Maybe Forever (Maybe... Book 3)

by Kim Golden

  My father's shoulders tensed. He closed his eyes for a second and then looked off to the side. We sat there in silence. He'd said he'd chosen starting over instead of me, but I didn't see any signs of the woman he'd married after he left my mother and me. There were no family pictures in sight. What a stark contrast to my first visit with Benjamin. Benjamin had been cautious but welcoming. I'd taken the initiative but then I realized he'd been waiting all along. Alma and Henrik had given him a snapshot of Mads holding an infant Liv and he'd framed it and hung it on the living room wall. Though his apartment had been small and sparse, Benjamin had family pictures everywhere. Pictures of Mads's mother, snapshots of a towheaded Mads as a boy...and when I'd told Mads about it he'd been surprised.

  "After Mom died, I thought you would change your mind and come for me." I clasped my hands to keep them from trembling. I didn't want to lose it right now. "Even when they put me in foster care, even when my social worker told me what you'd said—I was convinced you would change your mind and come for me."

  Lionel remained silent, but my words were hitting their mark. His jaw tensed. He wouldn't make eye contact with me. Would he explode the way he used to? Yell at me, throw me out? Or would he sit there in stony silence and let me have my say? He leaned back in his chair, cleared his throat and gripped the armrests as though he were bracing for a physical attack. Maybe my words were like physical blows, but he'd never given me the opportunity to let him know how what had happened had affected me. Even when he invited himself to Eddy's that year for Thanksgiving, he'd only cared about how he felt.

  "When Aunt Cecily found me, I thought you'd sent her. I thought she was going to drive me down to North Carolina and I was going to live with you," I continued. "But then we headed north to New York, and she told me that you still didn't want me in your life."

  "It wasn't just me. Evelyn didn't want you there either."

  "Was she your new wife? Is she here now? Does she want to meet me now?"

  "No, she's not here." His expression grew hard. "She left me. That ought to please you. The woman I left your mother for, left me."

  The news didn't make me happy. It confirmed what Cecily had said—that my father was alone; the only person he had left was Cecily. And me.

  "Did you cheat on her too?" I shouldn't have asked. It was uncalled for—my slate wasn't clean. I'd cheated, even if I wasn't married. I'd cheated and I'd found Mads. I'd found the person who was meant for me. "Did you at least love her?"

  "I loved your mother, I just didn't love her enough."

  "What about me? Did you ever love me?"

  "You make me sound like I'm a heartless man, Laney. And I was never heartless." Lionel straightened his back now, as though he were gathering his courage. Maybe he was. He had to defend himself now against whatever I needed to get out of my system in order to trust him with my daughters. "When I met Evelyn, she gave me an ultimatum—it was her or nothing. You think that's an easy choice to make? I loved that woman like there was no tomorrow, and she was telling me I could have her but not my daughter."

  "And you picked her. So maybe you didn't love me enough either."

  "Maybe I didn't. I could go months without thinking of you and then suddenly you'd be in my head, reminding me that I was a shit who'd left you to the wolves."

  His confession cut me. I don't remember when the tears started falling, but it wasn't long before I began to cry. I should have told Becks to stay. I should have let Mads come with us. Instead I was sitting here, my face buried in my hands, silently crying in front of a man who should have protected me as a child and who'd walked away. When he stood, I thought he would come to me and comfort me, but he went past me, then returned with a box of tissues. He set them down on the side table and then returned to his armchair.

  "How old are they now?"

  I snatched a tissue from the box and wiped at my eyes. "Liv and Freya, you mean?" My voice shook as I spoke. I swallowed and tried to still the confusion inside of me. "Liv's four now...and Freya's going to be eight months old soon."

  "You still married to him?"

  "His name is Mads."

  "I know his name. Are you still married to him?"

  "Yes, we're still married."

  "He treat you okay?"

  I nodded. Even with everything we'd been through, I couldn't deny that Mads loved me, that he would never abandon me or the girls. I knew this without having to question it. Just like me, he'd longed for a family, and we'd become that for one another.

