Alliance: The Complete Series (A Dystopian YA Box Set Books 1-5): Dystopian Sci Fi Thriller
Page 58
She looked up at him and whispered, “It should catch us some crabs. I don’t know if you’ve ever had one, but it’s the tastiest thing in the world….”
He let her be and helped Max make the fire. He sat on the other side of the small flames from him, watching him start on their meal. There was so much he wanted to know about his father, but he was afraid to ask, and he couldn’t explain it to himself why it scared him like this. He had to know why he gave him up if nothing else. Couldn’t imagine anyone doing something like that.
Max was watching him intently now. “I’ll tell you anything that I can, except for things that aren’t mine to tell. He is a good man, your father. Likely the best man I’ve ever met…. He would have never given you up if he could help it. What I am saying is he did it for you, to keep you safe. I can’t tell you any more than that for now. And I can’t tell you what’s wrong with him… It’s not mine to tell. I gave him my word, so please, don’t ask.”
Telan wasn’t going to ask even that much. A part of him felt terrified of knowing too much just now, after all the years of not knowing anything at all about the man, about either of his parents, and he never did believe what they told him at the orphanage.
He heard Selena move by the water, heard things splashing in it, and then he saw her carrying the mesh thing, water coming off of it in thin streams, and there were strange creatures struggling on the bottom of it, scrambling over each other. They looked like hard-shelled giant spiders.
The girl was beaming when she got to the fire. “I got us seven crabs, boys. There is not much meat in them, but it should be plenty for a small super, and I’m pretty sure I’ll catch us more tomorrow. This place is crawling with things to eat.” She handed the mesh with the creatures to Max and sat down next to him, watching him take them out and drop them into the pot of boiling water.
Telan watched, fascinated, as the squirming creatures turned from dull gray to shiny pink, red almost, and stopped moving altogether. His stomach clenched at the thought of something being cooked alive like that, but he was hungry and Max and Selena didn’t seem to mind.
Selena took out her knife, fished one out of the pot, and dropped it on a plate. She sat next to Telan and dug the knife into the thing’s claws, showing him how to clean it, and after a few minutes, she handed him a small pile of white flesh, nodding to him. He put the smallest piece on his tongue, not quite trusting that it would be palatable, and closed his eyes. The explosion of taste was so sudden, so remarkable, he couldn’t help the smile stretching his face, or the sudden desire to kiss this girl who sat there watching him with what looked like childlike wonder in her eyes. He took another piece of the flesh and chewed it slowly, savoring it. It was salty and sweet at the same time, smelling of the cool water and something he couldn’t place. He’d never tasted anything like this before, and he didn’t think he’d ever get enough of it.
They made a quick meal of it, and he hoped Selena would catch a dozen or so for every day of this journey. Selena baited a few mesh bags with some of that smoked meat stuff Max had in his pack and dropped them into the water. They spread their blankets on the sand next to the dying fire, making sure they were far enough from the water that the tide wouldn’t get them. He stretched out, staring at the sky, the moon awkwardly crawling toward half-moon, making the sky lighter than it was just a few nights ago. The breeze from the water made him shiver, and he wrapped a part of his blanket over himself, but there wasn’t enough of it to be comfortable. He looked over at the girl and she seemed cold as well, her eyes still open, trained on the embers, as if looking at them would help keep her warm.
He got up and moved his blanket closer to her, and without asking lay down on the edge of hers, spread his blanket over both of them, and closed his eyes. He felt her move after a while and turn on her side, facing him, and then felt her hand on his chest. He froze. She didn’t move but he could feel her watching him and he was afraid, so he stayed as he was, silent, breathing faster than he wanted to, feeling his heartbeat under her fingers.
“I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to,” the girl’s whisper brushed against his cheek, and then her hand was gone from him.
