Divine Madness

by Robert Muchamore

  ‘Oh, Kerry …’

  Rebecca’s mum was inside the kitchen. She overheard and came charging towards the door in a grey business suit and high heels. ‘Kerry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.’

  ‘It’s OK,’ Kerry sniffed, as Mrs Xu gave her a sympathetic hug. ‘We’re flying back to England later tonight.’

  ‘When will you be back here?’ Rebecca asked.

  Kerry shrugged. ‘We don’t know. I mean, we only came out here because my dad’s starting a new job. If he’s badly hurt and he can’t take the job, we might not be back at all.’

  That was enough to start Rebecca off crying too and before long Mrs Xu joined in as well, making it three women sobbing in the doorway. Clyde emerged briefly, took one look at the three howling females and promptly dived back into his bedroom.

  *

  Forty minutes after the mass hysteria, Kerry, Kyle, Bruce and Chloe’s stuff was lined up by the front door packed into sports bags and backpacks. The cramped apartment felt sad as Kerry moved between the empty rooms, checking inside wardrobes and under beds to make sure nothing had been left behind.

  When she came out of the bathroom, she found Chloe and Kyle in the kitchen watching the video feeds from the Xus’ empty apartment on the laptop screen.

  ‘OK, Kerry,’ Chloe said. ‘They’re all either at school or work. Kyle and I are going in to switch the explosives and clean up shop. Keep an eye out on the camera in the corridor; we’ll be wearing radio mics in case you need to speak to us urgently.’

  Kerry sat in front of the laptop and popped a mint on her tongue as she watched Kyle and Chloe walk down the hallway. They entered the Xus’ apartment with an illicit copy of Rebecca’s key. Chloe walked into Clyde’s room first, unravelled the package in his drawer and switched the four live sticks of C4 explosive with the expired ones. Once this was done, the pair moved quickly, clambering on to sofas and chairs as they removed the seven hidden cameras and microphones from light fittings. Kerry’s five tiny windows into the Xus’ apartment slowly turned black.

  Finally, as the pair headed back to the apartment, Chloe unhooked the corridor camera that was built into the buzzer on their front door.

  Kerry began unscrewing the two small satellite antennas on the balcony, as Chloe and Kyle came back into the room, holding carriers stuffed with electronic surveillance equipment and the real explosive, minus the detonators. Chloe unzipped the largest of the cases and tucked it all inside with a grin.

  ‘I’ll have to make sure I give that lot to John. He’ll be travelling on a diplomatic passport.’

  Kerry put the two satellite aerials into her case and tucked the laptop into the backpack Chloe would carry onboard as hand luggage.

  ‘Where are we meeting John?’ Kerry asked.

  ‘At the airport,’ Kyle answered, checking his watch. ‘Four hours until take-off, thirteen hours to Manchester, then a couple more to pass through customs and ride the train to campus.’

  ‘OK,’ Chloe said, as she slung the largest of the backpacks over her shoulder and grabbed a suitcase. ‘Let’s get moving. It’s usually pretty easy to hail a cab out front.’

  ‘Famous last words,’ Kyle grinned.

  Kerry took a glance back inside the apartment as she pulled open the door. She felt a little sad about never being able to see Rebecca again, and she certainly wasn’t going to enjoy the nineteen-hour journey home, but she was looking forward to seeing the gang and catching up on six weeks of gossip.

  8. INTOXICATION

  Eight days later

  James Adams staggered up the fire stairs to the eighth floor of the main building on CHERUB campus. He wore one sock, boxer shorts, a muddy tracksuit top and an Arsenal bobble hat as he began pounding a fist on the door of his sister’s bedroom.

  ‘Yo, Lauren, let me in,’ James said, his voice slurring.

  James banged again as Lauren emerged behind the door, dressed in a Scooby Doo nightshirt. She had her arms folded and a fearsome look on her face.

  ‘What are you playing at, James?’ she whispered angrily. ‘It’s two in the bloody morning.’

  ‘I want you to come out and par-tay with me, sis.’

  ‘James, I’m not partying with anyone. You smell like a pub, how much have you had to drink?’

  ‘Not partying, Lauren,’ James giggled. ‘Partaying.’

  ‘James, go down to your room and go to bed. If one of the night staff catches you stumbling around in that state, they’ll murder you.’

