and encouraging to everyone, even if they thought I was a bit weird.
My coach could tell the difference between my teammates and me. One day she said, “There is something different about you.” In response, I just explained to her that I was a Christian.
Toward the end of our trip, four teams from the United States got together and chose one person to present the coach with a gift. I could hardly believe they chose me! After all the time we spent together and all the bonding experiences we had as a team, everyone knew I was different, but they did not see the difference as bad; they saw it as something they could respect.
I’m happy to say that my coach still messages me sometimes and I hear from my teammates by text or on Facebook. One of the girls even wrote me recently and said she is trying to stop cussing because she realizes it’s not good. I’m really glad about that. I still talk to some of the girls sometimes and when appropriate, I send them Bible verses or other things to encourage them.
My trip to Austria and my experience on the basketball team was the first time I saw how different the world was from how I’d been raised. Before that trip, I didn’t know anything about what the world is like, but I needed to find out, and I needed a chance to stand up for what I believed in. Back then, I did not really understand that believers are different from the rest of the world. We need to be different; that’s part of what it means to follow God. I learned on that trip that just living by the fruit of the Spirit goes a long way. I had choices to make every day. I could be judgmental toward people who were not like I was, or I could try to be kind and loving. That’s what I did, and it turned out really well!
GIRL MEETS BOY, BOY MEETS GIRL
Relationships in high school can get pretty awkward. If you watch Duck Dynasty, you have seen John Luke and me go through some of these moments. It doesn’t get any more awkward than hearing your grandfather talk about sexually transmitted diseases while stuck out in a boat on a first date, or knowing your dad is taking your boyfriend snake hunting and wondering what he could possibly be saying, or having your grandmother tell you what to do and not do on a date in front of all of your friends at the bowling alley. Yep, all those things really happened and are on television for everyone to see.
While things like this can be embarrassing in the moment, what my family has taught me most of all is not to be afraid to talk about relationships openly and freely. They just tell it like it is. My papaw Phil has been known to come straight out and ask, “Have you kissed him yet?” or say to a boy, “Keep it in your pants.”
Seriously! Could it get any more awkward than that? But in the end, I appreciate it, because it brings it all out in the open. Nothing is off-limits to talk about in my family, and that gives me the courage to speak up even about things some people find awkward. Once you’ve discussed STDs with your grandfather, you can talk about anything!
We are all aware of the temptations that go along with a dating relationship, and not talking about them doesn’t make the temptations go away. I believe being open about things from the very beginning can help in most situations, so my approach is to come right out and talk about the uncomfortable situations before they come up. As I wrote about in the chapter on respecting relationships, just put your expectations out there from day one. Make sure your boyfriend knows you are a daughter of the King and you expect to be treated as such.
The Bible tells us that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. Have you ever thought about that—your body as a temple? 1 Corinthians 6:18–20 says:
Flee from sexual immorality.
All other sins a person commits are outside the body,
but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit,
who is in you, whom you have received from God?
You are not your own; you were bought at a price.
Therefore honor God with your bodies.11
Make it your goal to stay pure and make that goal known from day one. There are ways you can help yourself do that and perhaps prevent yourself from having those five-seconds-of-awkward moments. A few ways to do this would be to lay down “rules” for yourself in your dating relationship so you don’t get to that awkward moment, such as:
Don’t be home alone together. If you and your boyfriend plan to hang out together at your house and you get home to find nobody else is there, go to the park, or go hang out at Starbucks until someone else from your family comes home. Go to a public place rather than staying home alone and perhaps opening yourself up to temptation.
Stay out of each other’s bedrooms. Don’t lie in a bed together and watch a movie or even spend time alone in each other’s bedrooms together talking. Hang out with your family or watch a movie in the living room where your parents walk through every once in a while and keep you accountable.
Pray together before each date to keep God first in your relationship. By doing this you will remind yourselves of Whose you are and that you are living your life for Him.
