Glenda’s frown mirrored her own. “I think that will be hard for Lucas,” she said. “He seems to be growing attached to her.”
He wasn’t the only one. Monday night Glenda had expressed a wish to go visit a friend the next morning first thing. Which meant she didn’t sleep in, which meant Summer couldn’t meet Lucas for an early morning walk.
Which also meant she didn’t have a chance to throw a stick for Misty. Didn’t have a chance to laugh at her plowing her nose deep into the snow then come running back to them each time they called her.
Summer had never had a pet, so she was vicariously living that out with Misty.
And now she had to tell Lucas that Misty might belong to someone else.
Though the news wasn’t good, she couldn’t help the gentle warmth that suffused her at the thought of seeing Lucas again. Sad that at one time she would have simply walked over, but now she needed a reason.
“I guess you better get that out of the way,” Glenda said, turning to walk down the hall again.
“There’s no rush,” Summer said, hoping that came out more casual than she meant.
“Of course there is,” Glenda huffed in return. “I see how your face flushes each time I mention his name. I just feel bad that he hasn’t been around much the last couple of days so we could have him over for dinner again.” Then Glenda gave her a knowing look. “Why don’t you ask him to come tonight? We got groceries yesterday, and I know you have more than enough to feed him and us.”
Summer’s only response was a flush that she ducked her head to avoid Glenda seeing. But she caught Glenda’s grin, and she knew the woman had caught it.
“You should go now,” Glenda said, glancing out the window. “It’s snowing pretty hard out there.”
“It’s only a few steps from one door to the other,” Summer said. “And if I really want to avoid the weather, I could knock on the connecting door.”
Glenda and Summer never used the door that connected the granny suite to the main house, honoring Lucas’s privacy.
“That’s true,” Glenda said. “I wonder if we shouldn’t unlock it from this side.”
“It’s fine,” Summer said, walking to the front door and pulling her coat out of the closet. She tugged on a toque but couldn’t find her mittens.
No matter. Like she told Glenda, it was just a quick few steps to the other door.
Just to be safe, before she went out she looked to make sure Lucas was home. His Jeep was parked beside her car, coated with snow. He hadn’t gone out yet.
So she stepped out the door, fighting down her mounting anticipation.
She knocked on his door, shoving her hands in her coat pockets, making a face at the snow collecting on the sidewalks. She would have to ask Lucas to do some shoveling if this snow kept up. On Friday she had an appointment with Eve and her doctor, so she hoped the snow would ease off by then.
The door was pulled open, and Summer’s heart thundered in her chest as she looked up at Lucas. Misty barked once and ran up to join them.
But Summer couldn’t look away from the solemn expression on Lucas’s face.
For a moment she wondered if he had heard about Misty on his own.
“Come in,” he said, standing aside. “It’s too cold to stand out there too long.”
She shivered as she stepped inside, glancing around the suite. Though she had seen it when she came to take care of Glenda, it seemed different now with Lucas in it.
He seemed to fill up the space with his presence, and Misty, bounding around the two of them, created such a sense of home that Summer felt her heart twist.
“Come, sit down,” Lucas said.
She knew she should tell him about Misty and then leave. But she had missed him, and the thought of going back to Glenda didn’t hold the same appeal as spending a few moments with him. Besides, she didn’t feel right dropping this information on him and then leaving.
“Okay, but just for a moment.” Summer looked down at her boots then struggled to toe them off.
“Here, let me help you,” Lucas said, bending down. Summer wanted to protest, but his one hand was already on her boot, the other, holding her leg steady. It was a curiously intimate moment, she thought, looking down at his bent head, fighting the urge to touch his hair. Run her fingers through it.
She steadied herself by hanging on to the door handle behind her. Lucas set her boots aside then stood, smiling down at her. “Let me take your coat too.”
Taking off her coat was like a signal that she would stay awhile, but it was snug and uncomfortable. So she shrugged it off, and he took it from her, hanging it in the closet right by the front door.
“Do you want something to drink? I picked up groceries today.”
“I just had some coffee.” She had to be careful how often she drank. Her bladder was growing smaller by the day.
“Come and sit down,” he said again, pointing to the couch sitting opposite an easy chair.
Just tell him and go. You’re playing a dangerous game.
They had kissed. Walked together. Talked and caught up.
What else could happen?
You could let him into your heart again. Let him find out the truth about that baby you’re carrying.
She suppressed that thought with a shiver. Right now everything seemed so tenuous. While it was easier this way, she knew it couldn’t last.
“How’re you doing otherwise?” Lucas asked, his solicitous voice breaking into her thoughts. “I feel like I haven’t seen you for a while.”
“Not since Monday morning,” Summer said, then realized how desperate that sounded. As if she was counting every day she was apart from him.
“I was hoping to see you yesterday, but you were gone when I came back from my run.”
So he’d noticed, she thought, warmth flooding her soul.
“Glenda wanted to go visiting, and I needed to pick up some groceries.”
“I hope you picked up enough,” Lucas said. “The forecast isn’t pretty.”
