His Redemption

by Nikki Chase-Coakley

  Sarah reached out and grasped both her parents' hands. "You know, I think that would be the best news I've heard in days."

  They continued to talk while they finished eating dinner. Later exhausted by the emotions and the pregnancy Sarah went to bed early. She wasn’t sure what woke her up later that night. Her dreams had been blessedly free of nightmares so she should have been fine. Then she heard it, a strange cry of some kind. Fear iced her veins and caused her to act on instinct. Throwing off the covers she raced down the hall past the bathroom towards her mother’s room. When she reached the closed door she thought little of jerking it open only to wish she hadn't been so hasty. Lorraine and Nicholas Fournier lay naked, bodies entwined in the tangled bed sheets. At their daughter's wild intake of breath they stopped kissing and looked up.

  "Oh crap- sorry!" She cried and quickly closed the door. After racing back to her own bedroom Sarah paced the floor unsure if she should laugh or cry at what she’d just witnessed. No person should ever have to stumble upon their parents like that. Growing up without her father, she'd always dreamed that one day he would return and make her mother smile again. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine catching them doing the nasty. It made her wonder what that meant though. Had they agreed to start over or were they just fooling around?

  When she awoke the next morning the house where she had grown up was completely quiet. There was a note from her mother telling Sarah that she had gone to the restaurant early to check on the produce and meat deliveries for the day and her dad had gone back to his hotel room to collect his things. They would meet her later for dinner. Seeing that she now had the entire day and the house to herself she decided to tidy up. After dusting and vacuuming and washing dishes she went upstairs to change the sheets on the beds and tried hard not to think about what her parents had been doing between them the night before. She found some comfort in the knowledge that not only did they not judge her for getting pregnant before she was married but also the fact that they were still in love after all these years and still enjoying a very passionate physical relationship, if the sounds from their room were any indication. It gave her hope that one day she might find that in a man. Unfortunately she thought she'd found it in Tony and that completely depressed her.

  The doorbell rang and she bounded down the stairs hoping it was her dad. Maybe they could have lunch together. Sarah pulled open the door and stared in astonishment at the visitor on her doorstep.

  "Celeste, I- uh, hello, what brings you here?"

  The other woman looked upset as she took a step closer to the entrance. Nervously she clutched the strap on her purse. "Hello, Sarah. I was hoping you would have a minute to talk with me."

  "I don't know what we would have to discuss but sure come on in." Sarah took a step back and pulled the door open further to allow her guest to enter. After the older woman stepped inside Sarah closed the door and gestured to the living room on the right. "Won't you please have a seat?"

  The woman lowered herself on the couch while Sarah cautiously perched on the end of the easy chair across from her. Before she could ask Tony's mother what this was about the woman began talking. "I know I'm probably the last person in the world you would want to see at a time like this but I wanted to see how you were doing."

  Sarah looked at her in astonishment. "Forgive me for being so rude but I would think you'd be happy to hear that Tony ended things with me. I know you never approved of my dating your son. Now that things are over between us I kind of figured you would be ready to throw a party."

  “That's just it.” Celeste rushed in, her voice vehement. “I'm not happy at all. I came here to apologize for my behavior. I'm sorry about all of it. It took me some time but I finally realized that it wasn’t your skin color that had me so upset. It wouldn't have mattered what you looked like." She stopped and took a moment to collect herself.

  "I know this doesn't make any sense but let me try to explain. I was thirty-five years old when I gave birth to Tony. Peter and I had been married for more than ten years before I became pregnant. By that time I had, more or less, resigned myself to never having children and was over the moon at this unexpected blessing. I marveled at every stage of my pregnancy. I didn't even care about morning sickness, stretch marks or even labor pains. To me that just meant I was one step closer to holding my baby. I admit that over the years we coddled and spoiled him. Tony had everything he'd ever asked for and I'm afraid we are somewhat to blame for the way he turned out. By the time he graduated from high school he had become what every parent dreads. Yes, he was handsome and intelligent but he was so stubborn, arrogant and short tempered, no one could get through to him. He was convinced he could just skate through life never taking his responsibilities seriously and it was our fault. We’d never taught him the importance of hard work or responsibility. When he went off to school I’m afraid he didn't acclimate well to being on his own."

  "He told me he pretty much partied constantly and flunked out his second year of college." Sarah contributed.

  Celeste nodded sadly. “We knew then we had to do something in order to make him see the error of his ways so we cut him off financially. He ranted and raved for days on end at the unfairness of it all but Peter put his foot down and I supported him. Finally Tony decided to join the military. While he was there he matured like we'd hoped but the cost was more than any of us ever expected. He came back a changed man but he was so unhappy. He was intense and quiet. He rarely smiled and never laughed or joked or even teased the way he used to. I knew from what I'd seen on the news that he'd faced some horrific circumstances but he never talked about it and we never pushed. We had no idea he’d gotten himself mixed up in that movie business and didn’t have a clue where he went when he left the house for days, sometimes weeks, on end. Finally we just gave up trying to bring him back. We figured this was what he was and we would have to learn to accept it.”

