Backroom Confessions

by Rose Jackson-Beavers

  “I know I’m not God, but Deborah is my friend and there is no way that I am going to let some tack-head man destroy her self esteem and her ability to look in the mirror and respect herself.”

  “Just remember, she is a lawyer and she knows the system. I am really surprised that someone so smart allowed this to happen,” Anthony said, shaking his head.

  “From all the reading I’ve done, it doesn’t matter how smart you are when your heart is involved. Plus you have to remember this is something that can slip up on you if you are not aware of the signs.”

  Jerickca grabbed her purse and keys and kissed Anthony on his cheek. “Would you mind getting dinner together for you and Daphnie?” she asked.

  Jerickca opened the door by pressing firmly down on the pad inside the garage. She eased into her black Lexus and drove through her subdivision towards the highway. She drove two miles on the highway before exiting off 270-East. Listening to the music playing on her specially recorded CD with all the number ones songs, she thought of how to give the information to Deborah without alienating her from the one person she had been able to count on for over twenty years. She had previously contacted one of her associates and obtained information on domestic violence, and tonight she would share all the contents of the red folder. She closed her eyes briefly to offer a small prayer, and then she quickly opened her eyes so that she would not venture into the next lane causing an accident. Jerickca always closed her eyes when praying, because she didn’t feel that it was appropriate to do anything different to show reverence to God. “Lord, please help me,” she said out loud, “to help Deborah. She is such a good instrument of your love, and we need her strong and confident to help other lost souls. Please give me the words that will help her tonight. Thank you, Jesus, for blessing me. Amen.” Now she felt solid strength as she pushed down on the accelerator to move just a little faster to her destination.

  Once Jerickca existed off 367 on to Riverview Drive, it took her only ten minutes to get through the signal lights and stop signs to reach Cristo’s. Once inside the restaurant and after being seated with Deborah, she told her she missed the times they spent together.

  “I missed you too, and I’m so sorry that I didn’t return your phone calls, but I was so ashamed of myself for allowing something like this to happen to me, the attorney,” Deborah said with an embarrassing smile.

  “What happened to you is something that so many women go through, no matter what their social position or economic background. It is such a cycle that it takes professional help to get out. Don’t ever be ashamed of anything with me because we have been through so much together and will go through much more while we go through life’s ups and downs. Just promise me that we will love and help each other to stay the course and do everything we can to support and assist each other, no matter what.” At that, they both stood up and hugged each other. “Now,” Jerickca continued, “let’s order our food. I’m famished.”

  They reviewed the domestic violence literature as they waited on their Chicken Cordon Bleu dinners, which included a glass of wine, cheese ball & crackers, soup and salad, rice pilaf, and vegetables.

  “I can’t believe this stuff. It says that each year three to four million women are beaten by their husbands or partners, and it’s still the most common yet least reported crime in the country,” Deborah said with amazement. “It further states that when mothers are battered, the father is about three times more likely to be a child abuser. Thank God I don’t have children by Danny.”

  “Based on the information in this brochure, it’s says that boys who witness their mother’s abuse are more likely to batter their female partners as adults than boys raised in nonviolent homes. So maybe Danny saw his mother being abused and he needs counseling,” Jerickca said. “However, he is really not my concern at this moment.”

  “Why didn’t I see his problem before now?”

  Jerickca thought for a second, and then she responded. “Probably because you were too close to the situation and you loved him and wanted it to work. Plus there are so many characteristics of a batterer that it is difficult to see them all. They have low self-esteem, blame others for their actions, present dual personalities, and are very jealous, which could have made you feel that he really loved you. But the worst part of this is separating, because you face more danger since the batterer may escalate his violence and retaliate against the woman to coerce her into reconciliation and staying with him.”

  “What do I need to do now?” Deborah asked.

  “We need to contact the Women’s Crisis Center and they will take you through all the necessary steps,” Jerickca said with a quizzical look on her face. Finally, looking at her friend, she said, “You know, it’s amazing how hard he tried to keep you isolated from your friends, all because he wanted to have power and control over you. When we met him that day at the Black Expo, I really thought he was a nice man, but I now understand how they have that dual personality. I’m so glad that you are taking the steps to get help. I love you and couldn’t bare the thought of him hurting you any longer.”

  “Thank you for not walking away from me when I put him first. I love you Jerickca. You have always stood by me. I’m so glad we met.” Deborah wiped the tears off her face with a napkin and smiled, because she knew that her life was going to improve.

  “Danny is going out of town for his company tomorrow for a mandatory meeting. I will wait until I see him get on the plane and go and pack my things and leave for the shelter. But first, I have to talk to an attorney who specializes in this so they can get an order of protection and let the senior partners know that I have to take an emergency leave of absence. I need to go to the lounge and make a quick call and I’ll be right back.”

  Jerickca watched her friend walk to the lounge, bent her head, and thanked God for helping her to stick with her friend. She was glad that she had been home when Deborah called and not in Chicago. She was leaving for the big city in two days. It was perfect timing to help her friend.