He felt the ghost of her touch everywhere in him still and it scared him. It made him want to reach over and hug this girl close to him and put his lips on hers but he couldn’t do any of that with her, not after what she told him. He curled his hands into fists at his sides and lay still, except for his chest rising and falling much too quickly and his heart pounding so loudly, she could probably hear it lying so close to him. He was half convinced Max could hear it from the other side of the fire. He felt her warm hand cover his after a while and he flinched, couldn’t help himself. She didn’t let go this time, just kept holding her hand over the fist he was making, and he let her, not moving anything, keeping his eyes shut so tightly, it hurt.
“I need to tell you something, Telan, and you need to let me…. I’m pretty sure it’ll be as embarrassing for me to say it as it will be for you to hear it. Please, look at me.”
He turned to his side and made himself look at her, her face so close to his it was blurry, and he could feel her breath on him.
“I liked you from when I sat next to you in history class that first time… and I know you liked me, know that you watched me when you didn’t think I’d notice,” she said quietly, her voice soft.
He winced, embarrassed, and moved to turn away, but she put her hand on his arm, keeping him in place.
“I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable, I truly am, but you should know that I knew… and that I liked it that you did that.” She let go of him, flipped over on her back, and folded her arms across her chest.
He got up, spread his blanket quickly over her without looking at her face, and walked away from her, heading for the river.
He made himself walk slowly, letting all the chill in, moving closer and closer to the source of it, until he was standing only a few steps away from the quickly moving water. He took his shoes and socks off, rolled his pants up to above the knee, and waded in.
The bone-aching cold of the water dulled the embarrassment he was feeling at what the girl just told him, but not enough for him to not think about it, and suddenly he wanted to dive in and swim in this freezing water. Maybe the pain of it would be enough to make him forget her words, and the strange ache he felt at her touch. He got out for just long enough to pull off his pants and shirt and quickly dove in and under. He gasped from the cold when his face was above water again, his skin burning everywhere. He welcomed the pain of it, feeling it erase the heat of shame at having been caught, and all the discomfort of Selena’s touch, and Max’s kindness.
This cold wasn’t the kind he’d get used to after a few minutes. It would keep being just as cold for as long as he was in it. What he was doing now was likely the stupidest thing he’s ever done. He’d get sick from it or drown if his muscles locked up, but he couldn’t help himself. He swam with quick, even strokes downstream for a long time, not fighting the current, and when his arms got tired he flipped onto his back and floated, keeping his eyes closed.
He let the rushing water take him until he felt the river turn and he couldn’t see the thin stream of smoke from the fire when he opened his eyes again. The river moved faster here, careening downhill, too fast for him to fight the current going back. He swam to shore, the current making it harder than he thought it would be, and, for a few small moments, he panicked that he might drown in this small river after all.
He saw Max running to him when he was nearing the fire. The man held a blanket in his hands, his face hard, angry. Telan’s clothes were gone from where he’d left them, so he walked barefoot, almost naked and dripping wet toward the man. Max was right to be furious at him, of course, and he wished he could explain to him why he did it, but he didn’t understand it himself yet. He just needed to let him scream at him or slap him or whatever the man needed to do. He stopped a few steps away from him and waited, clenc
hing all his muscles to stop himself from shaking, only it wasn’t working.
Max glared at him silently for a moment then grabbed him hard with his giant hands, wrapped the warm blanket around him, and started to rub his hands over the blanket up and down his back and shoulders, trying to get him warm. He stood as still as he could make himself, letting him, not saying anything, and finally, he wasn’t shaking anymore. Max must have felt it, too. He threw an arm around him and pushed him toward the fire without a word. The fire was blazing. They must have done it for him, and it made him feel even more guilty. Selena sat on the log farthest from the fire, her head in her hands. She looked up when she saw them and quickly put her head back down again. The girl probably thought that his stupid swim had to do with her. A part of it did, of course, but he didn’t mean for her to feel bad over it.
Max pushed him roughly onto the log across from the girl and handed him a steaming cup of what looked like tea, only he could smell something else in it, something bitter.
