Backroom Confessions

by Rose Jackson-Beavers

  “You just do that and get some class, girl,” Megan hissed. She couldn’t believe she had slept with that woman’s husband. She jumped up, ran to the bathroom, and tried to scrub herself clean until she broke her skin. The soap stung her broken skin and she jumped up and down trying to let the water in the shower spray the pain off. How could I be so stupid, sleeping with a man who is married to someone on public assistance? she wondered. Tears flowed freely down her face. She was so lonely that she had taken the first lover who came on to her, even though she knew he was married. She would have to be careful or she would lose the reputation that she had worked hard to build. After showering, she went to bed feeling disgusted with herself.

  When Megan arrived at work the following morning, she immediately headed to the backroom. “Phoenix, girl, you ain’t going to believe this shit.” Just as she was ready to spill the whole story, Patches and Denver walked in.

  “Good morning,” Denver said.

  “To hell it is!” Megan responded. “Let me tell ya’ll the scoop. Ya'll ain’t going to believe this. The married man that I was seeing is Bertha Macklin’s husband.”

  “Your client?” Patches asked.

  “Yeah! That’s the bitch.”

  “Boo, you better be cool with calling people names.” Patches hated when Megan dissed her clients.

  “What do I care about these people who don’t want nothing out of life? All they do is suck up all our tax dollars. We have to beg them to work, and they still don’t amount to nothing. They are fucking disappointing leeches in this society.”

  Just then, Jerickca walked in, heard what Megan was saying, and asked to see her. She had met with Bertha earlier and she wanted to discuss this matter with Megan, but now she was upset. She would no longer tolerate this disrespect for their program participants. “I need to see you now,” she said with more agitation.

  After Jerickca walked out, Patches said, “I told you about that.”

  “Damn! I hope she didn’t hear me,” Megan said, concerned about her job.

  “I think she did. She was very calm but extremely angry.” Phoenix turned to face Megan and said, “You have some apologizing to do.”

  Megan walked out the door and went straight to Jerickca’s office. “You want me?”

  “Yes, I do. I spoke to Bertha this morning about her concerns, but that is irrelevant now. I heard what you said about our participants. That attitude is not accepted here. Please retrieve your purse from the office and leave. You will be contacted later.”

  “Are you firing me Jerickca, after all I did for this program? I made it successful. It is my caseload that gave you all those great statistics you report to the feds.” Megan was so angry that she was pointing her finger in Jerickca’s face and screaming loudly.

  Jerickca calmly said she would contact her later. Patches walked in and escorted Megan out. “I can’t believe she fired me. I don’t need this job. I can wrap her ass a hundred times in my money and still have some left over to slap her fat ass.”

  While waiting for Megan to come to her office, Jerickca called Personnel and had them to send a security guard to her office. She was going to fire Megan and she wanted to make sure there were no problems. They said they would send someone right away to clear her desk out. Patches and the security guard escorted Megan to her car as she screamed horrible accusations about Jerickca.

  Patches told her to go home, forget about this place, and volunteer her services elsewhere. He knew that Megan just didn’t fit in.

  Jerickca called a staff meeting and explain to them what was going on. She discussed three issues with them: respect for the clients, commitment to their jobs, and teamwork. It was a good meeting, and the staff agreed to be more supportive of all their clients. Finally, they split Megan’s caseload. From now on, it would be a new day at the office. No more putting down those who needed the services of the program the most.

  Chapter 37

  When she arrived home, Jerickca walked through the kitchen door and spoke to Anthony. “We need to talk now,” she told him hastily.

  “Jerickca, please, we will do that later. I just got home and need time for myself,” Anthony replied.

  “That’s the problem. It’s all about you, and I am fed up with that attitude. This relationship has two people in it, not just you. I want to talk now.” Jerickca grabbed the kitchen chair, sat down, and started talking. She knew she had about an hour before Daphnie came home from the game.