  "He loves me. He loves our daughters....we had a rough couple of months, but we're working through it. And I think we'll be okay."

  My father nodded. "I'm glad. I don't want you ending up like me. But Cecily told me you'd never do that. She told me how good you are with your daughters."

  "Do you want to see them?"

  He swiped his mouth with his palm and then nodded. "I want to meet them."

  "If I let you meet them, you can't just walk away. You can't just leave them like you left me."

  "Okay."

  "It's that simple?"

  He nodded again. "It's that simple."

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN: Mads

  Breathe...Gently

  The hours dragged by and Laney hadn't returned. I didn't want to call or nag, but I couldn't help worrying. The last time she'd seen Lionel, she'd come away from the encounter so full of anger—at him, at me for not understanding initially...even at Eddy, who'd had no idea Lionel was even in town. I figured the only thing I could do was keep busy. I loaded the dishwasher, cleaned the bathroom, tried to read the newspaper but my mind kept wandering back to Laney and wondering if she was okay.

  At one point, my iPhone rang but when I answered it was Henrik, checking to make sure I'd arrived and hoping the status of my arrival was good.

  "Everything's okay," I told him as I went out onto the back porch. I wasn't really used to American houses and air-conditioning. Even though Cecily didn't have the air conditioning on full blast, it still felt too cold to me. "I'm exhausted from the flight, but everything seems okay right now."

  "It's quiet—are you home alone?"

  "Yeah, Cecily took Liv and Freya on an excursion, and Laney's gone to see her father."

  "Really? But last time..." Henrik's voice trailed off. I could hear Eddy in the background and Henrik telling her the news. It didn't take long before she took control of the phone.

  "Mads? Why aren't you with her?" Eddy demanded. She sounded agitated. I didn't blame her. I was worried too.

  "She went with a friend of hers, I wanted to go with her but she said no."

  Eddy groaned. "Mads, sometimes you have to take charge. And when it comes to my Uncle Lionel, you have to be there to be the buffer."

  "I wanted to, but she stuck to her guns."

  "Jesus Christ, you Scandinavian men kill me. Now is not the time to be rational. Get in your rental car and go to my uncle's house!"

  "Eddy, she went with her friend Rebecca. I'm going to call her in a few minutes and make sure everything is okay."

  "Well, at least that's something..." Eddy calmed down. "Did...was she happy to see you?"

  "Yeah, she was...so were Liv and Freya...Eddy, it feels so good to be with my family again. If she'd sent me away, I don't know what I would have done."

  "You would've kept trying. Just like when she was sitting the fence about leaving Niklas, you didn't give up. Even when I was sure you would—you didn't. And you wouldn't just give up now."

  "No..."

  "And if you ever let her run away again, I will personally kick your ass, Mads Rasmussen."

  I laughed but I was pretty sure Eddy was serious. She'd already given me a hard time about not being supportive enough—and I deserved it. I'd been an ass. "I promise, Eddy...I've learned my lesson."

  "Good...I don't want see my cousin like that again. I honestly thought she was going to do something drastic. I'm glad she went to my mother. I wasn't sure what she was going to do. I did as much as I could to h
elp, but all she wanted was you."

  "I'm glad you were there for her, Eddy." I squinted against the sunlight. The heat felt good on my skin, slowly warming it after so many hours in air conditioning. "I should have been there for her...but I'm glad she has you in her corner."

  We spoke a few more minutes, with Eddy finally letting Henrik have the phone again.

  "So, I don't need to worry about you going through another divorce?" he joked. He was the only one who was allowed to joke about my first failed marriage.

  "I don't think so." I shook my head. "She said she still loved me, she said she wanted our marriage to work. We both want it to work."

  "You'll be fine," Henrik said. "Just...be more observant from now on."

  By the time we ended the call, Laney and Rebecca were returning. I went to meet them, anxious to hear how it had gone. Rebecca shrugged at me and rolled her eyes skyward. "Your wife won't leave my radio stations alone," she announced as Laney opened the door on the passenger side.

