by Jane Toombs
"We have to get her down the steps somehow so we can put her to bed." Naomi's voice.
"She looks awful--we'd better call Mama." Katrina.
"Then Daddy will find out you were in that room with her. Do you want that to happen?"
"But what if she's dying?"
"She fainted is all. Go get a blanket like I told you. We'll carry her in a blanket sling like we learned in first aid. Hurry up."
Silence. Then Johanna felt a pulling and tugging as she was rolled onto something soft.
"When we get her into bed I'll tell Mama we found her like this in bed. We can't mention this place--ever. You have to stay in your room 'cause if Mama sees your face she'll know something else happened,." Naomi said.
Bumping, swaying, Johanna felt smothered in the blanket until finally she lay on a yielding surface.
"There's still a book upstairs. And she's got that pendant on." Katrina, said.
"I'll take care of it. You go shut yourself in our room. Hurry."
Johanna felt her head raised, the chain slipped off. Her eyes fluttered open but Naomi was already out of her line of vision. When she tried to turn her head to see what her sister was doing, she found all she could move were her eyes. She whimpered in fright. What was wrong with her?
After what seemed forever, Vera's face came into her line of vision. Her mother's fingers touched her wrist, feeling for a pulse.
"Mama," Johanna sobbed. "I can't move."
'Don't worry, dear, I'll take care of you." Vera smoothed Johanna's hair back from her forehead and wiped her wet cheeks with a tissue.
"Naomi," Vera ordered, "tell Frances to call Kevin immediately. Make sure she makes him understand he must hurry."
"Am I dying?" Johanna asked. "Is that why I can't move?"
"No, sweetheart, you'll be all right. Kevin will know what to do."
"The shadows came and Brian wasn't there. They touched me, Mama. Brian doesn't love me anymore, he doesn't, and without Brian I will die."
"Ssh. I'm here to take care of you."
Johanna's eyes brimmed with new tears. Mama didn't understand, no one did. Brian had deserted her and the shadows were inside her now, making her helpless.
"I told Frances," Naomi said from outside Johanna's vision.
Vera rose from the bed.
"Don't go away," Johanna begged.
"Just for a damp washcloth, dear. Naomi will stay where you can see her."
Naomi's unnaturally pale face appeared above Johanna. Leaning close she whispered, "Don't tell about going into that room Mama thinks Katrina and I found you here in your bed. Daddy'll be furious if he ever finds out."
"The room...?" Johanna's voice trailed off. Even saying the word frightened her.
"Closed now. Katrina ran and got me and we pulled you out of there. She thought you were dead. I hid the journal and the pendant in..." Naomi stopped and straightened, moving out of Johanna's range of vision.
Vera sat on the bed again and the cool washcloth she brought felt soothing. Johanna closed her eyes, but the dark was terrifying, so she opened them quickly, focusing them of her mother's face."
"Stay with me," she pleaded.
Vera reached for her hand and held it. "I will, sweetheart."
Kevin came by sometime later and poked and prodded her, looked in her eyes, ears and mouth, listened to her chest. "Everything's normal." "It's not polio?" Vera's voice was barely audible.
"Can't be. Normal reflexes and her sensory apparatus all reacts as it should." He, too, spoke in a low tone, but Johanna could hear every word.
"Then what--?"
"You mentioned she was frightened by something?"
"A nightmare, maybe. I'm not certain."
"I imagine there's more to it than that. I suspect this is hysterical paralysis. Has she been upset lately?"
"We'll talk about that later, when--"
Vera was interrupted by John's voice. "What's going on? People running up and down the hall--Kevin, is that you?" Her father came far enough into the bedroom so Johanna could see him.
Rage gathered like a knot in her stomach as he advanced until he was staring down at her.
"Is she sick?" he asked Kevin.
Johanna glared up at the man she called Daddy. Her fright intermingled with her anger until it grew too big to be contained.
"Everything is your fault!" she cried. "You don't like me, you never liked me and you didn't want me for a daughter and now you've taken Brian away from me and the shadows got inside and I'm going to die." Her voice rose to a shriek. "You're killing me like you killed Sergei." She turned her head away so she wouldn't have to look at him.
After a moment of silence, Kevin said, "She moved her head. I think she'll be all right."
By the next morning Johanna was in control of her body again. But she couldn't summon enough energy to even lift the glass to her lips to drink her morning orange juice. Frances finally fed her.
Days went by and she sat in her room, listlessly staring out the window, unable to focus her mind enough to read or carry on a conversation. What people said to her skimmed across the surface of her mind and disappeared without leaving more than a trace of meaning.
Even Brian's visits failed to shatter her lethargy. He held her hands, kissed her on the lips, but she had no feeling left. Nothing mattered. When she saw him wipe tears from his eyes, she realized then that she didn't even cry any more.