  “We need counseling. I am not happy in this marriage. You only think about yourself when it comes to sex. There is no romance in our marriage. I can’t take this anymore. I need romance, conversation, and a man who at least act as though he thinks I’m special. You don’t even want to talk to me when we come home from work.”

  “Jerickca, you know that I love you. I take care of all the finances, and you don’t have to worry about household problems, bills, or anything. I am working hard so that we can have a comfortable future,” Anthony said while rubbing the right side of his head near the temple.

  “I realize that you have taken care of the family, but relationships are about more than finances. It’s about living now, not only for the future. Anthony, we don’t know what the future holds, so we should strive to enjoy our lives today. I want to be happy and spontaneous, the way we used to be. I’m not going to lie to you. I love being financially secure, but I want other things too. I want the passion back. You know, like when we used to call each other at lunch and go straight home to bed because we couldn’t wait a whole day to see and touch each other. Every time I try to discuss this with you, there is a blockage. You won’t even try to improve our marriage.”

  “That’s not true. I just don’t think anything is wrong with our marriage or our sex life. I’m happy and you should be too. You are being unrealistic. You want all that romance like you see on TV. This is real life. Most of the time, I’m tired from dealing with the problems at work. When I come home, I want to put my feet up and rest and think. I’m not worrying about sex and romance. I’m a man with more things to contend with than trying to have sex. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy sex. But face it, I’m getting older, so its not as important as it was when I was young and trying to get with anyone who had a slit between their legs. I’m happy with you and sexually satisfied. There’s more to life than sex. It’s good and all, but when I’m tired, I want to rest.”

  “What about me and what I need? I need romance and I need foreplay, which you don’t seem willing to do much.” Jerickca held her head down and began to cry. Anthony felt bad. He realized that Jerickca needed more, but he also knew that he had been selfish. If she decided to leave him, he would certainly fall apart. She had been his strength when he was weak and his anchor when he was sinking. He wanted to make her happy. That’s why he worked so hard to have financial freedom. However, if his behavior was making her unhappy, maybe he could at least meet her halfway.

  “All I want is to make you happy. What do we need to do?"

  “We need counseling and we need to work on pleasing each other and to not let our passion and love die.”

  “Jerickca, when do you want to see a counselor?”

  “I’ve schedule an appointment for next Monday at 3:00 p.m.”

  “Give me the information and I will be there.” Anthony got up, walked over to Jerickca, and tenderly kissed her. “I really do love you,” he said. With that, he grabbed her gently and pulled her out of the chair while kissing her forehead. Jerickca looked into his eyes and tilted her head up while Anthony bent down and planted a kiss on her lips. Then she caressed his neck while kissing his eyelid, his forehead, and finally, his lips. They walked to their bedroom, stripping their clothes off. Jerickca pushed Anthony down on the bed and tore his Perry Ellis white long-sleeve shirt open. The buttons popped off in every direction. She straddled him and gently licked his nipples. Playfully, she licked his ears and his neck, and took her tongue and circled his lips. Then she kissed him passionately. Anthony sta
rted removing her clothes while caressing and gently squeezing her breasts. He kicked his shoes off and lifted his hips up high enough to remove his pants and underwear. Anthony’s penis stood erect. But Jerickca wasn’t ready. She lay on her back while Anthony teased her with his tongue. He licked her hard nipples and used his lips to kiss a trail down to her navel. He lingered there, knowing that was her hot spot. Then he shocked her when he plunged his tongue inside her vagina. He hadn’t done that in years. He was skillful. He licked and gently sucked her clit. She moaned and gently rolled her hips. He stayed there more than ten minutes. He was intent on bringing her pleasure. He kissed and licked until she could take no more. Finally, she rolled her hips fast and screamed out his name. He could feel her skin, which was very hot to the touch. Her vagina had become juicy and wet. She whispered, “I can’t hold back.” He didn’t want her to. She lay their shaking until Anthony turned her over and pulled her to the end of the bed. He was ready to do it to her doggy style. He entered her from the back and thrust his penis deep inside her. It felt so good. He couldn’t believe he had put sex on the back burner. He wanted to please her but didn’t realize how much pleasure he had missed. His legs were getting weak as he stroked her pussy. Finally, her hips began to rock faster and her moans increased, and he could not hold back any longer. They both released their love juices and held each other until the shaking of their bodies subsided. Anthony gently smacked her on her ass and told her how good she was. They kissed passionately and were ready for a second round when they heard the garage open and knew that Daphnie was returning from school. They quickly dressed and she whispered, “I love you.” He responded by smiling and saying, “Me too.”

