by Lila Felix
“There’s blood in your hair. You’re gonna have to take a shower and wash it out.”
“I don’t have any clothes.”
“You can wear something of mine.”
I nodded and felt just awful for putting this burden on his life.
He finished up and came to stand in front of me between my legs, but I couldn’t look him in the face yet.
I leaned forward and put my forehead in his chest and let his rising and falling chest calm me down.
“How mad are you?” I asked.
“I’m so pissed off that I could kill someone with my bare hands.”
I thought he meant me. I knew better, but I still thought it. I always assumed that one of these days he was going to realize that this was my fault. If I stood up to them more. If I wasn’t such a smart ass. If I could keep my mouth shut for 5 seconds.
“OK, you need to take a shower and get some sleep. The cut isn’t that deep but it bled a lot so we need to keep an eye on you. Do you feel sick to your stomach?
I still had my forehead attached to his chest and I shook my head ‘no’ and could feel the front of my hair knotting up in his shirt.
“For the love of God, Jenna, look at me.”
He got a head shake ‘no’ again.
He took three extremely long deep breaths and said, “Ok, towels are in the cabinet and while you are in there I will find you something to wear.”
He moved away and I nearly keeled over the side of the counter head first. When he left he didn’t close the door all the way.
I felt nasty and sticky and I wanted to just wash away everything that had just happened.
I got undressed and got into the shower. I turned it on as hot as it would go and watched the water turn ‘black cherry Kool-aid’ red underneath me and spin into the drain.
I tenderly washed my hair and the rest of myself got a scrub. It’s amazing what hot shower can accomplish.
When I turned off the water a towel appeared over the top of the shower door. I took it and wrapped it around myself under my arms. I stepped out from the shower stall and he was leaned up against the counter with his arms crossed looking at the floor. It was reminiscent of how he stood against my locker. Even with everything that had happened, him standing there with his biceps bulging as his arms were folded was the sexiest image I had ever seen. My toes itched and squirmed in the bath mat underneath me in an attempt to run to him.
“Are you ok? Dizzy? Nauseated?” He was still looking down as he spoke to me.
“No, I’m feeling a lot better.”
“I can’t do this anymore,” he whispered, and in the split second after he said it I thought me meant me…again, I underestimated him.
But then his body was pressed up against mine and he carefully backed me up into the shower stall and his right hand was between my shoulder blades and his left hand was roaming slowly south down my back. It didn’t stop roaming until it found a resting place between the back of my thigh and my butt. And soon after, his left hand joined his right on the other side. He squeezed slightly and my entire body came alive.
I couldn’t reach up because I would lose my towel so I let my arms surround his gorgeous torso and he was looking down at me like it was the first time he had seen me.
“I didn’t know what was going to happen. I didn’t know how hurt you were or in what condition I was going to find you. I almost lost it Jenna. What would I have done?” He was choking up as he said it and I swore I saw tears pooling in his eyes.
I didn’t have time to answer. His lips captured mine and we were aligned from head to toe and pressed together so that there was not an inch of space between us. I felt his mouth open slightly and I didn’t wait for him this time. I matched his mouth with mine and our tongues met and we both moaned at the same time in bliss. This went on for only a few minutes and I could feel him slowing us down. He pulled back one final time and kissed my bottom lip and then my top lip.
“I need to get a shower too. And I need you to stay right here. I will only be 5 minutes.” My eyes must have grown three times their regular size.
“Nope, don’t give me those wide eyes. Turn around or hide your eyes or whatever, but please don’t go anywhere.”
He reached in and turned on the shower and I turned around quickly while he stepped in and started to put on the navy blue boxers and gray t shirt he put on the counter for me.
After a few minutes, I heard the water turn off and I threw a towel over the door as he had done for me.
He took it and I could hear the swishing of the towel as he dried off. He came out with it around his waist and I finally got a look at all of those tattoos. There was a cross over his chest and a dragon looking thing on his arm. He also had a spider web on his leg and two tribal looking stars on either side of his chest.
I swiped at my mouth to make sure that I wasn’t drooling.
“Don’t look at me like that when I’m standing here in just a towel. It’s dangerous.”
“For who? Me or you?” I put my hand on my hip and felt like I was ok again.
“There she is. My girl has come back.”
He walked out of the bathroom and I heard him open a drawer and heard his towel drop. He was making me blush from the next room over. Boy’s got talent.
He came back in and opened a drawer. It might’ve been my head, but that was the loudest drawer I’d ever heard. He pulled out a magenta toothbrush still in the package and opened it and handed it to me.
“You keep extra pink toothbrushes?”
“Not until recently. I’ve got this amazing girl, and I told her that she was my family now and that this was her home too, so I figured I’d better stock up.”
We stood there and stared at each other through our reflections and he finally broke the stare and left, closing the door behind him.
I brushed my teeth and took a look at my head one more time and went into the bedroom. He was there picking up his towel and coming towards the bathroom.
