by Lila Felix
We sat on the floor for thirty minutes in silence.
He stood up and helped me up and we walked into the bathroom looking like zombies and brushed our teeth in silence.
We both got into the bed and we lay together, tangled up and torn.
I looked up at him and he looked at me with such sadness.
“Carlos,” I whispered.
“Yeah.”
“Just…just kiss me until I forget everything but you.”
And he did.
Chapter 21
I went home the next day after the best weekend of my life, despite the bad stuff. I was determined not to let them hurt Carlos and I was also determined to finish high school without running away. The more I thought about what Rebecca had said to me, the more I knew what had to be done. Her words echoed to me:
“Then you better get away from them and I’m not talking about down the street either. They’re gonna ruin it. Trust me. Don’t let them ruin that kind of love. You’ll end up alone looking through windows while you sew.”
Like God was speaking to me, maybe He was; I had a plan. I will remember it for the rest of my life, the day I realized how I needed to play this. Lots of things would have to go right, but I could make it work. I got my stuff unpacked and washed all of my clothes.
May was staying away from me. I’m sure they had planted some crap in her head.
I went to bed scheming, but I couldn’t tell Carlos or anyone else yet. There were other factors and parties involved and I didn’t know if I would have their cooperation or not.
Carlos was still worried the next week but I assured him that they weren’t even speaking to me and hadn’t all week. It was just a play of power. He had been working tons but we were both looking forward to prom.
I went Friday night and tried on my prom dress at Rebecca’s house. It fit perfectly and was long and had spaghetti straps and the cut up to the thigh. I suddenly panicked because I had forgotten to buy shoes. But Rebecca, thankfully, wore the same size that I did and loaned me the prettiest silver heels. She offered to do my hair for me and I thanked her. Mom hadn’t said anything all week and she certainly was not even going to recognize that I was going to the prom.
Carlos was supposed to pick me up at eight. I went to work at the sheet music store until two.
I got home and took a shower and got my make-up bag and other stuff and headed to Rebecca’s house. My mom saw me leaving and said, “Where are you going with all of that?”
“Rebecca offered to do my hair and is going to let me get dressed at her house so I don’t bother…anybody.”
I saw something in her that I hadn’t seen in a while. It was regret. It was only a flash and then it was gone.
“Go ahead then, what are you waiting for?”
I went over to Rebecca’s house and when I went in, boy was she ready for me.
She had every kind of beauty supply known to man and some I had no clue what they were. I was so scared.
She primped me and we giggled all day until about seven thirty when she sent me home looking like a princess wrapped in a cloud of blue.
I walked in and May ran to me, whether she was supposed to I didn’t know. She made me show her my earrings which were also borrowed from Rebecca. I went and put all my things away, sprayed myself with perfume and packed a few necessities in my little silver purse, another borrowed accessory.
I went into my room and tried to fold some clothes just to be busy and out of sight. About fifteen minutes later, ten minutes early, Carlos knocked on the door and I nearly ran to get it.
My mom was there first, of course, and she just stared at me. She didn’t say I looked pretty or anything. She stared like she was just opening the door for a roommate to walk through, nothing more than an acquaintance.
Before I reached the door I looked her dead in the eyes and said, “I’m not going to be back anywhere near eleven tonight. It’s prom night.” She didn’t even blink. It was like looking at a stranger.
I stepped out of the door and Carlos was dumbfounded. I giggled a bit and all he could choke out was, “Damn.” I was thinking the same thing because boy did he look good in a tux.
We walked to his car and drove to one more milestone until we could be together for good.
Prom was just a weird dance where everyone was kinda awkward. We danced some, we sat at weird decorated tables and we took pictures where the photographer left from behind the camera and adjusted our elbows and hands.
I was glad to be leaving. Carlos was starving and I laughed my butt off at him as he went through a drive in and ordered two Big Macs from McDonald’s.
“Ok, where to next?” I asked as he finished off his last bite.
“Those after parties can get pretty rowdy. My brother went to some last year and he said he left after a few minutes. Let’s go to the beach.”
“In this? I pointed to my dress.
He put on a serious face and said, “No, you should take it off and run around the beach naked.”
I narrowed my eyes at him and he laughed and put the car into gear and took off towards the beach.
We parked in our usual spot and it was apparent that we weren’t the only ones who had the same idea.
“So, there are two things that I wanted to show you.” He was taking off his tux jacket as he said it.
“Ok.” This wasn’t joking around. He meant business. I could see the lines in his face creasing.
“Let’s go sit on the beach.” He said. He was acting very suspicious.
“Ok”
We got out of the car and he laid out a blanket for us to sit on. I didn’t know where in the heck it came from but it was thoughtful.
We sat there in silence for a while, watching the waves roll in and out.
He first pulled out a long black box and opened it in front of me. I couldn’t believe he had bought something for me. As if his existence in my life wasn’t enough. It was a bracelet made of little hearts: one gold, one silver and one rose gold and the pattern began again.
It was so delicate that I was afraid to touch it.
