Emerge

by Lila Felix

  I let out a breathy, “Stop; it’s ok.”

  He shook his head “no” and started up again. I tentatively reached out and covered his hands with as much of my tiny hands as I could.

  He instantly let up and said, “I wanna talk about this later.”

  I nodded and we sat silently for a few minutes. He pulled out a notebook and pencil and began to draw. He had it tilted towards him so I couldn’t see and I squinted my eyes at him in aggravation. He was drawing something. He just smiled and kept working. My angry face wasn’t very intimidating apparently.

  Minutes ticked by and then he handed me a note on a piece of paper that read:

  Are we going out tonight or not?

  I scribbled back:

  Yes.

  He stared at it a minute and then wrote:

  What about your parents?

  I groaned out loud and he chuckled and I took the pencil back from him and wrote:

  I’m gonna talk to them today when I get home. Anyway, are you off work today?

  He responded quickly.

  Yeah. I asked for the day off. I have to take my brother to work tonight though. I’m gonna work short shifts on Saturday and Sunday during the day instead. Then I go back Monday night. Pick you up at 6:00?

  I remembered I had to work that night and I wrote:

  I have to work until 6:30. Can you pick me up at 7:30? I need to shower and change.

  He blushed as he read this and it was the sexiest thing I had ever seen in my life. I wanted to climb over the desk and bite his lower lip. But I couldn’t imagine what he was blushing at. I gave him a questioning look with my eyebrows slightly furrowing. He started drawing a line on the paper and then showed it to me. Shower was underlined. I quickly wrote back:

  Gutter brain

  I hid my face with my hands and he laughed nervously as he wrote back to me.

  Ok, I will see you at 7:30. Parents?

  I rolled my eyes and went to reply, but the bell rang.

  We moved our desks back in place and I turned back to talk to him.

  I looked him dead in the eyes and I said, “I’m eighteen years old and I’ve only ever gone out with groups of people. I won’t let them stop me.”

  He put both hands on each side of my waist and gave a slow squeeze.

  He matched my direct eye contact and said, “Don’t let them stop you…please.”

  He started walking toward the door and glanced back one last time to smile at me. I left shortly after I could move my legs again.

  I rode the bus home and took that time to gather my courage in order to face what I had to tonight. I got home and directly went into my parents’ room to say what I had to say. I walked into the room and started in without even saying “hello”. I made my voice stay solid and firm.

  “So,” I began. “Carlos is the boy who brought me home the other day and that’s him who was calling while you were gone…” I waved my hand in the air … “Wherever. I’m 18 and I work and put in for groceries here. He asked me to go to the movies tonight and I’m going. First I’m going to work and then he’s picking me up at 7:30. I’m simply telling you so that you’ll know.”

  Man, I’m gonna get my butt beat for that one. I raised my eyebrows and crossed my arms over my chest in satisfaction that I had gotten all I needed to say out. Even if they were the last words I would ever mutter.

  My Mom and the Tyrant smirked at each other and he said “Fine. But your date…” He sneered the word “date”. “Is going to have to come in and let us meet him first.” I shrugged one shoulder and noticed that my Mom was in pure shock at the conversation being held in front of her. Her eyes were bulged at my Step-Dad trying to convey a secret message to him.

  “Ok, that’s fine,” I said all smug with myself.

  I didn’t give them an opportunity to say anything else. Instead I got dressed and picked on May for playing for playing with Pet Shops and then went to work early to try to make up my hours. Before I left I scrolled through the caller id and wrote down Carlos’ number. As soon as I got out of view of the house on my way to the music store I had to stop and lean against the concrete of the freeway underpass. I let out a long breath that I could swear I had been holding for hours. I then started giggling to myself. It was there perched against a crumbling concrete column under the freeway that my hope, the hope I saw in my new found love, turned from a feeling into truth.