“My turn.” He smiled and shut the door behind him.
I heard the water running and being shut off and on and off again.
He came out and I was still standing in the same place.
He wrapped his bulky arms around me from behind and said, “It’s ok, J, are you scared of sleeping?”
“Sleeping is not what’s keeping me from that bed and you know it.”
“Well, the sheets are clean. I can’t think of anything else.” He huffed out a laugh.
“Hmmm…well, only because you bought me a pink toothbrush.”
“I bought three. I hoped that you’d be here often.”
He went around me, turned off the light and got into the bed. He pulled back my side of the covers and waited.
He lay back and let me be, let me decide when I was ready.
I crawled in beside him and he turned towards me. And as if we’d laid together for years we both moved arms and legs where we were tangled together comfortably and the top of my head was underneath his chin. He reached down and pulled the covers over us and that was the last thing I remember.
Chapter 20
I woke up at who knows what time and stretched only to find that there was someone stretching behind me. His chest was on my back and one of his legs was thrown over top of mine. He moved my hair away from my neck and began a cross between kissing and nibbling his way along the back of my neck.
My head lay on his right bicep, it made a perfect pillow. And the other arm was draped around my waist and lay limp across my stomach.
He got closer to my ear and then his teeth ran along the edge of my earlobe as he said, “Good morning.”
I smiled and stretched while turning around to face him. My hand came down and brushed my face as I released from my stretch and I winced. It was sore.
I nuzzled my face in his neck and whispered, “Good morning back to you.”
As he barely touched my head he said, “How’s your head?”
“Mmmmmm, it�
��s been better.”
“I always imagined you in my bed in the morning, but not quite like this.”
I slapped his chest. “I’m not sure, but I think we missed school.”
“I could give a flying flip about school right now.”
I had pulled back from his neck and was tracing his cross tattoo with my finger.
He looked down to where my finger was and laughed.
“Oh, I forgot about your tattoo fetish.”
“I don’t have a fetish…it just makes you hotter.”
“You think I’m hot?” He was barely whispering, his voice had gone so quiet.
“You know that it’s all I can do to keep my hands off of you right?
He nodded a yes and took my face in his hands and said, “Sometimes I can’t believe you walked into that class with me. And now you’re in my bed telling me that you want me and I’m about to make you breakfast.”
“Oooh, yum, I’m starving.”
“That’s all you got out of what I said?” He laughed.
“Yup.” I winked and rolled out of bed on the other side.
“Come sit in the kitchen while I cook for you.”
“Only if you let me cook for you sometime.”
“Deal.” He pulled out eggs and pancake mix and started pulling bowls and utensils out like a pro. He made us breakfast and it didn’t disappoint.
We finished eating and I looked down at my clothes.
“I need to go home and get some clothes.”
He had his elbows on the counter and had put his head down and scrubbed his head with his hands. I could see from the side of his counter that he had started the knee bobbing thing again.
It was my turn to be the comforter and I took the opportunity.
I walked over to where he was and removed his hands from his head and pulled them towards me.
He turned and held onto me around my waist.
“Don’t go home,” he said it so desperately.
“I just want to go get some clothes right now. They’re probably not even home. How long can I stay here?”
He fisted the sides of my…well his…t shirt and sounded so pained when he said, “I wish you would stop calling this place mine. Don’t you know by now that anything that is mine is yours?”
“Ok, so can we go to their house and get me some clothes and come back home?”
That bucked him up quick and he was in the bedroom getting dressed before I knew it.
He came back through to the kitchen still pulling his shirt over his head. He was grinning almost as brightly as the night he asked me to marry him.
“Ready?” he said.
“Let me get dressed.”
I put my jeans on from the night before. They had made it almost unscathed. I kept his t shirt on and remembered that I kept an extra pair of flip flops in my bag since my Chucks were maimed.
I walked out into the living room and he was cleaning up the kitchen.
“Is there any way you grabbed my purse? I know there were more important things but I was just wondering.”
“Kinda. It was still attached to your arm when I picked you up.”
He pointed towards the front door and I saw it.
“Now are you ready?” I asked.
“Not really, but I guess you can’t walk around here naked. Wait…”
“Stop.”
“Ok, ok, let’s go.”
We pulled up at my house and I thanked the Lord that they weren’t home. I ran inside as fast as I could and grabbed a bag and stuffed random clothes in it. I didn’t even know what I was packing. I ran to the bathroom and picked up some essentials and went back to my room to grab some books.
I saw that I was still in the clear when I came out of the house and Carlos was in front of Rebecca’s house talking to him. They were nodding and talking as I walked over to them. He took my bag from me and Rebecca smiled. “Jenna, your dress is almost done. We can do some last minute alterations next Friday night instead of tonight. Sound good?”
“Yes. Thank you so much.”
She smiled and started back towards her house. Carlos took my hand and we got back in the car.
“Do you need anything else? Do you need me to stop somewhere?”
