Pretend

by Riley Hart

  Finally, when his brain wouldn’t stop running around, Mason had enough. He pushed to his feet, “I’m tired. I still have a long drive ahead of me.”

  “Why don’t you stay here?” There was a slight, pleading tone to his mother’s voice.

  “Not tonight. I need to stop in and make sure things are okay at the bar, anyway.” Which was true. Mason had a hard time leaving it in control of someone else.

  “I’ll walk you out.” Isaac stood as well.

  Not in the mood to argue, he let it go and said goodbye to his parents. They made it all the way to his SUV before Isaac asked, “Still letting the bartender fuck you?”

  Christ, he should have known this was coming. “Do we really have to do this again? You’re starting to look needy.” That was something he knew Isaac wouldn’t be able to handle.

  “No, I just know what I want. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  Mason stifled a yawn. He didn’t have time for this. “Have a good one, Isaac. I need to get home.” He climbed into his SUV and turned it on. When Isaac knocked on the window, he groaned but then rolled it down.

  “Don’t stress on Durango. I’ll figure it out.”

  He cocked his head a little and looked at his ex. He hadn’t expected that one. “You know I’ll still worry, but thanks.”

  He went to put the vehicle into gear when Isaac spoke again. “What is it? That you see in the bartender, I mean?”

  Mason leaned back in the seat and let out a deep breath. “He’s not really a bartender. He is, but he won’t be forever. He teaches, and…” Mason shrugged. “He’s a breath of fresh air. He could be jaded by the world but he isn’t. He pays attention to things I never have. It’s like he suddenly woke up and realized he’s alive… It’s incredible to experience.” When he caught Isaac’s eyes, the man looked at him like he’d never seen Mason before. It made his gut tense up. “And he fucks like a God. Best I’ve had in a long time.”

  He winked at Isaac, who shook his head. “Asshole. We know that’s not true.”

  “Think what you will.” He nodded at his ex and then drove away. He spent the whole drive worried about his parents and the business, and wondering why in the hell he was having such a hard time with this. In the back of his mind, Gavin was there, too, and he couldn’t help but worry about how Gavin’s day had gone, hoping it went better than his.

  ***

  Gavin sat on his living room couch, in the dark.

  She’d asked him to leave. He couldn’t believe his mother had asked him to leave. No matter how many ups and downs they had over the years. No matter how many tears there were, or prayers that would never change who he was, and meetings with church members, and fears and anger over Braden when he was a kid, he’d never been asked to leave.

  They loved him, they worried about him, but they would never cast him out.

  In a way, she’d done that very thing tonight.

  Gavin didn’t move when he saw lights travel across the wall. Then heard a car door slam, and then finally a knock.

  Damn it. There was no one it could be except Mason. If he was being honest, part of him was glad the man came here. His whole body went rigid when he thought about Mason spending time with Isaac, laughing with his family the way Gavin would never be able to do with a man he dated and his own parents.

  And he really didn’t like Isaac all that much.

  But he also wasn’t in the mood to see anyone tonight, either.

  When the door opened behind him, he dropped his head against the back of the couch and mumbled, “Make yourself at home, why don’t you?”

  “What are you doing here? I thought you were staying with your family? And why in the hell are you sitting in the dark?” Mason closed the door, and then hit the light.

  “If you didn’t think I was home, then why did you come?”

  “I stopped by the bar on my way home. Your house is between the bar and mine. I saw your car.”

  Gavin looked at the clock. “It’s only nine. Wouldn’t have figured you’d make it home so early.”

  Mason crossed his arms. “What in the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  Damn it, he was being a prickly bastard, but he couldn’t help it. The need to fight, to lash out, ripped through every inch of Gavin’s body. This wasn’t like him at all, but that didn’t stop him from saying, “I don’t know, you just sounded like you were having an awfully good time with Isaac. I’m surprised it’s over so soon.”

  “Are you shitting me? What the hell is wrong with you?” Mason moved closer to him and Gavin pushed to his feet. He felt like he would overheat, like someone injected fire into his veins and it burned him from the inside out.