He shook his head, not taking it.
“It’s spiked tea, Telan, and you will drink it, all of it, or I will force it down your throat. Trust me, you don’t want to fight me on this right now!”
Telan didn’t have it in him to fight him, so he took the cup and drank in long gulps, wanting to get this over with as quickly as he could. The bitter liquid burned his throat and every place it passed on the way down after that, settling hotly in the pit of his stomach. He handed the empty cup back to Max and lowered his head.
“I need to know what I’m dealing with here. Selena wouldn’t say anything to me…. All I know is you two had your little chat and then you dove into a bloody river in the middle of the night and let it take you downstream. I saw you floating out there like a log. What the hell were you thinking? Were you trying to kill yourself? Bloody look at me when I’m talking to you!” There was nothing soft in his voice now. Max was glaring at him as if he wanted to hit him when he lifted his head to look at him again.
Telan stood, slowly, hugging the blanket to him with everything he had. Max stood up, towering over him. Telan steeled himself for the slap he knew would come, gritting his teeth and hoping all of this didn’t take much longer and that he could go lie down away from them.
Max didn’t move, and suddenly he didn’t look angry, he looked afraid. The man squeezed his shoulder, gently, but he still flinched, hating himself for it. Max quickly let go and dropped his hands. “I’m not going to hit you if that’s what you were thinking…. I don’t know what I did to you for you to think that of me, but whatever it was, I’m truly sorry, kid.”
Telan dropped his eyes, feeling like the biggest coward for it. “Can I please go to sleep now?” he asked in a miserable whisper, desperately needing to get away from this man; from everybody.
Max took him gently by the face, forcing him to look up. “You may, but tomorrow, we talk. I’m not risking another day of not knowing if I’ll be fishing my best friend’s son from the bottom of the river, I’m just not. I give you my word that whatever you say to me will stay between us, but you will talk to me. You don’t have any kind of choice about it now.”
Telan found a spot as far away from everybody as he could without Max screaming at him again, curled up, and sobbed himself quietly to sleep, feeling his mind going soft at the edges. He couldn’t explain it even to himself why he did what he did or the pain he felt tearing at him from the inside, scratching at the soft, dark places he’d kept hidden from everybody for so long, kept hidden from himself.
It scared him more than anything to let anyone in there. He couldn’t let them, not this strange man or the girl. Not anyone.
4
Letting Go
Max Fuller, June 7, 2244, Woods Outside Fordham Orphanage.
The last thing he wanted was for this kid to be afraid of him, and yet, the way he tensed up in front of him, afraid he was, fear written into every tightly clenched muscle. He watched him get up and steel himself, saw the effort it took for him just to look at him, waiting for him to strike at him, and there was something of a ritual in the way he did it, something practiced, deliberate as if he’d done it many times before. And he remembered overhearing what he said to the girl about his roommate and knew for sure that the kid was readying himself for a beating. It made his heart hurt, watching him stand there like that, and he felt not a little guilty that he did this to him somehow.
He couldn’t help but scream at him after the stunt he pulled. It scared him worse than anything when he got up and the kid was gone, and Selena just pointed toward the water, looking like she was about to cry. He found his clothes by the bank and ran downstream looking for him and finally spotted him floating downriver on his back, arms outstretched, eyes closed. He yelled out his name, but the kid didn’t even open his eyes, likely couldn't hear him for all the rushing water, and then he was gone around the curve.
Max raced back to the fire, grabbed the blanket, and ran back to the water, hoping the kid wasn’t trying to kill himself. He planned on running out ahead of where he was floating and diving in after him, only as he ran, he saw the soaking-wet, shivering kid walking toward him, head down, embarrassed. He didn’t know what to do with him then.