"Psychiatrist," Kevin said after two weeks had passed. Then she knew she must be going mad the way Sergei had. Until then, John hadn't come to her room again. She didn't care, she merely knew he hadn't. But the day after Kevin mentioned calling in a psychiatrist, John paid her a visit. She hadn't realized he'd gotten to look so old.
"Listen to me, Johanna," he said. "Look at me and listen. I want to make sure you hear me."
She didn't want to look at him, didn't mean to listen, either, but something about the sadness in his eyes focused her.
"You put yourself where you are now," he told her, "and you can get yourself out. You can snap out of this, I know you can."
Disturbed by the edge in his voice, she stared at him.
"I've been wrong so many times in my life. Perhaps I'm responsible for pushing you the wrong way, but you've put yourself in stasis--I didn't do that. You're a Gregory, damn it, and Gregorys don't give up!"
The intensity of his words made them sink through her barrier of apathy.
He began to pace back and forth as he spoke. "Whether I'm right or wrong in my beliefs no longer matters. You matter. I do love you and I want you to be happy." He stopped and turned to face her and she saw his tears.
"I was never able to accept what my brother told me, but now I see I must." He turned away again, speaking more to himself than her. "Vince was never a liar," he muttered. "Why did I refuse to believe him?"
John wiped his eyes and looked at Johanna. "I've talked to Vera. We both agree you and Brian are too young to marry. Next fall we plan to send both of you to Stanford so you won't be separated. Of course, you'll have to come out of this self-induced apathy if you intend to go. For one thing you'll have to finish out this last semester at Kahweah Academy and graduate. After you've both successfully finished a year at the university. I have no objection to a marriage.
Johanna stirred to life. "But Brian won't. He still thinks--"
John held up his hand. "Vera's been talking to Brian about his father, about your Uncle Vince--"
"My Uncle Vince?" Johanna could hardly believe her ears.
John knelt in front of her chair and took her hands in his. "That's what he was. That's all he was." His voice choked. "You're my little girl."
Johanna flung her arms around his neck and began to cry.
When Johanna gave up the screen between herself and her world, though, the shadows came back. At night she lay awake, fearing sleep lest she meet the terror she'd encountered in Tabitha's room. When she did sleep she had nightmares about opening the secret panel again.
/> The shadows clustered in the corners of any room she might be in and crept behind her in the corridors, making her fear to be alone.
Finally Vera sent her to stay with Samara and Kevin until the time came for her to leave for Palo Alto in the fall.
"My memories of home aren't so happy I'd want to live at Hallow House again, Samara told her.
"There's evil in Tabitha's room," Johanna said. "It seeps out and infects the whole house. "I can't go back."
Her father presented her with a new white Porsche as her graduation present from, Kahweah Academy. Brian got one, too, a twin to hers, in blue. He drove into Porterville often to see her.
She was shy with him at first, almost as though they were strangers. In the warm twilight, they'd walk down the hill from Samara's house to the park to feed the ducks in the pond, sometimes pushing Ivan in his stroller. Or, when Kevin could get away from his practice, they'd all go on overnight camping trips to the Sierras.
"It's like we're starting from the beginning," she said to Brian one August afternoon as they lay beside Samara's pool.
He lifted his head and grinned at her, his blue eyes bright with happiness. "This is the beginning. Our beginning."
"You won't mind not living at Hallow House later on?"
His smile faded. "I like the house," he admitted. "But more than that, I found my family there. I still have that, no matter where we live."
Yet Johanna knew he'd always dreamed of staying on at Hallow House, of having maybe having it his some day, and it made her wonder if any relationship was ever perfect. He'd given up his dream for her. She hoped their marriage would make up for it.
Late in August, when she returned home to go through her belongings still at Hallow House to decide what to take to Palo Alto, as soon as she crossed the threshold uneasiness settled over her like a pall. She was trembling by the time she climbed the stairs to her old room.
Naomi and Katrina came running up the stairs behind her, their swimsuits still dripping water.
"We missed you," Naomi said.
"You're shaking," Katrina told her. What's wrong?"
"Help me pack my stuff," Johanna said. Lowering her voice, she added, "I don't want to stay in this house any longer than I have to."
"But Mama planned on you staying for dinner," Naomi protested.
"I can't."
She tried to explain to her mother before she left. "I'm not upset when I'm at Samara's. Only here."
"Then you mustn't come home again," Vera said. "We'll come to see you instead."
Johanna stared at her in surprise, having expected to hear that she must try to overcome her dread.
"I won't have you ill," Vera added.
"Could it be the Gregory curse?" Johanna asked.
"I don't believe in curses," Vera said firmly. "But I do believe you shouldn't stay in a house that affects you so adversely. No good can possibly come of it."