  I started to do my regular duties at work in a hurry. There was a method to my madness today. I vacuumed and dusted the whole store and straightened the shelves that needed it. I finally made my way behind the desk and retrieved the sheet music that needed to be filed because it was in the wrong place, returned or the customer changed their mind. I brought it to the storeroom which was hidden in this cool door which was flush against the wall and if you didn’t know there was a door there you wouldn’t be able to tell. I hurried in and closed the door behind me and first sorted the sheet music alphabetically by composer. I snuck a look out through a small window on the side to ensure that no one was coming and took my chance. I called the number I found on the caller id and shuffled back and forth on my feet as it rang.

  I nearly knocked over the shelves beside me when I heard the voice my heart desired answer, “Hello?” His voice literally melted me.

  I giggled a little, “Hi! It’s Jenna.”

  I could hear the smile in his voice when he answered, “Hey!! You called. Aren’t you at work?”

  I sighed. “Yeah, I took a…um…break to call you and let you know that we’re still on for tonight.”

  He breathed into the phone. “Good, I was kinda worried after the last couple of days that they weren’t gonna let you go.”

  I smiled. “Well, I gotta get off of this phone before I get caught. I can’t talk long. But I wanted to let you know that I can go.”

  He sighed. “Ok, I’ll see you at seven thirty. Bye.”

  I purposely didn’t tell him that he had to meet my parents. He hung up first this time and I was glad. It was hard to hang up on him. I filed all of the music with a spring in my step and before I knew it six thirty had rolled around.

  I ran home and showered and got dressed ignoring the snide remarks and mean comments my Mom was giving me. I looked in my closet and instantly panicked. I have nothing to wear. I pulled out a decent pair of jeans and found a cute black shirt which had some kind of design in white down one side. I wore my cheap black Mary Jane’s and headed to the bathroom to make myself look less like “death warmed over”. My bruises were barely visible now. She must not have been as strong or as good of aim as she thought. I put on some minimal makeup and remembered that I had a pair of black flower earrings in my top drawer. I put them on and put on some scented lotion that I had bought with one of my paycheck leftovers. I walked out of my room and ran right into my Mom.

  I gathered some gall and said, “Well, do I look ok?”

  She glared at me and said, “As good as you can get, I guess.”

  She went to sit on the couch next to my Step-Dad and they just sat there while I cleaned up the bathroom and kept myself busy getting ready.

  The doorbell rang at 7:25 and I smiled at his early arrival. I headed towards the door to open it but was intercepted by my step Dad.

  “Good try.” He smiled a creepy smile at me.

  I shuddered and goose bumps, not the good ones, came to life on my arms.

  He opened the door and shook Carlos’ hand and invited him in. Carlos smiled at me and I tried to give him a look that conveyed “I’m sorry”.

  He walked up to my Mom, who was seething on the couch, and said, “Nice to meet you. I’m Carlos.”

  She gave him the most horrible smile and then said “Yeah, have her home on time or else it won’t be nice to meet me.”

  I palm slapped my forehead and said “Um…yeah…let’s go or we’ll be late for the movie.”

  Carlos caught my drift and nodded, “Yeah, we’re about to miss it.”

  �
�She needs to be home by eleven and if she’s not, don’t think about taking her out again.” I rolled my eyes not only at her tone, but at her all-the-sudden need to be my mother.

  We made our way out to his car and he opened the door for me. I slipped in, reached over, and unlocked the driver’s side door for him.

  “Thanks,” he said as he slid into the driver’s seat and started the car.

  “The movie doesn’t start until 8:30, but I thought we could walk around the Promenade until then.”

  I shrugged, not really caring where we went as long as I was with him.

  “Yeah, that’s fine.”

  We made our way to the Promenade. It was a Friday night so it was alive with music and street performers and people of every color, shape and size. There were twinkly lights strung everywhere and the smells of fried fair food permeated the air.

  As soon as we parked, he walked to my side and took my hand and said “By the way, I didn’t get a chance to tell you how great you look tonight.”

  I bumped my shoulder with his and said, “Thanks, you look pretty good yourself.”