"It’s the end of November. Winter storms can be expected."
He was quiet a moment, and she was suddenly tongue-tied. Their ordinary chitchat was mundane, yet it felt comfortable.
“So what’s been keeping you busy the past few days?” he asked.
“Not much, really. Glenda has been getting much more mobile, so that’s good news.”
“So how much longer will you need to take care of her?”
She wanted to think there was an underlying reason for his question, then realized she had to stop reading things into his every word.
“I'm contracted for two more weeks but I suspect I can leave in less time than that.”
Lucas sat down across from her, his elbows resting on his knees, his hands clasped between them.
Misty dropped between them, her head resting on her paws. She eased out a heavy doggy sigh, her brown eyes flicking up to Summer, as if asking a question.
Summer wanted to reach down to stroke her but knew her stomach would get in the way, so she stayed where she was, brushing Misty’s stomach with her toe.
She noticed a box of papers sitting on the opposite end of the couch and some papers laid out on the coffee table in front of it.
“I found that box in a granary behind the house when I was looking for some tools,” Lucas said, catching the direction of her glance. “It’s been kinda bittersweet going through it.”
“What do you mean?” Summer asked.
“It’s a bunch of letters and notes from my dad,” Lucas said. “A couple of journals. It’s been interesting reading them.”
“That hasn’t been too difficult for you?” Summer asked.
Lucas shook his head. “It’s been so long since my parents passed away, and I was blessed with a loving family, thanks to Zach and Grace. But I’m finding out a few things about my father I didn’t know before.”
“Like what?” Summer asked, curious what he was referring to.
“My dad talke
d a lot about his life in the military in his journals, which I found interesting. His opinions of fellow soldiers, some of his superior officers, and the tours he made. The usual griping that comes with the uniform. But there was something else that caught my attention.” He paused a moment, as if recalling what his father had written.
“And what was that?” Summer asked.
“I found out that even though my dad loved being in the military, he was really hoping to work and live on the ranch.”
“Then why didn’t he?” Summer was puzzled at this.
“From what he wrote, he and his father got into a huge fight over him marrying my mother. My grandfather didn’t think she was suitable for him. Apparently, she never went to church, and my grandfather didn’t think that was appropriate. But my father loved her and wouldn’t give her up, so Grandpa decided that my dad had to make a choice. My mom or the ranch.” Lucas’s expression grew wistful. “Guess Dad was a real romantic after all.”
He tapped his thumbs together, his lips pursed as if in concentration.
“You look like there’s something else on your mind,” she said.
“I guess it’s a complete rearranging of my thoughts and impressions of my father and his life,” he said with a careful frown. “I had always thought my father was completely dedicated to the military. I so admired that single-minded devotion. Now I find out he didn’t feel that way. I feel like that changes a few things for me.”
Summer was just a little mystified at the confusion in his voice. “How so?”
“I modeled myself after his life. I thought I was honoring him by joining the military. Now…”
“You feel as if something has shaken the foundations of your choices.”
Lucas gave her a gentle smile as he nodded in agreement. “You’ve always had a talent of taking an idea and putting words to it.”
His soft praise warmed her soul.
“But yeah, it’s exactly that,” he continued. “I felt like I was following in his steps, so when I was discharged from the military I felt lost and ungrounded.” He sent a bemused look around the small apartment.
“And how do you feel now? Would you stay here knowing your father wanted to be here after all?”
Lucas shrugged, pursing his lips as if thinking. “I’ll have to sort through all this yet. I was already rootless when I got here. Not sure of what I wanted to do. I had figured on being here for Christmas, giving myself a chance to catch my breath.”
“And then?”
“Then I was thinking about selling this place, taking the money, doing some traveling while I sorted things out.”
His words were like tiny barbs. She knew she had no right to have expectations of him. After all, she had her own plans. She herself was on the cusp of a huge change in her life.
However, her plans after the baby were still like a cloud she couldn’t see past, a future she couldn’t envision other than moving away from Rockyview.
“But I’m thinking that could change,” he said, looking directly at her now.
His eyes seemed to hold a question, his voice a note of hope. It was as if he was waiting for something from her.
Could she give it?
She turned her eyes away from him, fiddling with a hank of her hair, buying some time.
“But I’m sure you didn’t come here to listen to me talking about my father,” he said, diplomatically avoiding the unspoken direction the conversation had taken. “What did you want to tell me?”
Summer glanced at Misty, stretched out on the floor by Lucas, asleep. “I’m sorry to tell you, but I got a phone call from some people who think Misty might be their dog.”
“What? Really?”
She could hear the alarm in his voice. She didn’t blame him; she was growing attached to the dog as well.
As if she knew they were talking about her, Misty lifted her head and looked at Summer, her dark brown eyes holding a sad expression.
“They said they were hoping to come this weekend to have a look at her,” Summer said.
“Did they say where they were from?”
“Rockyview, apparently. They just moved here from Lloydminster.”
“Are they absolutely sure she’s their dog?”