  When Daphnie arrived home from the game, she told her mother that her friend had to leave school to go to the hospital for treatment. She said, “She was pretending to eat, but the teachers caught her throwing food away. She wasn’t fat but she wanted to be really skinny. I am so glad that I’m happy with myself. It's more work trying to avoid eating.”

  “I’m happy you have a healthy self-esteem, because that’s what causes so many young girls to look in the mirror and see themselves as fat, ugly, or whatever in between.” Just as Jerickca started to say something else, the phone rang.

  “Hello,” Daphnie said as she answered the phone. “Mom, it’s Jeremy. Pick up the phone.”

  “I have it. Hey Jeremy, what’s up?”

  “Nothing. I want to come over until I go into treatment. I need to stay with you for about two weeks until a bed is ready,” he said.

  Jerickca hesitated, because what she was about to say would hurt her as much as her brother. It had to be said. For too long, Jeremy had sought refuge at her home after he didn’t pay back drug dealers. She had allowed him to stay with her for months at a time with the hope that he would return to treatment after the three-day detoxification. But it was all a game.

  Once he had lain around the house getting free cigarettes and eating everything he wanted, he would leave with the pretense of going to the treatment center, only to detour back to a drug house. She couldn’t take it any longer. Every time he came to her house, he took some of her soul with him when he left. She wanted him to stop using and change his life. He had always tricked her in the past, making her believe that this time he would follow through. But this time she had to tell him no. Her sanity depended on it. He wasn’t a teenager. He was a man, and it was time for him to start thinking like one.

  “Jeremy, you can’t stay.”

  “Why not? I told you I was going to treatment.”

  “Yeah, you always say that. But do you ever go? No, you don’t, so don’t call me until you are in the treatment center. I will not allow you to continue to play with me. Don’t call mother, either. You have to make a decision about becoming clean and do it. Just like Bo Jackson said—just do it! Stop kidding yourself. You are a drug addict and you need help. Another thing, next time your drug dealers show up at Mom’s for payment, I am calling the police. Let them explain to the cops why you owe them drug money.”

  “Fuck you Jerickca! You think you’re better than everybody, but you ain’t shit.” With that, he slammed the phone down hard.

  Jerickca found herself getting weak, and she began sweating profusely. She was dizzy and felt nauseated as she dropped the phone. She was having a panic attack that was quickly causing her heart to beat too fast, which made her feel as if she would pass out. She reached over and turned the fan on to get her some air. Slowly, she breathed in and exhaled. She laid her head down on the table, closed her eyes, and tried hard to concentrate on something else. Finally, she regained control and the symptoms quickly disappeared.

  She picked the phone up off the floor and placed it back into its cradle while saying out loud, “Lord, bless my brother and help him to want help. He needs your help and your blessings.”

  Jerickca finished cooking dinner and finally sat down to enjoy the rest of the evening watching television. She watched CSI, one of her favorite shows.

  That night upon retiring to bed, Anthony stroked her like a guitarist stroking his guitar. Jerickca moaned and they made the most beautiful sounds together. She hadn’t received love like that in years. Now he was ready for round two. She could only thank God. She was sure that this man loved her, and she loved him even more now than she had in a long time. She knew that their future looked brighter.

