His Redemption

by Nikki Chase-Coakley

  Sarah took a moment to think about his theory. "You know now that you mention it. I’d nearly forgotten about the fight I had with her the day I fell off that ladder. I'd asked her to go downstairs to help the guys with the cleaning since we were pretty much done on our floor but she got huffy with me and didn't want to leave. She kept insisting that she stay on that floor. I remember wondering then if something was going on between the two of you. I ignored it since I figured it wasn’t any of my business. I also remember thinking how strange it was that the birdcage had been wired to that hook. It wasn't as if it was a particularly heavy cage so there was no need for the hook to have been reinforced like it was. It was almost as if it had been rigged."

  Tony nodded. "So you see my point? Strange things always seem to happen whenever you two lock horns. I didn't want to tell you this but she wanted your job. When I refused to consider her for the position she was beyond pissed."

  "Why didn’t you give it to her? Was it because she ended things with you?"

  "No, and that's not exactly what happened."

  "So, tell me what did happen between you two."

  "You don't want to know and I really don't want to talk about it." He tried to stand but Sarah caught his arm. It was a testament to his care and respect for her that he’d stopped when she pulled. They both knew she didn’t have the physical strength to actually prevent him from leaving.

  "Given the circumstances, I think you owe it to me. Even if we weren’t involved, things like this can't keep happening. I need to know what I'm dealing with."

  He stared down at her hand for a long time before finally responding. "You don’t understand what you’re asking."

  “What does that mean?”

  She watched as he stood and began pacing the small room becoming increasingly agitated. "Whatever happened, it couldn't be that bad. Just tell me. I promise not to judge."

  Tony paused in his pacing. "I wish I could believe that."

  “Have I ever lied to you before?”

  “No, but this is different. You can say you won’t judge but the minute you hear what happened you won’t be able to help yourself. And- you might not want anything to do with me afterward.” He admitted in a low voice.

  Frustration and defeat coated his every word reaching her on a gut level making her want to cry. This- whatever this was, was hurting Tony. It wasn’t the first time he’d admitted to his fear but she’d resisted the urge to ask questions believing he would eventually learn to trust her. He hadn’t yet but seeing the fear in his eyes now she realized that waiting was no longer an option.

  “I’m not going anywhere Tony so please just tell me. You said you wanted to get to know me and that means allowing me to know all of you even the bad stuff. You can’t ask that of me and then hold back, it’s not fair. If you still want us to be together you’re going to have to exercise some trust here. Christy asked you if I knew something and you said no. Is whatever you were talking about the thing you’re afraid to share with me?”

  He nodded and slumped into his chair, his head in his hands. Sarah gently pried his hands away. “Talk to me, please? I promise I’m here for you.”

  He continued to stare at her. Finally his demeanor turned to one of stoic resignation. “It would be better if I showed you.”

  Before she could ask he moved to his desk and dropped into his chair. He moved his mouse around to take it out of sleep mode, opened up a search engine and typed in some information. A website soon popped up on the screen. Sarah moved in for a closer inspection but wasn’t sure what she was looking at.

  “This, is a website that lists all kinds of actors and their movie and online video credits.” He explained.

  “You’ve probably seen something similar called IMDb, you know the website that provides info on actors and film productions? The difference is that, unlike that one, this site is dedicated to the adult film industry.”

  Sarah frowned. “What does that have to do with what we’re talking about?”

  He typed a name in the search bar, Dusty Rhodes. A moment later, an image popped up, a very familiar one. The man’s face was slightly fuller with youth, the bare chest was a little leaner and the dark, curly hair a lot shorter but there was no mistaking it.

  “That’s you?”

  He nodded looking more miserable than she’d ever seen him. Curious now, she turned the monitor to get a better look and scrolled down the list of film credits. The list was long and none of the credits were for innocuous parts like extra or cameraman. No, from what she could surmise Tony had starred in what looked like a couple hundred porn videos. His likeness was displayed in all his naked glory on much of the artwork in very suggestive poses with various women, sometimes more than one. A variety of emotions ran through her but she was careful not to allow any of them to show. No matter what she was feeling, Tony was feeling even worse. Now that she’d been given this last piece to the puzzle everything seemed to make sense, his odd lack of self-esteem despite his gorgeous good looks and charm, the self- disgust that ran far deeper than survivor’s guilt. This was shame, possibly even self -hatred and Sarah couldn’t abide that.

  “What does any of this have to do with whatever happened between you and Christy?”

  “Blackmail- my father still owned the store when she was hired. I had just gotten out of the business and wanted to do something more productive with my time besides well – you know.”

  She nodded but said nothing.

  “Anyway, I didn’t spend much of the money I made while in the service so I invested it. Add to that the money I made from what I did after I got out and I had a pretty big chunk of money saved so, I offered to buy Pete’s from my dad. He and mom were thinking about retiring anyway so he was showing me the ropes. Christy made it clear from day one that she was attracted to me but I wasn’t interested. Even if I hadn’t come away from that life feeling like ten kinds of nasty I never would have touched her. She was too young for me for one thing.”

