by Jane Toombs
"How could you ever forget?"
"Come and sit by me, Johanna."
Reluctantly, she obeyed, perching on the chaise. Vera put an arm around her. "I think of you as my daughter. You've always called me 'mama' and I love you equally with the twins--you know that."
"Delores was my b-birth mother, though, my real mother. She had lovers. Uncle Vince f-for one." She look into Vera's eyes. "I wish you'd truly been my mother. Then Brian and I c-could..." Tears prevent her from going on.
Hugging her, Vera said, "Cousins can marry. Even double ones. Whether it's a good idea, is another matter. But it's foolish for you or Brian to plan on marrying anyone for years yet."
"Not c-cousins," Johanna said tearfully. "Not if Uncle Vince was my father, like he is Brian's. Daddy thinks he was--he told me. Isn't it funny? I still c-call him Daddy."
"John is your father." Vera spoke in her no-nonsense tone. "Whatever doubts he has, I have none."
"Why not? Everyone else s-seems to."
"Vincent himself told both me and John he was not your father. That's proof enough for me."
"It won't be for Brian."
Vera sighed again. "It's time the two of you experienced a larger world than this valley. He'll probably go to Stanford this fall, young as he is. I think we'll send you to St. Bianca for a year before you start at the university. The separation will be good for both of you as well as the chance to widen your horizons. If the feeling between you persists as you grow older, then you'll know it's real."
"I already know, I don't need time."
"Perhaps you're being selfish. Have you thought Brain might need to be away from you, meet other girls and become more mature before he's ready for marriage?"
Johanna was silent. She could answer for herself, but not for Brian.
"I'm sorry you must face all these unpleasant and frightening facts about the past," Vera said. "I've tried to shield you from them, but I should have known I couldn't do that forever."
"Was my brother Sergei really insane?" Johanna asked.
"I'm afraid so. After what happened, he was better off dead, though your father has never forgiven himself for the shooting accident."
"What made Sergei like he was?"
Vera was silent for a few moments. "I think part of it had to do with Delores. They had an odd relationship--she spoiled him and then withdrew her attention. Then he got involved in this belief about black magic. I think something snapped in his mind."
"But Samara's all right, even though they were twins."
"Samara's wonderful. And so are you." Vera gave her a final hug.
Back in her own room, Johanna realized her talk with Vera had frightened rather than relieved her. Would something go wrong in her mind? Was the compulsion she felt to wear the silver pendant the first sign?
Was it possible Tabitha had been mad, too? To reassure herself, Johanna decided to take a look at the journal she'd found. Opening it, she read:
"Ramos, the Mexican workman, who knows something of magic, has started work on the secret passage to my room behind the black door. I must keep this journal hidden from everyone lest they discover what I have had Ramos do. They think to keep me out of my room by taking my key, but they shall not. The room is mine and mine alone, so they must never find my new entrance nor the hidden place in my closet Ramos has fashioned for this journal.
The Russian pendant Aunt Metta gave me will be secreted with the journal. Only the pendant can protect Hallow House from doom, but I cannot expect unbelievers to understand."
Sometime during the reading, Johanna had slipped the pendant over her head without realizing what she was doing. Now it hung between her breasts like a great weight pulling her from all she knew. She cupped her hand around it, surprised by its warmth, while she mulled over what Tabitha had written.
Goosebumps rose on her arms as she realized what the journal had told her. North tower, secret passage could mean only one things. There was a way to enter the room behind the black door other than through that door. Not that she'd ever want to. Still the idea was fascinating. She flipped through more pages:
"Boris no longer comes to me at night. He is my husband so he must. He will soon enough, for there are ways to bring a man to you, to bind him to your side. The witch book has the recipe. I must take three hairs from Boris' head and knot them thrice. The hairs must be burned in a fire of rosemary while chanting the secret words that will bind his will to mine. The spell will be the more powerful if done in the room behind the black door and I shall wear my silver pendant which makes all spells more potent."
The rest of the pages contained what appeared to be chants and invocations, many of them in a language strange to Johanna. As she closed the journal, she wondered if Tabitha had succeeded in binding Boris to her. Was it possible they actually was a magic spell to do such a thing?
The pendant pressed against her flesh as if in answer.
Chapter 36
The winter passed and eased into spring. Johanna was happy her parents finally got to take their long-awaited vacation in Hawaii, but their absence did make reading Tabitha's journal more difficult because she was never sure when Frances would pop in unexpectedly "just to check" and see how she was doing. She'd managed to convince the twins to knock first, but she knew that wouldn't work with Frances, who did knock, but then immediately opened the door. Though she knew her old nurse was concerned about her, she couldn't help being annoyed at the interruptions. If Frances ever caught her with the journal, that'd be the end of it,
Despite this, she managed to learn many of the strange invocations by heart by the time Daddy and Vera arrived home in late April. She hadn't yet summoned up the courage to examine the north tower for the secret entrance to the room behind the black door, though. Nor had she worn the silver chain with its pendant again. To tell the truth, it scared her a little.