  He stood right in front of Mason; by now, both men breathed heavily. “I know we haven’t defined, whatever the hell this is we’re doing, but I appreciate knowing if you’re letting someone else fuck you at the same time that I am. He shows up at the bar and can’t keep his eyes off you. And then he goes home with you that night. Oh, and he just so happens to be at your family’s house with you, too. Fuck!” Gavin latched his hands together, behind his head, elbows facing forward. His eyes fell closed and he tried to calm down the storm trying to take him over.

  What in the hell was wrong with him tonight?

  “First of all, I told you there’s not a chance that Isaac and I are getting back together. I don’t lie. I can’t handle people who do. I know he can be a prick, but he’s my friend, and he’s close to my family. He’s at my parent’s house—often. You’re going to have to deal with that if we keep up whatever the hell this is we’re doing,” he threw Gavin’s words back in his face. “If you can’t trust me, then there’s no reason for us to keep this up.”

  Guilt added to the hurricane blasting through his insides. Mason didn’t deserve his wrath.

  “Hey. What the hell is wrong? This isn’t like you. If you have some shit you need to work through, I know of a better way to do it than this. Don’t pick a fight with me because you’re pissed at someone else. And what the hell, look at me.” He grabbed Gavin’s hands, prying them apart. When he did, Gavin opened his eyes, devastated from the category five that ravaged him.

  “Fuck!” Gavin yelled again. He went to turn, but Mason grabbed his shirt in a tight fist and wouldn’t let him go.

  “Tell me.”

  “This isn’t a game. You don’t get to tell me what to do and then I just do it.”

  “Are you mad? You look like you’re about ready to explode. You look like you want to hit me. Do you want to fight me?”

  Gavin looked down to see his hands were in a fist. He shook them out, trying to figure out when he’d balled them that way. Trying to figure out what this was all about. He knew, but then…he’d always known how his parents felt, and he’d never reacted like this before, because Mason had been right. For a second there, he wanted to hit him—or someone. Anyone. He just wanted to let all the anger out that he kept trapped inside him.

  “Nah, you won’t hit me. You want to fuck me, that’s what you want, isn’t it? You want to fuck me hard, until you forget all the other stuff. Just screw it away and then go on about your life and pretend it doesn’t exist. Pretend that you haven’t been keeping it trapped inside you your whole damn life. I’m game, if you want.”

  Mason started to unbutton his pants.

  “Stop,” Gavin gritted out.

  “Why? I like a hard fuck. We can pretend it’s the same as you used to do. Fuck some random guy, except before it was your ass—get that anger out about who you are, get the need to fuck out of you so you’re good for a while, and then we can go our separate ways.”

  His zipper went down, and then Mason started to pull at his own jeans.

  “Stop,” Gavin told him again, this time grabbing onto Mason’s hands.

  “What? You want to do it? Have at it. Take them off and then I’ll turn my back to you so maybe it will feel like old times, because you won’t have to look at me and remember you know me. Except fo
r with Braden. He’s the only person you had that you actually cared about. Should I be jealous of him the way you are Isaac?”

  Mason turned. Gavin’s dick was painfully hard and he almost hated that fact. Hated that what Mason just said turned him on, because the truth in everything his lover just said was devastating.

  “I’m waiting, music man. Or have you had enough living and you’re done? Just going to go find a little school to teach at where you can forget you’re gay? A few times a year when your dick won’t stop aching you’ll go let someone get you off before you keep on pretending you’re someone else?”

  Pain shattered Gavin’s insides.

  He wanted to fight.

  Wanted to fuck.

  Wanted to do everything Mason just said.

  There was a sigh from Mason, and then calloused fingers holding Gavin’s jaw so he couldn’t look away. “Tell me what happened. You give me yours and I’ll give you mine. That’s what we’re really doing here, right? Aren’t we supposed to be living? Letting loose? Can’t do that shit if you keep it all inside. Jump out of the plane, Gav.”

