Weeks in Naviras

by Wimpress, Chris

  I try to move but I’m locked into place, the hooks in my skin are so tight they start to tear at my flesh every time I try to change position. Bobby starts to scream, even though his eyes don’t open. Sadie joins in, like she’s having a nightmare. I want to comfort them but I can’t reach them, not without tearing out my own flesh.

  Then the door opens and two men in white coats walk in; both of them have the same bee-heads as the marines. One of them starts to walk towards Bobbie’s body, the other heads for Sadie. As their pulsating mandibles quicken each of them pulls out a syringe and injects the contents into my kids’ arms. Still I can’t make a sound. The lights surrounding us flicker, then start flashing in patterns that snake up and down the room, becoming lines and diagonals, intersecting. Bobby and Sadie scream even louder, this time in agony.

  A hand on my cheek. ‘Ellie, wake up.’ I felt myself jump as I opened my eyes.

  I was on the sofa again, Rav kneeling on the floor next to me. ‘You’re okay,’ he said.

  I didn’t say anything for a moment. ‘No, I’m not okay.’ For the first time I remembered things in their proper order; from the moment I stepped out of the sea in ‘Naviras’, to feeling like I was drowning off the slipway. Then the period after that, when I was suspended in mid-air in bright light, wires attached to my body. The memories were uncurling, they scooted across my vision like a download from a camera – no, an upload, perhaps. They’d been lurking underneath the surface of my consciousness, were bursting through. I started weeping; partly because the process was giving me a splitting headache but also because of what the memories entailed; the violation they implied.

  ‘Carolina,’ I said eventually, before repeating her name twice more. ‘I need to contact her, I need to tell her about Luis and how he died. But I don’t have her number, Rav. It was in my old phone, the one I lost in the attack. Oh, Rav, I’m fucked! We all are.’

  He sighed and frowned. ‘You’re not well, Ellie. We need to get you some help.’

  ‘No,’ I grabbed hold of his arm. I could feel it trembling. ‘No, I know where they’ll send me, Rav. They’ll send me back to the cave. It’s where they sent Morgan.’

  He looked at me patiently. ‘What cave?’

  ‘It’s where she was tortured,’ I said, before explaining about the bees. It was the wrong place to start, because I then explained how they’d later come for me, egged on by Bill and Jean. Then I told him about Naviras, and how it was connected to Parliament, and how I’d watched Rav at the dispatch box acting out the part of prime minister.

  ‘That’s just…’ He seemed a little embarrassed. ‘It’s just a dream I had, Ellie. You’re conflating things I’ve told you with something else.’

  ‘No, it really is something else,’ I sat up slowly, feeling a pressure around the sides of my head. ‘I watched you, Rav, in the Commons. Dozens of young men sitting on the benches, clearly in love with you. They passed a motion saying how wonderful you were,’ I grabbed his shirtsleeve. ‘You don’t remember but I do. And you know, I don’t think I was ever meant to see that. Something went wrong. It all started to go wrong from there…’

  I didn’t say anything else because Rav quickly got up and ran to the bathroom; seconds later the sounds of being violently ill. I walked in find him hunched over the toilet. I went to put my hand on his shoulders but he reached around to push me away. ‘Please, will you just leave me, Ellie, for a moment?’ He wretched again as I stepped backwards into the living room and sat back on the sofa, my head in my hands. After another minute I heard the flush and then the bathroom taps run, before Rav reappeared, his hair and face wet.

  I lifted up my head to look at him. ‘Do you remember, now?’

  He nodded. ‘Bits of it,’ he closed his eyes. ‘But more’s coming back. I think I’m going to be sick again.’

  ‘Here, sit down. I’ll get you the bowl.’ We swapped places on the sofa and I went to get the basin from the kitchen, placed it at Rav’s feet and sat down in the chair opposite him. ‘What do you want to do?’

  ‘I’m going to have to get James up here,’ Rav went to stand.

  ‘No, you mustn’t,’ I leaned forward to stop him from getting up. ‘You can’t tell him.’

  He swallowed. ‘Ellie, this involves him.’