  Chapter 38

  Denver called Jerickca and thanked her for coming to her rescue last weekend. Jerickca was so special. She never made you feel silly or stupid. She just let you cry on her shoulders without any demands. Jerickca told her to take some time off from work because she had suffered a terrible loss. Although, she felt better, her heart still ached.

  Denver had been so heartbroken that the only thing she could do was to call Diane. She was on a flight immediately to comfort her child. She loved her and only wanted the best for her only child. She calmed Denver down quickly and made her feel secure with her words. She truly loved her daughter and had only wanted the best life for her that she could possibly have. That is why she had put so much pressure on Denver to achieve at her highest capability. Diane knew that men played dangerous games and that you always had to be prepared for their immature, game-playing asses. She had planned to talk to her daughter and allow her to live her life without her interruptions. She felt Denver’s pain, because she truly loved her child. She decided that from this moment on, she would no longer pressure her sweet Denver, but would allow her to be what she wanted to be, no matter what. She told her daughter she would meet her at her house in four hours. She had two hours left on the flight, and once it landed, she would head straight to her child.

  Once Diane arrived at Denver’s home, her baby told her about the whole ugly ordeal. Diane just held her and silently cried with her. No words were needed. Her baby needed comforting. This day, they bonded as mother and daughter. Finally, after they had been in the same position for over an hour, Denver told her about her plans for the future.

  “Mom, I don’t want to be a lawyer. I want to go to medical school. I always wanted to be an internal medicine specialist. I just never said anything because you kept saying you wanted me to be a lawyer. I have already applied to Washington University and I have been accepted to start in the fall.”

  “I never knew you wanted to be a doctor. I don’t understand why you never said anything. I just wanted the best for you because I knew you had the potential. Since you have made a decision to follow your dreams, I guess I should tell you that you can now have control over your trust fund.”

  “What trust fund?”

  “Since your dad’s family never did anything for you, his Grandma Justine decided to leave you her money.”

  Denver smiled and happily asked her mom, “How much did she leave me?”

  Diane laughed. “Well,” she said, “Let’s just say that you can go to medical school without financial pressures, get an apartment and a new car, and still have spending money. Yo
u see, I invested it well in secured stocks and bonds. Grandma Justine was the only one in that family who supported me.”

  “Really!”

  “How did you think I was traveling so much? She was good to me.”

  “Mom, tell me more about her.”

  “I’ll do that later, but first, I need you to accept my apology. I love you so much.”

  “I love you too.”

  Wiping the tears from her eyes, she said, “Mom I forgive you. Let’s spend more time together?”

  “That’s a deal. Now, get up, baby, and let’s go eat.” Diane was so happy. Her strategy had worked. It was hard on her not talking to her baby and hanging the phone up on her. All she was trying to do was make her baby strong. Now, Diane could rest because Denver would be all right, just like her mother.

  Chapter 39

  Patches walked out of the club with Toi following quickly on his heels. He was heading to see Jessica. Toi was pissed. He had ignored her and she hadn’t heard from him in months. She wanted to show him how much she loved him. She grabbed his arm.

  “What’s up baby? Long time no see.”

  “Hey Toi!” He said as he continued to walk.

  “Wait!” She screamed as she ran to keep up with him. “I miss you, Patches.” She grabbed him and kissed him. Patches pushed her away and told her that he didn’t roll like that.

  “I’m through with it!”

  “Let’s do it one more time for the road,” Toi suggested, thinking that if she could have sex with him, he would remember how it felt to be together.

  “Toi, I have a girl and I love her.”

  Toi grabbed Patches penis and squeezed it. He pushed her away.

  “What is wrong with you?” she asked.

  “Nothing. Just tired of this stuff.” Patches jumped into his car and sped off toward Jessica’s house. He knew that he wanted her. Ever since he met her, his habits had begun to change. For instance, club hopping was not the same with his boys, because he spent his time missing his girl. Why should he go to a club and ask others to dance with him when he could be in Jessica’s arms?