  It was those words that trapped him—or hell, maybe they set him free.

  Gavin sat on the couch, and jumped.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Mason had no fucking clue if he’d just done the right thing. All he knew was the Gavin he walked in on wasn’t the Gavin he’d grown to know. Wasn’t the man he sat listening to music with, or the one he’d gone on his hike with. He wasn’t the man he’d let fuck him senseless.

  He wanted that man back. And he wanted him to stay. He wanted to keep on forgetting his family and his responsibilities and keep having fun with Gavin while they figured out what they wanted.

  Most of all, he wanted the pain gone from Gavin’s eyes.

  “I’m so fucking angry,” Gavin finally said. “I’ve done everything right. When I was a kid, I tried to stop. I tried to force myself not to be gay. When I couldn’t, when I met Braden, I did everything I could to make up for it. I went to church every week like they wanted me to. But it was never enough.”

  This time it was Mason’s hands that fisted. What the fuck was wrong with his family that they would make him feel this way? What the fuck is wrong with you? Your family accepts you and you can’t get over the fact that they screwed up?

  “That’s because it was a lie, Gav. A lie will never be enough because it’s not real.” He sat down next to the man, ran a hand through his wet hair. He’d showered before Mason got there. He could smell the soap and shampoo on him.

  “Yeah…yeah, I realized that after a while.”

  “With Braden? Maybe I should be the one to be jealous.”

  Gavin shook his head. “We were never in love with each other. He just made it easy to pretend I was okay.”

  He wasn’t going to let the subject veer. “You’re not off the hook yet. Keep going.”

  “Bossy.”

  “And you like it.” Mason sat back and waited.

  “Things were already strained with Braden. We both knew we were just biding time. I went to see my family. They had a damned intervention waiting. They loved me. They believed in me. All that shit. I knew I was gay. Hell, I always had, but when I left from my visit, I focused on school more and more. Braden left and I was too busy to date. Then I graduated and was starting my career, and I was too busy to date again.” Gavin ran a hand through his hair. “This talk would have been a whole hell of a lot easier if I had a guitar or something to play. Or maybe if you were distracting me.”

  “This is all stuff you’ve told me before. Why are you pissed right now?” Mason wasn’t letting Gavin off that easily. He wanted to know everything about this man in a way he’d never experienced before.

  Gavin didn’t answer for over a minute. Mason could practically see the frustration set in his body.

  “Because I lived my life for them—hell, for everyone else, too. I did everything right and it wasn’t enough. I lost my fucking job. My dad is losing his mind, and my own mother asked me to leave today. If I can’t support my family and do the right thing by her and Dad by denying who I am, I’m not welcome in her home.”

  Mason knew that had to hurt. “No matter how old people get, our parents can still fuck us up worse than anyone. But that’s on her. Not you.”

  “I know. And I’m proud to be who I am. I just…”

  “It goes back to what we said before. You want to live. You weren’t doing that, Gav. You were wrapped up in work and trying to make up for who you are. That’s not a life.”

  Gavin gave Mason that innocent yet seductive grin. “The life I’ve been living these past few weeks has been pretty fun.”

  That was all it took for blood to rush to Mason’s cock. He and Gavin have had this tit for tat thing going since they met. He knew he owed Gavin a part of himself for what Gavin just gave him, but that would have to wait. “Come here.”

  Gavin didn’t need any prodding. He leaned toward Mason and kissed him. It was a slow kiss, an owning kind of kiss, and in this moment, Mason would gladly give himself over to the man. Let him possess him and have him any way Gavin wanted.

  He just needed to be had.

  But he wanted to own a little bit, too.

  “Let’s go.” Mason stood and walked toward the hallway. Gavin was right behind him as Mason headed for Gavin’s bedroom. The second they stepped inside, Mason pulled Gavin’s shirt over his head. Leaning forward, he circled Gavin’s nipple with his tongue.

  “I want your ass.”