  I peered at Laney, hoping I'd be able to read her mood by her expression. She smiled at me, but her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. I glanced at Rebecca, hoping she'd give a sign, but she shook her head.

  Laney hugged Rebecca goodbye and thanked her for going with her.

  "Yoga tomorrow?" Rebecca asked as she climbed back in the car.

  Laney nodded. "Most definitely. I need it."

  Once we were alone, I asked Laney how it went. She took my hand as we headed back to the house. Her palm was dry against mine. I stopped before we came to the porch steps and gathered her in my arms. She trembled against me, finally giving in to all the emotions her encounter with Lionel had stirred up. I held her until her breathing steadied, stroked her neck, kissed her and murmured, "It'll be alright, kæreste. The girls...they have us, they have Cecily...my farmor, Henrik and Eddy...and my father. They have all the family they need."

  She held me tighter. "He says he wants to meet the girls...I'm still not sure if I trust him."

  We retreated to the sun lounger. The shade was welcome now that the afternoon sun was so strong. Laney curled into me. Her hair tickled my nose. We lay together, not saying anything, just breathing...touching.

  "So tell me what happened." I slid my hand along her collarbone. Her skin was hot and damp.

  She turned into my chest; her lips kissed a trail along my shoulder. I gripped her... just this was enough to ignite a spark.

  "He said when my mother died, the woman he was with made him choose—her or me." Traces of bitterness still tinged her words. "And he chose her...."

  "Laney, damn...I'm sorry."

  "And the crazy thing is...he chose her—and she left him." Her hand balled into a fist. I took it in mine, massaged away the tension and unfurled her fingers. "He chose her over me...and she still left him."

  I distracted her with a long kiss. I knew she needed this. I didn't want her to sink too low because of her father. He'd done enough damage.

  "Maybe we shouldn't let him into our lives anymore," I suggested. "I don't want Lionel to have the chance to hurt the girls the way he hurt you."

  "I just want to give him the same chance we gave Benjamin," Laney retorted. "I told my father that there were conditions that needed to be met if he wanted a relationship with his granddaughters. I'm trying to be fair...even if he doesn't deserve it."

  "Are you sure, though?" Liv and Freya were too precious to both of us to ever have their lives turned upside down by a grandfather who could turn his back on them as easily as he had done to their mother. Even with my own father I'd been reluctant to have him establish any relationship with them that he could destroy with his drinking problems. "Liv and Freya—"

  "He gets one chance to meet them, and if it doesn't go well, if any warning bells go off, that's it." She raised her lips to be kissed. I gladly gave her what she wanted. "One chance...just like we gave Benjamin. And if he can't rise to the occasion, then we will do what's best for Liv and Freya. And if that means a life only knowing one of their grandfathers, then so be it."

  * * *

  Laney made me wait. Being so near her, I wanted to touch her, taste her, be inside of her again. But she was more cautious. I could tell she felt the same—when we kissed, her kisses were just as full of longing as mine. She'd suck on my lower lip, capture it between her teeth and tease me...and god, how it made me want to drag her into the bedroom and strip her, plunge so deep into her until she screamed my name... but she told me we needed to take things a little slower. "There's still so much we need to talk about," she reminded me, when I tried to coax her into making love while we had the house to ourselves. Who knew when we'd have this chance again? No precocious four-year-old knocking on the door to inform us that she could hear Mommy making funny noises...no seven-month-old waking and crying for food or a change of diaper... but Laney shook her head and said, "We're not making love again until it feels like we've completely cleared the air."

  I hoped she'd forget about this soon. We'd spent too long not making love, not reconnecting physically, but I could see her point of view. The air between us still vibrated with things unsaid. Last night, I'd been unable to restrain myself. Just to be near her, to smell the scent of her skin and to feel how her body responded when I kissed her—no, abstaining last night just hadn't been an option. I'd needed to touch and claim every part of her. I'd needed a reminder of what I'd been so close to losing. And I think Laney felt the same. As soon as we were alone, she'd begun to strip, locking me in her gaze as she peeled her tank top off and tossed it on the floor. My jaw went slack as I watched...mesmerized as she revealed inch after inch of dark skin warmed to a chocolaty brown by the sun. Her tan lines teased me...and when she unclasped her bra and let it slide to the floor, the sight of her breasts, so beautifully plump and full...her nipples already taut and aching to be sucked...my mouth went dry. All I could think was, I need to taste her, I need...her.

