His Redemption

by Nikki Chase-Coakley

  Tony had to agree but he was not going to give this woman any more ammunition. “I’m sure she just didn’t even see us. If she had she I’m sure she would have said good morning like always.”

  “Whatever.”

  “You must be pretty jealous of her if you’re so worried about how she and I greet each other.”

  Her face morphed into a hideous snarl. “Why the hell would I be jealous of her? If anything she’s jealous of me.”

  “And you think this because?”

  “Because, you and I have a history. No matter how close the two of you might get I will always own a piece of you and she knows this."

  He snorted in derision. “Do you have any idea how crazy you sound? For one thing, she only learned about my association with you last night. And second, I chose to be with her. She knows you had to blackmail me to be with you.”

  Unperturbed by his caustic retort she inched a little closer and lifted a hand to stroke his arm, a familiar lustful gleam in her eyes. “I wasn’t that bad was I? I remember how much fun we had, how good we were together. Even if you won’t admit it, I know I really grew on you. If you gave us another chance I promise things will be even better. Unlike Miss Priss, I’ve seen all your scenes. I know what gets you hot.”

  Repulsed by the reminder, he snatched his arm away. “Not interested, I don’t do that shit anymore.”

  “You might not be getting paid to have sex anymore but we both know you’re still a man-whore.” She snarled nastily. This was the Christy he was used to, the one only he knew. She was all sweetness until she didn’t get her way.

  “Are you seriously going to pass up all of what I’m offering for some frigid bitch too wrapped up in herself to give her man a decent orgasm? I see the way you act around her. Any fool can tell she's not exactly putting out. You wouldn't look so deprived if she were. Either that or she's just lousy in bed. Which is it?"

  “Whatever is going on between me and Sarah is none of your damned business.”

  "You can't possibly be happy with her."

  “That’s where you’re wrong. I've never been happier. I’m finally with a real woman, someone secure enough in herself that she doesn’t need to resort to lies and coercion to keep me chained to her side. You were always so quick to judge me when what you were doing wasn’t any better?”

  “I bet if she knew what you’ve been up to you wouldn’t be looking so smug.”

  “Actually, she does. I told her everything and unlike you she doesn’t hold it against me.”

  “I find that hard to believe. There is no way a stuck up bitch like that would want anything to do with someone like you if she knew the truth.”

  He sighed. It was time to call a halt to this useless conversation. "I’m going to be very kind and ignore the insults you keep throwing at a woman I care about because I know it’s just your jealousy talking. What we have is something you couldn’t possibly understand and I don’t have the energy to explain it to you. For now, I'm going upstairs to speak with Sarah. Do you think you can handle things down here while I’m gone?"

  "Don’t I always?"

  "You have your moments." He admitted. "Which brings me to another issue; you and I are due for a talk about the accidents that have been taking place around here lately and your general attitude."

  He gave her a pointed look before he turned towards the stairs leading to the offices. He found Sarah a few minutes later at her desk getting settled. He knocked on the doorframe and gathered his courage. He wasn't sure what he could or should say to make things better but knew he had to try.

  "Come in."

  "Hi."

  She spared him the briefest glance before immediately turning her gaze back to her computer. "Hi Tony what brings you here?"

  The tone was polite but distant, not at all the usual greeting he had grown accustomed to getting from her. He had been tempted to move behind her desk for a kiss but her expression stopped him cold. There was no way in hell she was going to let him near her. He sighed knowing he deserved it but still he had to try and offer up some kind of an apology for his behavior. "I thought maybe we could talk,-you know, about what happened last night. I need to explain."

  "There's no need. I understand perfectly."

  "What exactly do you understand?"

  She stood then drawing to her full height of five feet two inches, which would have been funny under other circumstances. The woman was about as intimidating as a pair of bunny slippers and was completely adorable even when she was angry. No wonder he cared so much about her. She was as brave as any soldier he had ever fought alongside. Not even his yelling and swearing seemed to cow her. She wasn’t bold and brash like some of his former co-stars but she was a tough little fighter.

  "I understand that contrary to your claims, you actually are just like everyone else. You say you want to have a relationship with me with or without sex but that's not true. You don't actually care about me at all."

  For a moment all Tony could do was stare at Sarah. "Is that what you honestly believe?"

  "Judging by the way you took off last night, the message was pretty clear. You couldn’t even give me the courtesy of making up a good excuse before you left. You just walked out the door. Thanks for that, by the way, that really made me feel good. I know I’m not as pretty or even as glamorous as some of the other women you’ve known but I was beginning to believe I mattered to you, that you honestly cared."

  That's really what she thought of him? Well looking at things from her perspective he supposed it made a certain kind of sense but it wasn't the reason he'd left and he needed to make that fact clear right now. Leaning in close he spoke as calmly as he could and hoped that his confession wouldn't make her even angrier than she already was. "It's true that I left you without so much as a goodbye last night and I owe you a big apology for that but my reasons for leaving are not what you think."

  "Oh? So tell me what happened then. Come on, you've had hours to come up with something. So this should be good."