Even with all of these suggestions, there is a chance you will have those five seconds of awkward in a dating relationship. If that time comes, don’t be afraid to speak up and even “flee,” as the Bible says. I can promise you, in the end, your boyfriend will respect you for it—that is, if you are dating the right kind of guy. And if he is
not the kind of guy who respects you for that, as my uncle Jase says, “cull him” as soon as possible!
TAKE THE FIVE-SECOND PLEDGE
I want to put out a challenge for teenagers everywhere. If you’re anything like me, you really want to live a good life. You don’t want to mess up a day, a week, or a year—and you definitely do not want to mess up the rest of your life by doing something now that you will regret later.
You can put the pledge I’m going to share with you on your phone, write it on your wall, tape it to your steering wheel, or stick in on your bathroom mirror. Just copy it and put it where you can see it often. Most of all, memorize it, and let it be more than words to you. Choose to let the words move out of your brain and into your heart, so they become words you live by for the rest of your life:
I will stand up for my beliefs and I will do what’s right,
no matter what.
I’ll stand strong against temptation and peer pressure.
God has an amazing future planned for me,
and I won’t let five seconds of awkward ruin a lifetime of awesome.
Live Original Challenge
1. What’s the most awkward moment you’ve ever had?
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2. In your most awkward moment, did you make a good decision or a bad one? (If you made a bad choice, even though it may have long-term consequences, you can be forgiven and redeemed. You’ll always have another chance to make good decisions!)
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3. When it comes to boyfriend/girlfriend stuff, what kinds of situations are most awkward for you?
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4. Think about your answer to question 3. Now think about how you believe you should deal with those things. Based on what you believe, come up with a plan to help yourself say no when you need to say no or stand up for your convictions. Even if you have to write yourself a script and practice what you will say in certain situations or if you have to promise a friend or a parent you will call them if you need them, do it! If you know ahead of time what you will and will not do, you won’t have to make a last-minute decision you might later regret.
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DON’T FORGET
Five seconds of awkward can save you from a lifetime of regret!
“Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries.
Today’s trouble is enough for today.”
—Matthew 6:34
CHAPTER TWELVE
Stress Causes a Mess
I’ll admit it: I’m a worrier, and I can get really stressed out over things. Some people in my family are also worriers and some are not. I think worrying is a tendency you are born with, but it does not mean you should let it control you or take over your life. It’s just something some of us have to work on more than others.
But there are others in my family who don’t seem to ever worry—my mom, for instance. Any mom who will send her daughter to Austria alone at age thirteen is not much of a worrier. She seems to just believe things will work out, and if they don’t, she will deal with them then. She is always calm in stressful situations, and I am calmer just by watching her. Two-Mama says my mom has always been that way. Even as a little girl, she was not really afraid of anything and didn’t seem to worry.
John Luke inherited that carefree attitude from Mom; I did not. He and I could not be more different when it comes to worrying. For example, whenever a family member flies on an airplane, I worry about whether or not they will arrive safely at their destination. John Luke is getting his pilot’s license and can hardly wait to take his first solo flight. When we were in Hawaii, I was nervous the whole time we were surfing (because, you know, there are sharks in the ocean), but John Luke has his scuba license. He would think seeing a shark would be awesome. I keep an inhaler and Benadryl with me all the time—even though I don’t have allergies or asthma! John Luke—who does have allergies and asthma—never carries those things. (I think he knows I’m doing the worrying for him. I know, I need to work on that.) If I have to stay home alone, I check and double check to make sure all the doors are locked, and I keep an eye on the security cameras. And I’ll admit, I also plan an escape route—just in case I need it to get out quickly. John Luke, on the other hand, doesn’t even think about someone breaking in and just enjoys having the house to himself for a while. I don’t like to drive without a GPS, while John Luke actually refuses to use anything to help him know where he’s going because it would ruin the sense of adventure.
I am trying to overcome my tendency to worry so much. I have reached the point where I can laugh about it. In fact, I wrote something about it, just to poke fun at myself:
When I think ocean, I think shark.