  "But you obviously ended up getting together. So, how did that happen if you weren't interested?"

  "She caught me at a bad time. I was still dealing with the crap from the war and feeling pretty down on myself back then and I finally gave in one night. I felt bad about sleeping with her and I tried to make it clear that I wasn’t looking for anything more. I thought she understood until soon after she came to me with a DVD case."

  “Let me guess, she told you that unless you gave in to her demands she would tell everyone what you’d been up to after your time in the military?”

  “I tried to make it work, Sarah. God knows I did.”

  "Why do I get the feeling there is a huge but coming?"

  He gave a humorless chuckle. "There were a lot of buts in there. I didn't have feelings for her. I never did. She had to have known it but she was always harping on me not showing my feelings. It was all I could do not to tell her the truth. If I had feelings I'd share them but I didn't, so I wasn’t going to lie just to tell her what she wanted to hear."

  "And you felt guilty about that too." Sarah supplied.

  “Yeah”

  "Why didn't you just come clean with everyone, take away her power?"

  "I was too ashamed. I tried a couple of times but could never find the right words to tell my parents what I’d done. She knew this and threatened me every time it looked like I might try to leave her crazy ass. I don’t know if she would have actually told my father but I couldn’t take that chance. You remember I told you that my last relationship was really bad and that nothing could possibly be worse than that? Well, I was talking about Christy. It took a while but I finally grew a pair and walked away."

  "Why didn't she quit when you ended things? I mean how embarrassing would it be to remain employed by the man you tried to blackmail into a relationship?"

  He shrugged. "Beats the hell out of me, I thought she would but her reasons are her own."

  "Then why didn't you fire her?"

  "Because I felt gui
lty about touching her in the first place, she was just a kid -barely twenty years old and I should have known better. Guilt and fear were the only things keeping me tied to her and she knew it. I shelled out more money for sh-uh crap, jewelry, clothes I even had her damned car fixed all because I didn't have the balls to face up to my mistakes."

  They were silent then as they thought about everything that was just revealed.

  “I’m sorry Sarah. I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to speak to me again.”

  She glared at him then. “Didn’t I just get through saying that I wouldn’t judge you?”

  “Yeah and I also told you that it would be pretty damned hard not to. If it weren’t for Christy’s veiled threat, I had hoped to keep this from you. I just couldn’t stand the thought of handing her yet another way to hurt you.”

  “Listen to me Tony. This-” She motioned to the computer screen. “It’s part of your past, a past you are already doing a pretty darn good job of punishing yourself over. I’m not going to lie and say that I’m thrilled about it but I’m not going to cast stones either. You got yourself out of that situation and turned your life around. I’m proud of the man you’ve become and you should be too. Don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed of what you’ve accomplished. You are incredible. Any woman would be lucky to have you in her life. Christy knows this and that’s why she’s trying so hard to get you back.”

  He snorted. "You’re kidding right? I doubt she ever really cared about me. She just liked the control she had over another person. She really gets off on that shit."

  "She told me you like to flirt with her and that you’re a lot nicer to her now than you used to be. Up until you told her about me, she sounded convinced that not only are you changing in the hopes of getting her back but she was open to the possibility."

  Tony pulled her down on to his lap. "There is no way in hell I would ever want that evil girl back. You know you’re the only woman for me right?"

  "I don’t know. Dhe did made a pretty convincing case for the two of you." Sarah teased.

  "She's not the woman I want. I never wanted her. You have to believe me Baby. I don’t want anyone else but you." The vehemence in his tone made her feel good all over.

  "Relax Tony. I trust you." When he didn't look convinced, she leaned in and pressed her lips to his. Instantly he took over the kiss pulling her closer and sliding his tongue inside her mouth. Over and over his tongue plunged inside making her melt as he continued to stoke the slow burning fire in her core. He was getting really good at that. He ran his tongue along the column of her throat making her moan.

  “I want to touch you Sarah. I need to touch you. Tell me you want it too.”

  His hand cupped her breast and she let out a shuddering moan. “Yes, please.”

  Without another word spoken, Tony set her on her feet and backed her against the wall, his mouth fused to hers. She parted her lips for his invasion and he wasted no time plundering her soft interior. She draped her arms around his neck as he ground his hips against hers. His hands slid up and down her ribs, his thumbs grazed the under sides of her breasts and Sarah gasped. He pulled his mouth from hers and watched her reaction as he continued to stroke her. Sarah’s eyes remained closed but her lips were parted as she panted. Tony moved his thumbs in slow ever tightening circles until they rasped her nipples through the cotton of her t-shirt. Instantly he felt the buds tighten beneath his fingers. Her breath came out in soft gasps but she made no effort to stop him. If anything she let her head drop back so that he could nuzzle her throat and the open neckline of her top.

  “How does that feel?” He whispered in her ear.

  “Good,” She breathed. “So good.”

  He stopped stroking her nipples to pinch them lightly. This earned a sensual moan as she arched into him. “Tony.”

