Evanescent Ink (Copperline #4)

by Sibylla Matilde

  I wanted to shake her off, but my body was barely responding to my brain enough to nod and smile to the promoters.

  So I just kinda tuned her out. I played along.

  Until Justin showed up. He made that a little harder to do.

  He came through the door and stood by the table as Cody and the execs rose for introductions. His ass was barely in his chair when he realized Maggie was present. “What the fuck is she doing here?”

  She smiled back at him as though he’d just paid her a compliment, undaunted and unshaken by his blatant confusion. “Getting you guys the gig of a lifetime,” she replied in a heartbeat.

  “So, anyway,” one of the men, I think he was Steve, continued from where he’d left off, “the lead singer of the band you'll be replacing has mono. Can you believe that shit? They figure he'll be out for a month.”

  “So it would be best not to kiss the groupies, then,” Justin nodded thoughtfully. “We should just fuck ‘em. Got it.”

  Steve looked over at the other guy… Bob. “Fuck me, this guy is made for the road,” he laughed.

  “Will they get more tour dates?” Maggie asked, pulling everyone’s attention back to the business at hand.

  “It’s possible,” Bob replied. “We definitely want you to sign up to do at least the three shows. Not that you’d want to, but we don’t want you pulling out after the first.”

  “Sometimes pulling out is a good thing,” Justin snorted, and Denny smacked him on the back of his head.

  “Shut your gob,” Denny grated out.

  “Ow,” Justin replied. “And speak English you fucker.”

  Maggie shot them a death look, something she’d perfected over the last couple years, and both Denny and Justin immediately straightened. She turned back to Bob and Steve. “Sorry,” she shrugged. “This is why they need me.”

  Bob laughed, ignoring the confused looked from the band. “Well, you’re very good. We might have you take on a couple more bands.”

  Maggie simply smiled, but I felt the excitement ripple through her at the prospect. It made me feel just a bit ill.

  Bob looked back at Justin. “You see, there’s a lot to do in order to get you guys up there on stage. Merchandising, advertising, getting a song of yours recorded and playing on radio stations. It just wouldn’t be worth it to us just for one show.”

  Cody and Denny exchanged wary glances, but Justin practically drooled at the concept.

  “Radio, merchandise…” he murmured, “dude, could we do a line of sex toys?”

  “Before we get into that, I’d like to talk it over with my wife,” Denny cut in.

  “Yeah,” Cody agreed, turning a blind eye to Maggie’s glare. “Me too.”

  “Absolutely,” Steve smiled. It came off a little forced, but his confidence didn’t waver. “We’ll give you a day or two to think about it. However, we would like to have you on a plane Monday morning.”

  “On a plane?” Denny asked.

  “We would like to take you to meet the Sinners. Show you what your life on the road will be like.”

  When I got back to Ink, the lights in the front of the shop were off. Raven’s Jeep was still parked out front though, and I could make out just the faintest glow down the hallway from my office.

  I didn’t even know what to tell her. I was in a state of shock, some weird turmoil that had me wondering just exactly how this is going to turn out. I unlocked the front door, walked through, and locked it again behind me. It felt like forever before I got to the office. Sure enough, there she was, sitting at my desk.

  She looked apprehensive. Without even the faintest glimmer of her usual cool confidence. She watched me step through the door and cross to the couch, not saying a word. Waiting for the news.

  “They want us,” I said. “They want us to fly out to meet the band Monday.”

  “So soon? It’s Thursday today.”

  “Yeah. They’re all set to show us the ropes.”

  She smiled tremulously. “That’s great. It’s your dream come true.”

  “I’m not entirely sure we’re going yet.”

  She almost seemed like she was barely breathing. “Why wouldn’t you?” she almost whispered.

  “It’s a band decision. It could mean nothing at all. Just a flash in the pan. A cool experience. Our fifteen minutes of fame.” I leaned forward, resting my hands on my knees, bringing my fingers up to rub the bridge of my nose. “But it could also change everything. Denny and Cody went home to talk it over with their wives. Justin went out to score some pussy in celebration.”