The boy looked frozen and hurt; looked like he needed to run from him, from everybody maybe, and he felt for him, but he still couldn’t help being angry at him for what he did. He couldn’t lose him; he’d never forgive himself if he had…. He replayed it all over and over again in his head while tending to the fire, hating himself for letting his fear take over like that. The kid didn’t think too well of himself, he could tell that much by now.
He sent the girl to deal with her crabs and maybe try to catch them a fish on a small line he gave her. He told her to take her time, and she seemed to know what it meant. She put on a warm jacket, grabbed a sandwich and a thermos of hot tea, and disappeared down the trail to the river without a word. Telan was still asleep when she left, or at least he looked asleep. Max let him stay like that until the fire was roaring and he’d made a small breakfast of smoked meat and a few eggs he ransacked from a quail’s nest yesterday, and then called over to him to wake up.
The kid got up without a word and walked over to him, stopping in front of him, not sitting on the log he pointed at, not even looking at the plate of food he tried to hand him.
“I won’t do what I did last night again, you have my word, but I can’t tell you anything else. I don’t know why I did what I did, but it won’t happen again, I swear,” the boy said in a quiet, controlled voice, looking him in the eye.
Max nodded, took him by the shoulders, and pushed him to sit on the log. “Eat.” Max set the plate on the grass next to the kid and handed him a cup of steaming tea.
Telan just shook his head, not taking it, his face tense.
He didn’t want to fight with him, but he knew he had to break through to him somehow if he had any hope of keeping him safe, and he couldn’t stand to see him hurting like this. Every instinct in him told him the kid needed help, only he didn’t know him enough to do it right, and he didn’t trust himself not to make it worse. He let him sit there in silence for a long time, hoping he’d finally talk to him. The kid didn’t move a muscle, just sat there, straight-backed and silent, watching the flames, hands clasped tightly in his lap. He was so tense, he looked like he could leap up at any moment and bolt, and he sensed that he might.
“I have a son… Brody, his name is. He’s twenty-seven now. I had to leave him when he was six, didn’t have any kind of choice about it…. I didn’t see him again for almost fourteen years. Didn’t think I’d ever see him again at all, and it was the worst kind of thing to live with. Your father… he didn’t have any kind of a choice with you, either, is what I’m saying.” Max shook his head, cleared his throat. “I can’t lose you, kid, but not just because you are his son, it’s more selfish than that for me. Lancer, he’s got this blood cancer, and I’m breaking my promise by telling you this, but you’re the on
ly person who has any chance of keeping him alive. He needs a bone marrow transplant, and it has to be from someone genetically related to him to work,” he looked directly at the boy’s face, “and you’re all he’s got. He doesn’t know I’ve been trying to find you, nobody does. He made all of us promise him that we’d never do that, and he’s likely going to shoot me for this when I get back, but I couldn’t bear watching him die, knowing there was a chance to save him.” Max swallowed hard, averted his eyes. “When you ran off last night and I thought I’d lost you, it made me angry at you, angrier than I’d been in years, so I snapped at you. In my mind what you did was the most selfish thing, only I know you didn’t see it that way…. I was wrong to scream at you like that, and I truly am sorry for that.”
The kid had his head in his hands when he looked at him again.
Max walked around him and put his hands on him, squeezing into his shoulders, not letting him get up and run, even when he felt him move to do just that.
“Let go of me, Max!”
Max grasped him tighter, feeling him flinch. “What’s going on with you, kid? I’ve been around an awfully long time, and contrary to what you may think of me, I’m a pretty decent human being. I won’t betray your trust for one thing. For another, I might be able to help you with whatever demons you’re fighting. Talk to me,” he said softly and stepped back, letting him get up now, knowing that he would, only as soon as the kid was standing, Max took him by the shoulders and turned him around, holding him in place, not letting him move at all.
Telan was breathing hard, his gray eyes glaring at him, looking very much like his father’s the few times he’d ever seen him furious. The kid’s hands were in fists.
He took a small step back, relaxing his hold on him a little, and nodded to him. “Go ahead, if you need to. Let it out.”