  ‘But I want to have fun,’ James moaned. ‘It’s Friday night, I got my Advanced Combat Certificate today. We’ve all been in town celebrating: shopping arcade, the dodgy off-licence, cinema.’

  ‘What happened to Gabrielle and the others?’

  ‘Wusses,’ James sneered. ‘They all went to bed.’

  ‘James,’ Lauren said irritably. ‘You’re gonna get in so much trouble. Then I’m gonna have to spend the next god knows how long listening to you moaning on about it. Go downstairs to your room and go to bed.’

  ‘Let me in for one minute,’ James begged, holding up a finger. ‘I just wanted to say that I love you.’

  Lauren dived out of the way, as her big brother stumbled forwards and tried to give her a hug.

  ‘You know,’ James said, ‘I never get to tell you that I love you any more. That stupid cow Bethany is always hanging around.’

  ‘James, when exactly did you and me ever go around saying that we loved each other?’

  Lauren flicked on her light and James noticed that her best friend was sitting up in the double bed scowling at him. There were three other girls lying in sleeping bags on the floor, as well as empty soft drink cans and plates of half-eaten munchies scattered around.

  ‘We’re having a sleepover,’ Lauren explained.

  ‘Then I’ll join you,’ James grinned.

  ‘Oh no you won’t.’

  James gave Bethany a wave. ‘Hi, Bethany.’

  ‘Drop dead, James.’

  James giggled. ‘That’s not nice.’

  ‘Nor’s calling me a cow.’

  The other three girls were all sitting up in their sleeping bags, watching the drama in the doorway. They were whispering and shaking their heads. Lauren was totally embarrassed.

  ‘Go to bed, James,’ Lauren repeated, shoving her brother back out of the room.

  ‘OK, I will,’ James nodded. ‘Can I come in and have a quick pee first? I’m busting.’

  Lauren backed away from her door. ‘Go on then. I suppose you’re satisfied now that you’ve woken five people up? Make sure you lift up the seat for once, as well.’

  James stumbled over the legs inside the sleeping bags and walked into Lauren’s bathroom. She bunched her fists and grimaced at her sleepy friends.

  ‘Brothers,’ she huffed. ‘I’m really sorry about this.’

  Bethany smiled sympathetically. ‘You don’t need to tell me about them.’

  ‘I like the bobble hat,’ one of the sleeping-bag girls giggled. The three others joined in the laughter, but Lauren wasn’t in any mood to see the funny side.

  James flushed the toilet and staggered back over the sleeping bags, but this time he managed to stick his foot in a plate of nachos, spewing crumbs and dip over the floor.

  ‘Oh, crap,’ James gasped, crouching down and scooping up some of the dip with his bare hand.

  ‘James, you’re rubbing it all in,’ Lauren said furiously. ‘I’ll do it, just get out of here.’

  ‘Sorry,’ James said as he opened Lauren’s bedroom door to leave. ‘Goodnight.’

  Lauren stamped her foot as she shut the door behind her

  brother. ‘Idiot.’

  ‘Don’t get upset about it, Lauren,’ Bethany said. ‘It’s not your fault.’

  A couple of the girls had grabbed tissue from the bathroom and were using it to scoop crumbs and dip off the carpet.

  ‘You know,’ Lauren said, holding her thumb and finger a few millimetres apart, ‘I was that close to giving hi
m a slap.’

  *

  ‘Good morning, James,’ Meryl Spencer yelled cheerily as she leaned over James’ bed.

  Meryl was a retired Kenyan sprint champion who worked as an athletics coach on CHERUB campus. She was also James’ handler, a role that was part form teacher and part guidance counsellor.

  ‘I’ve got a Post-it on my desk,’ Meryl said. ‘I read a glowing report about you from Miss Takada yesterday afternoon, so I wrote myself a little reminder. The Post-it says: Make point to see James. Congrats on combat course!’

  James felt like there was a thousand-ton weight pressing down on his head as Meryl sat on the corner of his bed.

  ‘But, judging by your demeanour and the smell of booze in this room, I’d say you took the celebrations a little too seriously, wouldn’t you?’

  James could hear Meryl’s words, but his face was buried in a pillow and he kept remembering horrible stuff from the night before: falling over in the cinema, the popcorn fight, hitting on Gabrielle and failing miserably. And – worst of all – the 2 a.m. scene in Lauren’s room. She was going to be furious.