  Raven gave a short dry laugh and looked back down at my desk for a minute. She was acting kind of strangely, but part of me figured it was because I was acting strangely. Everything suddenly seemed so uncertain.

  “Maggie actually came through for you,” she murmured tracing her hand over the papers on the desk.

  “I guess,” I shrugged. “Rave… if I go, what about… what would you…?”

  She looked back over to me, and I couldn’t finish. I didn’t know really what I was asking. What would she think about coming with me? Or would she wait for me? Would she put up with all the shit that might come along with fame? Or would she pick me up when I fell flat on my face again? Would she dust me off and put me back together when everything came apart?

  None of that really seemed fair to her. So I just sat there, awkwardly trying to think of something else to say.

  “I’ve been meaning to tell you something,” she murmured after a few moments. She was looking down at her hands, twisting them together in her lap. “I’m moving to Billings. I’m gonna go live with Lacey.”

  Everything about the promoters and the Sinners and the ticket to fame bled right out of my chest. It was replaced with pure dread. My heart felt like it turned to granite. My stomach roiled, and nausea swelled through me. “Why?”

  “I was here for my mom, Drew. Now she’s gone. Lacey’s roommate is moving out to get married. She offered up the other room when she was here for the funeral.” Raven brushed a bit of lint from her skirt and gave a wry smile. “There’s really no reason for me to stay here now, so I said I would.”

  No reason…

  What about me? Wasn’t I a reason?

  Which was a total vagina-having thing to even think, but fuck… she would just walk away?

  From what, though? It suddenly occurred to me again that I may not even be staying in Ophir.

  “I’ve got a couple appointments next week,” she continued, “but I was thinking I might head out the week after.”

  “Just like that?” My voice sounded rough. Brittle.

  “I know it is a little bit of short notice and everything, but if this deal with the Sinners takes off, you won’t even miss me. I was just a pleasant distraction, one that you won’t need anymore.”

  No. She can’t do this.

  “Raven—”

  “There'll be lots of girls out there willing to give you what I do,” she shrugged, “without the baggage.”

  No, no, no.

  “Rave—”

  “It’s just sex, Drew. You know as well as I do, that’s all it was ever going to be.”

  It’s just sex… Her words hit me hard in the chest and echoed through my head.

  God, I was a fucking idiot.

  I’d done it again. Fallen for someone who didn’t feel the same. Even worse than I had with Maggie. I’d fallen so much harder, so much faster. And now…

  I could barely breathe. I couldn’t talk.

  “Anyway, congrats,” she said with a tight smile as she stood up and grabbed her purse and coat. “I better get home. It’s pretty late.”

  Stupefied, I followed her up to the front. The temperature had dropped below zero, so she slipped on her coat and zipped it up.

  “Oh,” she said, “by the way. I rescheduled my appointments for tomorrow, too. I need to go sort through some of mom’s things with Uncle Joe. So, I’m not sure if I'll see you before you go next week. If you go, t
hat is. You'll be swamped this weekend.” She smiled remotely. “But, uh… well, I'll be watching for you on the Grammys.”

  She gave me a long look, wavering just the slightest bit like there was more that she wanted to say, but then she just turned and left.

  Just like that.

  I watched as she walked across the street and climbed into her Jeep. She started it up and sat there for a while, obscured by the dark tinted windows.

  Just when I hit my limit, just as I was about to rush out there and ask her not to go—to stay with me—she backed out and drove away.

  I stood there for what seemed like forever, looking out into the night. In a matter of hours, everything had gone to shit. Again. Just like before.

  Not quite like before, my mind rebelled. With Maggie, there had been warning signs. There had been so many little things I ignored. Things that told me shit was falling apart.

  But with Raven… fuck.