  He smiled and said, “Let’s go get our tickets so we don’t have to worry about it.”

  I nodded, “Yeah, that’s fine.”

  Our hands almost immediately found each other fit together as though they were made one for the other. He bought our tickets after a small amount of protest from me for not getting to pay for my own. We walked through some shops around the movie theater, just browsing and waiting for the movie to start.

  We talked about nothing and everything and there was a calmness around my soul that I didn’t think I had ever felt in my life. I was at peace. It was if I could finally breathe. We laughed and he huffed and puffed when I told him about my Mom slapping me the other night. I shrugged it off and tried to tell him that it wasn’t something that happened every day and that hopefully I would be leaving soon, either for college or just to get out. We talked about his plans after school and then the movie started. We were “shhhhed” by some older people in front of us. It made us laugh and when they did it again we laughed even harder.

  The movie started and the lights went low and suddenly I was nervous. I mean, I had barely kissed one or two guys before and they were sloppy, messy, icky experiences that I had tried to forget. Was he going to kiss me? He must’ve sensed my change in mood because he turned and gave me a questioning glance. Suddenly I wasn’t nervous anymore. He moved the arm rest from being in between us to between the tops of our seats. Now it was my turn to look at him questioningly. He looked forward to the movie screen and huffed out this big breath and then looked back to me swiftly and put his arm around my shoulders and gently nudged my shoulder with his hand gesturing me to move closer. I moved a little towards him not knowing how close to get.

  His smooth voice was suddenly in my ear, “Come on, J, it’s just me.”

  I bit my lip and reveled in the new feelings he was bringing forward in me. I scooted, gathering my bravery, all the way over to him and shimmied until I was comfortable in the crook of his arm. He chuckled and kissed my temple and whispered “Much better.”

  The movie ended and it was supposed to be some kind of action movie but other than the commercial I had seen briefly on TV, I had no idea what it was about. We stayed put until the theater had emptied. I looked at him warily and asked the time. He said it was only 10:00, so we had an hour to find something to do. We walked the short distance to a small park with lots of benches. We were technically still on the promenade but in a secluded area. The park overlooked the ocean, but it was still a good distance away. I put my hands on the almost rotted away wooden gate. You’d think that a fence which separated the people from falling over a cliff to the ocean would be stronger and sturdier. The sun had mostly gone down and its remnants lingered on top of the waves.

  We stayed there silent for a while absorbing the peace.

  He cleared his throat. “So, are we gonna talk about what you said to me on the phone the other night?”

  I knew exactly what he was getting at, but I played like I didn’t.

  I smiled and said, “What? I really like to read…so what.”

  He laughed a haughty genuine laugh and said looked at me fiercely.

  “That’s not really what I was talking about and you know it.”

  I put a smug grin on my face and replied, “Well, at least I said it and didn’t just hint around it.”

  He backed up looking shocked and said, “What? I said it.”

  I quickly responded, “No you didn’t. You said you worried about me and that you don’t worry about people like that unless you love them. That’s sooo not saying it.”

  I raised one eyebrow at him and he laughed again.

  “Well, you definitely said it. I heard you.”

  I sighed heavily and looked back at the ocean.

  “Yeah, I did. Too bad you’re not gonna hear it again until I hear it from you first.”

  So…I thought that was going to prompt him to say it but he didn’t.

  I suddenly realized that a good amount of time had lapsed. My eyes grew wide as I nearly screamed “What time is it?”

  He looked at his watch and said, “Crap, it’s 10:40!”

  My face gave my emotions away. I was freaking out. “It’s ok. We’ll make it.”

  We started to walk/run towards the parking garage. I was so completely consumed by worry about the repercussions of being late that I didn’t even enjoy the ride home. I twisted my hands in worry and he kept looking at me with concern written all over his face.

  “Jenna, we’re gonna get there on time.”

  I nodded, that’s all I could muster then conjured, “I know, just hurry please.”