  ‘James, sit up,’ Meryl said stiffly. ‘I’m not prepared to conduct a conversation with the back of your head. You’ve missed first lesson already.’

  James turned over, not completely surprised that he’d managed to sleep through his alarm. As he moved, he felt his hand slide through something gooey.

  I couldn’t have.

  ‘Miss, I think I’m sick,’ James gasped, as he sprung up in a state of shock.

  ‘I’m not surprised, the amount of booze you must have downed last night.’

  ‘No,’ James said anxiously. ‘Really sick. I think I’ve done something nasty in my bed.’

  Meryl scrambled off the bed as James threw back his duvet and braved a look. He caught a waft of vinegar as he realised he was lying in a puddle of salsa.

  ‘Oh my god,’ James said, scrambling out from under the covers with streaks of chilli and onion goo soaked into his boxers and gliding down his legs.

  Meryl couldn’t help smiling. ‘I think someone’s played a trick on you James.’

  James knew it must have been a revenge attack from Lauren and Bethany, but he didn’t want to grass them up. Meryl grabbed a large towel out of the bathroom and threw it at him.

  ‘You’d better wipe that lot off before it goes all over the carpet, and get all the bedding down to the laundry as soon as you’ve showered.’

  ‘Yeah,’ James said as he rubbed his legs with the towel.

  ‘Now, about last night. We’re quite lenient about what you kids get up to in your own time. We know the off-licences in town do a roaring trade selling you lot booze and that some of you smoke. But we’re prepared to turn a blind eye provided you’re sensible about it.’

  ‘Yes, Miss,’ James said meekly.

  ‘In my book, coming back to campus at one in the morning, urinating in the fountain, getting into pillow fights with Dana and Gabrielle, running up and down the fire stairs shouting Up the Gunners and then waking up your sister and half the other kids on the eighth floor does not fit any standard definition of sensible. Would you agree?’

  ‘Yes, Miss.’

  Meryl jiggled the note again. ‘Because of what Miss Takada said about your performance on the advanced combat course and because you had genuine reason to celebrate, I’m going to let you off with a warning. But I’m going to have zero tolerance for you consuming alcohol on or anywhere near campus for the next six months. Is that understood?’

  James was pleasantly surprised. He was expecting Meryl to fine him pocket money and put him on a week of punishment laps.

  ‘Yes, Miss.’

  ‘How’s your head?’ Meryl asked sympathetically, as James slumped on the edge of his bed trying to ignore the smell of salsa. The hangover made his stomach churn whenever he thought about it.

  ‘Pretty rough.’

  ‘I’ll write you a note excusing you from this morning’s

  lessons.’

  ‘Are you OK?’ James asked suspiciously.

  ‘I’m fine, why?’

  ‘You’re being nice to me.’

  Meryl laughed. ‘Maybe I’m getting soft in my old age. If it bothers you, I can take you out to the athletics track and make you run fifty laps with a hangover.’

  ‘No, no, it’s good,’ James grinned.

  ‘Once you’ve showered, you can make your bed up with fresh sheets and rest until lunchtime. I’m told you’ve got an appointment with John Jones and we don’t want you turning up for that feeling like death, do we?’

  James looked surprised. ‘What’s that in aid of ?’

  ‘I haven’t heard all the details about the mission,’ Meryl said. ‘But it’s a big one. Help Earth related, somewhere down under.’

  9. BRIEFING

  James felt sluggish and ended up getting to the mission preparation building a few minutes late. John Jones liked to keep everything just so. All the papers in his spacious office were stacked neatly and everything down to the coffee mugs were tagged with electronically printed labels.

  The man himself wasn’t in. James was surprised to see Lauren and Dana Smith in the room too. Dana was a bit of a tomboy, who preferred the distressed look: sauntering around in an oversized CHERUB T-shirt, trousers pushed down low and muddy boots with the laces undone. She didn’t look much different out of hours, when her uniform got swapped for baggy jeans and a pair of skateboarder shoes that were so tatty you could see her socks bursting out of tears along the sides.

  ‘All right,’ James said, as he took a chair next to the other two in front of John’s desk.

  Dana nodded. ‘Slightly hung over, but not as bad as you I bet. You were hammered.’

