She shook off the faint hope his words created, the lingering idea that maybe, just maybe—
But on the heels of that came the other memories, and she jumped to her feet.
“I told you before, I can’t do this. Please stop talking about it.”
She didn’t have to look at him to sense the hurt on his face. The confusion in his expression. She had seen that the last time she told him she couldn’t keep this baby.
You have to tell him, he needs to know. You can’t keep stringing him along like this.
“I better go,” she said, hating how clipped her voice sounded. Hating how the memories of that horrible night had invaded this time with Lucas.
She struggled to her feet, disappointed at the flare of heat his touch gave her as he helped her stand. Still avoiding his gaze, she walked over to the closet and took her coat out.
“Let me help you,” he murmured.
Too easily she heard the confused hurt in his voice.
“No. I’m okay, I can do this myself.” She didn’t know what she would do in her emotionally precarious state if he touched her again.
Throw herself into his arms? Tell him everything she knew he wanted to know about how this baby was conceived?
For the smallest moment she allowed the thought to take hold, but she quickly uprooted it.
She knew she couldn’t see his reaction. If he recoiled from her, if he pulled away in disgust or distaste, it would devastate her.
She couldn’t take that. Not from Lucas.
As she put her boots on, Lucas stood beside her, hovering, and as she moved to the door, he reached past her and grabbed the doorknob.
But he didn’t open it, as if giving her another chance, another opportunity, to say something. The moment stretched, heavy with portent, but Summer kept her eyes steadfastly ahead.
“Why won’t you tell me,” he said, his voice holding a note of exasperated anger, his hand clenching the doorknob. “I feel like you’re just stringing me along. Kissing me then pulling away.”
A shiver snaked down her spine at the aggression in his voice, in his stance.
Had he spoken quietly, had he used words that weren’t so similar to the ones Dustin spat out at her as he forced himself into her apartment, she might have turned to him and told him everything.
But his anger fueled hers, which, right now, was preferable to tears. Anger was a stronger, defensive emotion. It kept him at arm’s length. Kept her from turning to him and telling him everything.
“Let me go, now,” she said through clenched teeth, staring straight ahead.
He seemed to collapse at that, leaning against the door, his head bowed. “I’m so sorry, Summer. I shouldn’t have gotten angry, but I feel like I’m twisting in the wind. You let me close then you push me away.”
She bit her lip, her anger flowing out of her like air out of a balloon.
Tell him. Tell him.
She pulled in a breath, gathering the strength to say something.
Tell him.
Please, Lord, help me.
The prayer was a desperate cry. She couldn’t do this without God’s strength supporting her.
And just as she was about to turn to him, to find the right way to tell him what was burning in her soul, he opened the door, letting in a blast of cold air.
“You better go,” he said, his voice steady, his eyes downcast as if giving up. “I can’t do this anymore.”
She had waited too long.
With a curt nod, she stepped out into the storm, pulling her coat closer, and hurried to the house door.
As she pulled it open, she chanced a quick glance. But Lucas had closed the door, shutting her out in more ways than one.
Just as well, she thought, pulling open the door to the main house and stepping inside.
But as she closed the door behind her, she felt as if she had walked away from an opportunity she might not get again.
And she had forgotten to ask him over for dinner.
Chapter 10
Well, I guess that’s over.
Lucas still clung to the door handle, second thoughts and regrets spiralling through his mind. He should have been more patient.
But what else could he have done? Summer was holding something back from him, and he knew how stubborn she could be. However, he also knew when to quit and move on.
Panic rose in him at that thought. Could he really just walk away from her? He had missed her so much after they broke up, and he felt as if they were moving closer to where they had been before with every moment they spent together.
When he turned Misty was right there in front of him, looking up at him with a soulful expression on her face.
He crouched down, ruffling her face with his hands, stroking her ears.
“Am I going to lose you too?” he asked.
Misty leaned in, licking his face.
Lucas smiled and ruffled her fur once more, then pushed himself to his feet. “I guess I’ll find out on Saturday.”
He should have gotten the contact information from Summer, but right now he wasn’t chasing after her. Not after what he had just said. He had some pride after all.
With a sigh, he walked back to the box on the couch. He gathered up the papers and set them back inside. It had been disorienting to find out that his father’s career choice he sought to emulate wasn’t his dream.
He folded the box shut then set it aside, his mind a whirl. The last few days he felt as if every time he saw Summer, every moment they spent together, he was moving closer to considering staying here and making a life with her. His father’s revelations nudged him even closer in that direction.
And now?
He shoved his hand through his hair, frustration coursing through him. Even though he had originally planned to sell the ranch and travel, that plan was more reaction than strategy. Ever since he was discharged from the military, he felt as if he had been waffling and wavering, trying to find firm footing.
Going back to the ranch, spending time with his brothers and Tricia, being with Summer, had steadied his circling thoughts. Had made him consider staying on this ranch and making a life for himself.
Could he still do that if Summer wasn’t involved?
“I’m spending too much time in my own head,” Lucas said to Misty who looked up at him expectantly. He wanted to go outside, go for a run, clear his head, let the steady pounding of his feet and the exhaustion that always took over after a run, slow down his brain.