He took it out and put it on my wrist.
I reached out to kiss him. I wanted to jump over to his side of the blanket and thank him properly. But he stopped me.
I cocked my head sideways in question.
He then dug into the inside pocket of his tux jacket and pulled out another black box.
I knew that I loved him. I knew that I wanted to marry him. I knew that my life would never be as it was supposed to without him. But this little black box was like the proof that this all was real.
He opened it and I teared up at the sight. I looked at him and he was looking uneasy. As if I could dislike any ring he bought me. It was a gold chevron shaped ring and had diamonds in the chevron. It was unique and precious just like us.
He took it out of the box and I was surprised that the man who rescued me and loved me without fear was shaking as he placed the ring on my finger. I met him halfway and it fit just right. How he knew my ring size was a mystery.
I almost flew onto the other side of the blanket. I nearly knocked him over in my exuberance. I held onto his neck forever. I never wanted to let go of him. I wanted to knock him over and kiss him until my lips were numb, but we were on the beach and I wanted him all to myself.
I was in heaven as I had a ring, and not just any ring, on my finger and a beautiful bracelet on my arm. They could be made of straw and they would still be the most gorgeous things in the world.
“All the overtime?” I guessed.
“Yeah, it was so worth it.” He shrugged like it was no big deal.
“You wanna stay here?” I asked.
“I don’t care.”
“Can we just go home?”
“Home where?”
“I only have one home.”
He nodded and we headed to our home.
We got in and the apartment was empty. I ran into his room and yelled “I’m taking shorts and a shir
t” as I grabbed them and ran into the bathroom. I took off those ankle-breaking, blister-making, awful shoes and padded barefoot back into the bedroom I shook my hair free of the clips that Rebecca had practically stabbed into my skull and took out the earrings too.
Carlos had already traded his tux for shorts and no shirt. He was in the kitchen making noise.
“Again?” I asked.
“Maybe,” he shot back.
He came strolling in with two bowls. “Or maybe I was fixing your smart aleck mouth some ice cream.” He bent down to give it to me and kissed my temple.
“Or that.”
I was sitting sideways on the couch and he moved my legs up and sat under them.
“Ok, I gave you jewelry and I fed your ice cream. Now I need to talk to you about something serious.”
“Are you saying that you buttered me up on purpose?” I put my bowl on the coffee table.
“Yup.”
“Shameless.”
“So the lease on this place ends at the end of the month and you will be gone the week before, to see your Dad. So, what I need to know is do you want to live here or should I start looking for a new apartment?”
“Awww, I like it here. This is our place. What about your brother?”
“He’s going to live at another apartment complex with his friends.”
“Well, a smaller place would be cheaper, right?”
He nodded and said, “Well, we have time. I just either have to be out by then or sign another lease for this apartment or a smaller one in the same complex.”
He was playing with my bracelet, moving it back and forth on my wrist.
I loved that bracelet and even more I loved that new ring on my finger. I sat there for a few minutes working up the courage for what I wanted to do next. My face was blushing so furiously that my skin was tingling.
I took his bowl and put it next to mine. Caution and pure want battled each other on his face as I moved to straddle his legs and sit on his lap facing him.
He took a shaky breath and he was temporarily frozen in place at my showing of risqué behavior.
“What? You gave me my ring on a public beach. It was hardly the place for me to thank you…the way I wanted to.” The roles were reversed and I was loving every minute of my newfound brazen self.
“Jenna,” his breaths were choppy and nervous.
“Carlos…What did I ever do before you? I feel like I was just existing, walking around like a zombie. But now I live for the next time I can see you and hear you say my name and…”
The whole time he was staring at my lips and I couldn’t contain myself anymore.
Apparently, neither could he.
He reached behind me and splayed his hands over my back as he pulled me as tight as he could to his chest without crushing me. Our lips collided at the same time and I scooted closer and closer until there was nothing between us. The burn started on my lips as they danced with his and blazed through the rest of my body.
His hands roamed under the hem of my shirt on each side of my waist. I gasped and broke free of the kiss. He had never let his hands wander. Not that I had a problem with it. He broke away abruptly.
“Are you staying here tonight?” He was still cautious and unsure.
“Yeah, I told her I wasn’t coming home anytime soon.”
He smiled brightly and lifted us both off of the couch and into his bedroom where he put me down on the bed and lay down next to me. I reached out for him to continue what I had started in the living room, but he pinned my arms down at my sides.
“J, please…I’m in hell trying to control myself here. Don’t make it worse.”
I groaned and said a pitiful ‘Fine’ and went to my side of the bed and he crawled over beside me and lay down. We faced each other breathing the same breaths. I needed to be nearer to him so I moved to lie on his chest and he chuckled knowing that he had won this round.
I fell asleep by the rhythm of his heart and my new ring being turned over and over on my finger.
The next morning I woke up about 7 and rolled out of bed barely conscious. Carlos reached out and grabbed my t shirt and said, “Where are you going? Are you ready to go hom….there?”