  "Then one day we flew in for a visit to see how he was doing and found a completely different man. Tony was suddenly happy, animated in a way he hadn't been in years. He went on and on about you that day before we ever even met and I'm ashamed to admit I didn't like what I was hearing. I hadn't even laid eyes on you but already I'd decided not to like you. In my mind you were the enemy because not only were you taking my son away from me but you were able to bring the old Tony back. Something I, the woman who had given birth to him, hadn’t been able to accomplish. I had a hard time accepting that.”

  “That's really what this was about. All my objections had more to do with my inability to accept the fact that my son had grown up and become a man capable of choosing a woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Once I got over that particularly painful reality I was able to admit that you were good for him. You’re the only woman that has ever truly made him happy. I haven't seen him so light hearted since he was a boy. You did that and I can't begin to thank you for what you’ve done for him."

  Sarah was stunned. Never in her life could she have imagined having this conversation with Celeste. She felt her heart softening towards the woman. How could she ever remain hard hearted with the mother of the man she loved? "You don't owe me anything, least of all thanks. All I did was love him, which wasn't all that hard to do. Tony's a hard man to resist. I didn't even want a relationship with him at first. Did he tell you that? I fought my attraction to him but pretty quickly he found a way straight to my heart."

  "My son has his father's stubborn streak. It's a good thing and a bad one I'm afraid. But there are ways around that."

  Sarah folded her arms as if to ward off a chill. "I appreciate the warning but I can’t see that it matters now. It's over."

  "You can't just give up and walk away, not if you really love him."

  "My loving him isn't enough. He has to love me back and he's made it more than clear that's no longer the case."

  "He does love you but he's so convinced he's the one to blame for your attack that he can't see past what he considers his
own personal failings. He needs your help to do that. I honestly believe you're the only one that can."

  "I don't know how." Sarah admitted sadly. "I've gone over our last moments a million times and for the life of me I can't figure out what I did or said to make him change his mind about us."

  “Come over tomorrow afternoon. I’ll make sure Tony is home when you get there. Talk to him. Make him understand what he’s losing. You’re a wonderful woman Sarah. I’m just sorry it took me so long to recognize it.”

  “I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you. I’m not even sure I want look at him right now.”

  Chapter Twenty

  The next day, against her better judgment, Sarah used her key to enter Tony’s house. Listening intently she didn’t hear anyone in the home and breathed a sigh of relief. At least she would be spared the pain of having to look at him one more time. She wasn’t at all sure how she would react if he were there. She bounded up the stairs already cataloging the things she planned to take with her and the other things that she would leave behind. She would take her clothes and personal belongings that she'd first arrived with. Anything she’d purchased for the house she would leave. Tony could do whatever he wanted with them. The baby would be enough of a reminder of what she’d had once and lost. She didn’t need any more.

  Upon entering the bedroom she deliberately averted her gaze from the bed. Too many memories of time spent there assaulted her at the brief glimpse of it. Moving to the closet she pulled out the two large suite cases she came there with and dropped them on the floor. After opening them she went back to the closet to retrieve her belongings. It was on her second trip with a stack of folded jeans that she heard footsteps coming from the hall. Heart racing, she continued with her task. With any luck Tony would see her and leave until she was done, saving them both from an awkward goodbye.

  “Sarah?”

  His deep achingly familiar voice resonated through her and caused her to stop in her tracks. “Tony, I –I didn’t think you’d be here. I’m just getting my things then I’ll be on my way.”

  He didn’t say anything right away just stood there in the doorway looking more gorgeous than he had any right to look. Sarah forced her focus back on her task. Turning she carried her stack of clothes to the waiting bag. Behind her she heard him say. “I’m really sorry things had to end this way.”

  “Yeah, sure whatever.”

  “I mean it."

  She straightened and met his gaze. She was tired, frustrated and miserable. She was holding on to her calm by her fingernails but his words pushed her over the edge. “I don’t believe you.”

  “It’s true. I never wanted this to happen between us. I was so focused on being in love with you that I was blind to the valid worries you had about us being together.”

  “You’re so full of crap it’s not even funny.”

  He scowled and she almost lost her mad. She had never been afraid of him. Every time he made that fierce expression it only made him look sexier in her eyes.

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” He demanded.

  “It means that you were the one to convince me that if we worked hard at it, our relationship would last. You had me believing that no matter how hard things got you would always be there and we would work out our problems. But all of your so called promises were just words. The first time things got a little hard you bailed. You told me over and over again I could trust you that I could lean on you, that you would always be there for me and it turned out to be a bunch of lies. That’s really why this is ending. You set this all in motion. So don't try to make me believe you never wanted this.”

  He closed the distance between them in a heartbeat. “I didn’t choose to leave you Sarah. You don't understand. I had no other choice. I should have never let you go out there alone that night. It was my fault those men attacked you. All of it was my fault. I couldn't let that keep happening. Hurting you is the last thing I ever wanted to do.”