  The more I thought about it, the more I realized I’d ignored the signs with Raven, too. I’d always been the one trying to make it more. To get her to admit it wasn’t just sex. Raven always changed the subject. Or she distracted me with more sex. The more I pushed, the more she pulled back. She never said she wanted something real. She always tried to keep it free and easy.

  I’d projected my own feelings into her. I’d made believe that she loved me.

  Because I loved her.

  This was so much worse than Maggie, though, because I really, truly loved Raven.

  And she just walked away from me without a second thought.

  I finally turned away from the night and headed back to my office in a daze. I felt completely numb. The shocks of the day had broken something inside me. I just wanted to go home and climb in bed. To fall asleep and dream. Forever.

  As I went to turn off the light on my desk, the last bits of my soul crumbled to pieces. There it was, sitting there in plain sight. Front and center laid out on my desk. Anyone sitting there would have seen it staring back up at them with sad, wary eyes.

  The penciled sketch I’d done of Raven.

  The bitterness followed me home. The images of Raven toiled in my mind all night. I lay in my bed, all alone for the first night in days, haunted by the memories and images that refused to dissipate.

  I felt hollow. Lifeless.

  I missed Raven. I missed her bed and her voice. I missed her breath on my skin. I missed seeing her hair tangled in my fingers. It felt like the longest night ever, and sleep eluded me until the sky began to shift to a cold winter dawn and I finally managed to drift off into my own darkness.

  She followed me into my dreams. Her face faded into the sketch I’d done, then disappeared into nothing. I stood there, lost in the depth of my somnolence, staring at a blank piece of paper and wondering if any of it had even been real. Then, there was Maggie. She walked up to me and kissed me. I tried to push her away, but I couldn’t. I kissed her back, hoping that by the sheer force of will she would morph into Raven. Or make me forget.

  I shot up in bed, and realized that part of my dream was a reality.

  Maggie had kissed me.

  She was in my bed. Clothed, thank fuck, but she was there in the flesh, looking up at me with just a little distaste before she wiped it from her features with a smug smile.

  “Morning,” she said.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked, making no attempt to hide my alarm, triggered by her presence. “How did you get in?”

  “Justin let me in, of course. I should probably get my key back, though.”

  “Your key?”

  “Yes, but first things first. We need to find out what the other Mofos want to do,” she replied matter-of-factly. “Obviously, Justin is game, but Denny and Cody… we need to get them on board.”

  “We?” I dumbly repeated, still trying to shake the sleep that filtered my consciousness.

  “Well, yeah. I’m not going to let you go through this alone, but we can’t sit on this. We need to get an answer to Steve and Bob right away.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” I scowled. Her presumption was grating my nerves. “You dumped me. Rather harshly, might I add.”

  “I was hurt,” she sat up, reaching out to place her hand on my bare chest. “I was lashing out.”

  “Lashing out? You told me I was such a shit boyfriend that it turned you into a lesbian. Are you suddenly straight again?”

  “I was upset because you gave up on us.”

  “What in the actual fuck are you talking about? When did I ever—”

  “You gave up on our dream, Drew.”

  I was flabbergasted. Gobsmacked, as Denny would say. “What was our dream?”

  “You were going to be famous. You were going somewhere when I met you. You had drive and dedication. You pushed so hard to get the Bangin’ Mofos out there.” She shifted closer to me, rising up to her knees to frame my face in her hands and leaning closer even as I angled away. “So I did everything I could to give you that. I gave you a taste of the life. I showed you how accommodating I could be. I brought girls into our bed to worship you. To show you what it could be like.”

  “That’s insane,” I whispered, trying to ease away on my back.

  “And I never complained when you had to practice. I pushed you to be better. I helped make you.”

  As she talked, my mind began to whirl.

  Maggie had always been about rising to the top. About getting noticed and famous. She had pulled me in, seizing on my childish dreams and my desire to be loved, promising me pure adoration as a celebrity.