I went back to the bed and kissed him by his ear and said, “I’m going to make you breakfast. Go back to sleep.”
“Mmmm, ok.” He rolled over and was out like a light.
I went to the kitchen and made him French toast and bacon.
After I finished I went back into the bedroom and crawled into bed next to him and I screamed when he grabbed me and threw me on top of him.
“You were awake?” I gave him my best damsel in shock face.
“Yeah…I never went back to sleep. I was waiting for you to come back.”
“Sneaky.”
“You love me.”
I leaned down right in his ear and said, “Remember that, Carlos, remember that I love you.”
I got up and said, “Come on and eat.”
Chapter 22
After breakfast Carlos brought me home. I consoled myself with the thought that there were only a few more days until graduation and then this chapter of my life would be over. He kissed me before I got out of the car and then cleared his throat when he saw my Mom in the window gawking like the voyeur that she was.
She looked pissed and Carlos saw it too.
“Are you going to be ok?” He asked while still staring at the window.
“Yeah…” I was trying to convince myself as much as I was him.
“Hey,” he shook my hands trying to bring me out of my funk.
“Ok, call me if you need me, or want me or…just call.” He was rambling.
“Yeah,” I tried to smile… “It’ll be fine.” My face was getting hot, not from blush but from annoyance.
I got out of the car and opened the back to get my dress and Rebecca’s shoes and purse and earrings out.
Carlos sped away as I walked towards Rebecca’s house to return her things. She answered the door in a robe and holding a cup of coffee looking groggy but asked if I had a good time and I thanked her again for everything.
I walked into that blue house; it wasn’t really home anymore and braced myself for the dual personality mother. I knew there would be words about the fact that I was still wearing his clothes and sporting a ring.
I reminded myself that I hadn’t done anything wrong. I was just happy and in love and getting out from under their thumb. They hated the loss of control.
I made my way into the living room, all clear. As I passed through the hallway, trying to make it into my bedroom unscathed, I heard a clearing of Medusa’s throat and I turned to face her. She was sitting on her bed and Wallace was sitting on his side puffing on one of his disgusting cigarettes.
She started up almost immediately, after giving me the dirtiest of dirty looks.
“So, you come home the morning after prom, wearing his clothes instead of your dress and…” She got up and zeroed her sights in on my ring.
“And flashing…what?…an engagement ring?”
“Yes.”
“You know why girls get engaged at your age Jenna? I’m sure you do. We’ve noticed you getting a little chubby here lately. So…he knocked you up and now you’re gonna get married and be so happy, right? How sweet.”
I couldn’t believe this was coming out of my mother’s mouth. I mean, she had never thought the best things of me. And I knew that I was the bane of her existence, but I never knew she could think, much less say, those things about me. Why couldn’t I get the regular Mom who was happy for me? I mean, I’m sure that thought would pass through any mother’s mind at their teenage daughter getting engaged, but they didn’t say it. Why did I get stuck with the Mom who always, automatically assumed the worst about me in every single situation? She stole from me, screamed at me, berated me, beat on me, made me loathe my own reflection in the mirror and now this? Wasn’t all of the rest of it enough?
This is it. This is the end
. They didn’t deserve to hear how they had hurt me or how I felt like sometimes I would’ve been better off if I were never born. They deserved no explanation from me at all. So they got none. I nodded my head ‘no’ at my own question. They didn’t deserve anything from me.
I turned and walked into my room and packed all of my stuff. May was asleep and I didn’t want to disturb her. At this point, she probably wouldn’t care. She was now a victim of their brainwashing and would have to decide for herself, like I had in this moment whether it was wrong or right. Whether it was the way she wanted to live, or like me, if she wanted to emerge.
I picked up my bags and took one last look at May. She would be treated better than me because she was their daughter and not just a product of a marriage gone wrong.
I passed their bedroom and paused for one second. They saw my bags then they looked at me and then turned their eyes back to the TV. I walked outside and called Carlos. He tried really, really hard to cover his happiness over the phone, but I could tell. He arrived shortly, almost as if he hadn’t gotten very far away from my house.
I was not really looking forward to graduation, though I was looking forward to the events that I was trying to put into place after graduation. I knew what I needed to do and I was hoping against hope that all of the pieces would fall into place.
Graduation took forever, as there were about three thousand students or more all walking the stage. I had some honors, for good grades. Carlos had to work that day and it was held at seven at night, so he couldn’t attend.
I sat there in complete boredom watching my fellow students walk the stage. They were all strangers to me and it was not because I didn’t know them all. It was because there was what seemed like a football stadium worth of them. Finally, they got to my row and we got to get up and walk towards the stage. When I got up I nearly fell down because my butt was so numb.
My name was finally called and I could hear one set of hands clapping, one ‘Wooo Hoooo!’ over the crowd. Somehow he had gotten out of work and I loved him for showing up. It was nearly midnight by the time I made it through the herd and my parents were waiting with May by the door looking like they were late for an appointment and I was the hold-up.