  He barely brushed the brightly colored bruise over her right cheek. “As it is, I’ll have to live with what they did to you for the rest of my life. I put you in danger. You warned me things like this could happen but I chose not to listen. I had my head so far up my ass that I couldn’t see the reality of the world around me.”

  She pondered what he said for a moment before nodding. “I guess I was wrong.”

  She turned away and resumed her packing. Tony tracked her every movement with his eyes. “You’re damned right you were wrong. Do you honestly think I want this? Do you think I like the idea of spending the rest of my life alone? I don’t you know. I want to spend it with you. I want to have babies with you. I still love you damn it!”

  While he ranted, Sarah calmly pulled open the dresser drawers removing items. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

  “What would be the point? You don’t really care how I feel about all this. It's irrelevant as far as you're concerned. You decided we won’t be together so that’s what’s going to happen. I can’t fight that. Unlike Christy I know I can't make you love me and there is no way I’m going to stick around when you’ve made it clear I’m not wanted.”

  He gripped her arms. “Haven't you listened to a word I said? I do want you. I've never stopped wanting you."

  "No, you don't. If you did you wouldn't be trying so hard to get rid of me. It's alright, though. I'm a big girl and I'll get over it."

  She gave him a watery smile and moved past him to put her things away. When she moved back to the dresser she slid the engagement ring off her finger and set it on the surface next to the set of house keys he’d given her when she first moved in.

  "What do you think you're doing?" He demanded.

  The pain now was more than she could bear. Her throat had swollen to the point where it was nearly impossible to speak so she didn't even try to answer him. Sniffling she pulled out another drawer and searched the contents to make sure she hadn't left anything important behind but her vision was so badly blurred she couldn't see a thing.

  "Sarah?" He groaned, his voice much softer than it had been.

  "Could you please just leave?" She wheezed. "This whole thing would be a lot easier if you would just go away."

  Then the tears started in earnest. She turned her head, tried her best to stem the sobs that wracked her body. Instantly she was enfolded in his warm protective arms. The feeling was so familiar so tender it made her feel worse. She struggled against him but he held her that much tighter, pressing his face into her hair he whispered softly.

  "Please Baby, don't cry. I can't stand to see you like this."

  "I can't help it." She hiccupped. "It hurts. I trusted you. I actually started to believe that this time things would be different. I thought we would always be together that I would always be important to you. You made me love you and then you turned your back on me. I don't know what I'm I supposed to do now? I wish I could find words mean enough to hurt you the same way you hurt me but I can't because despite it all I still love you, damn it. And just how screwed up is that? I get attacked by two weirdoes looking to hurt me and you, the only man I have ever loved suddenly abandons me as if I'd done something wrong. You end our engagement, throw me out of your home and to top it all off I’m unemployed. My life is a mess thanks to you and yet, idiot that I am, I still hold out hope that one day you might come to your senses."

  She drew a deep calming breath and pushed free of his embrace. Wiping her eyes on the backs of her hands she moved to zip closed the suite cases. "I'm done here. If I've left anything behind you can either keep it or toss it. I don’t care which."

  She lifted the handle on the first case and after pulling it upright reached for the other. Tony moved to help but she stopped him with a chilling look. "I've got it."

  She wheeled the cases out the room without a second glance vanishing down the hall. Tony stood there in the middle of the room he'd once shared with Sarah. In the distance he could hear her cases thumping down the carpeted stairs. He
looked over and saw the dull glint of the ring she'd left behind then back to the bed they used to share. It was in that bed he’d first made her his, where they’d first declared their love for each other. Was it really only a few days ago they were planning a life together?

  Sarah used to love falling asleep wrapped in his arms after making love. He would throw his leg over hers locking her to him as if he were afraid she would disappear in the middle of the night. He loved the way her hair smelled and the soft sleepy noises she would make before opening her eyes each morning and the meals she'd prepared nearly every night since they started living together. She never cowered from him when he lost his temper. She never minded when he showed his weak side to her. Every time she learned something new and potentially alarming about him she never judged him. Instead she'd shown him kindness and understanding, loving him anyway. She'd made his life seem so much brighter just because she was in it. She'd helped him with his sleeping problems and kept the nightmares at bay.

  Christy problems or not, was he really ready to give all that up? Hadn't he told Sarah he would love her forever? He already knew he would never find anyone half as good as her. She was his best friend, his lover, his heart.

  Tell me again why kicking her out of your life was an intelligent move?

  Right now he wasn’t treating her any better than the other men in her past. She probably thought he’d used her then dumped her once the novelty had worn off. And the icing on the proverbial cake was that he was giving Christy exactly what she wanted.

  Looking at things from Sarah's point of view he supposed she was right. He hadn't stopped to consider what she wanted. Without sharing the truth with her, he'd made decisions for the both of them and she was suffering the most for the consequences. Sure, he was dying inside at the thought of never seeing or holding her again but she was given the added bonus of knowing that the man she had learned to trust had let her down, abandoned her then rendered her homeless and unemployed at a time when she needed him. He really was a mean bastard. Yet, Sarah admitted, she still loved him. Despite how badly he'd treated her she still wanted him in her life. That was something right?