  ‘No, you don’t understand, Rav,’ I wasn’t sure if it was me who needed the bowl. ‘I saw everyone. You, Gavin, Morgan. But I only saw James at the very end, and things were horrible, then. Please, Rav, promise me you won’t tell James. I swear, I won’t cause any more problems.’

  ‘You don’t understand, Ellie. James was with me. Where I was.’

  Of course, I thought. I’d heard his voice. ‘He was in your office, in Parliament.’

  Rav nodded, slowly. ‘He was my chief of staff. And he was happy, Ellie. He told me I’d always been the better of us, that I deserved the job more than he did.’

  ‘How did it end?’

  ‘He told me…’ Rav screwed his eyes shut, opened them again. ‘He told me that I had to go back, to make everything right. Then he said he had to go somewhere and then it all started to fade. Then I was in the hospital in Virginia.’

  ‘But he was also in Naviras,’ I said, struggling to comprehend it. ‘Telling me what I wanted to hear, too.’

  ‘But Naviras and Parliament were connected, you said. How?’

  ‘Through the wine cellar at Lottie’s.’

  ‘And had James ever been there?’

  ‘No, nobody went down there much, except for Luis.’

  ‘And Luis was.. wrong, somehow? What about Lottie?’

  ‘She was younger, but it was different with her. I had no secrets with her, not like I had with Luis.’

  ‘How so?’

  Now it was my turn to squeeze my eyes shut, to wonder whether I could trust Rav. ‘Because Luis and I had been sleeping together, Rav. It had been going on for quite some time, on and off. I don’t think James ever knew.’

  Rav looked disappointed. ‘You cheated on James.’

  ‘I did.’

  ‘I don’t believe it. With a Portuguese…’ he was lost for words, but I knew where he was going with them. ‘Why, Ellie?’

  I told him about Rosie and James in Portcullis. Said out loud it didn’t sound any better or make me feel any more vindicated. ‘I thought you must’ve known about them, on some level.’

  ‘I had no idea. Why didn’t you tell me?’

  Why not indeed? ‘I was in a different place then. I was pregnant with Bobby, very pregnant.’

  Rav was quiet for a while. ‘It can’t have gone on for long, I would’ve known about it.’

  ‘I don’t think it happened very often. You don’t know what his sex drive was like back then, Rav. I barely satisfied it at the best of times, and definitely not when I was pregnant.’ I sighed. ‘I allowed it. Once Bobby was born things went back to normal.’

  ‘But still, there was Luis. After that.’

  ‘You don’t understand, Rav. There’s no way you could.’

  ‘Beyond my comprehension? Thanks, Ellie.’

  ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.’ I stood up and went to the kitchen to draw two glasses of water from the tap, giving one to Rav who gulped it.

  ‘I’m just upset, that’s all,’ he said after gasping. ‘I believed in the two of you.’

  ‘Me and James?’

  ‘Of course. You’ve been like family. You wouldn’t understand.’ He almost smirked. ‘Look, I won’t tell James anything. And I’ll think of some reason why we can’t ditch Anushka. But now I’ve got to get back,’ he glanced at his watch. ‘They’ll wonder what’s happened to me.’

  ‘Are you sure you’re okay to work?’

  ‘No,’ He ran his hand through his hair, pushing it back at the sides, trying to tidy it up. ‘But I’m going to give it a go, anyway.’ He walked to the top of the stairs, then stopped. ‘Do you think we were dead, Ellie? Or nearly dead, somewhere else?’

  I closed my eyes for a mo
ment. ‘Wherever it was, it’s not somewhere I want to go back to, not ever.’ I nodded to myself. ‘Even if it had stayed nice.’ I couldn’t quite articulate myself.

  Rav’s eyes narrowed. ‘My gut tells me we’ve been played. And maybe are still being played with.’

  ‘Will you tell James about Morgan?’

  ‘Let me make some enquiries of my own,’ he said. ‘Subtly. I’ll come back to you.’

  ‘Okay.’ I’d felt euphoric at no longer being alone with my anxieties but that was quickly fading. Knowledge didn’t feel like power, not one bit.

  ‘One more thing Ellie. Whatever you do, don’t speak to anyone about this.’ He looked around the room. ‘Or send any messages about it, especially not from your phone. As far as I know this place isn’t bugged, but they’ll almost certainly be intercepting your calls.’