  ‘Tell me about it,’ James said. ‘I’ve taken paracetamols, but I still feel like there’s a bloke playing drum and bass inside my head.’

  ‘Did you sleep OK?’ Lauren asked, grinning cheekily. ‘How did you feel when you woke up?’

  ‘Slept fine,’ James said. ‘Thought I’d cacked myself when I woke up, thank you very much. I turned my mattress over when I put the fresh sheets on, but my bed still reeks of that stuff.’

  ‘What did you do to him?’ Dana asked.

  Lauren smiled. ‘Me and a couple of the girls sneaked in his room and tipped a catering-sized tin of salsa on him while he was sleeping. We thought he’d wake up and chase after us, but he was so zonked he didn’t even notice.’

  Dana shook her head, ‘That’s so mean.’

  ‘Yeah, well he came into my room at two in the morning, made an idiot of himself and woke all my mates up. I’ve never been so embarrassed.’

  James knew he was in the wrong and didn’t want things to escalate.

  ‘I’m big enough to raise my hands and admit it,’ he said. ‘I was wrong, you got me back and I deserved it. Let’s not go into this mission with some feud going on between us.’

  ‘What are we feuding over?’ John asked, as he entered his office behind them.

  ‘Nothing,’ James and Lauren said quickly, as they turned around to see that John was with a tough-looking woman with red hair and a freckled complexion.

  ‘Good,’ John said. ‘I’d like you all to meet Abigail Sanders.’

  The kids stood up and shook Abigail’s hand. She said hi to each of them in an Australian accent.

  ‘So these are my three kids,’ Abigail said. ‘They certainly look the part.’

  ‘Well, almost certainly your kids,’ John said, as he sat at his desk. Abigail sat next to James on the opposite side, as John continued speaking. ‘All CHERUB agents have the right to refuse a mission and these three haven’t even been briefed yet. In practice though, they’re usually pretty keen. I’ve worked here for eighteen months now and I’ve never known an agent turn a job down.’

  John explained for the benefit of the three youngsters. ‘Abigail is an ASIS officer, that’s the Australian Secret Intelligence Service. We’re hoping that you three will be prepared t
o work with her on an undercover mission based in Australia.’

  James and Lauren grinned at the prospect of going to Australia. Dana carried on staring at her boots; but she was the kind of person who probably would have carried on staring at her boots if an atomic bomb went off.

  ‘Are the briefings written yet?’ Lauren asked.

  John nodded as he stood up and dialled the combination into a large wall safe. He opened the heavy door, removed an envelope and distributed three copies of the mission briefing.

  ***CLASSIFIED MISSION BRIEFING***

  FOR JAMES ADAMS, LAUREN ADAMS & DANA SMITH

  THIS DOCUMENT IS PROTECTED WITH A RADIO

  FREQUENCY IDENTIFICATION TAG. ANY ATTEMPT

  TO REMOVE IT FROM THE MISSION PREPARATION BUILDING WILL SET OFF AN ALARM.

  DO NOT PHOTOCOPY OR MAKE NOTES

  MISSION BACKGROUND – THE HONG KONG MISSION

  In late 2005 the Echelon intelligence network intercepted an e-mail message relating to a possible Help Earth attack in Hong Kong. The CIA contacted the British security service, who still have strong intelligence connections inside their former colony.

  After identifying a young activist named Clyde Xu, MI5 decided to infiltrate Xu’s family using three CHERUB agents. Their aim was to uncover a more senior member of Help Earth.

  After six weeks, this mission proved successful. The CHERUB team foiled Clyde Xu’s attempt to blow up a business jet with fifteen oil executives on board and simultaneously tracked a senior member of Help Earth to his hotel room. After incapacitating the man – who goes by the name of Barry Cox – the CHERUB agent was able to steal his personal possessions, including a passport, diary and handheld computer.

  THE EVIDENCE

  It took several days to decrypt all of the data on Cox’s handheld computer and analyse the accompanying paperwork. Unfortunately, the computer contained little except saved games for an electronic chess program. Paper documents gave details of Cox’s recent movements and recorded expenses, but nothing could be discerned from them, except that he had made several flights between Brisbane and Hong Kong over the previous six months. The Australian police could not match Cox’s DNA or fingerprints with any known criminals in their database.