  Hearing the pain laced sarcasm in her words he just started talking and hoped she would listen. "Last night when we were kissing I let things get way out of hand. The moment I touched your bare skin I knew I was in trouble. I just wanted you so damned much but I knew you weren't ready to take that next step with me. It took all my will power to pull away from you. When you ran out of my office you made it clear, how you felt. I’d violated the trust you placed in me. I promised not to push and I meant it but the minute you were in my arms all my best intensions flew out the damned window. I never should have touched you. I knew better but I couldn’t help myself."

  He studied Sarah's face for any signs that she might be softening. Worry had churned like acid in his stomach for the past few hours now and the idea that she might never forgive him scared the hell out of him. He lifted a hand to cup her cheek wanting so much to kiss her even if it would be the last time she ever gave him the chance. "I'm sorry Baby. I just felt as if I'd done enough damage for one night."

  She blinked. Her big beautiful eyes were suspiciously glassy and it nearly broke his heart knowing he was the cause. "Why didn't you take the time to talk to me about this then? If you honestly thought I was upset with you why didn't you deal with it last night instead of just running away? Do you have any idea how much that hurt?"

  He shook his head. "I was a coward. I admit it. I was afraid of the condemnation I knew I would see in your eyes once your head cleared. Between everything new you learned about me and what I did I just couldn’t face you then. I hoped if I gave you a little time you would cool down enough that maybe I would have a chance to explain without you wanting to hit me over the head with something- not that I don't deserve it."

  Sarah was quiet for a moment seeming to consider his explanation. "How do I know you’re not just making this up?"

  There was such hope in her voice it robbed Tony of the very breath in his lungs. She had been hurt so many times before, he could understand if she wasn’t
feeling particularly forgiving towards him, even if he was telling the truth. Mentally, he cursed every other man from her past for their selfishness. Sarah was a rare treasure to be appreciated and loved, not some bimbo to be used then tossed aside in favor of the next good time. He grasped her upper arms and continued to stare directly into her eyes willing her to see the truth in him.

  "I have never lied to you Sarah, never. If I didn't care so much about you it would have been easy enough for me to walk away. Hell, I wouldn’t have thought twice about finishing what we’d started right there in my office but I do care. I care a lot which is why it's so important that you believe me and forgive me for being an idiot. I don't want to lose you."

  She blinked rapidly. A tear slipped down her cheek. "I really want to believe you but I don't want to be a fool."

  Swearing under his breath, he drew her against him. “You can trust me Baby. I swear it. I'll never hurt you like that. It nearly killed me that you might think I’d betrayed you. It's why I couldn’t face you after what I’d done.”

  Sarah’s face was turned into his shirt front muffling her words when she spoke. “What was that?”

  “I said I was never upset about that. You didn’t do anything I didn’t want you to.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes,” she nodded. “I would have told you if I wanted you to stop. I would have made it clear if I didn’t want your hands on me.”

  “I don’t know if I believe you.”

  “It’s true. I-I liked what we did last night and all the times you've touched me before.” She admitted shyly.

  “You don’t have to say that to make me feel better, Sarah. I know I came on too strong.”

  “It is true.” She insisted giving him a little thump on the chest with her small fist. “It’s the first time I’ve ever felt that way with anyone and if you recall, last night you were the one to end things not me. I never asked you to stop.”

  He studied her face for a long time barely daring to hope that she’d wanted him just as much as he had wanted her.

  “Sarah,” he groaned then lowered his head to kiss her.

  Sarah rose up on tiptoe to return his kiss. She was more eager than he had ever known her to be. Her arms slipped around his neck and she parted her lips for him. He pushed his tongue inside and mated wildly with hers. His hands moved to her waist dragging her even closer. When she closed her lips over his tongue and sucked he groaned again and tightened his hold on her. His erection strained against his jeans and he wanted so much to just blow off work to bring her home and bury himself in her all afternoon. Unfortunately, good sense took that moment to rear its ugly head and he drew back. His breathing was ragged as he rested his head against hers.

  “I’m sorry, Baby. I know I got a little crazy just now.”

  “You never have to apologize for that. I wanted you to kiss me that way. In fact, I-”

  “You what Sarah? Tell me what you want.”

  She took a deep breath as if to gather her courage then lifted her gaze to his. “I want you Tony.”

  Those four words had the power to bring him to his knees. Tony wasn’t aware of how much he’d needed to hear them until that moment. But still, he didn’t want to misinterpret the intent behind them. “Tell me what you mean by that.”

  She gave a nervous little smile. “I think you have an idea.”

  “I’m not going to assume anything. I need you to spell out exactly what you want from me. If you can’t then I won’t believe you mean it.”

  “Fine, I want you to make love to me. I want us to become lovers. Is that clear enough for you?”

  "Uh, y-yeah, I think that was pretty clear. When did you have in mind?"

  Sarah lifted a shoulder in a delicate little shrug. "I don't know. I was hoping you would be the one to figure that out. You're the expert in all this."

  "Well,” he said thoughtfully. “A moment like this deserves to be treated like the special occasion it is. Why don’t you give me until lunch time to come up with a plan, OK?"