  After he’d gone back downstairs Anushka came up almost immediately, wanting to know what the shouting had been about. I told her about James wanting rid of her. From that moment, I promised myself I wouldn’t lie to anyone unless it was absolutely necessary. The whole thing’s been a tissue of lies, Lottie might have said.

  When I went to pick Sadie up from school she immediately had a tantrum when I refused to let her watch videos.

  That night James came to bed later than ever, but for the first time in days I managed to fall asleep and stay that way all night. He was already gone by the time I woke up, a pair of his used socks on the floor the only sign he’d been in the bedroom. Later that morning a bunch of flowers came for me, delivered by the back door to Downing Street. The flood of bouquets immediately after the attack had slowed to a trickle then stopped, so it was a bit odd for one to come nearly a fortnight later. Things like that were screened by security, checking for cyanide in the petals, I suppose, but as far as I knew nobody checked the note. I opened it upstairs in the flat. Handwritten, it just said Catseye, followed by a US number and the numbers 1700.

  ‘I don’t recognise the area code,’ said Anushka when I showed her the card. ‘But presumably 1700 means five o’clock?’

  ‘I can’t call it. Not from my phone, nor yours. Definitely not via the switchboard.’

  ‘What about a payphone? There’s still a couple of those outside the Treasury.’

  ‘God, no. They monitor those for anyone trying to leak things.’

  Anushka looked horrified. ‘Is that what we’re trying to do?’

  I didn’t want to drag her into the mess. Who knew where it would end? But I needed her on side. It was difficult to know how much to say. ‘I don’t know who’s going to be on the other end of that number, but I think it might be Gavin Cross. But you have to trust me, I promise I’ll tell you everything, once I’m more sure about things.’

  ‘No, Ellie, it’s fine. I just want to be clear what I’m getting into, that’s all. I mean, if you and Gavin are, you know..’

  ‘Having an affair? No, we’re not. For now, let’s just say both of us are worried about what happened in Israel and we need to keep a private channel open between us?’

  ‘You don’t have to say anything else, Ellie, it’s fine. I just want to be clear who we’re trying to avoid knowing, that’s all.’

  ‘My husband, primarily. And yes, possibly the security services.’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘And you’re fine with it?’

  She smiled at me. ‘Look, there’s a café in the middle of St. James’s Park. We can go down there later, take the kids to feed the ducks. Then you can just go in and ask to use their landline, say yours has run out of charge, or something. They’re not going to say no to you, are they?’

  By the time the kids came home from school I’d prepared two polythene bags of torn-up stale bread. Anushka and I went downstairs with Bobby and Sadie, heading for the back door to Number 10. There we were stopped by one of James’s close protection officers who asked us where we were going. He then explained that effective immediately I had to be accompanied by a security attaché whenever I was out of Number 10. ‘Due to an escalation of the threat level,’ he explained.

  Anushka frowned. ‘That wasn’t in the morning briefing.’

  ‘It was only confirmed an hour ago,’ he replied.

  ‘It’s fine,’ I said, wondering if and how I could still get away with what we’d planned. The five of us walked out the back door, past the security search point and across the road into St. James’s park. Bobbie ran off towards the lake with his breadcrumbs. ‘Don’t run off too far,’ I called. Sadie didn’t seem to have much enthusiasm for the ducks, she seemed happy enough to hold my hand and point at things, reciting their names. ‘Look mummy, a squirrel. Can we take him back to the attic?’ I laughed silently.

  We walked further into the park on the lakeside path, our security man keeping a few paces behind Anushka, Sadie and me. The café came into view on our right, just a few metres from the path. ‘I think a coffee’s in order,’ I said to Anushka, who nodded. I turned around to tell the security guard the same, he said he’d just need to go and do a quick recce of the café first, and walked away towards the small building.

  ‘When Gavin came to Chequers he gave me a photo,’ I said to Anushka, once our bodyguard was out of earshot. ‘It’s of someone I think might be involved in the attack in Israel, somehow.’ I reached into my purse, pulled out the paper with the picture on it and handed it to Anushka.