Brian no longer avoided her, though they were seldom alone. Actually Johanna steered shy of Brian more often than not. The journal with its magic chants seemed to loom like a barrier between them. Never before had she hid anything from Brian, but the easy friendliness they once shared no longer existed. Still, they got on cordially--until he invited Sue Middleton to the Spring Dance.
Johanna confronted him. "You told me she wasn't your type."
"That's right. So I invited her. Makes it simpler."
"I don't believe you."
"Your privilege." Brian acted like a stiff, unsmiling stranger. "Are you going with Ralph?"
"No."
"He invited you, I know he did."
"I didn't accept."
"You're being foolish."
"That's also my privilege," she said coolly.
For a moment she saw a lost look in his blue eyes, but, before she could say anything more, he turned and walked away. She was too proud to run after him.
Heading for her room, she overheard Naomi arguing with their mother about the invitation she'd gotten to the dance.
"He's two years older than you," Vera said in her no-argument tone, "and he has a dubious reputation. I can't permit you to go with such a boy."
"That's not the real reason," Naomi sad hotly. "If Katrina had been invited by someone, you'd have let us go. You always want us together."
"I've heard quite enough. There'll be no more discussion."
Later, Naomi confessed to Johanna, "I really don't like Emery all that well. But Mama treats us like a unit. Either we both do something, or neither of us does. I'm sick of not being able to be myself alone."
"How does Katrina feel?"
Naomi shrugged. "She's off in her dream world half the time. I prefer the real world. I want to get away from Hallow House, I want to be myself somewhere away from here. How will I ever convince him to let me go?"
"Maybe you'd better plan on finding a way of your own."
"Easy to say." Tears welled in Naomi's eyes. "You know it's impossible to do,"
The night of the dance, Johanna didn't go down to dinner.
But, sitting on her bed, braced against her pillows, she knew exactly when Mervin drove up to the front door to collect Brian. She remembered the dance last September with the twins in the front singing with Mervin:
"The devil chooses
From the bottom of the heap..."
That's exactly where she felt she was--on the bottom. Father Bennett would give her untold penance if she ever confessed to reading Tabitha' s journal. All magic belonged to the devil.
Someone knocked. She stuffed the journal and the pendant behind the pillows, told whoever it was to enter and the door opened. Katrina edged into the room and closed the door behind her. "You probably won't want me to stay," she said.
Johanna raised her eyebrows. "Why on earth not."
Katrina bit her lip. "I know you're going to get into that room upstairs that Daddy boarded up. I know 'cause I saw you in there."
"Sit down, you make me nervous standing over me like the angel of doom," Johanna told her. "You mean you foresaw again?"
Katrina perched tentatively on the edge of the bed. "There's this book you have and a silver necklace you wear and you stand inside the room with the black, boarded-up door and say words I don't understand."
Johanna reached behind the pillows and pulled out the journal and the pendant. "These?"
Katrina nodded. "What you were doing scared me."
"This is our Great-grandmother Tabitha's journal. Do you want to read it? Tabitha was a witch, you know. Maybe you inherit your foreseeing from her."
Katrina gaped at her. "There's no such thing as witches, not really."
"Tabitha believed she was one. And I don't know anyone else who can see events before they happen like you do."
"I'm not a witch," Katrina insisted.
Johanna thrust the book at her. "Here--read it."
While Katrina held the book gingerly, Johanna slipped the chain over her own head, allowing the pendant to nestle against her. "And this is what you called a necklace."
Katrina peered at it. "That's the Gemini sign, your birth sign. The Heavenly Twins. Except they're not supposed to be wearing those hoods. And, ugh, one of them has a skull instead of a face. How come?"
"I think it has something to do with the Gregory curse that Aunt Adele told Brian and me about when we were younger. It goes like this:
"By the gate the two wolves lie
Of children two, the one must die.
God hears not the prayers you send
Death and destruction mark the end."
Katrina shivered. "I wish you hadn't told it to me."
"Do you believe in the devil?"
"I'm not sure. Sometimes it's as if something cold reaches out to touch me. It scares me 'cause I know it's evil."
"What do you do then?"
"I find Naomi. She makes the feeling go away, even though she doesn't ever feel it herself."
