Be with Me

by Maya Banks

  “I’ve got a better idea. Why don’t I make us some hot chocolate, and we’ll go curl up on the couch in the living room and watch some TV.”

  She wrinkled her nose. “What kind of TV?”

  He grinned. “I recorded stuff from the Discovery Channel I haven’t watched yet.”

  She was pretty sure her eye twitched, but she kept her expression neutral. “Uhm sure, sounds great.”

  “Liar.”

  “I watch educational television. Sometimes.”

  His eyes glittered with amusement. “Since when does slap-stick or watching men with IQs lower than my shoe size beat the crap out of each other constitute educational?”

  She grinned up at him. “It’s very educational. It’s a study in brain cell loss.”

  He turned back to flip off the lamp over his desk.

  “Are you sure you don’t need to work?” she asked. “I could make the hot chocolate and sit in here with you. I don’t mind.”

  He slipped an arm around her and herded her out the door. “Nah, my eyes were crossing anyway. I can finish it later.”

  He stopped in the hall closet and pulled out a blanket and a couple of pillows before directing her into the living room.

  He sat her down on the couch, plopped the pillows on either side of her then draped the blanket across her.

  “You stay right here, and I’ll be back in a minute with the cocoa.”

  She smiled and burrowed into the covers as he walked toward the kitchen. This suddenly needy side of her bugged the hell out of her. Some part of her wondered if she’d always been needy, and she supposed she had. She’d latched onto the friendship with Cam, Sawyer and Hutch and held on tight through school and into their adult lives.

  Because she’d always been secure in that relationship, it hadn’t manifested itself in this dark, edgy need that was rearing its head now. Now that she wasn’t so secure. Now that things had taken a decidedly different turn.

  She had plenty of casual friends and acquaintances. Her fellow police officers and even a few of the wives, Michelle in particular. No, she didn’t hang out regularly. She much preferred her status as a loner. It was too ingrained.

  Growing up in the solemn, isolated Fallon house had taught her reserve, and only around Cam and Sawyer and Hutch did she allow herself to be openly affectionate and outgoing.

  But she’d held a part of herself back. Even from them. She’d sheltered the growing need for more from them, too afraid of losing them. When they had taken that first step, she hadn’t known how to react. She still didn’t.

  She closed her eyes and pulled the covers to her chin. What would happen . . . What if she just let it happen? What if she stopped fighting the inevitable and embraced it instead?

  Her stomach twisted. Part in anticipation, excitement, and the other part in nervous fear.

  It wasn’t as if they hadn’t already had sex. One afternoon of playful teasing and conversation had led to a night she’d never forget.

  There were so many what-ifs. What if she hadn’t tucked tail and run? Would they have spent the last year together, laughing and loving, or would they even now be hopelessly separated, having ruined their friendship with a premature sexual relationship?

  And then, in one of those stunning moments of clarity, which she might have already had if she hadn’t spent the last several days in a drug-induced fog, she realized that all her angsting was a moot point.

  It didn’t matter one iota what she thought might or might not happen if they started down the path the guys were nudging her onto. They had already trucked down the street, run the stop sign and reached the fork in the road.

  The question was, what was she going to do about it? Continue as before and lose not only their friendship but any hope of more?

  She shook her head. When had she decided she wanted more?

  Crazy. You’re crazy.

  Her head was spinning, and she was growing more agitated by the minute. She closed her eyes and sucked in deep, steadying breaths.

  For now, she wasn’t going anywhere. Not when some lunatic seemed determined to go after everyone she loved most. Whatever happened in the meantime . . . well, it happened, and she wasn’t going to fight it. Nor was she going to be a passive participant. It just wasn’t her style.

  Her pulse ratcheted up about ten notches. Or thirty.

  She craved them. It went beyond a need for sex. She’d gotten that after that night a year ago. Her chest tightened and squeezed uncomfortably as she remembered how awful she’d felt after her one-night stand with a man she couldn’t even remember with any accuracy.

  What she wanted, what she needed, was their touch. Their friendship.

  Their love.

  Which meant she had to be willing to give it in return.

  And hadn’t she always? Loved them? Wasn’t it there, hadn’t it always been there? She’d just never sat down and analyzed her feelings. As if. Because who admitted she loved three different men? What normal person contemplated such a thing?

  “I feel like there should be smoke pouring from your ears,” Cam said.

  Her head came up. Cam was standing in front of her with two mugs. He was staring intently at her, a clear question on his face.

  Instead of responding to the unspoken question, she simply reached up to retrieve one of the mugs. Cam shoved the pillow over and settled down beside her. He reached over and turned the lamp on, bathing the area in low light.