  ‘Do you know who she is?’

  ‘Yes,’ I felt sick. Each time I thought I’d remembered everything, something new seemed to present itself. ‘Her name’s Alana. I met her in a ski resort. We both did.’

  ‘Really, when?’

  ‘While I was asleep,’ I said. ‘After the attack.’

  Anushka gave me a hard look and was about to say something more but then nodded pointedly, looking over my shoulder. I turned around to find our bodyguard walking back towards us. ‘All clear,’ he said.

  We sat on the terrace outside the café, ordered coffees and watched as Bobby continued to throw bread into the lake, occasionally chasing an indignant duck along the edge of the water. Sadie got agitated, and wanted to go down to the lakeside as well. ‘Wait until I’ve finished my coffee,’ I said, but her nagging became incessant.

  ‘Stop it darling, you’re being a naughty girl,’ I said, before gasping, groaning and bringing my hands to my temples.

  Anushka put her mug of tea down. ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘I think it’s another migraine,’ I said. ‘I don’t feel well,’ I stood up. ‘Actually, I think I need to go to the bathroom. Watch the kids for me, would you?’ Without saying anything I quickly walked into the café, my hand over my mouth. Once inside I slowed down and walked over the counter. The woman at the till clearly recognised me. I gave her my story, would she mind if I made a call? ‘I need to contact my husband urgently,’ I explained.

  Of course she was happy to oblige, ushering me behind the counter, through a door which led to the café’s office. ‘Take as long as you need,’ she said, leaving me and closing the door behind her. Immediately I fished out the card, picked up the phone and punched in the number.

  ‘Ellie?’ Gavin’s voice, talking quietly.

  ‘Yeah. I’m glad it’s you, I hoped it would be.’ I looked around to make sure the lady wasn’t listening at the door. ‘Gavin, please be careful, I think they might be…’

  ‘I know, and you don’t have to worry. They can’t hear me, I’m sure of that. I’m in California, at a friend’s house. Tell me what’s been going on.’

  After warning Gavin I didn’t have long, I quickly related to him my recollections of being in Naviras, Parliament and the ski resort, along with my conversations with Rav. ‘I think he’s prepared to acknowledge something’s wrong,’ I said. ‘He hasn’t seen as much as me, though, or you. He doesn’t remember as much. He thinks it was a dream.’

  ‘I don’t think anyone has seen as much as you, Ellie,’ said Gavin. ‘I know you’re the only thing stopping me from feeling like I’m livi
ng in a nightmare. You remember the photo I showed you the other week?’

  ‘Yes, Isabel. I remember her, now. She was with us in the ski resort, but that wasn’t her name. She said it was Alana.’

  ‘I don’t recall that, not completely. But kind of,’ said Gavin. ‘I asked for a lookup on her. She doesn’t exist, and that’s impossible.’

  ‘How did you check?’

  ‘My version of Anushka,’ I could tell Gavin was grinning. ‘But here’s the thing, Ellie. There is one Isabel on file, one that’s inaccessible. It’s classified, with the annotation PT.’

  ‘I don’t understand.’

  ‘Neither do I, but that’s what it says; Classifed, PT.’

  ‘What does PT mean?’

  ‘That I don’t know, and it’s not a convention I’ve heard of before. My worry is, this Isabel’s been embedded in the White House by somebody, but I can’t make any further inquiries without raising the alarm.’

  ‘I need to talk to Rav,’ I said. ‘I might be able to discuss this with him the next time I see him. It really depends on when he can get up to the flat,’ I paused. ‘Gavin, there’s one more thing I have to tell you, something I should’ve told you before but I chickened out of it.’ I tried to swallow but my throat was too tight. ‘Something horrible happened to Morgan. I saw it all, and I didn’t tell you, not at the time, when we were there. I should have.’

  Silence at the other end for a moment. ‘What happened to her.’

  I almost laughed. ‘Giant bees, Gavin. After I saw you in the ski resort, I went somewhere else, where Morgan was being…tortured. And she died, then came back and it all started again.’ I started to cry, the phone shaking in my hand. ‘And I didn’t do anything to help, Gavin. I ran away because I was scared they’d do the same thing to me.’