But as he looked out the window at the swirling snow, he knew that wasn’t happening today.
He flicked on the TV to catch the forecast and dropped onto the couch. The man on the television screen looked solemn, frowning as he pointed to dropping temperatures and storms rolling in. He issued stern warnings not to travel unless absolutely necessary.
“I guess we won’t be going to the ranch for dinner tonight,” Lucas said to Misty as she jumped up on the couch beside him. With a doggy sigh, she laid her head on his leg and he stroked her ears, trying not to think about her potential owners. “If you truly belong to these other people, I feel glad for them that they found you,” Lucas said to Misty. “But I’m not gonna lie, I’m getting used to having you around. I’ll miss you.”
She looked up at him, her brown eyes seeming to hold a note of sorrow. As if she would miss him as well.
He had to chuckle both at her and himself. Talking to a dog. He used to mock some of his army buddies who had dogs at home and how they missed them almost as much as they missed their wives and kids.
After taking care of Misty for a week he understood that connection.
He picked up the remote, switched to another channel, and found a hockey game that featured his team, the Oilers. He settled back against the couch, put his feet up on the ottoman, and lost himself in cheering on people he didn’t know and would never meet chasing a puck up and down the ice.
But even as he watched the game his mind drifted to the girl next door, sepa
rated from him by a wall that held two doors, both locked.
He was frustrated with how quickly she had inserted herself back into his life. He had to change that, but how?
The game over, he made scrambled eggs for supper, fed Misty, tried to read a book, then went to bed hoping that ever-elusive sleep would find him.
The next day he got up still groggy from a restless night, surprised to find it was already noon. He took a shower to wake up then got dressed and made his bed with quick precision, military habits taking over.
Misty was still lying on the old blanket he had pulled out for her to sleep on and looked up at him as if wondering what he was doing.
“You slept in too?” he asked, bending over to pet her. “I’m sure you need to go out.”
He walked to the door, and as he opened it to let her out, snow blew into the house, thrown in by a huge gust of wind.
Misty, clearly startled and then delighted by the foot of snow piled in front of the doorjamb, jumped over it, scampering into a yard covered in white. All Lucas saw of his Jeep and Summer’s car through the blinding snow were two mounds of white.
He shivered as Misty bounded through the snow unfazed by the achingly cold temperatures and the storm blasting snow sideways.
Then the door of the other house opened and Summer stepped out, all bundled up, her purse slung over her shoulder, head bent into the wind.
Misty ran to her, jumping up in greeting.
“Hey, girl,” Summer said, clumsily bending over to pat her. “What are you doing outside?”
“Good morning to you,” Lucas called out, rubbing his bare arms as he stepped out the door.
She spun around, a surprised expression on her face. Even through the falling snow, he saw the flush pinking her cheeks.
Was she embarrassed? Angry? Or just cold?
“I have a couple of important appointments this afternoon,” she called back as she opened her car door, snow spilling inside. She tossed her purse inside then pulled out a snowbrush.
“You can’t drive in this weather,” Lucas said, raising his voice above the wind. “There’s a travel advisory.”
“I’m sure the roads are plowed by now, I’ll be okay.” Summer turned from him, struggling to brush a foot of snow off her car.
Lucas wasn’t continuing this discussion in a T-shirt and blue jeans, so he put on a coat, toque, and gloves, stepped into his boots, and went outside.
“You can’t go out in this. Even if, by some miracle, the county roads are plowed, which I doubt they are, they will have drifted over by now.”
Summer was still trying unsuccessfully to brush the snow off her car, still ignoring him.
“Honestly, girl, you can be so stubborn,” he snapped, taking the brush from her. “At least let me get the snow off.”
Summer relinquished the brush, standing back, her arms folded over her stomach as he tried to push off the unyielding pile of snow. There was no way he was letting her go, but this would give him something to do while he tried to talk her out of leaving.
Then the door of the house opened again and Glenda stuck her head out the door.
“Summer, your social worker called. She’s stuck in her yard, so she’s canceling. And your doctor said you shouldn’t come see her either.”
Lucas quit trying to clear the snow, turning back to Summer. “So, I guess Glenda’s announcement means you don’t need to go to town.”
Her narrowed eyes and clenched jaw showed him she wasn't happy.
“Now maybe you should go inside and give yourself a break,” he continued.
“Don’t be patronizing,” she snapped.
“Don’t be stubborn,” he returned.
“You always want to be right, don’t you?”
“No. I don’t. But I know which battles to fight, and this one with the weather is one you won’t win.”
She glared at him, snow gathering on her shoulders and her toque. Her cheeks were even pinker now.
He glanced over at her car, pointing at her tires. “Especially not in a car with those lousy all-season radials on them.”
“The salesman told me they would work just fine for snow.”
“Of course he did,” Lucas said, still holding the brush. “He also knew they wouldn’t last as long as winter tires, so you’d be back in a year for new ones.”