  Now though, we were in her aunt's house and Laney was in the shower, and I was trying to figure out how to deal with this want when all I wanted was have more of her. I could hear the water from the power shower splattering against the tiles. Laney was singing, as she always did while she showered.

  I came into the bathroom, and watched as she bowed her head down and let the stream of water pelt her skin. She looked like a water nymph, so voluptuous and tempting... God, I wanted her.

  I said her name and somehow she heard me over the splattering shower stream. She lifted her head and focused on me through the steamed glass. "I thought we said we'd wait..."

  "No, you said you'd wait...I didn't really agree." I grinned at her as I unzipped my shorts.

  She smiled and rolled her eyes dramatically. "You're incorrigible, Mads."

  "I'm not sure I know what that means, but it sounds good." I kicked aside my shorts and boxers, then slipped out of my shirt. "And you're tempting me."

  She laughed. "Lock the door then...god forbid anyone walks in on us."

  I did as she asked, then I climbed into the shower with her. I loved how her body had changed from the pregnancies. When we'd first met, she was curvy, but not in the same way as now. Now her hips were rounder, her breasts, plumper...somehow so much more luscious. And I pinned her against the wall, sucking on her nipples until she gasped, easing my hand between her legs and teasing her clit with my index finger. She moaned, her eyes closing, droplets of water trembling on her taut nipples. Her breath came out in ragged bursts as I dipped my fingers inside of her. She whispered, "Don't stop..."

  I could feel her clit swelling, her inner walls squeezing my fingers, and the more her arousal heightened, the more I craved her. Laney clutched at me; she was still moaning, and the sound of her moans echoing on the tile walls sent shivers of longing through my veins. My cock was already hard, begging to be ensconced inside Laney, but I wanted to taste her before I gave in. I slid to my knees, slammed off the shower head and took possession of her. I sucked her, kissed her, slid my tongue inside her and savored
each shiver, each gasp. The taste of her...oh God, the taste of her. I gripped her hip with one hand as she slung one thigh over my shoulder and held me where she wanted me. She would come soon...I could feel it building, as she tensed, then started and gasped...her fingers curled in my hair and raked my scalp and neck. Oh God...she was so wet, so swollen...and then it started...her orgasm came in waves, soft and undulating at first and I didn't stop.

  And when she seemed to melt, I caught her, pulling her down onto the floor with me, letting her rest against me as she caught her breath. She laughed softly in my ear, her breathing slowing to normal...nibbled at my neck and sighed, "You're a naughty boy, Mads Rasmussen...very naughty."

  I don't think she minded, though.

  Later, when we were both exhausted and too lazy to do more than hold one another as we lay in bed together, Laney trailed her fingertips over the ridges of my nose as a lazy smile danced over her lips. "You were so right not to listen to me..." Her breath tickled my skin. This was what I'd missed for so many months. These moments when it was just us and we could forget about everything except for the sounds of our hearts beating in perfect rhythm.

  "We needed to reconnect." I took the chance to capture her lips with mine. She giggled and dove in for another kiss. "We can talk now...if you can concentrate."

  "We should...." she agreed. "And...I should tell you I quit my job."

  "When...?" I tried to focus as her hand crept along my chest, moving lower and lower with each breath I took. "I thought you said they wanted you to come back early."

  "They did. And I didn't want it," she said. "It was just too soon to leave Freya. And I knew if I said no, they'd play hardball."

  I started doing mental calculations. If we only had my salary coming in...and that wasn't always as stable as I liked due to the nature of our projects...then I would have to start teaching at the local højskole again. There was no way I'd go back to Copenhagen Cryo.