  He pulled curbside my house at 10:57 and as soon as we pulled up the lights on the small porch lit up like she was waiting for us. I looked at him regretting that this was the way our first date was to end.

  He looked up at the house and said “I’m sorry, J. I’m really sorry. Next time I will watch the clock closer. I hate to think…”

  I put my hand on the handle; the time was now 10:59.

  I grabbed his right hand with my left and intertwined our fingers for a few seconds.

  “I know, it’s ok. See you later.”

  There was no time for him to even think about anything other than saying “goodbye” and I was out of his car and into my backdoor. I looked at the kitchen clock and it read 11:00 sharp. My Mom was standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the dining room with her hands on her hips. She said nothing but gave me a smirk and went to her bedroom. In my relief I nearly doubled over the rusty stove and hugged it. I reveled momentarily in the cool metal of the burners against my flaming cheeks. I went to my room and changed into an old t shirt and my comfiest pajama pants. I brushed my teeth and washed my face and went back to the bedroom. May was already asleep. She had some chocolate on the corner of her little lips and I wiped it off. They didn’t make her brush her teeth before bed. Oh well, at least she got fed. I pulled back my covers and slipped into bed. I turned on my side towards the window and hugged myself around the middle trying to keep those once felt feelings of serenity lull me to sleep.

  Six a.m. on a Saturday pisses me off to no end. I had to be to work for seven a.m. and I was starving. Not hungry, but starving. I checked my wallet in my messenger bag and looked to see if I had any cash. Wait! I have 10 bucks stashed in case I had to buy my ticket last night! Score! I had tucked the rest of my paycheck into my dresser drawer and swore to myself that I wouldn’t touch it.

  I rushed to take a quick shower and twirled my hair up into a messy bun and headed out. I went to a small Swedish bakery three doors down from the music store and headed in. They made the most glorious cream cheese filled croissants …ever. I ordered one with a medium cappuccino and sat down to my little piece of divinity.

  With two minutes left until my shift started I walked towards the store. I was entranced and bothered by Carlos’ and
my date last night. There were no first kisses goodnight and no romantic goodbyes. There was me acting like a spaz trying to get out of his car as fast as I could to avoid my Mom’s wrath. I’m such a fraidy cat. I could kick myself for being so scared. But on the other side if I didn’t get home on time I wouldn’t be allowed to see him for a long time, maybe ever again. I chose at that moment to bury my thoughts not in what was but what did happen. He smiled at me, he held me and we had laughed together. He worried about me. More importantly I loved him and I would see him again.

  Sunday came and went and I was more eager than ever to welcome Monday. I was glad that he hadn’t attempted to call on Sunday and I remembered that he was working to make up for missing Friday night.

  I was walking to my homeroom class, in my own bubble. I went to my locker to get rid of some of my book weight and at first I thought my eyes were deceiving me.

  Carlos was there, back leaned against my locker, feet crossed at the ankles and his arms were crossed over his chest. His head was leaned back against the locker and his eyes were closed. He managed to be cool and hot as hell at the same time. I snuck up on him and poked him in the ribs.

  He jumped, wide eyed and I said, “Hey, no sleeping on my locker.”

  He laughed and lunged at me hugging me around my shoulders like he hadn’t seen me in months. He rubbed his cheek against the side of my head and I tucked my face into the side of his neck. It was like breathing in an entire Aspen forest. It was the best feeling ever.

  “I may or may not have begged Mrs. Alma to tell me where your locker was.”

  “That Mrs. Alma, I’m gonna have to report her,” I said.

  He laughed, “Yeah, well, it was worth it.”

  “Why? So you could get a nap in?” I joked.

  “Yeah, do you mind?” He laughed and resumed his leaned back napping.

  I was not backing down.

  “Nope, not at all. Don’t let me bother you.”

  I took off as fast as my stubby legs could take me down the hall and as my foot touched down on the first stair I felt strong buffed out arms grab me around my middle and pull me back to the second floor.