  Gavin shook his head. “I thought—”

  “Not that. You’ll still do the fucking, but I want to taste it. Finger it. Eat it. Drive you fucking wild before you take me. You good?” Mason always paid attention to his lifestyle and choices. Since he was a bottom, he knew his body well and kept himself as prepared as he could.

  “Yeah, we’re good,” Gavin replied, hearing what Mason asked him.

  “I like that about you.” Mason covered Gavin’s mouth with his. Plunged his tongue inside for a quick, demanding kiss, before ripping away. “You’re good at telling me what I want to hear.”

  ***

  Mason had a way of making him want to talk about things that he usually kept to himself. He had a way of making Gavin feel like someone else, and want to do things he’d never done.

  He made him feel comfortable.

  And he turned him on like hell, too. No matter who did the fucking, Mason called the shots, and Gavin liked that.

  He moaned when Mason’s large hand shoved down the back of his jeans. As their cocks rubbed together through their denim and Mason’s mouth found his neck.

  “Bite it.” Gavin fisted his hand in Mason’s hair, pushing him closer to his throat.

  He loved the hunger Mason showed, the urgency and need. It made his dick jerk in his jeans.

  “I’m saving my mouth for something else.” Mason winked at him and then unbuttoned and unzipped Gavin’s pants. “Finish.”

  Gavin did as Mason said as he took off his clothes as well. The man’s body about wrecked him—firm, cut muscles, but not over the top. Dark hair, and a hard cock that Gavin suddenly wanted in his mouth.

  He reached for Mason’s erection, but his lover shook his head and then pushed Gavin on the bed. “My mouth, your ass. Play nice.”

  So Gavin grabbed his own cock instead. He ran his thumb over the head, smeared the pre-come there as desire flared in Mason’s eyes.

  “You don’t play fair.”

  “Would you want me to?” Gavin responded.

  “Hell no. Now turn over.”

  Gavin’s pulse beat wildly, like a drum solo, loud and eager. He wanted Mason’s tongue on him, in him, and then he wanted to fuck the man senseless.

  Rolling, he laid on his stomach, with a pillow under his arms.

  “Here.” Mason grabbed another pillow and shoved it beneath his hips. “I told you I’d want your ass. It’s so fucking sexy.” He rested between Gavin’s spread legs, and ran a finger up an
d down his crack.

  “Damn…” Gavin shivered. “Hurry.”

  “No.”

  “Then bend the hell over so I can fuck you.” Gavin reached for Mason, hoping the man wouldn’t call his bluff. He didn’t. With a hand at the base of Gavin’s back, he pushed him down, then let his fingers roam down Gavin’s body. With one palm on each cheek, he spread them wide.

  “That’s what I want to see. That tight hole waiting for my tongue.” And then his face was between Gavin’s ass cheeks. He lapped at his asshole, over and over.

  “Oh, fuck.” Gavin’s eyes rolled back. There was nothing, nothing like the feel of a tongue in his ass. Fire started to build beneath his skin, a small blaze that grazed the surface, as it spread.

  He pushed, trying to get close to Mason. Trying to feel more of him in more places. He wanted something inside him. Wanted to be stretched, the teasing pain that came before the pleasure. “Fingers.” Gavin gritted out.

  “You read my mind, music man.” He glanced back to see Mason suck on his own fingers, getting them nice and wet. Gavin’s body thrummed with excitement. His prick burned as he rubbed it against the thick comforter.

  His hands fisted in the pillow when Mason worked two fingers inside him. It had been too long since he’d been penetrated, since he felt someone inside him. Even though they’d been together numerous times, this was the first time he’d gone near Gavin’s ass.

  “Fuck…yes. Go faster,” he begged.

  Mason’s fingers thrust forward, went deep and then pulled out again.

  “I want my tongue on you, too.”

  Gavin went lightheaded when a wet tongue flicked over his hole. Mason kept it up, fingering and licking until Gavin thought he would go insane. He pumped his hips, let his dick thrust against the bed as Mason owned his hole for the first time. It wasn’t with his cock, but fuck, this still worked him just as well.