“Nope, I’m good. What are the plans today?” I didn’t know what we were going to do or how long I was staying with him.
“Well, I thought we’d stop at the grocery store and get some stuff for you to cook dinner if you’re up for it.”
“Yeah, you like spaghetti?
“Ugh…I love spaghetti. Here we are.”
We went into the store and bought what we needed to make dinner. We had a small argument about who was going to pay when we got to the register. I lost.
We got home…home…and put the groceries away. I went to take another shower and changed my clothes. I was brushing out my hair when he came into the bathroom. He sat just watching me.
“What?” I asked. I was not that interesting.
“Just enjoying watching you do regular stuff.” He smiled.
“Ooook.”
“Can we talk?” He was hesitant
I tried not to miss a beat. But his tone made me nervous.
“Yeah.” I barely spit it out.
“Are you going back there?
“I don’t know. We only have one more week until prom and three weeks until graduation and then I go to see my Dad. What do you think?”
“What do I think? I think you should never go back again. I think you should never even speak to those people ever. I think…I think I don’t want you to leave me here wondering if you’re alive or not.”
“I’m gonna have to go back sometime. I need to talk to May. I need to get my stuff. I need to tell them how awful they are…for me. I need to get that out. It has to be said.”
And what I didn’t say was that leaving like that felt like letting them win. It felt like I was weak. It felt like they had finally gotten what they wanted.
“I think I’m gonna stay here until Sunday and then go back.” He winced at my words.
“I can’t believe you would go back after everything.” He got off of the counter and walked out.
I wanted to give him some space so I sat on the closed lid of the toilet and blubbered quietly. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore.
I felt like I was hurting him and that was the last thing I wanted to do. I got up and wiped my face and started putting stuff back into my bag. I would gladly go back to that house before I stayed here and hurt him anymore.
I brought my bag out to the living room and he was in the kitchen filling a pot with water. I guess he was going to start cooking. I put the bag on the couch and he turned with the pot and put it on the stove, but his eyes were on the bag.
He walked over to me while I was sitting on the couch putting my shoes on.
“Don’t do this, Jenna.” He sat on the coffee table right in front of me as I was tying my shoes.
“I have to. I’m here and I’m hurting you. I appreciate you coming to get me and helping me. But I can’t do this to you. I know you don’t understand and hell, neither do I, but I just feel like I need to go back and…I can’t explain it…it just needs to be done.”
“OK, I get it. But I thought you were leaving on Sunday.”
“Why? So I can hurt you all weekend? So I can continue to see that look on your face? No thanks.”
“Look at me.” I was trying my best to be angry so it didn’t hurt so badly.
“Jenna, please look at me.” He was pleading and I couldn’t resist no matter how hard I tried.
I looked up, but didn’t say anything. We looked at each other for what seemed like forever. He must’ve seen my walls slowly back down because as I let go of my anger, he reached for me. He pulled me onto his lap and we held each other until I knew he understood. I wanted him and I wanted this, but letting them force me out didn’t give me the closure I thought I needed.
He reached behind me and took my shoes
off.
I laughed into his neck and he laughed back.
“I know you need to do whatever you need to do, Jenna, but give me until Sunday. Let me have you to myself until Sunday.”
“Ok, I’m yours.”
“Was that our first fight?”
“I don’t know, but it sucked.”
We made spaghetti together and spent the rest of the weekend in contented peace. I read while he watched TV, he called into work which worried me; we cooked and laughed and had fun. We were happy, if only for the weekend.
Carlos’ home phone rang about nine on Saturday night. He answered it and he said ‘hello’ but didn’t say anything for a while after. I finally looked over to him and he was looking at me and he looked…he looked pissed. I got up and went over to him and he put the phone to my ear momentarily. It was my mother and she was in full form.
She was screaming and cussing and calling him names and threatening everything from his job to his crotch to his health. She threatened to go to his boss and make him lose his job. She threatened to be at his apartment one day and kill him while he slept and then my step-Dad got on the phone. We were both sitting on the floor with the phone receiver bookended by our ears.
When he got on the phone it was like listening to him as he berated my mom. He threatened the same things as my mom did, but continued. He said he would bomb his entire apartment building. He said he would buy a gun and meet Carlos at school and kill him.
Why all of the sudden did they care? Why? I know by what my mom said the other night that she was jealous of what I had. But why him? And then it hit me the way her motives had hit me the other day. It was the loss of control that had thrown him over the edge. He was always controlling us. I really thought that half of the stuff Mom did to me was because he was prompting her to. He controlled everything in the house and now he was trying to exert his power over me too.
I spoke up and interrupted his tirade.
“Look, it’s Jenna. I will come home tomorrow afternoon.” Carlos looked at me like I had slapped him in the face. “I will come home then and not before. And one way or another I will be out of your house within the next three weeks.”
“We’ll see about that.” With that he hung up. I didn’t know if he meant about coming home tomorrow or if I’d be out in three weeks.