When I think plane, I think crash.
When I think headache, I think brain cancer.
When I think home alone, I think kidnapped.
When I think “unknown number,” I think Taken.
When I think cough, I think asthma.
When I think quiet, I think “they must not like me.”
When I think tubing, I think snake.
When I think motorcycle, I think death.
As I said, I really am working to overcome my tendency to worry because I have figured out that worry can take away my joy and fun. Besides that, the Bible is full of verses that tell people not to worry or stress or be afraid, so living a worry-free life must be important to God. He must know that a lot of people worry, or He wouldn’t have put so many instructions about not doing it in the Bible! He knows we need to be reminded to stay calm and be at peace because that’s the way we can live our best lives.
A BLUE NEVUS?
Have you ever heard of a blue nevus (pronounced like “leave us,” with an “n” instead of an “l”)? I had not, until three doctors told me they thought I had one. Here’s how the story unfolded.
One day, I had my feet up and Two-Mama noticed a spot on one of them. It was kind of dark blue, in the shape of a dot. I had not seen it before, but I got a little worried after she asked me about it. A few days later, I was at a friend’s house. Her father is a doctor, so I showed it to him. “Hmmmm,” he said, “that looks like a blue nevus. You better have someone check it out further.”
So I showed it to another friend’s father, also a doctor. “That looks like a blue nevus or some kind of skin cancer,” he told me. “You need to see a dermatologist about that.”
I had no idea what a blue nevus was, but after two doctors encouraged me to investigate it—and the second one mentioned skin cancer—I got pretty nervous. By the time I saw my dermatologist, I was really worried.
“Yep, that definitely looks like a blue nevus. We need to take a biopsy of it,” she said after looking at the spot. By that time, I was almost in total fear and panic, completely stressed out about it.
The dermatologist got some kind of tool to use for the biopsy and started scraping the blue place—and the whole thing came right off! It wasn’t a blue nevus, after all. It was an ink spot! I had stepped in some ink about a week earlier at camp, when we were tie-dying T-shirts, so it was the kind of ink that does not come off easily with soap and water. I was fine, and everyone got a good laugh when it was over.
Another time, not long after the mystery of the blue nevus was solved, I got really scared because I started having headaches and my vision got blurry for about a week. At that time, I was trying not to be such a worrier, so I did not mention this to anyone. About a week later, I started getting nosebleeds and ended up with a red ring under my eye on the same side of my face where the nosebleeds were happening, so I finally told my mom. I was really worried that something terrible was wron
g with me. As it turned out, I just needed glasses and the nosebleed and ring under my eye just happened because my springtime allergies were acting up—totally unrelated.
The important lesson I learned from these experiences is not to get all worried and upset about things until you know the facts. I spent a lot of time worrying about an ink spot on my foot, afraid it was something really serious when it wasn’t. I could have used that time to have fun, to think positively, or to do something for someone else instead of being self-focused and worried. Things often turn out better than we think they will. We just need to resist the temptation to worry and choose to believe the best about our circumstances, knowing God will see us through them.
STRESS STARTS WITH WORRY
The title of this chapter is pretty catchy, don’t you think? I mean, I’ve got the rhyme going on and everything—stress causes a mess! But it’s true. Stress causes major problems, and stress often starts with worry. Actually, the words “stress” and “worry” basically describe the same thing—being really anxious about something. As teenagers we don’t usually think much about making choices for our long-term health. We may see our parents or grandparents making choices to exercise more, lose weight, or eat better so they can become healthier, or we may know someone who has been sick and is now on a special diet, like low sugar or low salt (which doesn’t sound very good to me). Many of these people will tell you they wish they had made healthier choices when they were younger. Some of their doctors would even say that their health problems are related to not handling stress very well over the years. So I’m thinking you and I better start now to learn how to deal with stress and worry. That way, we can stay healthy for a lifetime.
Live Original (Sadie Robertson) Page 12