“You have a cynical view of salesmen.” Summer lifted her chin, but to his surprise, Lucas caught a glint of humor from her eyes beneath their snow-frosted lashes. “But I got a free mug for buying them.”
Despite the tension that had gripped them, despite their angry parting, Lucas eased out a thin smile.
“Always a sucker for the merch, aren’t you?”
“You two come inside instead of standing out there trying to figure out who is smarter,” Glenda called out.
“We better get going before we turn into human snowmen.” Lucas shoved the brush upright into the snow on the car’s hood. “I’m freezing.”
Summer nodded, grabbed her purse out of her car then turned away, slogging through snow that grew deeper by the minute.
Lucas walked just a step behind her to make sure she didn’t stumble.
“I am not gonna fall, you know,” she said, giving him a quick look. “I’m ungainly but not clumsy.”
“And here I thought I was being unobtrusive.”
“You’re too tall to be unobtrusive,” she returned.
They came to the front of the house, and Lucas opened the door for her.
“Stay safe,” he said.
She paused a moment, looking pensive. “You too.”
It wasn’t really a good-bye, but combined with her definite words yesterday, it sure sounded like good-bye.
Lucas felt an all-too familiar pang of regret, pain, and loneliness, more intense because of the past few days they had shared.
He was trying to find the right words to say when Misty bounded past Lucas and barreled into the house.
“Misty, get back here,” Lucas called, but his dog was ignoring him.
“C’mon, you two,” Glenda called out, clearly impatient. “The dog isn’t coming, you’re letting all the cold air in, and I’m freezing.”
It seemed Misty and Glenda had taken the decision out of his hands. Lucas followed Summer in, latching the door against the storm surging outside.
He helped Summer out of her coat, shaking the snow off as she sat down on a bench just inside the door to remove her boots.
“I’m making some hot chocolate, which I think is just what we need in weather like this,” Glenda said. “And maybe before you take your coat off, Lucas, could you get some wood to build a fire? I think that could make it cozy, and if the power goes out, we’ll at least be warm.”
That made sense, but Lucas sure hoped that wouldn’t happen. Losing power would create a whole new set of complications.
“I’ll get on that right away.” He was still chilled from standing outside, but packing in firewood would give him a few moments to collect his thoughts and settle his emotions.
Despite the way Summer said good-bye last night, despite all the mixed signals she sent him, her presence created anticipation and hope.
He grabbed the ax he had set with the wood in the lee of the porch and chopped kindling, taking his frustration out on the wood.
Okay, Lord, this is all in Your hands, he prayed as his ax cleaved slivers of wood off the block for kindling. I just want You to help me guard my heart and not let me make a fool of myself. I’ve faced down armed soldiers, fought my way through some pretty hard stuff. Surely I can keep my cool around my old girlfriend.
Then, fortified by his prayer and carrying a load of firewood and kindling cradled in his arms, he stepped into the house.
Glenda was busy in the kitchen, putting snacks on plates and Summer, to his surprise, was kneeling by the fireplace laying a bed of paper, ready for his kindling and wood.
He toed off his snowy boots and walked through the house, scattering ch
ips as he went.
“Sorry about that,” he murmured, remembering how his mother had always teased his father about spreading more wood in the house than he piled up in the cradle by the fireplace.
“I’ll take care of that,” Glenda said, giving him another surprise as she grabbed a small cordless vacuum cleaner from the broom closet off the kitchen and followed his obvious path across the carpet.
“You should use your walker,” Summer scolded, frowning at Glenda.
“I know. But I also need to learn how to go on without it. I’m feeling so much better now.”
“I’m begging you. Do. Not. Fall,” Summer said, putting heavy emphasis on her last three words.
“I won’t.” Glenda’s blithe response made Lucas grin as he set kindling on Summer’s stack of paper. Glenda turned on the vacuum cleaner, and Misty immediately barked.
“Quiet, girl,” Lucas called out, and Misty, looking chastened, slunk toward him, head down.
“I know, it’s noisy, isn’t it,” Lucas said, stroking her head.
Summer petted her too. “Don’t worry about the big scary lady,” she muttered to Misty, rubbing her belly. “Her bark is worse than her bite.”
“She seems pretty cocky,” he said to Summer, fairly sure Glenda couldn’t hear him above the whirring of the vacuum.
“Actually, she’s been a lot better. She’s been talking about moving back to the city in a couple of weeks.”
“Why would she do that now?” Lucas struck a match and held it close to the kindling. “She’s been living here for a while now.”
Summer sat back on her heels, looking over at Glenda who was now vacuuming her way into the kitchen, seemingly intent on cleaning.
“She told me you would be selling the place before Christmas, so it would be best if she leaves.” Summer kept her voice low though Lucas doubted Glenda could hear them.
Lucas frowned, his eyes on the growing fire. He added a few small logs, but his mind was intent on what Summer had just said. “Where did she get that idea?”
Yes, he’d been toying around with selling, but from what Elliot told him the Tye family would have his scarred hide if he so much as thought about being gone for Christmas. Besides, he hadn’t made a definitive plan yet. Hadn't talked to a real estate agent yet.
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