“Well not absolutely, that’s why they want to come and see her.”
“So it’s not one hundred percent positive,” Lucas said.
“I can see you don’t want to give Misty up.” Summer tried to smile, but she felt bad for him.
“No, I don’t,” Lucas said, reaching down to pet Misty. “But if she belongs to someone else, I’ll have to. It wouldn’t be fair.”
Misty yawned, licked her lips, then got up, leaning against Lucas’s leg.
He rubbed her head with both his hands, framing her face to look at him. “You’re such a pretty dog. Aren’t you? And I’m getting too attached to you.”
Summer realized that while Lucas was talking, she unconsciously cradled the baby she carried. And when Lucas looked at her, she knew he had noticed her involuntary action. She wondered if he was thinking the same thing she was. An unwanted dog, an unexpected child, both finding their place in someone else’s life.
To her dismay, tears pooled in her eyes. Angrily, she swallowed down her reaction, clenching her fists to contain her emotions.
“Are you okay?” Lucas asked.
“I am.” She pulled in a steadying breath. “I’m just tired of how shaky I’m feeling emotionally. I hate that I can’t control this.”
“Probably hormones,” Lucas suggested.
“Not probably, I’m sure it’s hormones,” Summer said, forcing a laugh.
Lucas got up and sat beside her, slipping his arm around her shoulders in a gesture of comfort.
“It’s not your fault, you can’t help this,” he said.
“Well, soon it will all be over.”
Lucas drew her against him, and she leaned willingly into his embrace. He placed his fingers under her chin and tipped her face up. His breath fanned her cheeks, warm and comforting. She was so close to him, she could see herself reflected in his eyes.
Then his face blurred as he bent his head and claimed her lips in a warm, soft kiss. His hand tangled in her hair, keeping her head in place as his mouth explored hers.
She let herself drift into the moment, her heart thundering in her chest with reaction.
Oh how she missed this, oh how she wanted it.
Lucas drew back, his fingers tracing her features, his expression serious.
“What are you thinking about?” Summer asked.
“A lot of things,” Lucas said. “Staying here on the ranch, wondering if I could make a life for myself here. Wondering what that would look like.” He leaned back, tucking her head under his chin. She lay against him, her arms wrapped around him. It felt so right just to be here with him. Familiar, and yet, much more than that. The little thrill she always felt being around him had come back so easily it frightened her.
“And what would that look like?” Summer asked, even though she knew she was venturing into shaky territory. The future, a place she had avoided ever since she found out she was pregnant.
“The usual, horses, cows. Riding horses up in the mountains, working in the fields, just like I used to with Kane and Elliot and Zach. Being outside in all kinds of weather.” As if summoned, the wind whistled around the house, gusting as if trying to get in.
Summer closed her eyes, letting herself get pulled into his vision. At one time it had been hers as well.
They sat there a moment, but she felt the tension in him, sensed that there was more he wanted to say. She wanted to stop him and hold this moment.
“I know you say you can’t keep this baby,” Lucas said, his words like a slow pulling, a drawing her along to a place she knew she couldn’t avoid. “And I know right now things are uncertain between us, but I think we both know that things are changing. You’re the only girl I’ve ever cared for, the only girl I’ve ever truly loved.”
<
br /> Each word was like a hook in her heart, another barb she couldn’t fight without causing more pain to herself.
But she kept quiet, waiting, knowing he was moving toward a place of reckoning. She should stop him, but the old dreams she had woven around him had been such a huge part of her life. And now they were sifting upward, seeking a foothold. Those dreams represented a less complicated, happier time in her life.
And for this moment she wanted to give herself this small oasis.
“I know I’m running a big risk here, but I want to tell you that I know what family looks like, and what acceptance looks like. Zach and Grace taught me that well.”
She let herself drift along, carried by his words, allowing herself to indulge in a tiny momentary fantasy.
“So I feel like I need to tell you something about your baby…” His voice faded off, and the warmth in her was replaced by a chill that began in her stomach and slowly spread with icy fingers.
“I know you said you wanted to give the baby up for adoption and that the baby’s father is not in the picture…”
He paused again and, to her consternation, mention of Dustin brought old unwanted memories slithering into her mind, cold, hard, unyielding. She tried to fight them back, tried to beat them down. He was dead, she was in Lucas’s arms, but she couldn’t stop the tentacles from creeping through her mind.
“But I was thinking that I wouldn’t have a problem taking care of someone else’s child. In case that might be an issue.”
Someone else’s child.
Dustin’s child.
A child conceived in anger and violence. A memory that brought up such feelings of revulsion that she would still rush to the shower to wash off each time they returned.
She sucked in breath after breath, the warmth of Lucas’s body slowly being replaced by the chill now spreading through her limbs.
“Please don’t do this,” was all she could manage past the anger thickening her throat, the feelings dragging her places she didn’t want to go.
“Why not? I don’t want to dance around this topic. This baby is coming. He or she is real. You said you have people willing to take him or her. Why can’t those people be us?”
Us. He made it sound so easy. Us.
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