  "Sure."

  He kissed her again, a light affectionate caress that ended far sooner than he would have liked but he had the promise of much more to come to get him through the rest of the morning. "I have a few deliveries to deal with this morning so I'll leave you to take care of your invoices. How about if I bring lunch and we can eat in my office later?"

  "I'd like that."

  Several hours later he not only had a plan but he'd already taken steps to put it into place. "So, here's what I suggest." He spelled out over tuna sandwiches in his office. "Tomorrow night after we close up you are going to head to my house and you'll stay the weekend. I've already arranged for Matt and Leah to call Jimmy or Christy if there are any emergencies while we're away."

  Sarah swallowed the bite she'd been chewing as she listened. "Alright."

  Tony noticed the slight tremor of her hand as she reached for her drink and was quick to reassure her. "If you decide at any time to change your mind it's alright. There's no pressure. I want to make that clear. We'll take our time and if it feels right then fine but if it doesn't that's fine too."

  His words must have had the desired effect because when she set her bottle of tea down her hand was much steadier. "I'm not going to change my mind Tony. I want this. I'll admit I'm a little nervous but that's all. I want to be with you in every way."

  He studied her for a long time. The determined gleam in her eyes never wavered. Yes, he thought. In a matter of hours she would be in his arms, in his bed. He just hoped like hell he could make it good for her.

  Chapter Ten

  Sarah was on edge as Tony stood in front of her. The day had been nerve wracking as the hours ticked by at a snail's pace some moments and lightning speed at others. Now the moment had arrived and she found herself feeling edgy. Was this it? Was she really ready to give herself completely to this man?

  “Before we go any further I have to tell you something.” He confessed breaking her out of her own thoughts.

  “What is it?” She asked wondering if what he had to say would be the thing that finally made her run for the hills. So far he’d made some pretty intense revelations but none of that mattered. Nothing seemed to break the hold he had over her.

  Tony ran a hand through his hair then rubbed the back of his neck. His cheeks turned a bright red and it was all she could do not to grin. He was so cute when he got like this, all nervous and unsure.

  “You've already told me about your past sexual experiences and you know most of mine but there’s still more you need to know. I need to tell you about what happened when I first got back from Afghanistan.”

  Warning lights started to flash in her mind and mentally she braced for impact. Was this it? Would this be the moment when their relationship was blown all to hell? She schooled her features not allowing her anxiety to show. “You mean besides your movie career?”

  “Well that’s part of it. Actually, it’s what led me to that field to begin with.”

  She took a breath. And let it out slowly. “Whatever it is we’ll deal with it.”

  This must have been what he was waiting for because he immediately launched into his tale. “I was away for four years and I hadn’t been around very many women. The guys I was stationed with were all pretty much in the same situation. A bunch of guys in a place where we didn’t speak the language and didn’t have any women and well- we got a little nuts, especially at the end when we knew our tour was about to end.”

  Sarah was silent for a long moment trying to put two and two together. “Are you trying to say that you and the guys in your group scratched that particular itch with each other?”

  He choked back a laugh. “Uh, no, there may have been a couple that did but I wasn't one of them. But, when I got home I wasn't the most discriminating when it came to hookups. The only thing I insisted on was that I wear a condom no matter what kind of birth control the women claimed to be on, even while filming. I’ve had several checkups sin
ce then and I have a clean bill of health in case you're wondering. I can even show you my latest medical report if you want. It’s been a few years since I allowed myself free reign like that. If you change your mind about us I would understand but I owed it to you to be completely upfront about my sexual history especially since you were so honest about yours.”

  When he finished speaking he met her gaze. The look on his face made it clear he was expecting her condemnation or at the very least disappointment but try as she might, she couldn’t find it in her heart to be upset. Standing she reached up to pull his head down and kissed him softly. “Thank you for telling me. You’ve been honest with me even when it would have been easier not to and I really appreciate it. It’s not my place to judge your past so don’t expect me to. I’m not perfect either. At least you used your head and used protection. If you told me that you hadn’t I definitely would have needed to see that medical report before we went any further.”

  He let out a relieved exhale and she could tell it was the right thing to say. It was on the tip of her tongue to confess her feelings then but fought the impulse. The moment just didn’t seem like the right one. Either that or she was just a chicken. She wasn’t given time to consider it though. Strong arms banded around her, trapping her as Tony feasted on her lips and robbed her of all rational thought. This was it. She was about to make love with Tony for the first time. He would be her first lover, the one she would always remember. He shifted to rub against her making her aware of the hard bulge in his jeans and her mind flashed to the image of him and that girl in the video. Abruptly she broke the kiss.

  “Sarah?”

  She pressed her face in his chest. Oh Lord, what had she been thinking? There was no way she would be able to satisfy this man. He was going to roll over later and stare at the ceiling wondering why he’d even bothered. “I’m sorry, Tony. I haven’t changed my mind but it just occurred to me the kind of women you’re used to being with. Compared to them, I have literally zero experience. I’m afraid this whole thing is going to be one big disappointment for you.”