Like me and Brian, Johanna thought. He doesn't see the shadows, but he makes them go away. She had to find a way to bind Brian to her.
"Would you do something for me?" she asked Katrina.
"I guess so." Katrina's voice was wary.
"Come up to the third floor with me. Tabitha's journal says there's a secret entrance to the room with the black door. Daddy's nailed the door shut, but we could try to find the hidden way in." Part of Johanna quivered with terror at the thought of that room, but something that seemed almost to be outside of her drove her on.
"I don't really want to. Can we bring Naomi?"
Johanna shook her head. "You're the one with special ability, not her. You're the only one who can really help me."
"Well--all right."
Johanna eased off the bed, opened her top drawer and took out a leather pouch.
Katrina stared at it apprehensively. "What's that?"
"Just some candles and stuff. Let's hope Naomi doesn't hear us."
"She won't. She cried so much about not getting to go to the dance that she fell asleep."
The Spring Dance seemed remote to Johanna, as though she'd left the world of dances behind. They crept up the flight of stairs to the north tower, she carrying the bag and the journal that Katrina had thrust back at her. Once inside the room, with the light on, they looked at the wall separating it from the middle room, the one behind the black door. The paneled wall, that had obviously been painted white sometime in the past, seemed to have no distinguishing features.
"Tabitha's journal said she'd marked the passageway with a small red dot," Johanna said, "but I guess that got painted over."
"Red? Then it's right there." Katrina pointed to a spot near Johanna's left hand.
"I don't see anything."
"But it's there, I can tell. Push where I show you."
Johanna obeyed, pushing as hard as she could on a spot that didn't look any different to her than any other part of the wall. For a moment nothing happened, then she felt the wall move a little. "Help me. I think it's stuck."
Between them they managed to slide open a section of the wall, They peered into the darkness beyond the opening. Delaying the moment she'd have to actually venture in, Johanna asked, "How could you tell where the red dot was?"
"I just knew, that's all."
"But there's no visible mark."
"I can't help that." Katrina sounded defensive.
Aware she was talking to put off going into Tabitha's room, Johanna took a deep breath. The frightened part of her wanted to retreat to her bedroom, but the strange force that had impelled her up here urged her forward.
"No, let's not go inside," Katrina said.
"I have to." Johanna opened the pouch, removed matches and a red candle, lit the candle, held it in front of her and stooped to enter the opening. Once inside, she stood up and gazed about in the dim flicker of candle flame. Red walls, no furniture, a raised platform like an altar, with a red drape on the altar wall
"I think there's supposed to be a light switch by the door," she said, not liking the way her voice seem to echo in the room. She wouldn't be so nervous with more light in here. At the door, she felt along the wall, found a switch and flicked it in. The bulb in the ceiling flared, flashed and winked out
Katrina gasped.
"It's just a burned-out bulb," Johanna said, as much to reassure herself as Katrina. She hadn't gotten this far to turn tail and run.
"Make a circle," she muttered, quoting from the journal.
"I don't like it in here," Katrina, who was barely inside the room, whispered.
"Ssh." After deciding in front of the altar was the right place, Johanna set the burning candle on the floor, took a piece of chalk from the pouch and drew a wavering circle around herself and the candle.
Following the memorized ritual, she pulled out the sprig of rosemary she'd intertwined with three of Brian's hairs she'd taken from his comb.
"Please, let's not stay here." Katrina's voice quavered.
"Be quiet," Johanna snapped. It was hard enough to remember all the strange words of incantation without outside interference. She picked up the candle and began the incantation as she thrust the sprig of rosemary into the candle flame.
As the pungent odor rose around her, she dropped the smoldering herb to the floor and raised both her arms straight up into the air, holding the flaring candle above her. When she finished chanting the words she didn't understand, she switched to English:
"As the sap rises in the tree
So must your love rise.
As the earth nourishes the tree
So must your love nourish me.
I ask this of..."
A chill shook Johanna, making her break off before she chanted the alien names. The room seemed darker as well as colder. As she lowered her arms, the chill spread until her mind as well as her body felt frozen
Something tugged at her hand, but she couldn't move. The tug grew stronger, then was gone. From the corners of the room, the shadows crept closer. The candle flame flickered and died. The only light was the square that marked the way out.
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"Johanna!" someone called urgently. Katrina?
The shadows crowded around her, blocking her way as she struggled to move, to free herself from the circle and find her way from this terrible room.
"Stay, stay," the shadows whispered. "Become one with us."
The square of light where safety lay faded and was gone, then, unable to move, she fell into the he darkness of the shadows.
After a time voices drifted into her darkness. She lay passively, unable to respond in any way.