  Suddenly she had no desire for the cocoa. Her skin prickled with the urge to feel him against her. To make the connection she now realized she wanted more than anything.

  “What’ll it be? A documentary on the rain forests or the mating habits of the chimpanzee?” he asked in a teasing voice.

  No way she was going to watch a bunch of monkeys screw.

  She turned her head so she could look at him. “Can we just leave it off? I kinda like the idea of sitting here with you without the noise in the background.”

  He stared back at her, and she felt warmed to her toes by those eyes. They reminded her a lot of the sweet chocolate he’d handed her.

  “We can do that. It’s been a while since we got some time to catch up.”

  She smiled and refused to feel guilty over the fact that they hadn’t caught up because she’d been too busy running in the other direction. That was all going to stop. Right now.

  She brought her other hand up to the mug and cupped it to her lips, blowing on the liquid before allowing it to seep into her mouth. Mmmm. Double sugar, just the way she liked it.

  She licked over her upper lip as she pulled the cup away, and she felt Cam still staring at her. She cocked her head to the side and glanced over.

  “You’re not drinking your chocolate.”

  “It’s not what I want,” he said as he set it on the end table next to the couch.

  Her breathing sped up.

  “What do you want?” she asked softly.

  He didn’t answer right away. He didn’t have to. The answer was there in his eyes. The way he looked at her. Wordlessly, she handed him her cup.

  His brow furrowed in confusion as he took it and set it on the table next to his.

  Gathering her courage around her, she put her sore arm on his shoulder and gently pushed herself up. Before he could help or say anything, she turned and swung her leg over him and settled onto his lap facing him.

  She didn’t know what to do first. She was in complete overload. She wanted to dive in, press herself against his chest and hold on tight. She wanted him to hold her. She wanted to snuggle down deep, feel his heartbeat against her cheek.

  Tentatively, she put her hands on his chest, and then she slid them around his body, under his armpits, burrowing them between him and the couch.

  She leaned in, pressing her cheek against his chest and rubbing lightly over his T-shirt.

  He tensed against her. His pulse raced, bumping a steady rhythm against her face. She inhaled deeply, wanting to absorb his scent and the
feeling of being in his arms.

  Had she not been so reserved this past year, this wouldn’t have come as such a surprise to him. She could feel him struggling with her gesture, and it hurt her. Hurt her that she was responsible for the distance between them.

  She pulled away and stared at him for a long moment, plucking up her courage before it deserted her completely. It was her move. In this it had to be. They’d made all the moves so far, and she knew they wouldn’t push her. She was going to have to come to them.

  “Cam, I want to ask you something . . . and I want you to be honest with me.”

  He regarded her evenly. “I’ve always been honest with you, Reggie. About everything.”

  She nodded. “What would happen if I asked you to make love to me? Right here. Right now.”

  His body drew up as he sucked in his breath. Then he expelled it in a long whisper. A discernible bulge nudged his jeans at his groin, just inches from the juncture of her thighs where she straddled him.

  “What are you really asking?” he said in a hoarse voice. “I think what you want to know is what happens afterward. Am I right?”

  She closed her eyes for a moment then reopened them and met his steady gaze. “Sawyer says I’m the only one keeping score, and maybe he’s right. But I have to ask. What happens if we make love? Will it put you at odds with Sawyer and Hutch? Are they going to resent you? Be angry with me?”

  “Are we talking hypothetically, Reggie?”

  She didn’t look away. Didn’t flinch or dodge the issue. “No,” she whispered.

  His body rippled with power, a brief surge that sent heat racing to her core. He wanted her. He vibrated with it. His muscles coiled and tensed beneath her body, and his chest rose and fell with stuttered breaths.

  “I want to make love with you, Reggie,” he said softly. “More than anything. But maybe we should get a few things out of the way.

  “I’m not competing against Sawyer and Hutch. Will they be jealous? I honestly can’t answer that. They want the same things I do. To be with you in every way imaginable.

  “Maybe we gave you the wrong impression with the . . . way we made love to you that first time. Together. It wasn’t planned, but at the same time, if you’d made love to only one of us, would you have understood what it is we want? Or would it have pushed you even further away when you felt like you had betrayed the other two? Isn’t that what worries you now?”

  Slowly, she nodded.

  “If we make love, Reggie, it’s because we want to. We don’t owe Sawyer and Hutch an explanation just as they wouldn’t owe me one if it was one of them sitting here with you right now.”

  “But will they be okay with it?” she whispered. “Will they think I’m choosing you over them?”

  He reached out and cupped her cheek. “Are you?”