  Chapter 31

  Ever since Phoenix and Devante had had that huge argument about their sex life, she noticed that he had become distant and was staying away from the house for long periods of time. It hadn’t occurred to her that he might be doing the same thing she was doing. Since she had returned from the Ozarks with Juan, he seemed even more distant. She noticed that he hung up the phone quickly whenever she entered the room and he was taking more and more business trips. She even noticed how he was exercising and dressing sharper. Why hadn’t she paid close attention to his actions earlier? No wonder we have such a poor sex life. He is seeing someone else. This makes me livid, she thought as she gnashed her teeth. “Wait till I catch his ass,” she said out loud.

  Since that last scene, three months had passed and he was still walking around ignoring her, but she had a plan. She wasn’t going to let him get away from her, and no other bitch would benefit from all her hard work. She would burn the house down before some other freaky bitch got her man. The more she thought about it, the more she began to scheme. I need to catch him in action.

  She picked up the phone to call his office and asked for his extension. “Devante, what are you doing for dinner?”

  “I have a meeting and will be home late.”

  “Where is the meeting, because I want to see you and I’ll wait until the meeting is over?”

  “What are you doing? Checking up on me?”

  Phoenix hesitated. “Do I need a reason to check up on you? After all, you are the one who suddenly has so many meetings to go to that you don’t have time for Simone or your wife. So are you seeing someone, Devante? Because if you are, I want to know.”

  “I think that’s a stupid question. I think I spend more time with my daughter than you and I don’t appreciate you calling my job and acting stupid,” he said furiously.

  “Oh, I’m stupid now because I want to be with you? Is stupid what you’re calling me now?”

  “I didn’t say you were
stupid. I’ll be home after the meeting.” Devante hung up the phone.

  “That is the last time that bastard is hanging up on me,” Phoenix said as she grabbed her keys and went into Simone’s room to dress her. She was taking Simone to her mother’s house, because it was time to visit her dear husband’s job.

  Chapter 32

  Jerickca arrived at O’Hara Airport in Chicago at 10:00 a.m. She quickly found her limousine and headed for her hotel. While traveling on South Michigan Avenue, she spotted the Ebony Magazine office. The limousine pulled up to her hotel and the bellhop politely took her luggage out. As she walked into the Congress Plaza and Conference Center to register, the attendant put her luggage on a cart and waited to escort her to her room. She registered, went to her room, and quickly changed clothes. Then she called Spencer at her office.

  “Hey girlfriend, I’m here safe and sound,” she said.

  “It’s so good to hear from you and have you in my corner of the world. I haven’t seen you in a while. What’s on the agenda for today?”

  “Well, this evening around six there is a reception that I plan to attend, but I’m free after eight,” Jerickca said while glancing over the conference materials she had received last week.

  “I’ll tell you what. I’ll come over around 8:30 to see you. You are at the Congress Center, right?”

  “Yes. It is a beautiful old hotel that’s very regal,” she commented.

  “Yes it is, and a lot of people come here just to stay in that hotel,” Spencer stated.

  “I’ll see you at 8:30. I’m hungry, so I need to get a bite to eat,” Jerickca said as she picked up the menu.

  “Okay. I have a patient coming in about fifteen minutes, so I’ll see you tonight. We are really going to have fun. I’ll talk to you later.”

  Jerickca said goodbye and put the telephone receiver back into its cradle. She quickly scanned the menu, dialed room service, and ordered a fruit dish. Then she took out her conference agenda again and reviewed it to make sure that she had all the information correct. After she hung up her three suits, she grabbed the remote control and scanned the television stations to see what was on while she waited for her meal.

  Just as she began to relax, there was a knock on the door. She jumped up and looked through the peephole to see who was there. She slid the chain and opened the bulky door. “Hi!” She said. “You can bill that to my room.” Jerickca handed the room server his tip.

  “Thank you and have a great lunch,” he said with a smile.

  Jerickca sat down, prayed over her fruit, and quickly ate all of it. Then she undressed, bent over the toilet and forced the fruit back out. She then took a shower and lay across the bed to take a quick nap, because she planned to talk to her friend and didn’t know when she would be able to catch enough sleep again.

  Jerickca slept for four hours. She was so tired. The plane ride had zapped all her energy, even though the ride was less than fifty minutes. She was so frightened sitting on that plane that it took every ounce of her strength to stay mellow and calm. Jerickca had flown more than 100 hundred times but still could not adjust to being that high in the clouds. She felt like she was out of control flying in the air, unlike when she was driving in a car. She felt that if the plane was about to crash, she had no options to try to save her life. If she was in a car, she could avoid an accident or jump out of the car and still survive. But how many times had someone survived a commercial jet that fell from the sky? She could only recall one little girl being saved. So she spent most of her flight uncomfortable, praying, reading the Bible, and trying to find the courage to have faith that God would protect her.

  At 4:30, she got out of the bed and showered again. She dressed in her navy blue suit and slid her freshly pedicured feet into her navy blue Anne Klein pumps. Jerickca glanced in the mirror one more time to make sure that her braids were still in the French roll. She sat down and watched the five o’clock news while flipping through her conference binder to find out which room the reception would be held in. She had more than twenty minutes before the reception would start. After confirming that she looked great, she picked up her black leather portfolio, grabbed her door key card, and walked to catch the elevator down to the reception room.