  And I ate that shit up. I saw the picture she painted and felt like it could fill in the holes that made my soul feel empty.

  But it was a false front. It was a foundation built on sand. It might look pretty, but a single wave of Maggie’s hard reality had swept it away, leaving me broken and battered. She was pushing new sand back in, building me up again, but it wouldn't last. It had never been about me. She had never cared.

  And for all I thought I loved her, I had only loved the picture she painted. I hadn’t taken a close look to see the lack of depth. It was one dimensional. It was a hollow life spread across a canvas.

  After the true depth of what I had with Raven, it made me feel ill to even think of going back to that.

  I began to ease away, but she came forward, straddling me and pressing her hips into mine. “You know you want me back, Drew.” She flicked one of my nipple barbells and writhed against me.

  Jesus fucking fuck… no. Just… no. Never again.

  “I’m not so sure about that, Maggie.”

  “Oh, please,” she said, lifting her head to sneer down at me. She reached one hand down to grab my dick through my boxers, squeezing almost painfully. “You'll never find another girl who will give you what I can. Remember? Think about the taste of pussy on my lips. How much you loved when I sucked your cock, wet from some girl’s squirt. You know you want that. And you know that little freak you’ve been running around with wouldn’t do the same.”

  I had gone from a little ill to revolted, even as my dick hardened some under her hand. The self-loathing at my biological response pissed me off.

  “I want that?” I said with a shake of my head. “When did I ever say that’s what I wanted?”

  “You wanted to live like a rockstar. Sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll. I gave you that. I prepped you for it. And now you’ve got the shot to live it… with me.”

  She worked my cock as she spoke, but I caught her hand just before she slipped it underneath the waistband of my shorts. “With you?” I asked dumbly.

  “I’m back, Drew.”

  With more force than I probably needed, I shoved hard at her body, pushing her away so hard that she almost fell off the bed. I lurched up, grabbing my jeans and tugging them on quickly, and headed for the door.

  “Get the fuck out of my room, Maggie,” I snarled as I swung it open. “This conversation is done.”

  “Drew,�
�� she scathed, “don’t be an idiot.”

  “Maggie,” I warned, “I’m not fucking around.”

  She crawled across the bed on her hands and knees, smooth like a cat. Venomous like a snake. When she reached the end, she slowly walked the few more steps towards me until she stood only inches away. Thinking she was leaving, that I had maybe gotten through to her, I jerked back when she dropped to her knees.

  “Drew,” she purred. Her hand slid up my leg towards my open fly. “Really, I mean it.”

  “Get. The. Fuck. Out.” Every word was spoken with a forced calm.

  She sat back on her knees and frowned up at me with glittering eyes. “I got you this opportunity. You can’t do this without me.”

  “I don’t need you for shit, Maggie,” I retorted. “I just need you gone.”

  I stepped into the hall and headed down the stairs, furious that she would even think we were getting back together. Her footsteps trailed down after me, but I stopped short when I hit the kitchen.

  Justin was standing by the island. A small box in front of him. He was holding what looked like a flannel shirt of mine.

  “Justin,” I asked, “what the fuck is this?”

  “Trouble in paradise?” he asked warily, his eyes going back and forth between Maggie and I.

  “Drew’s just being stubborn,” Maggie smiled, trying to slip her arms around my middle.

  “Woman, get the fuck away from me,” I shouted as I jerked away and turned to Justin, pointing at him accusingly. “And you… what the fuck did you let her in for?”

  Justin’s initial amusement began to fade. “Dude, she was all over you at the Oxbow. I thought you’d gotten back together.”

  “Fuck no, you fucker!” I shot back. “I’m with Raven now. Or I was… fuck.”

  “Oh please,” Maggie laughed. The shrill sound grated down my spine. “She’s so not your type.”

  Justin began to look rather sheepish. “Oh, shit… that’s not good.”

  A wave of queasiness fluttered through my gut. “What’s not good?”