As she drove away from Hallow House in the late afternoon, Johanna blinked back tears. She'd be with Brian who she loved more than anyone else in the world, but she could never go home again.
Chapter 37
"...the economic outlook for 1955 is up and away according to Commerce Secretary Weeks, who says..."
Naomi, sitting poolside, managed to turn the knob with her toes, shutting off the radio. She stood up and, hands on her hips, glared at her twin who was still in the pool. "Honestly, Katrina, I don't understand why you won't go backpacking."
"I don't want to. I don't like those kids, I told you that from the beginning." Katrina's voice was calm.
"You know perfectly well Daddy won't let me go if you don't. You're ruining the whole trip."
"I never said I'd go, so I'm not ruining anything," Katrina countered. "Besides, I have a bad feeling."
Naomi sat down again and dangled her feet in the water near her sister. "A feeling about the trip?"
"I don't think the trip has anything to do with it. Something's going to go wrong here. Maybe it's wrong already--I'm never really sure."
"Wrong with one of us?"
"I can't tell exactly, you know that."
Naomi sighed. "I'd rather not know in advance than have this sense of doom hanging over whatever I do, waiting for something bad to happen."
"So would I, if I had any choice in the matter. The feelings just come. They always have."
Naomi nodded, adjusting her swim suit top. "I'm glad we both don't foresee the future. You're welcome to the gift."
Katrina splashed water up at her. "Some gift. Must have come from the wicked fairy godmother Mama forgot to invite to the christening."
Naomi stood up and wiped the water from her face with a handy towel. "I'm going to get dressed. Want do drive into town and see Samara?"
"Maybe later." Katrina pulled herself from the water and grabbed another towel.
Watching her sister, Naomi noted how well Katrina's yellow two piece swim suit contrasted with her tanned skin and dark curls, besides showing off her excellent figure.
One of the girls had said, "Being an identical twin must be like having a mirror there all the time. You always know exactly how you look."
Naomi shook her head. No use to say it wasn't true. She'd found out in her eighteen years that people believed what they wanted to about twins. They couldn't understand that how you looked to yourself depended on how you felt inside, not on the outward appearance of your sister, no matter how identical. While she couldn't imagine life without Katrina, sometimes she wished she hadn't been born a twin, one person made into two.
"I've finished a letter to Johanna and Brian," Katrina said. "Do you want to add anything? You could mail it while you're in town."
"Did you ask if they were coming home at all this summer?"
Katrina shook her head. "After how upset Johanna got at Christmas, so they couldn't even spend the night here, I don't think they plan to visit here again. Anyway, they're both working."
Naomi was envious of Johanna being able to work part time as a research assistant while attending Stanford. Not that she thought history was the most exciting subject in the world. Still, being away at the university must be exciting.
Brian was majoring in business administration. Hard to think of him ever settling down in an office, but now that he and Johanna were married, Daddy was all set to have Brian take over in San Francisco when he was through school.
"Do you think Daddy will really retire when Brian's ready to take over?' Naomi asked.
"Mama says she'll believe that when she sees it."
"Maybe if he does, we can travel in the summers."
"You know he'd rather be here," Katrina reminded her.
Naomi's sigh was heartfelt.
"When I get married I'd like to live right here," Katrina said.
Naomi stared at her. "You're kidding. I thought you didn't like the old place."
"It'd be okay if that room was torn down and all the debris was taken away and burned. Of course there's always the possibility my husband might not want to live here."
"May I ask who you've picked to marry?"
Katrina smiled at her. "With my luck, you'll probably see him first, whoever he is."
"Ha! Who caught the bouquet at Johanna's wedding? Who snatched it right out of my hands?"
Katrina grabbed her sister's foot and Naomi lost her balance, falling into the pool. She surfaced and splashed water at Katrina.
"Mail your own letter," she yelled, diving down and swimming underwater to the other end of the pool.
Actually it was too hot to go into town, but she liked an excuse to drive the new Ford Thunderbird her father gave her for graduation. She'd chosen red, while Katrina picked white for hers. But what good was a car when your choices of places to go were so limited. Why did Daddy have to be so over-protective?
Naomi climbed from the pool and toweled her hair, letting the warm air dry her body. Katrina had disappeared into the house and Naomi followed, shivering when the coolness of the air-conditioni
ng hit her. She was planning what to wear as she climbed the stairs.
Half way up, she paused. seeing Katrina flying down the steps toward her, still in her swim suit. Her sister's eyes were wide and frightened and her mouth was open, though no sound came from her. She clutched at Naomi.
"I saw, I saw," she cried. "Oh, Naomi, it's Daddy. Daddy's dying and no one can do anything, please, Naomi, help him."