  He stroked and pinched creating an answering pull between her legs. “Tell me what you want Baby.”

  The feeling was so good having this man torture her breasts in this way. Sarah wanted him to lift her shirt and explore every square inch of her flesh with his mouth. The one time he’d started he stopped just as quickly leaving her to wonder how far things would have gone that night. She could find neither the words nor the courage to tell him how she felt so she didn’t answer. But Tony seemed to understand her body just as well as she did and reached for the hem of her shirt. Looking her in the eye he lifted it slowly giving her enough time to stop him if she wanted but she didn't. When he finally whisked the fabric over her head and dropped it to the floor she was nearly mindless with the desire for him to touch her, to taste her. Bending his head Tony kissed a path over each soft swell then dipped his head to explore the valley between them. His tongue lapped gently over her flesh. Moments later Sarah felt his fingers tugging down the cups of her bra.

  “You have gorgeous breasts.” He breathed before latching onto one and sucking greedily. His tongue swirled her nipple before nipping lightly then drawing hard on it.

  She cried out driving her hands into his hair to hold him in place. Reaching behind her he quickly unhooked the bra and let it slide down her arms to the floor. Sarah then watched in nervous fascination as he pulled his own shirt over his head. Pale brown muscles bunched and relaxed as he dropped his shirt to the floor and he stood there allowing her to drink in his appearance in the dim light. He looked even better than she’d remembered. Tentatively at first she reached out to brush her finger tips across his abs causing the muscles to contract in surprise. He felt like steel encased in warm flesh. She skimmed along his pecks and across his wide shoulders. They were large and well- muscled. She supposed she should have been used to the sight considering how many times she’d already seen him naked from the waist up over the last couple of weeks but it always caught her by surprise just how incredibly sexy he was and that he was all hers. She watched him as she explored, worried that she wouldn’t please him. As if reading her apprehension, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her up against him so that they stood skin to skin. Tony closed his eyes and let out a low groan of pleasure.

  “You feel so damned good, all soft curves, just like I imagined you would.”

  It felt pretty amazing to Sarah too. He dipped his head to kiss her again, long and deep. His hands moved restlessly over her breasts making her burn for him. She felt a tightening inside. Her inner muscles seemed to swell in anticipation. Against her stomach she felt his hand coast down to lightly stroke the area just below the zipper of her shorts. He pressed a leg between the two of hers and she parted to make room for him. He cupped her there. His fingers deftly located her bud and stroked her using a little more pressure. She gasped at the jolts of pleasure that spiraled through her and arched into his hand wanting more. As if understanding this he pushed his knee higher until she rode his thigh. All Sarah could do was cling to him and let him have his way with her. Tony kissed and licked the column of her throat as he whispered hot suggestions in her ear that drove her wild.

  “I’ve dreamed of holding you like this for so long Sarah. I love the way you feel when I touch you. I want to feel you come apart for me.”

  Sarah nearly whimpered when he lowered his leg to set her back on her feet. She was surprised when he popped the button on her shorts and slid the zipper down but didn’t comment. She only wanted more of what he was giving her. The waistband gaped at her hips. She was tempted to pull them up but was distracted when he pushed a hand inside her panties. His long fingers dipped low and swirled around the tender bud of her clit making her mindless to anything but his touch. Her shorts slid to the floor but she didn’t even notice as he took that moment to seize her mouth once more. She moved against his hand eager for more of the sensual contact. She felt her body coiling, tightening in anticipation of something she’d never experienced before. Her nails bit into his skin when he dipped his hand lower before swirling once more. His tongue stroked her ear.

  “You’re so wet for me baby. I would give anything to be able to taste you ri
ght now.”

  His hand dipped into her again and she cried out. She was so close and rocked herself against him trying to make it happen. “That’s it Baby. Take what you need. Come for me.”

  He slid his finger in a lot deeper this time and she cried out as her inner muscles clenched around his probing digit and she felt moisture flood from her. Her body throbbed with her first orgasm and she buried her face in his shoulder. She wasn’t sure how long Tony held her up like that allowing her to regain her breath but eventually he slowly slid his hand from her panties. She watched in absolute fascination as he brought the damp fingers to his lips and sucked each one. His eyes never left hers as he savored her flavor.

  He then lowered his head to recapture her mouth and when he delved his tongue between her parted lips she could taste herself on him. Her pulse raced and suddenly the release he had just given her didn’t seem like nearly enough. She wanted so much more. Something large and thick pressed into her then. She stopped kissing Tony long enough to look down and see the biggest erection she had ever seen tenting his jeans which brought about the memory of what she’d seen on his computer. No wonder the man had done so well in the porn business. She doubted she would even be able to handle a man that large no matter how much she might suddenly like to try. How would it feel to have him inside her? She had a feeling he would be an incredible lover, tender and caring like he’d just been with her. At times, she almost wondered if he thought she was too good for him and that’s why he treated her so well. The thought, as always, made her heart ache and suddenly the thought of making love, with this man at least, didn’t seem nearly as frightening as it would have with someone else.