  Jerickca mingled with so many familiar colleagues and met a lot of new ones. She was just about ready to leave when a young man gently grabbed her arm and introduced himself. “I’m James Thurgood. I’m one of the conference facilitators.”

  “Hi, I am Jerickca Parker from Missouri. I’m with the East St. Louis Department of Adolescent and Children Resources.”

  “Nice meeting you,” he said.

  They chatted for more than an hour. Jerickca was all in this fine man’s face. He was very handsome. He had the sex appeal of Denzel Washington and the body of actor and professional wrestler “The Rock.” Dressed in black pants and a perfectly ironed and starched white shirt with a black and white swirled necktie, he looked good enough to eat. His eyes were dark, his skin a smooth mahogany, and his lips thick and kissable.

  When she realized she was staring at the man’s mouth, she quickly shook his hand and left. James quickly caught up to her and asked her to have dinner with him. She declined because she was lonely and didn’t know what she would do with this handsome stranger. He said maybe they could see each other tomorrow. She smiled and walked into the open elevator. Jerickca couldn’t believe that she was all into this man that she had just met. She got off the elevator on the third floor and walked to her room. She put on a pair of loose fitting jeans, a large sweatshirt, and some flat walking shoes and waited for Spencer.

  She heard a light tap on the door and peeped through the hole. She started screaming as she swung the door open and quickly grabbed her friend in a tight bear hug. Jerickca was so happy to see Spencer that tears flowed down her face.

  “What’s wrong, honey? I thought you would be happy to see me,” Spencer said, joking.

  “I am, but I’m so stressed out.”

  “Well, let’s sit down and talk. Maybe we can stay in tonight and order something.” Spencer held Jerickca’s head up by putting her fingers up under her chin. “You have a lot on your mind and need to release it. We can tour and do other things tomorrow, but right now I’m all ears.”

  “I’m so frustrated with my weight, my family, my job, and my marriage. I need time out. I’m losing it, Spencer.”

  “You are dieting and walking, aren’t you?”

  “Yeah, but nothing is happening. I’ve only lost five pounds in the last two months.”

  Spencer smiled and congratulated her friend for losing five pounds. “It’s a great accomplishment. You didn’t gain. You have to take little steps. Didn’t I tell you that fine things take time like fine wine? So you have to take small steps, because when the weight comes off at a reasonable rate, it will stay off. You look great. Don’t give up. You are doing great. Keep exercising, and you will see better results in the next months. Is Anthony complaining?”

  “No, he never says anything. It doesn’t make any difference to him. If I were money, maybe he would notice me more. Other than that, he just accepts me. At least I think he does.”

  “Well, if he is not complaining, continue your plan. It’s a great one and sanctioned by your doctor, so work with it, girl. You will be surprised at the results you will get. But you have to remember, it took time to put the weight on and it will take time to get it off. Now what’s this I hear about your family?”

  “You know I told you about my sister, Barrington. Well, anyway, I heard that she has been acting strange. Momma said that she had a black eye and I think she is being beaten by that knucklehead. I don’t understand these women. Why do they let these men hit them?” Jerickca said perplexed. “I just don’t get it. If a brother or anybody else attempted to hit or harm me, I would clock that ass. What gives? Why are women so weak?”

  “Many of them suffer from low self-esteem. For some women, it is a familiar scene. Jerickca, self-esteem iss
ues are powerful, and when you don’t believe in yourself, you will allow others to do almost anything to you.”

  “Why can’t they wake up and help themselves?” Jerickca looked at Spencer, needing answers that she already knew but needed to hear again.

  “Sometimes they need help to make that move, and most of them are afraid to leave for a variety of reasons.”

  “You know that I just helped Deborah get away from that crazy bastard that she was with. She had to leave so that she could live, but I miss her terribly.”

  “I know how you feel, but you should do the same thing with your sister that you did to help Deborah. I really don’t feel like you would have a difficult time with Barrington, because she is not stuck on one man. So talk to her. Now tell me what about your job?”

  “It’s the gossiping that bothers me. I have the best and most competent workers any one company could ever dream of having, but they gossip too much and I am totally tired of hearing that kind of negative stuff. I don’t feel satisfied.”

  “Jeri, girl, everybody gossips. It’s what they do with the gossiping. That is the question or problem, depending on how you see it. In my opinion, there are two types of gossipers: one is malicious and the other is for informing. You must ask yourself whether the gossiping is helping others to become better or giving others negative information that can destroy people’s lives. You see, sometimes the only time that others listen or are willing to receive information is when it comes to them in the form of gossip. Otherwise, you’re not able to get information to those who need it the most. Most people only want to hear information when they think it’s about someone else. The other question is whether or not a person is sharing in defaming someone’s character by spreading lies they heard and know are not true. You must ask your staff why they are gossiping and whether or not what they say is to inform or to hurt. But don’t quit jobs because of gossip, because no matter where you work or play, you are going to find people who enjoy gossiping and those who love to hear it.”