  She shook her head.

  “Then they won’t think that.”

  He looked away for a brief moment then pinned her again with his intense stare. “You wanted honesty, so I’ll be completely up front with you. If I knew you had made love with Sawyer or Hutch, I’d feel relief.”

  She cocked her head in confusion.

  “Think about it. You’ve spent the last year avoiding us while we’ve been racking our brains trying to figure out how to make what we’re suggesting acceptable to you, even desirable. I’d view you making love with Sawyer or Hutch as a crack in the armor, a sign that maybe we’re getting close. I imagine that’s how they’d view you making love to me.

  “Will they be envious? Of course. Hell, I’d be green at the idea of you being in their arms when I want so much to hold you and touch you. But they’ll be content to wait for you, Reggie. Just like we’ve waited the last year.”

  Tears shimmered in her vision at his heartfelt words. It was hard to doubt his sincerity when his entire face was so earnest, so serious. Her heart fluttered and turned over, and finally she said the words they’d both been waiting for.

  “Make love to me, Cam.”

  “Are you sure, Reggie?” he asked quietly. “I’d never do anything to hurt you, never push you into a decision you weren’t ready to make. As long as I’ve waited, I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

  A single tear slipped down her cheek, followed quickly by another on the opposite side. Instead of answering—words were cheap except when he spoke, such tender loving words—she eased off his lap to stand in front of him.

  He stared up at her, desire and hope lighting the darkness. Slowly, she pulled the T-shirt over her head and let it drop to the floor.

  She was bruised and scraped. She knew she didn’t look her best. But she’d never felt as beautiful as she did in this moment, so intensely wanted and desired.

  Even though she’d asked him to make love to her, she was gripped by the need to make love to him. To show him how much he meant to her.

  “Stand up,” she said in a husky, nervous voice she almost didn’t recognize.

  He put his hands on the edge of the couch and pushed himself up to stand in front of her.

  There were just inches separating them. She ran her hands down his chest, gathered the hem of his shirt then snuck her fingers underneath and began pushing upward, taking the shirt with her.

  She paused for a moment and stared up at him. “There’s one more thing,” she said in a low voice. “We’ve talked about how Hutch or Sawyer might feel, but I have to know, Cam. If after this . . . if after this I make love to them, how are you going to feel?”

  He reached under his shirt and captured her hands against his chest. “I’m not going to be angry. Or hurt. As long as I can be with you, Reggie darling, I don’t mind sharing you with them.”

  She shoved the T-shirt over his head and leaned up on tiptoe to kiss him. “I want you, Cam, but I’m so scared too. I’m so afraid of messing everything up.”

  He caught her face between his hands and fused his lips to hers in a slow, melting kiss. Heat sizzled down her spine, spreading into her belly.

  “You can’t mess up, Reggie darling. Don’t you know that? You can’t mess up something so perfect as your love.”

  Her fingers slid into the waistband of his jeans and then around to the fly. She was clumsy in her haste, but she managed to undo the snap. With shaking hands, she worked the zipper down over the bulge.

  “Take them off,” she whispered.

  CHAPTER 19

  Cam hurriedly kicked down his jeans, stepping out with one foot then shaking off the pant leg with his other. Unlike Sawyer and Hutch, he wore plain white briefs, stark against his tanned skin.

  Regina reached for him, wanting him against her. He enfolded her in his arms, and she slid her hands around his back and down inside the band of his underwear. Her palms curved over his tight buttocks. She pulled her wrists down, taking the briefs with them.

  She brought her hands around to the front and felt the shock of his rock-hard erection against her palms. She curled her fingers around his thickness, stroking and caressing his rigid length.

  She leaned further into him, sandwiching his cock between their stomachs. His hands skated up her arms and over her shoulders to her neck. He cupped her face, curling his fingers behind her ears, and dipped his head to capture her lips in a hungry kiss.

  It was warmth and tenderness wrapped in a sensual package that left her breathless. His body cupped hers, a safe haven, a shelter from the rest of the world. From reality.

  Her hands left his cock and skimmed over his taut abdomen to his chest. She pushed at him, walking him backward until he collided with the couch and went down with a thump. She went with him, straddling his lap again.

  She pressed in close, her lips a hairbreadth from his. Her tongue darted out, running along the seam of his mouth and lingering at the corner. His lips parted, and a ragged groan escaped, swallowed up by her intake of air.

  The light stubble on his jaw bristled against her mouth as she slid her lips along his skin toward his ear. She found the pulse at his neck, licked over it once t
hen nibbled lightly at it. He flinched, sucked in a breath then trembled as she worked down the